Home Blog Page 1286

Poetry has become the proverbial caged bird

0

WEB-Poetry-Siyavash Izadi

The subject is being murdered one worksheet at a time

By Tara Nykyforiak
Photos by Siyavash Izadi

We’ve all experienced the frustration of being forced to read things for class that we didn’t want to. As students, we’ve suffered through lessons of Robert Frost and Shakespeare and afterward, never thought twice of returning to poetry. But why is that? Because of the way it is taught.

Outside, and even inside of university English classrooms, it is regarded as “inaccessible” and “pretentious” and is generally left alone. One merely has to say the word “poetry” and images of finger snapping hipsters is conjured up in the minds of almost anyone. But if poetry has played such a substantial role in our human history — through songs and story-telling and a great chunk of our printed legacy — why is it treated as alien?

Here are some numbers that showcase poetry’s position in our society. BookNet Canada tracked poetry sales in Canada at a mere 73,000 books in 2010, accounting for just 0.12% of total market sales. In comparison, Apple Insider reported iTunes music sales at nearly $1.4 billion in its first quarter of 2011.

This is very disheartening because it proves that an interest in poetry exists in the hearts of many, but this interest isn’t shining through. Lyricists are themselves poets, but this message isn’t conveyed in middle and high school classrooms. It never dawned on me at 15, for example, that Jimi Hendrix was a poet, but I worshipped him as one of my idols.

The problem as I see it begins when it is formally introduced in the school setting. Poetry is presented in a very objective fashion, with attention to devices such as similes, metaphors, and alliteration. Sound familiar? Four to seven years is spent on repetitive matching games that involve pairing lines of poetry with their appropriate devices.

I acknowledge that a high school curriculum needs to be accessible, and that worksheets make this possible. What frustrates me is the outcome. By structuring these lessons like science assignments, more art-minded students become bored and uninspired, and math and science-minded students are annoyed at having to continually match up definitions that don’t interest them.

At the same time, the personal interpretation and self-discovery that poetry awards is ignored in favour of this “poetic mapping out.” It is this personal interpretation and self discovery that should be lauded by English teachers, because it directly aligns with the critical thinking skills that high school curriculums endeavour to imbue students with.

But critical thinking doesn’t just end in high school — it continues at the post-secondary level and branches outward into our artistic culture at large. This means music, story-telling, film, theatre, and many more areas demanding thoughtful and critical analysis.

And what does this do for poetry itself? With free verse and avant-garde approaches dominating the contemporary scene, it doesn’t make sense that such a great emphasis should be placed on mere definitions. English itself is a subject characterized by discussion and debate, so shouldn’t poetry be taught in a much more open-ended way? It would attract more students to enjoy it, that’s for sure, and not leave them running the other way the instant the word “poetry” is uttered.

If I was a high school English teacher, I would hope to pique the interest of my students by making poetry a more intimate and personally involved subject. I would invite them to bring in poetry in any form to the classroom (song lyrics, movie dialogues, poetic prose from a novel, etc.) and encourage them to tell me what it means to them. This should be the case for any ninth grade English class, and would be a very foundational and engaging way of introducing poetry.

Large chain theatres hamper viewing pleasures

2

WEB-Dolphin Theatres-Vaikunthe Banerjee

What does that $13 movie ticket actually get you?

By Daryn Wright
Photos by Vaikunthe Banerjee

Walking into the Pacific Cinematheque theatre, it’s clear the people attending this film are of a different sort than those filling the lobby of large, chain theatres.

We are all here to see Sunset Boulevard, a film by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett. The film made its debut in 1950 and has since stunned audiences with its macabre and hilarious plot and cast of characters.

I won’t go on about the film much more — after all, this isn’t the arts section, and you should go see it for yourself — but what I do want to go on about the difference between independent, local theatres, and the ones reeling off blockbuster hits on giant-sized screens.

Pacific Cinematheque is one of Vancouver’s last vestiges of independent theatre, a place where you can expect to see a combination of film noir, Japanese horror, and the entire ouvre of Jean-Luc Godard. The theatre is tiny, with only one screen and a respectable amount of small, red-cushioned seats. The concession offers the necessary popcorn, sans faux butter, done home-style, which I appreciate, and a few select choices of rich chocolate bars or saran-wrapped toffee bars.

