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New gene editing technology must proceed with caution

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[dropcap]A[/dropcap]s seems to happen regularly these days, scientific developments have turned science fiction into science fact.

It is now feasible for humans to ‘edit’ their genes, perhaps much like I, a writer, am editing this article and ensuring every aspect of it meets my expectations before it goes to print. The technology called CRISPR has been touted as revolutionary; Gizmag stated this month that it could be effective in tackling blindness, while ArtsTechnica claims it may eliminate conditions such as muscular dystrophy.

Moreover, in the near future, humans may be able to have geneticists edit their children’s genes. A scary proposition perhaps for aficionados like Asimov, Ellison, and their ilk. These science fiction writers, through narrative, told morality plays and cautionary tales warning of the dangers of unchecked human ambition.

It may sound slightly silly to say it, but perhaps we should go back to the realm of what once was science fiction then, to understand what we are getting ourselves into. These stories are often not merely entertainment, but important cultural artifacts about where our culture has been and where it might be going. Many cultures place great importance on stories as a way of passing on meaning, something that North American culture seems to lack.

Much of the science fiction writing advocates extreme caution in the area of genetic engineering. They suggest that this is a Pandora’s Box that humanity must open very carefully, if at all. The benefits it could be great, but humanity may not be self-disciplined or benevolent enough as a whole to ensure this great power does not destroy it entirely.

One of my favourite treatments of the topic is a 90’s film called Gattaca. At the time this movie came out, such technology seemed at the very least, so futuristic that it wouldn’t exist in our lifetime. The film portrays a society in which gene editing has existed for some time, the technology is at a stage of maturity and has fundamentally changed and been integrated into the fabric of society. 

In this post-genetic engineering society, technology has created a division between the haves and have-nots, with the line being those who had ‘natural’ births and those who were designed. In the film, Ethan Hawke plays a young man who aspires to become an astronaut, though he has an enormous barrier: not only in that he has natural, unedited, human flaws, but also that society harshly discriminates against him and all such people.

I won’t spoil the ending for you. However, considering the systemic and overt discrimination that humans have invoked historically, and continue to put on those who do not fall within the majority, the type of society that the film proposes is not a far-fetched proposition. Note that humanity has essentially faced the worst ethical perils of genetic engineering before.

Hitler’s attempts to wipe out those he considered inferior — non-whites, homosexuals, the disabled, mentally ill — was a form of genetic engineering as well. In his attempt to create the perfect Aryan race, surely he would have made use of this new technology if it was available at that time. Humanity ignores its own past at its great peril.

I am not suggesting that we should ban this technology outright, but that humanity should proceed with an extraordinary amount of caution. This could certainly be a pivotal moment in human history, like the the discovery of fire, the invention of farming, and the printing press. However, it should be treated like the discovery of fire; it could change our lives for the better, but if done irresponsibly, it could destroy us all.

CENTRE STAGE: Sheridan’s classic The Rivals is full of wit

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Martin Harper and Gabrielle Rose help make an over 200-year-old play feel fresh

First performed in 1775, this British comedy of manners by Richard Brinsley Sheridan is surprisingly relevant in its latest rendition set in the Edwardian era by Blackbird Theatre. Over-the-top characters, witty dialogue, and confused identities make this an enduring play that, while quaint and old fashioned, manages to feel fresh.

The rivals in question are men hoping to marry Miss Lydia Languish (Emma Slipp), niece of Mrs. Malaprop (Gabrielle Rose) who is desperate to find her a suitable husband. Lydia has her own ideas about who she would like to marry and plans to run away and elope with a beau she’s been writing to named Ensign Beverley. This Beverley is in fact Captain Jack Absolute (Martin Harper), who decided to assume the identity in order to woo Lydia in a more romantic way, similar to the novels she had been reading.

