By: Cassie Casual, SFU Studen
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching — a time of excitement, love, and overpriced bouquets for couples. For others, it’s the perfect excuse to gather with friends, share a warm dinner, and reminisce about how nice it is to be single. However, modern dating is, at times, not that simple. What about the grey areas between romance and friendship? In the spirit of V Day, let’s talk about the in-between — the sometimes undefined, unspoken, and ever-complicated world of modern relationships.
Honestly, nothing falls into the grey area of romance more than situationships. It’s not as informal as a hook-up, with its sex and physical intimacy without formal commitments. Neither are they as clear-cut as friends with benefits, which is when friends hook up without any formal romantic labels. Situationships are both of these things but also neither.
What even are situationships?
Simply put, a situationship is a relationship without its grand titles — no boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner — just two people engaging in acts of intimacy without a clearly defined commitment. But, unlike a hook-up, there are signs of a relationship such as occasional dates, doing “couple-y” things together, and a difficult but existent acknowledgment of a sense of romance in public settings. Essentially, it feels like you want to experience the magic of One Piece but you are too scared of committing to its 1,122 episodes, so you decide to watch YouTube recaps of the seasons instead. I mean, the end product is the same right? You get to experience what it’s like to be in a relationship without actually being in one. Of course, you also don’t get labeled as just a friend who gets called up for sex every now and then — take that, friends with benefits.
A situationship is a relationship without its grand titles — no boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, just two people who engage in acts of intimacy without having established a clear form of commitment.
But you are not in a situationship, right? It is just a thing with your classmate — having them over once in a while, eating out together, and cuddling. I can’t comment on these personally, but feel free to run them against common signs of a situationship. The most obvious has been dealt with in the last paragraph: the lack of clear labels. Then there are the subtler signs like avoiding difficult questions that define the dynamics of a formal relationships: “At what point do cuddles turn into sleeping together?” Situationships tend to blur boundaries — risk, but maybe fun? The two people involved can also have conversations that mirror the avoidant nature of the relationship — deep talks may happen occasionally, but mostly, it’s just a lot of ghosting, sporadic texting, and intermittent conversations. Lastly, situationships can be superficial. By this, I don’t mean fake emotions or intimacy. While there’s not much commitment, there is usually quite a lot of intimacy. What I mean is a lack of involvement in the daily comings and goings of each other. No invitation to friends’ picnics, family game nights, or group ski-lessons at Whistler. Take these signs with a grain of salt. My experiences with a situationship are slightly different, dare I say, even healthy. While these are said to be typical signs, sometimes, your “situationship” can get along with your friends, talk to you everyday, and be bold enough to set boundaries.
A situationship does have its perks. You have time to assess whether a larger commitment fits in your life — and, just as importantly, whether it aligns with your partner’s. Some people may fear committing long-term into a relationship — a situationship is a chance at experiencing what can potentially be a future relationship. There is also something nice about not being tied down by the rigid social expectations of a relationship. Situationships also help you brush up on how to communicate with potential partners. Ironically, a situationship’s greatest weakness is communication itself — remember what I said about texting spontaneously? However, like a typical interview answer, this weakness can also be a strength. If a situationship falls apart due to poor communication, it forces you to develop the skills needed to navigate nuanced conversations and maintain the delicate balance between a relationship and a casual hook-up. There are also the less-philosophical benefits as expected: intimacy, affection, sex, and honestly, a pretty fun time.
Have I made situationships sound too appealing? A life lived in shades of pink? Believe me, they can be — my experiences in the past few years would be a testament to this statement. But, before everyone jumps onboard this low-commitment, high-energy ship, let’s talk about some of the downsides. One, it is very uncertain where they will lead to. Usually, without clear boundaries and expectations — not to mention imperfect communication — what you want and what the other person wants might be completely different. This becomes even more challenging if you develop feelings (it’s easier than you think) while the other person doesn’t — or vice versa. Second, low commitment is a double-edged sword. It means there’s always a chance both sides are seeing other people. If you’re looking for monogamy, then beware of getting into a situationship, it might not be the right fit. Situationships may also be unstable. Sometimes, situationships may feel superficial and lean more towards the hook-up side of the spectrum. A friend with benefits, at the end of the night, is still a friend. Situationships are different. Lastly, don’t pursue a situationship if you are already struggling to find time. For something with no certain end, they do take a lot of time and energy (both physical and emotional) so think twice before you find yourself deciding whether to cry about a midterm or about getting ghosted.
I am not going to take a side here and say situationships are objectively good or bad. Some people like them, some people don’t. Personally, I found my experience fun while it lasted and I enjoyed the company. There were plenty of dates, cook-ins together, and intimacy. But both of us were not looking for anything formal so it was mutually-beneficial. Plus, in the end of it all, we ended up becoming really good friends. I am not going to tell you how to end a situationship like my blogs do, but like any form of a relationship, making it a good experience is totally up to you and your partner. It’s important to remember that even when you are not in a formal relationship, you and the other person still have a form of responsibility towards each other — whether it’s honesty, respect, or simple kindness. A situationship will only be a fun experience if both sides respect each other’s boundaries, emotions and well-being.
As expected from a low-commitment, casual sharing of intimacy between two people, situationships are flexible and have their own benefits. But, they can also fall apart easily, fall into a one-sided love story, or simply, just outright uncertain on where the ship might ultimately dock. But, we have to come to terms with the fact that popularity of situationships will only increase with the advent of internet dating and hook-up culture, particularly in university. But, as always, stay safe and protected, no matter the situation.