It’s simple: no flashy menu boards or endlessly rotating trays of nachos. Posters of the classics line the walls: Hitchcock’s profile, Hayao Miyazaki’s illustrations. These details give you an idea what kind of theatre the Cinematheque is. These people really care about films.

Not too long ago, I tried to see a film at a large chain theatre in downtown Vancouver, which I will leave unnamed. The movie was Cloud Atlas, and it was, regrettably, only being shown in one of the larger, special theatres that require a seating reservation in advance.

My friends and I had planned to meet at the movies and stuff our faces with our favourite movie goodies (sour bubble-gum flavoured bottles and cherry bon bons, please and thank you), but this was rendered impossible by this new feature. The tickets would all have had to be bought by the same person, far in advance, in order for us to even be able to sit together.

I felt robbed of the movie-going experience I remember having as a child and adolescent — which, relatively speaking, was not that long ago. Isn’t this what going to the movies was supposed to be about? Isn’t the whole appeal the ability to meet with friends out in the social world rather than remain holed up alone in a dark basement suite? Isn’t it an excuse to chuckle jovially with friends at Keanu Reeve’s terrible and inconsistent British accent? (My example is dated, but I think you all know what I’m talking about.) But oh, right, I forgot that most people would rather have as little social contact as possible, preferring to be plugged in at all times. But I digress.

What I love about the Cinematheque, and most other independent theatres in general (I’ll include the ill-fated Fifth Avenue Cinemas, which has recently been acquired by Cineplex), is that this social experience has been maintained, despite the changes taking place in larger theatres. You can meet up with friends beforehand without making advance seating reservations, and the theatres actually care about this experience. They also care about films, and this is perhaps most important of all. This is why I won’t be going to a large chain movie theatre any time soon. Give me Cinematheque or give me death.

From Type-A to Type I’m Okay

0

Ganesha-AlexOrtega
How being unemployed was the best thing that could have happened to me
By Ljudmila Petrovic
Photos by Alex Ortega

Let’s be honest right off the bat: I embody the textbook definition of a “Type-A” personality. Now, I don’t believe in compartmentalizing or labeling people, but one of the definitive qualities of my personality is that I take on too many things at the same time: I haven’t taken a single semester off in my university career; I have had at least one job since I was in highschool; and I am a compulsive list-maker.
The amount of times I have been confused at the question “but when do you relax?” is frightening. As for “me time,” that’s when I’m doing a class reading I’m enjoying, right?

If you’re cringing and shaking your head at me, fear not, because I recently found myself unemployed. Not only was I not juggling multiple jobs, I didn’t even have one. This neatly coincided with my decision to finally take a summer off from classes. Suddenly, not only did I not need post-it notes to supplement my agenda (stop judging me, ye technology users), I had entire days with absolutely no pencil or highlighter on them.

To top off my new-found funemployed status, I moved back in with my parents for the summer, which meant that I now resembled Will Farrell in Wedding Crashers; in fact, I literally found myself in situations where I was on the couch, wearing a bath robe, and yelling to my mom about goulash (the Serbian equivalent of meatloaf, I’d say). But I digress.

My point here is not that I suddenly went from an overly ambitious, workaholic anxiety case to being society’s leech; I was now an anxiety case that watched a lot more Netflix with my parents’ cats. In my case, this is a positive thing.

You see — and I think there are many Type-A folks that will agree — as much I scoffed at the idea that I needed to relax, the life of the workaholic is genuinely exhausting. I would tell myself that I’m happier when I’m busy, that it gives my life fulfillment. This is true, but there is also a fine line between doing it all and overdoing it, and from where I was standing, I couldn’t even see that line anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t entirely idle and I was still doing things, but by my own distorted standards, it was next to nothing. At first, I was anxious and restless, then I slowly began to enjoy having less on my plate. I caught up with old friends, I spent time with my family, and I read books that weren’t assigned to me. I began to see that things happen for a reason — whether it’s a predetermined one or just up to me to find that reason — and I got time to think about where I wanted to take my life from there.