The other rivals include Bob Acres (Kirk Smith), a friend of Jack’s who is unaware of his relationship with Lydia, and the American Sir Lucius O’Trigger (an Irishman in the original), played with a wonderful southern drawl by Scott Bellis, who is under the impression that he has been corresponding with Lydia, but has in fact been writing to Mrs. Malaprop. This confusion is courtesy of Lucy the maid (Jenny Wasko-Patterson) who cashes in on all the information she is privy to.

        Mrs. Malaprop and Sir Anthony Absolute (Duncan Fraser) decide that his son Jack and her niece Lydia should be wed, and the confusion that follows due to Jack’s second identity drives the play forward with plenty of laughs. Sir Anthony’s description of Jack’s future wife increases in hilarity as he details each part of her face, and how exquisite it is.     

        Adding to the comedy throughout were Mrs. Malaprop’s malapropisms (a word created in honour of her character and referring to one word, but meaning something completely different). For example, “He can tell you all the perpendiculars,” “He’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile,” and “If I reprehend anything in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs.”

Set in the resort town of Bath, England, the period costumes and country courtyard set added a final touch of class to this play of love and marriage. Lydia’s best friend Julia Melville (Luisa Jojic) and her fiancé Mr. Faulkland (John Emmet Tracy) rounded out this extremely talented cast who delivered a highly entertaining show, proving that an 18th century comedy of manners can delight a modern day audience.  

 

The Rivals is playing at The Clutch Historical Theatre until January 23rd.

WEB EXCLUSIVE: Canucks Corner with Jason Romisher — The Canucks Defeat the Hottest Team in the League, a Milestone is Reached, and Peanut Butter?

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Daniel Sedin Monday night tied Markus Naslund in all time Canuck scoring with 346 goals with the team

Canucks Corner with Jason Romisher is a brand new web-exclusive column, featuring Jason Romisher’s views on what’s happening with the Vancouver Canucks. Check back every Thursday for new content!

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[dropcap]D[/dropcap]id I just get the attention of some non-hockey fan foodies out there? What does peanut butter have to do with the NHL?

Let me tell you a bit about Monday’s night’s spectacular Canucks victory first. The Canucks found themselves in Miami Monday facing a Florida Panthers team which had just ripped off twelve straight victories. Adding a little more spice to the matchup is the fact that former Canucks star goaltender Roberto Luongo is now manning the pipes for the Panthers. Another subplot is that entering the game, Canucks Left Winger Daniel Sedin needed two goals to tie Markus Naslund for the most in franchise history.

Sedin skated by the Panther bench, said something, and a huge brawl ensued. 

The Panthers were in control from the opening faceoff scoring 80 seconds into the game and then adding another first period goal for a 20 advantage and an eye to their thirteenth straight victory. Daniel Sedin then cut the lead to 21 early in the second period. With under three minutes to go in the third, Canuck Rookie Jake Virtanen (see my last article for more on Virtanen) scored his second goal of the year to knot the game at two. Newly acquired Canuck Emerson Etem then drew a Panther penalty from Jaromir Jagr in overtime. This provided Daniel Sedin an opportunity which he capitalized on to net the game winner. The goal was Sedin’s 346th of his career, tying his compatriot Naslund.

What transpired next was not your typical low key game conclusion. Sedin skated by the Panther bench and was demonstrative in his celebration. He later explained that this was due to an offside remark by a Panther earlier in the contest. The result was a near bench-clearing melee which featured Panther coach Gerard Gallant going level ten freakout on the Canucks coaching staff. During the fracas, Panther broadcaster Denis Potvin — a four-time Stanley Cup Winner and Hall of Fame Defensemen who was covering the game, exclaimed, “I see the Sedins are pointing fingers now. . . normally they only use those fingers to lick the peanut butter off their bread.”

