HUMOUR

Illustration of a person shrugging at a nebula behind them
4 min 0 2172

How about I don’t develop emotionally?

Humour September 8, 2022

By: Maya Beninteso, the Emotionally-Mature™ Peak Associate To whoever, or whatever, the fuck is out there, Hey, remember me — the person you keep on presenting (unwanted) opportunities for character development? The person who does not want to play the game of life on “hard mode,” as the kids are saying these days? Well, it’s me. And I am done. I’m over your frivolous attempts to have me grow as a human. Call it denial, but I’m fine just the way I am, and, I’m fine (or . . . no, I’m not — it’s not your business!). Don’t get…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
4 min 0 1433

Horoscopes September 5–11

Humour September 8, 2022

By: Max Lorette, puts the “ho” in horoscopes Aries: Have you remembered to pack an umbrella in your backpack yet, Aries? Don’t forget you live in a temperate rainforest; the weather can change with a drop of a hat. Plus, we…

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An illustration of a snooty raccoon critic in glasses.
3 min 0 2291

Dining with Sophistication: Brunch at the trash cannery

Humour August 9, 2022

By: Nercya Kalino, Staff Writer Restaurant: Cornerstone Organic Bins Rating: ★★★ Location: Univercity Burnaby Mountain Appetizer: Egg in hash brown basket Entrée: Quiche Dessert: Fruit Salad Wine: Pét-Nat Yesterday was my mother’s birthday celebration and we had the pleasure of…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
4 min 0 2137

Horoscopes August 8–14

Humour August 8, 2022

By: Isabella Urbani, Mediator for the Stars Aries — Mar 21–Apr 19 Guess who’s becoming YouTube’s latest food vlogger? Who else is going to tell the people whether or not McDonald’s newest summer drink is good? Let’s get one thing…

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An illustration of a gathering of bears sitting on the grass
3 min 0 2854

Animal meeting concludes humans are garbage at recycling

Humour August 8, 2022

By: Nathan T., Peak Associate Dear humans, We strongly encourage you to read the latest meeting minutes for the weekly Burnaby Mountain Conservation Area Bear Community Meeting as part of the Burnaby Mountain Neighborhood Committee. We trust you will enact…

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An illustration of a smartphone with the Rogers logo. The screen is cracked, revealing a LED sad face.
3 min 0 2500

Rogers is so “sowwy” about nationwide shortage!

Humour July 29, 2022

By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor Oh noOoOoO!!! Hey Canada, we’re besties for-eve-sies, right? So itty bitty me is so sowwy you felt like I let you down! fiddles with tiny fingers You guys are using big scary words like “blackout,”…

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A photo of an empty glass on a pink bedsheet
3 min 0 2144

Long Story Long: What I learned from my four empty glasses of water

Humour July 28, 2022

By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor Dear readers, I’ve had an epiphany so devastating, so special, so simply metamorphic that I must share it with you immediately. We often have small moments in life that feel much bigger than they actually…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
3 min 0 1764

Horoscopes: July 25–31

Humour July 28, 2022

By: Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate Aries You go to enroll and all of your courses are full except for one, so you choose three alternate courses that are not at all anything that you’re interested in. You suffer all semester,…

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A person with tears down their face. They're sitting in a dark room lit with the glow of a computer screen. The computer/laptop screen can be seen in the foreground.
3 min 0 2126

Local Chinese student bravely claims watching movies is therapy

Peak Web July 20, 2022

By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor This week, The Peak scouted a student who was looking for an interview or a conversation about her experiences, “depending on our feelings and inclinations to heal.” With a fond look towards Turning Red playing on…

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4 min 0 1617

Top 10 circumstances to get yourself in for an extension

Peak Web July 19, 2022

By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer Walk in wearing a full body cast The least the teacher can do is help you actually enter the door of the classroom before granting you an extension. Heck, I won’t be surprised if they excuse…

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