And now, I finally come to my point: sometimes life gets shitty. Sometimes we find ourselves in life situations that make us uncomfortable and that make us anxious. And yet, sometimes these aren’t the situations we should fear — in my case, it was the comfortable rut of overwork that was really the bad situation.

My story may not relate to everyone, as personal narratives usually go. You may not have that much on your plate, you may not have the support system to accommodate soul-searching, or you may still think I’m crazy (but just more of a hippie now). The point is not that you need to relate to any aspect of my story personally; rather, it’s to take life events with a grain of salt and to not take things at face value.
Life has a mysterious way of working. You’re not going to get anywhere bitching about why this happened to you. Embrace it and use it to become a better version of yourself.

This is also not a feel-good Hollywood film (on which I am now an expert thanks to my extensive Netflix viewing). I did not go from being an unhappy and angry workaholic to being a yoga instructor to forest animals, or whatever it is really relaxed people do with their time.
In fact, I rolled my eyes at a yoga instructor for telling me I should take this opportunity to master meditation. I may be challenging my personality, but let’s not get excessive here. No, in the meantime, I found a job. In fact, I found two.

I was the bossy girl in Kindergarten that got all the stickers for being a know-it-all. Hopefully I have better social skills now, but I’m still a version of that girl. I haven’t changed because that’s who I am.

But I did learn that sometimes we have to take a step back from our hectic lives — be that for an hour, a day, or a month — and we have to evaluate if this is what we want to be doing. I’ve learned that you cannot change who you are and you cannot force a different personality upon yourself: if you’re like me, you will never be content with a life of Doritos and Anna Faris movies, and if you’re naturally a more relaxed and easygoing person, you cannot be happy if you’re overwhelmed.

But you can be aware of what you need and you should never ignore an opportunity to make a change in your life. As a bit of a cynic, it pains me that my words are shaping into a combination of a Dr. Phil episode and an inspirational mug, but there you have it.
At a recent job interview, I was asked what I do for self-care. For better or for worse, I am still who I’ve always been, but this time, I actually had a truthful answer.

Overabundant raccoons to take over as new SFU school symbol

2

SFU_Raccoon_Hat_colour

By Meghan Lenz
Pesky creatures expected to dethrone McFogg the Dog as school’s little-known mascot

BURNABY— As many students are probably aware, SFU has for quite some time been inundated with raccoons living on campus. Although they’re pretty fat and not very sneaky as far as raccoons go (or maybe they’re just friendly), these raccoons have quickly found their way into the hearts of a significant amount of the student population.

“We should probably stop feeding them… but they’re cute, in a grungy kind of way,” explained one raccoon-sympathiser, third year Jill Stevens. “Plus they hang out in trees, which I guess is cool.”

Recently SFU has even started promoting the raccoons as a potential new school symbol. If all goes to plan, by this time next year, SFU students will no longer have to cheer for the current outdated and frankly racist-sounding Clan nickname but will instead be rooting on the SFU ‘Coons.

“Now before you dismiss raccoons as sneaky, thieving, disease ridden vermin, remember that our current mascot is apparently ‘McFogg the Dog’” reasoned Tim Bergeron, a supporter for the new mascot. “I did not make that up, first off, has anyone else heard about this supposed dog? I haven’t, however these raccoons are chillin’ in convo mall EVERY DAY.”

“The raccoons are here to support us, what has McFogg ever done?” a bewildered Bergeron continued. “Also, are we Scottish? Is that our thing, because seriously if it is, someone needs to get more bagpipes and kilts involved in our website, maybe then I’ll buy into this McFogg character.”

Unless the amount of tartans on sfu.ca increases exponentially, Bergeron believes that the raccoons are the right direction to go.

“I’m thinking the SFU ‘Rad Raccoons’, because we may or may not be Scottish, but I definitely think we’re rad,” Bergeron suggested before taking a shot at SFU’s mythical rival “thunderbirds”, “We’re definitely more rad than UBC, who’d have a stick shoved too far up their nether-regions to consider the graceful majesty of a raccoon mascot.”