This may be the most bizarre statement ever issued by a colour commentator. I am a proud peanut butter enthusiast and I have never saw a need to cover my fingers in peanut butter from my sandwich. Potvin then proclaimed that the well-respected and gentlemanly Daniel Sedin is a “lowlife.” Colour commentators are supposed to add spice to a broadcast, however, a current Hall of Fame player should be more respectful of a potential future Hall of Famer.

Potvin is already getting his just desserts. In researching this article I looked up Potvin’s Wikipedia page. It currently reads Denis “lowlife” Charles Potvin. Quite the sticky situation.

SPOOF: Is he your dream gym swolemate?

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Photo Courtesy of Sara Cimino (Fliickr)

[dropcap]It’s 2016.[/dropcap] A new year, a new you, and most importantly, a new body! And the gym is the best place to meet single and sexy men for your other New Yearís resolution: finding a boyfriend. Two birds, one stone, am I right? Take this quiz to find out who your gym swolemate is!

 

Q1. Your dream man is at the squat rack. What is he doing?

a. Maintaining uncomfortable eye contact while making rhythmic hip motions.

b. Looking for the nearest mirror and GRUNTING!

c. Doing bicep curls. But it’s not your business right? Oh wait, you look again and he’s making a list of all the ways you can improve on your deadlifts.

d. Doing squats. . . what else would he be doing?

 

Q2.  What sort of. . . equipment is he packing?

a. Axe bodyspray, Ray-Bans, and a waist trainer. Oh, and a bulge. Yeah, one of those as well.

b. A wind blowing machine, a photographer, and a steaming vat of body oil.

c. A GNC’s worth of supplements. No, he knows exactly what each of them is for, but the better question is, missy, why aren’t you taking any?

d. Get your mind out of the gutter! He has a sensible 32 GB iPod classic and a water bottle from his old high school.

 

Q3. What is your gym boo wearing?

a. A stringy piece of cloth that equally resembles a tanktop or an overstretched thong. This nipple-revealing piece of cloth is so unnecessary that it is almost as if he wants to have an excuse to strip off completely later.

b. Literally just a jockstrap.

c. A full Adidas jogging suit with matching trainers. Tell him that this is a gym and not a middle school track meet. He’ll groan about how women at the gym are so focused on appearance.

d. Ratty nike shorts and a baggy white T-shirt.

 

Q4.  What do you and your swolemate do after the gym?

a. Do another kind of. . . workout.

b. Craft an inspirational caption for his daily gym Insta. No you silly rabbit, it’s not for him, it’s for his followers.

c. Make a list of all the things you (no, just you) need to work on for next time.

d. Maybe take a shower, eat a meal. Go to work?

 

ANSWERS

If you picked mostly A’s then you’ve picked the fuckboy. This “stud” has one thing in mind and that is convincing you of how privileged you are to be the object of his erec. . . I mean affection.

If you picked mostly B’s, then you wound up with the Insta douche. Let’s be clear: in order to even get his number, your fitness-inspired Instagram should be on point. But don’t expect to poach followers off of him. At most you can look forward to getting an occasional tag. #swolemate for life.

If you picked mostly C’s then this guy has some tips for how you can do quizzes better. You should try focusing more on the big picture, being less hysterical, and seeing things from other people’s (read: his) point of view. #notallquizzes.

If you picked mostly D’s, then this is not the D for you. This guy is interested in working out and doesn’t understand that the gym is just an IRL Tinder. Shame on him for wanting to get fit.

 

 

SPOOF: Don’t fall asleep with your microwave!

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Microwaves cook our meals, keep our time, make phone calls, scan and interpret our Internet history, store our music, create social media posts on our behalf, and do just about everything else. But did you know that microwaves don’t like being coddled? An angry microwave is more likely to steal your identity — seventeen microwaves were convicted of doing just that in 2015 alone! Your microwave is warm, but it isn’t a teddy bear: keep it strapped to your back where it was designed to be!

You’ll never guess who Andrew Petter is!

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  He was born in New Westminster, but raised in SFU Woodward’s.

