Gary Lim
Slice unveils new reality TV show “Project Runaway”
March 31, 2013The best new reality show to come out of a typo since The Amazing Mace By Gary Lim Watch out Canada; primetime TV will never be the same again with the debut of Project Runaway, the newest addition to Slice TV ’s programming roster. Coming this May, Project Runaway Canada is just the latest in a series of increasingly similar reality TV competitions. Project Runaway will feature some of the most upand-coming young designers in Canada as well as some of the most downtrodden and desperate people trying to escape their lives. The format of the show is nearly identical…
Continue reading
Edmonton RCMP bust Julia Child pornography ring
March 31, 2013Over 20,000 images of horrific Julia Child sex acts discovered in raid By Gary Lim EDMONTON — Edmonton Mounties made a massive breakthrough yesterday after a yearlong sting operation culminated in the arrest of several distributors within a known Julia…
Continue reading
South Korea decimated by invading Northern forces, imagines Jong Un
March 31, 2013Jong Un stands tall on crumpled enemy forces; actually a pile of legos By Gary Lim PYONGYANG — Several waves of Taepodong-3 missiles launched from silos at the Tonghae satellite launching site annihilated major South Korean military and civilian targets…
Continue reading
Syrian president hopes that the country’s rebelliousness is just a phase
March 31, 2013President assures nation he knows what it's like to be young; who the man is By Gary Lim ALEPPO — In a brief peace between mor tar str ikes on the nation’s largest city, Syrian president Bashir al-Assad made a…
Continue reading
Sedin twins conjoined
March 31, 2013Canucks hope to offset weak win record using with horrific science By Gary Lim Photos by Mark Burnham VANCOUVER — The world of hockey may never be the same again after last week, during Sunday’s home game against the Dallas…
Continue reading
Stuff we HATE
March 31, 2013By Gary Lim and Ljudmila Petrovic Manitoba Manitoba is Canada’s worst province. There I said it. If Canada was a family, Manitoba would be the brother they sent away after they found it taking apart cats behind the tool shed.…
Continue reading
Word on the Street: Anti-vaccination summit.
March 19, 2013Q: SFU held a controversial anti-vaccination conference last week. Thoughts? Anti-Vaccine Movement Room temperature IQs “HEY. VACCINES ARE BAD. HEY, HEY, HEY. COM’ON. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT WHAT I’M DOING. OOooOoH SCARY AUTISM. AWW HOW COME YOU’RE NOT LOOKING?”…
Continue reading
The Pope Pipe
March 19, 2013With the leader of the Catholic Church still undecided (as of March 12th), the eyes of 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide are sure to be fixed on the bronze chimney atop the Sistine Chapel. True to tradition, if white smoke is…
Continue reading
An open letter to the person who stole my bookbag
March 19, 2013Dear sir or madam, Before I begin, may I be the first to thank you for stealing my book bag? While your act of thievery was neither cunning nor daring, I must thank you nonetheless for taking my bag…
Continue reading
Quvenzhane Wallis won’t stop asking everyone she knows what a “c***” is.
February 26, 2013By Gary Lim and Alison Roach HOUMA, Louisiana — Uncomfortable silence and dry-mouthed stammering permeated the sleepy neighborhood of West Hollow, Houma yesterday night. When nine-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis asked her entire family over dinner what a “cunt” was.…
Continue reading