Others have also joined Bergeron in support of the raccoon symbol movement, including environmental studies grad student Duncan Clark who explained just how appropriate the new name would be.

“I think the raccoon symbolizes the meeting of nature and development, as an animal that thrives in an urban world,” Clark rationalized, attempting to get quoted in this article.

“I believe that not only as students, but as members of our community that we could glean a great deal from their example and I fully support the growing movement to adopt the raccoons as our new school mascot. . . feel free to steal that for your press release SFU.”

Finally, Clark offered up the most important component of any modern social movement with his “#RadRaccoons” hashtag idea which is already much more popular than SFU’s original hashtag idea “#LetsMakeACoonOurMascot.”

Snowboarders’ concerns go “Beyond Boarding”

0

SFU grad and crew are shredding pow while spreading awareness of environmental issues in BC

By Leah Bjornson
Photos by Bill Hawley Photography

A recent SFU graduate and his crew, called “Beyond Boarding,” are travelling across BC to investigate the myriad of industrial projects proposed in the province. According to the crew, a project like Enbridge is only one of many which are destroying BC’s natural playgrounds.

Beyond Boarding was initially created by a group of BC snowboarders who hoped to spread awareness of environmental and social issues in the snowboard community while trying to activate their fellow peers to make positive, green lifestyle choices.

Led by Tamo Campos, Lewis Muirhead, and SFU grad David MacKinnon, the organization uses video and photos to educate the community. The thought is that while not everyone may want to watch an environmental video, you can watch an exciting snowboard video while still learning about industrial projects and how they might affect BC.

“Snowboarders have an innate love for these natural places,” commented Campos, who is in the Global Stewardship program at Capilano University. “They play in them all the time, so they should be the ones on the front line defending them. I think it’s almost like our duty. We’re so fortunate to be able to play in these pristine mountains every day, and we need to take that and consider bigger issues.”

The crew’s plan was to load up a school bus powered by used veggie oil and travel around the province to investigate the various industrial projects and speak with the local communities affected. Additionally, the crew would surf and snowboard as much as possible, all the while getting footage that would hopefully make others want to check out their initiative.

“Its been an insane trip in the sense of how big [the province] is and how much development is being proposed in BC,” said Campos. “It’s hard to see that every single community we’ve been to during this trip is being affected by some sort of industrial project.”

Campos and MacKinnon were especially affected by their experiences at the Sacred Headwaters, a vast alpine basin that is the shared birthplace of the Skeena, Nass and Stikine Rivers. These three are some of the largest salmon bearing rivers in North America that remain undammed, and have supported the Haida people for 13,000 years.

However, they were recently declared the most endangered rivers in our province by the Outdoor Recreation Council of BC. Although a proposal by Shell Canada to to drill for coal-bed methane has been finally quashed, there remains 26 proposed mines in the area with tailing ponds (pollution left over from the mining process) in the Headwaters.

“It’s too easy to become depressed about these issues,” said Campos. “You have to spend half the time you do researching the tar sands and find out what is happening around the rest of the world, what solutions are there in place . . . it’s really kept us going.”

During their travel through the province, Beyond Boarding found several alternatives that give hope for BC’s greener future. Such alternatives include the following: wind power turbines on northern Vancouver Island; a sustainable mining company in the Sacred Headwaters which would provide jobs through environmentally conscious mining, not mountaintop removal; and off-the-grid farms in Smithers, where a day’s power could be created by using the exhaust from burning a 1-foot-by-1-foot bucket of wood chips.

Campos exalted these alternatives, saying, “The best thing we can do to arm ourselves against these projects is to educate ourselves about the solutions . . . In the sacred headwaters, every day the valley was filled with smoke as the forests were being clear cut to make way for the transmission lines. [The company was] burning the stackpiles because they’re not a logging company, they’re a transmission company. It should be mandatory that we do something with that wood, and you think about how that biomass could actually power all these other communities.”

Nevertheless, the boarders don’t feel that a solution can be achieved by individuals acting alone; calling instead for a complete change of mindset, one which might be difficult for many to accept.