  He often plays electric guitar around the Surrey campus.

  He’s read his convocation ceremony speech progressively faster at every convocation ceremony since 2014.

  He claps three times in front of his nose in response to clever anecdotes.

  He rides his motorcycle into every SFU class in the first week of each semester.

  He just dropped a rap single about tape players with Macklemore.

  He singlehandedly cleans the Mackenzie Cafe every weekday evening after closing.

  His office doesn’t have lights.

  His office has been playing Kanye West’s “All Day” on repeat since the start of the summer semester.

  He hasn’t slept in days.

  He swipes at your legs if you catch him on a bad day.

  He’s currently enrolled in 28 undergrad credits.

  He’ll only open his office door if you knock twice and say “welcome to the good life.”

If you see him, call BC SPCA at 604 291-7201.

We’re still not sure who Andrew Petter is.

Your man drinks water upside down — what’s he trying to say?

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So it happened again — you’re at dinner, and at a pause in conversation, you man excuses himself, balances on one hand and his head, and drinks an entire glass of water! What is he trying to tell you?

Peakmo relationship expert Mo Grithe provides some possible answers to this common conundrum:

He’s got wandering eyes!

“Some men will do anything to cover up that they aren’t listening to you — they’ll cover their face with their hands, they’ll wear a scarf around their heads while you’re talking to them, or, as here, they’ll try to convince you their feet are their head — while their real eyes wander!”

He’s got hiccups!

“Oh, wait, you said he’s drinking water? He’s probably just got hiccups — this is an old remedy for hiccups used by many — men included.”

He’s got a compulsion!

“I can’t imagine any other explanation for this. I mean, maybe he. . . does this compulsively? Do you notice any other unusual tics that he has? This is just something to accept in some people — it’s not their fault.”

He’s avoiding wrinkles!

“I don’t know what else you want from me. Maybe water keeps his skin hydrated, and standing upside-down counteracts gravity? I can’t imagine why he would do these at the same time, or that this even comes up often.”

He’s got a secret!

“Look. . . just ask him what he’s doing. I don’t know.”

SPOOF: Eight times Drake was born in Canada

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1. Born in Canada in 1986

Rap superstar Drake was born in Toronto on October 24, 1986. He started from the bottom — you know the rest!

2. Born into the Canadian consciousness

Drake was arguably born into the Canadian consciousness with his portrayal of Jimmy Brooks in the television series Degrassi: The Next Generation. He played the character from 2001 until 2009, when Jimmy graduated from the high school! Drake has been quoted saying that being a Canadian actor pays less than being a Canadian teacher — which may explain why he moved on quickly!

3. Reborn as a rapper

In 2006, Drake’s identity as Canada’s flyest rapper was born with his mixtape, Room for Improvement. Arguably, he was really born as a rapper with his third mixtape, So Far Gone, when he was legally and literally birthed by producer and long-time collaborator Noah “40” Shebib. That’s right, literally birthed! The tape featured now mega-hits “The Best I Ever Had” and “Successful.”

4. Born as a Clergyman

No, not as a Catholic priest — Drake was “born” as a member of the celebrity cult The Clergymen in 2007. They grab their celebrities young— Drake was only 22 when he went through the ritualistic process to become a member in December 2010, which included a two week vow of silence and hours of daily stream-of-consciousness rhyme-writing!

5. Born in Canada in 2012

Superstar Drake was born again in Vancouver on February 29, 2012, before touring to promote album Take Care released in 2011. The Club Paradise Tour he embarked on became the most financially successful hip-hop tour of the year, garnering over $42-million. With this third birth, Drake was finally legally renamed Drizzy, and this birth involved no host body — he constituted his body in layers from an energy state in a cold suburb!

6. Born without teeth

While this really falls under the last heading, it deserves attention on its own right. Drake’s 2012 birth saw him born without teeth — Drake currently sports three adult teeth. This third birth fell on a leap day: he’s only celebrated three February 29th birthdays since, but Drizzy is legally seven years old!

