Carter Hemion
SFU administration announces updated health measures
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor SFU administration announced updated health and safety guidelines applicable to all three campuses. The new guidelines, rather than focusing on pressing issues of the pandemic, highlight more general measures for accessibility and safety. Health & Counselling Services to close In an effort to better serve students’ health, all Health & Counselling Services (HCS) locations will be closing by the end of 2021. HCS representatives confirmed they will reduce services through the end of the year until permanently closing. The official statement said, “Students can do anything they put their minds to. By giving them sick…
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Your SFU horoscopes: November 1–7
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: Never make a bet with a communication student. They will ruin you and they have the forbidden knowledge and skillset to make sure the whole world hears about it. In fact, avoid communication students…
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Top Ten things to carve into a pumpkin
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor The SkyTrain What literally connects SFU students better than anything else? The Expo line is always an option between any two campuses, which anyone who’s suffered the transit between may recall. Pay homage to U-Pass…
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Your SFU Horoscopes: October 25–31
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: Play “Monster Mash” on repeat at a reasonable, quiet volume in every public space you inhabit. Nobody can tell you it’s too loud, but they can get it stuck in their heads for days…
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SFUnexplained: Criminology monitors paranormal activity
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Have you ever visited SFU’s most popular department and wondered why they have so many cameras? Have you felt like you’re being watched, even when every other student’s eyes are glued to their work? Know…
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Recipes for disaster
November 25, 2021By: N.T., Peak Associate and Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Pocket Full of Sunshine A simple snack for struggling students By Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Ingredients: Debit card with no more than $7.04 A balled up tissue Pocket fuzz (at least…
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Zoom took me hostage (again)
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor October 4 10:27 a.m.: Oh fuck. My transcript stopped working two minutes ago and the text is glitched. I feel like I’m seeing Zoom through those drunk goggles they made us wear in seventh grade…
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Your SFU horoscopes: September 27–October 3
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: Listen to Canada’s unsung heroes: Nickelback. They get a lot of Nickelback-lash, but if I gave you five cents for every artist you gave a second chance, you’d get your nickel back. You’ll change…
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Choose your own adventure: fall sports edition
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor INTRO “I almost can’t believe it,” you think. “After 27 long, arduous years, they’ve done it.” Ditching your evening class to see what students gave up $10 million for, you make your way to Terry…
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Your SFU horoscopes September 20–26
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Aries: Dress outside your aesthetic, go to a new coffee shop, and order under a fake name this week, even if only to feel something other than your existential dread at the thought of impending…
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