“What climate change actually means is we have to totally rethink the way we’re doing things.” said Campos. “Our free market, resource extraction system is not working . . . we’re not going to have the same world 50 years from now. Accepting climate change is accepting that everything we have done up until now isn’t working, and that’s a really hard psychological issue to accept.

“50 years from now when we don’t have the tar sands, what is our country? That’s in our life span.”

Beyond Boarding will be wrapping shooting on their Northern BC project this September, and hope to take their movies on tour, as well as have them available for download on their website, [beyondboarding.org.] While they do have volunteer opportunities available for the right people, MacKinnon says involvement “starts at home.”

As an SFU student who made the decision in his own life to adapt a greener lifestyle, MacKinnon added positively that, “Canadians are as capable as anybody, and if we get people thinking that there is a better way of living, the sky is the limit.”

Check out our interview below with “Beyond Boarding” :

Supreme court case for legalizing prostution

0

Group advocating for asymmetrical criminalization to protect women in sex trade

By Alison Roach
Photos by Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter

Last Tuesday, in a press conference regarding the Supreme Court case to legalize the sex trade in Canada, Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter and EVE (formerly Exploited Voices now Educating) openly called for the decriminalization of prostitution for the women involved.

A coalition of women’s groups under the name of The Women’s Coalition for the Abolition of Prostitution is preparing to argue a case against legalization of sex trade in front of the Supreme Court of Canada. The coalition was given intervener status last month in the charter challenge of Canada’s prostitution laws, and the case will be heard by the Supreme Court next month.

The Women’s Coalition argues that the laws that criminalize women involved in prostitution should be abolished, but “laws that prevent men from buying, selling, and profiting from prostituted women are important protections that must be retained.” Under the current laws against prostitution in Canada, 362 girls were charged in 2008. In the same year, six men were charged, leading to only two convictions.

The hearing has arisen after a case in Ontario saw the Ontario Appeal Court rule against the Criminal Code ban on bawdy houses, based on the logic that the ban increases the dangers prostitutes face when they are forced to work on the streets. However, the Women’s Coalition hopes to challenge the idea of sex as work, and sees it rather as violence against women.

Trisha Baptie, who was prostituted from the age of 13 to 28, is founder of the group EVE and spoke at the press conference on the Women’s Coalition position of prostitution as abuse. “The violence women suffer from prostitution will not go away if we remove the laws surrounding prostitution,” Baptie stated and continued, “In fact, violence will increase as the men who perpetrate the violence will face no legal barriers to their abusive behaviour . . . We need the laws to stand up to this abusive behaviour, and not excuse it.”

Janine Benedet, a lawyer and law professor, is acting as council for the Women’s Coalition and spoke about the argument the Women’s Coalition will be presenting next month, something she called a “third way,” in between criminalization and complete legalization.

The model is one of asymmetrical criminalization, which does not penalize the women in prostitution, but comes down harshly on the johns and pimps involved. The system is currently in place in Norway, Sweden, and Iceland, and is known as the Nordic model.

Benedet referred to the model as “very effective,” seeing a decrease in the amount of street prostitution and making those countries unattractive destinations for pimps and sex traffickers. Benedet said she feels hopeful about the case, and pointed to the extreme differences in the two groups involved in prostitution as the reasoning behind the asymmetrical laws.

Benedet contrasted the asymmetrical criminalization model to the complete abolition in Netherlands and Germany, where she described the legalized industry as a “smokescreen” for the illegal activities still underway.

Some have spoken out against the use of Nordic model, including SFU criminology professor John Lowman, who said enforcing the Nordic system in Canada would essentially amount to “institutionalized entrapment,” according to 24 Hours.

“The Nordic model helps women as long as they want to get out of prostitution,” he said. “But if they don’t want to get out of prostitution, it essentially sacrifices them to a form of a radical feminist ideology.”

Beyond legalization of prostitution for sex workers, the speakers at the press conference mentioned the need for more support for women attempting to exit the sex trade. Summer Rain Bentham, a front-line worker at Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter, spoke about the need for adequate day care, education opportunities, transition housing, detox beds, and treatment programs for these women.

There are currently no funded programs for helping women exit prostitution in Vancouver. “We need all [of these things],” said Bentham, “Not just one will fix the issue.”