7. Borne the weight of The Weeknd

In 2012, Drake borne the weight of singer The Weeknd for the vast majority of their 2012 shared tour — after carrying The Weeknd for a solid year on his own back, The Weeknd signed with a record company that isn’t Drake’s — making some bad blood!

8. Became unborn

The Canadian consciousness awaits for Drake’s next and fourth birth, as he currently waits unborn in an energy-based state before continuing his 2015/16 tour. The next tour location is unannounced, but will most likely change according to where in Canada Drake appears upon birth. A source predicts it could be Northern Ontario — but keep your eyes open, SFU!

SPOOF: Top five sex positions for the AQ avocado

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Inside the Academic Quadrangle lies one of the greatest challenges to you sexy students! The avocado (or egg, depending on which side of the debate you fall on) statue just stands there, erect,waiting for adventurous folks to come, mount it, and get filthy. However, we realize that this isn’t a place where you can just walk up and start paddling up Coochie Creek. Therefore, here are Peakmo’s top tips to getting down and making some ‘guacamole.’

1.Getting a little ripe
sexocado-03

This position is your recommended entry point into getting raunchy in the avocado, as it is the simplest and most straightforward. Have your partner sit in the obvious seat, and go to town on them. Fair warning: even though this is the simplest position in theory, you will have to be comfortable with a tight squeeze. While this can heighten the intimacy between you and your partner, you may run out of real estate if you stretch out too much.

2. Just the pit

You know what’s better than one partner in the seat? Both of you meeting in the pit. Have your man take a seat, hop on so that both of you are facing the same direction, and get wild. Added bonus: you’ll both be able to see how steamy you get because now you both get to face the reflective half of the avocado! Even though you’re already doing the no-pants dance outside, you can achieve that rare status of self-exhibitionist.

sexocado-023.This ‘cado ain’t big enough for the both of us  

You’re already well aware of the problems with the lack of space that plagues SFU’s filthiest work of art, but you’re not going to let that stop you. Sometimes, it’s all about using leverage to your advantage! Pop a squat on the top of the avocado, and firmly place your feet in the pit to gain stability. Then have your partner ride you as you ride the fruit, and enjoy the steamy stampede shuffle. Yeehaw, cowboys and cowgirls!

4.Lay me down on your bare avocado skin rug

Did your report cards growing up always say your strongest skill was thinking outside the box? Good news, everyone! That is totally transferable to your freaky fruit-day. You know that the bumps on the outside really hit your skin in a sensual way. Plus, the luscious curve of the statue is a prime position for your body to contort to in order to make your partner salivate over you. Be sure to vary up which half of the avocado you use, because you wouldn’t want to get stuck in a routine!

5. For the last time, it’s an egg

Just like the artist who designed the sculpture, you can see through the lies spread by your fellow students and know that it is clearly an egg, not an avocado. As we all know, eggs are precious little things, and beautiful little symbols for life. They are also incredibly breakable! Due to this, we’re going to multitask and not only go heels to Jesus, but take care of the egg like a middle school class project. Set up shop a few feet away from the egg, so as not to risk cracking it. Then, have the loudest, wildest, and most disturbing sex you can think of. Squawk like angry birds, contort like gymnasts, and keep the neighbours far, far away. Honestly, the more you can do to keep anyone from ever wanting to come near you and your egg, the better.

SPOOF: New Year, New You

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[dropcap]I[/dropcap] try not to focus on the haters. I just try to focus on having a good time.” Dressed in a fashionable parka and sneakers, SFU style icon Miranda Macfarlane is a sight for sore eyes. The university may be ice cold in January, but Miranda is as hot as ever — and she’s got the boys eating out of her hands (and elsewhere). Not everyone is blessed with the same raw feminine energy as Miranda, but there’s more to her meteoric success than just girl power. Peakmo sat down with Miranda to learn more about how she became SFU’s HBIC, and get her tips on how you can make 2016 the year you finally get yours — and then some.

