The Pope Pipe

With the leader of the Catholic Church still undecided (as of March 12th), the eyes of 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide are sure to be fixed on the bronze chimney atop the Sistine Chapel. True to tradition, if white smoke is seen rising from the chimney a new pope has been elected and if black, the opposite. But while these two signals are the most well known, there actually exist well over 214 different smoke signals according to documents stolen from the Vatican archives by an unnamed newspaper. Peak Humour is proud to present some of the lesser-known smoke signals.

Black — No Pope.

White — Pope.

Gray — Schrodinger’s Pope: the papacy is simultaneously filled and empty.

White followed by black  — Elected pope candidate has in fact been dead for several days.

Pink  — Elected pope turned out to be a woman in drag.

Blue  — Dinner order to Piazilli’s for one Conclave-sized family meal with all the toppings, hold the anchovies, extra cheese. Paying with credit.

Yellow  — Election suspended until the rule that a golden retriever cannot be pope is instated.

Red — Papal coup has seized control of Vatican.

Chartreuse — Non-white pope elected. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s 2013. Just telling you this now so you don’t look surprised when he comes out

White billowing into chimney — Antipope elected

Dark black — Sistine chapel on fire.