Movie Poster Reviews

0

Written by George Hillman. 

Here’s a look at some of the movie posters that are currently out on walls and poles near you. Check out these reviews to find out which ones you should stop and look at and which ones you should block out from your peripherals at all costs.

Hangover Part III

Starring: Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis

Dimensions: 27 by 40 inches

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The latest instalment in the Hangover movie poster series, The Hangover III poster might not be as good as the original but it’s still a lot of fun and a great way to spend 30 seconds. Personally, I was a huge fan of The Hangover I poster and  it’s was great to see our three favorite hungover-looking guys back in an upright pose. Although this final poster in the series isn’t as laugh-out loud funny as the previous two (all three guys have all their teeth and there’s no baby or even monkey wearing any funny accessories), I still think this one has all the humour and heart we’ve come to expect from these posters. I don’t want to give away too much for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet but they are going to be dressed a lot differently than we’ve seen before. So, if you’re a fan of photos of three guys with a big title placed below them you should definitely check out The Hangover III poster!

The Great Gatsby

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, Tobey Maguire

Dimensions: 40 by 60 inches (Bus Stop Version)  

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

While I may have been sceptical when I first heard they were turning my favorite book cover into a movie poster, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by The Great Gatsby. It’s a little more complicated looking than the book, which I wasn’t exactly a fan of, but at least the guy in the tuxedo is more handsome than just a disembodied pair of lips and eyes. Overall, I thought this movie poster captured the spirit of the book cover nicely even if its second half (the right side) might drag a little.

Citizen Kane

Starring: Orson Welles, Dorothy Comingore, Everett Sloane

Dimensions: 27 by 40 inches 

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars    

Released in 1941, the Citizen Kane poster is still one of the most acclaimed and top selling movie posters in the world but in my opinion it just doesn’t hold up to today’s glossy, non-illustrated posters. The poster not only looks extremely dated but it has little intrigue or suspense to it all. There’s practically no plot (SPOILER), just three people looking in different directions. All in all Citizen Kane is just another overrated top-selling movie poster that has no substance or style.

 

George Hillman is a top movie poster critic who has reviewed over 10,000 titles since 1973. However, he has never seen a movie in his life and has still never made the connection between movie posters and movies.

Notes from this month’s Board of Governors meeting

0

Here’s what the university’s highest governing body talked about this month

By Alison Roach

 

Food Services

The board talked about recent improvements to dining services, noting that the renovations to Chartwells and its meal plan have been earning great reviews from students. The Dining Hall is now opened for meal plan holders for the first time ever during a summer semester, and expects another 30 per cent increase in meal plan sales this fall.

Board Chair Brian Taylor also spoke about SFU’s dealings for a Starbucks at the Burnaby campus, specifically the push that SFU has been giving the corporate giant to offer more Fair Trade coffee throughout Canada. The university sent a delegation down to Seattle this month to discuss this, and Taylor commented that the university may “be able to bring the big giant to its knees.”

Bookstore

The VP Finance report showed that the newly opened Spirit Shop inside the Burnaby SFU Bookstore has already seen increased sales of 43 per cent compared to sales this same time last year. The Bookstore has also decided to drop the retail price of used textbooks by 15 per cent to encourage students to buy used textbooks. It was also noted that the Harbour Centre bookstore location continues to face difficulties in traffic due to the summer renovations in the mall, and solutions are trying to be found.

Building

The SFU Observatory project is moving forward with a consultant selection in the works, and the location set to be just south of Strand Hall on the Burnaby campus, between the AQ and Cornerstone. SFU Burnaby is also working on a plan to develop an art gallery and intercultural centre, to be funded from private donations. In SFU Surrey, the university, TransLink, and the city are in talks to develop a plan for a new bus exchange to replace the current one, which is located on SFU property.

Academic Programming

The Academic Operations Committee has approved a few program changes, including two creations and one dissolution. The committee approved full program proposals for a graduate certificate in curriculum and instruction in the Faculty of Education and a concurrent Bachelor’s-Master’s program in the School for International Studies. It was also decided to dissolve the joint major and joint honours in computing science and philosophy. These changes will go into effect in the fall semester.