Peakmo: I think I speak for everyone when I ask: Can we be you?

Miranda Macfarlane: Girl, don’t even ask. You don’t want this kind of stress. I can’t even talk to any of the boys on campus — they just stare at me wide eyed until I walk away. Most girls want to ask my permission before they even look at me. Trust me, it isn’t easy being queen.

“Diva is just a term made up by women who are afraid of empowerment.”

P: But there’s got to be some perks.

MM: Well, the free tuition is nice. [laughs] Honestly, I’m so used to it by now that I don’t think I could ever go back. The red carpets, the adoring fans, the seven-inch high heels. . . That’s just my life, you know? I don’t really know how anyone else manages without this kind of treatment. But, I mean, they’re not me. They wouldn’t know.

P: Tell me a little bit about what you’re wearing right now.

MM: I’m wearing enough designer makeup to pay the mortgage of a small family — mostly made by close friends who also design for Beyoncé. Nobody you will have heard of. My favourite piece of jewelry is my Gucci necklace, which a fan made for me. It’s a little Scorpio sign. I’m totally into astrology. I just really identify with the stars. They’re bright and shiny and great to stare at, just like me!

My top is bleached alligator skin mixed with gold flakes and the tears of young Chinese factory workers. It’s definitely not my fanciest outfit, but I wanted to keep it casual today, you know? That’s why I’m wearing only my sixth best parka — I need to save the best ones for special occasions.

Mira-Fullbody

P: Special occasions?

MM: Movie premieres, museum openings, presidential inaugurations, that sort of thing.

P: Who are your feminine idols?

MM: I like to think of myself as an original. But I’ve always been a big follower of Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Queen Elizabeth — bad bitches getting what’s theirs. I’m an admirer of powerful women, which is why my biggest idol of all time is myself. I inspire me more than anyone, and I try to act in ways that I would want to act. It’s part of my whole personal philosophy: what would I do (WWID)?

P: What advice do you have for girls who want to be just like you?

MM: Well, first off, you’ll never be just like me. Like I said, I’m one of a kind. But I consider myself a feminist and a supporter of powerful women, so I’ll give you a few of my best tips. Just make sure you bitches remember that there’s only one Miranda Macfarlane.

First things first: don’t be afraid to be a diva. Diva is just a term made up by women who are afraid of empowerment. You deserve to look spectacular, and to make everyone else work hard to make you look — and feel — your best. Try starting out by asking your friends for small favours, like buying drinks for you or going on all fours below your knees to become a human footrest. Soon enough, you’ll have a certified #squad backing you up every step of the way. That’s an important prerequisite to becoming fashion royalty.

Second, make sure boys know that you’re a prize. Order the most expensive item on the menu on every date, and never offer to pay for anything. If he doesn’t have an expensive car and a six-pack that could double as a functional cheese grater, he’s not worth your time. He should be your knight in shining armour and the beast to your beauty in the sack. If he’s not willing to go downtown, find yourself another man, ASAP. Your lady bits deserve as much love as you do, sister. Sometimes more. Don’t be afraid to break his heart — or his phone.

Finally, learn how to ask for what’s yours. The new year is a perfect opportunity to be a whole new you. Not getting an A in that class? Twist your professor’s balls until he ups that GPA, girlfriend. Some dollar store slut talking smack about you behind your back? Spike her drink with hydrofluoric acid. Too many women are afraid to take initiative with their problems. I’m walking proof that a little extra effort pays off.

P: Do you still get those moments where you say, “pinch me, I must be dreaming”?

MM: Usually it’s everyone else acting that way around me. It’s not hard to believe that I’ve become this popular — I get what I want and I want what I get. If you trust the universe and trust your own feminine energy, you can, too.

Read more Peakmopolitan here.