International Engagement

The external relations committee rolled out a new international engagement strategy for 2013-2016 that focuses on deepening SFU’s relationships with current partners and growing in areas where the university has begun to develop those relationships.

The areas the strategy focuses on in particular are China, India, Brazil, Chile, Western Europe, and the United States. The board spoke about the importance of diversifying the university’s own programming to ensure that international students don’t become too heavily concentrated in one faculty or department, as has been seen with Chinese international students in the Faculty of Business.

At the beginning of the academic year, over 65 per cent of all international undergrad students and 25 per cent of grad students were from China, a “concentration [that] limits the intercultural diversity of our student population, and presents challenges and opportunities for developing alumni engagements, language programming, intercultural connections, and student support programming,” according to the report.

Peak Humour Open Letters

1

An Open Letter to “Cute Bus Guy”

I’m not creepy. Really. Okay, maybe a little creepy, but I swear it’s endearing once you get to know me. I’ve noticed that you know a couple of people that I . . . have met before. That’s basically mutual friends, which makes looking for you on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Bebo, Pinterest and MySpace completely rational. And my attempts at making eye contact with you then awkwardly almost smiling may need some work but hey that’s just friendly bus practice!

Anyways, I noticed you’ve grown out your hair a little bit. It looks good. You look kind of rugged now, it’s a good look for you. I’d like to tell you that in person but first I’d have to learn your name . . . and then figure out a way to make it seem completely normal that I’d known there had been a change . . . and why I know your name.

Maybe I’ll just make something up, like find out your name through some other source (still haven’t checked Tumblr or Nexopia or Google+ yet) and then say hi and pretend we’ve totally already met. Then you’d feel silly for forgetting we’d met and just go along with it.

And then I could add you on Facebook and then you’d learn my name and it would become just a normal thing for us to chat on the bus, you know, about your hair length or whatever. Then we could fall in love and elope to Ecuador… Or not, it’s your call. You just seem like someone who might enjoy the warm climate and friendly people of Ecuador.

I might stick with my current plan and stare at you like a scared rabbit every time you walk onto the bus, that seems to be going pretty well. Sometimes I like to think that you’ve named me ‘cute bus girl’ in your head, and maybe you’ll read this and decide to say hi the next time you see me, because you’ve been wanting to but felt unsure. You probably won’t but, it’s a nice thought. I hear Ecuador’s nice this time of year . . .

Signed,

Your Secret Stalker Admirer

______________________________________________________________________________

An Open Letter to the Person who Opened my Letter

Hey jerk. What the hell were you thinking opening my letter without my permission? I’m a deeply private person and I don’t want anything I write to end up just all out in the open or anything! I can’t imagine what I would do if a letter of mine somehow ended up in a public forum and could be read by anybody who wanted to. . . Uhhh, I don’t even want to think about it. Anyway, hopefully you’ll see this and learn from your mistake.

Signed,

Mary Siegel

______________________________________________________________________________

An Open Letter to People Who Like Short Sentences

You’re welcome.

Signed,

Brevity

______________________________________________________________________________

An Open Letter to Anyone Without a Spam Filter

I have tried reaching you several times. Your late relative, who happens to be a relation of yours going by family name passed away. She has left you an inheritance sum of six figures in London the united kingdom. Please confirm your full name,age and contact info, so i can begin the legal process of redeeming your lawful entitlement before the bank is compelled by law to keep the funds as no nextofkin.

Signed,

Randomly Generated Name

______________________________________________________________________________

An Open Letter to “Creepy Bus Girl”

I’m a cute guy. Really. Like a really cute guy. And I’m not creepy at all. But does being a cute guy mean I have to be stared at every time I just go on the bus?

I’m sure you probably know people who know me, but hey, I’m a popular guy, I have a lot of friends. It’s not like that would make us mutual friends or anything . . . I mean I get so many friend request on Facebook that I’ve had to increase all my security settings (I did the same on Twitter, LinkedIn, Bebo, Pinterest and MySpace too). And that weird eye contact you try to make before awkwardly almost smiling just isn’t proper bus etiquette!

Anyway, I’ve recently grown out my hair a little bit so you wouldn’t recognize me. I thought you might not be attracted to this new “rugged look.” But damn, it’s just such a good look for me. It doesn’t seem to have thrown you off either, and now it just seems like you’re always thinking of saying something to me but then start calculating something in your mind and then stop.

Maybe I’ll just stop riding the bus and get a car. Oh, and for some reason that reminded me I still haven’t updated my security settings on Tumblr or Nexopia or Google+ yet. Hopefully you won’t do something crazy like find out my name from one of those pages and then pretend we’ve already met. I would never go along with something like that.

Maybe I really will get a car . . . then I could finally delete my Facebook account. I mean, the only time I ever use it is on the bus. You know what, maybe I’ll just move to Peru all by myself. I do enjoy its warm climate and friendly people, they’re a lot better than those stuck up Ecuadorians.

Or maybe I’ll just stick with my current plan of pretending you don’t exist and just keeping to myself, I’m doing a pretty good job of that. If you’re reading this I just want to remind you that I’ve nicknamed you “Creepy Bus Girl.” You probably won’t read this but that’s just a mean thought I’ve had. That reminds me, I’m sure Ecuador is miserable at this time of year, god do I hate that place.

Signed,

Forever Anonymous

 

(Credits: “Cute Bus Guy” written by Meghan Lenz, the rest by Brad McLeod.)

University Briefs

0

By Kristina Charania

Spray-on lens technology may revolutionize optical lens fabrication

UBC engineer Kenneth Chau worked with a team of researchers to create a spray-on substance for flat lenses which may radically change the way we manufacture and use optical equipment.

Currently, the majority of modern lenses in cameras, glasses, and microscopes are curved, obstructing the amount of light that can enter through these devices. The new adhesive will bind to flat glass surfaces and transform them into lenses for use in several capacities like the ultraviolet light imaging of small biological organisms.

“Curved lenses always have a limited aperture,” says Chau. “With a flat lens, suddenly you can make lenses with an arbitrary aperture size — perhaps as big as a football field.”

With files from The University of British Columbia Public Affairs

Hands-free devices will increase dangerous driving: study

Yagesh Bhambhani, a professor in the Faculty of Rehabilitation Medicine at the University of Alberta, has conducted a pilot study indicating that drivers using hands-free accessories drove more dangerously than control groups not using telecommunication devices. The driving errors observed include crossing center lines, switching lanes without signalling, and speeding.

A significant jump in heart rate and brain activity was also found in those using the devices — this compensates for the extra oxygen needed by distracted parts of the brain.

“[These findings are] commonplace knowledge, but for some reason it is not getting into the public conscience that the safest thing to do while driving is to focus on the road,” said Mayank Rehani, a graduate student working on the study.

With files from The University of Alberta News & Events

Understanding of magnetic fields in space enhanced knowledge of star behaviour

Aided by American and German scientists, the University of Saskatchewan has made surprising discoveries about the “flux freezing” of magnetic fields which will ultimately provide a better grasp on star formation and activity in space.

Astrophysicist Ethan Vishniac described flux freezing as magnetic field lines passing through gas and subsequently becoming bound to it and unable to move. When turbulence is considered, this definition changes: in turbulent liquids, magnetic fields move very quickly.

“It’s analogous to the way turbulence helps you mix cream in your coffee or the way the smell of perfume permeates a room,” says Vishniac. He notes that the team’s model is applicable anywhere else in the universe but on Earth because water and air are poor conductors.

With files from University of Saskatchewan News Releases

York University student trio draw comic challenging sexual violence

As part of a design class, three York University students have created a popular single-panel comic addressing sexual assault and slut shaming. “In a Tight Situation” features a distressed Superman saying, “I shouldn’t have worn such tight clothing! I was asking for it . . . It’s all my fault.” Batman sits beside him with a comforting hand on his shoulder and an empathetic expression.

York’s Centre for Human Rights hopes to release the comic as a t-shirt print and will distribute the print comic to students in future semesters. “We cannot expect police to change the social norms. We need to change the social norms,” says Noa Ashkenazi, York’s advisor on sexual harassment prevention and education.

With files from The Star