By Meghan Lenz
Pesky creatures expected to dethrone McFogg the Dog as school’s little-known mascot
BURNABY— As many students are probably aware, SFU has for quite some time been inundated with raccoons living on campus. Although they’re pretty fat and not very sneaky as far as raccoons go (or maybe they’re just friendly), these raccoons have quickly found their way into the hearts of a significant amount of the student population.
“We should probably stop feeding them… but they’re cute, in a grungy kind of way,” explained one raccoon-sympathiser, third year Jill Stevens. “Plus they hang out in trees, which I guess is cool.”
Recently SFU has even started promoting the raccoons as a potential new school symbol. If all goes to plan, by this time next year, SFU students will no longer have to cheer for the current outdated and frankly racist-sounding Clan nickname but will instead be rooting on the SFU ‘Coons.
“Now before you dismiss raccoons as sneaky, thieving, disease ridden vermin, remember that our current mascot is apparently ‘McFogg the Dog’” reasoned Tim Bergeron, a supporter for the new mascot. “I did not make that up, first off, has anyone else heard about this supposed dog? I haven’t, however these raccoons are chillin’ in convo mall EVERY DAY.”
“The raccoons are here to support us, what has McFogg ever done?” a bewildered Bergeron continued. “Also, are we Scottish? Is that our thing, because seriously if it is, someone needs to get more bagpipes and kilts involved in our website, maybe then I’ll buy into this McFogg character.”
Unless the amount of tartans on sfu.ca increases exponentially, Bergeron believes that the raccoons are the right direction to go.
“I’m thinking the SFU ‘Rad Raccoons’, because we may or may not be Scottish, but I definitely think we’re rad,” Bergeron suggested before taking a shot at SFU’s mythical rival “thunderbirds”, “We’re definitely more rad than UBC, who’d have a stick shoved too far up their nether-regions to consider the graceful majesty of a raccoon mascot.”
Others have also joined Bergeron in support of the raccoon symbol movement, including environmental studies grad student Duncan Clark who explained just how appropriate the new name would be.
“I think the raccoon symbolizes the meeting of nature and development, as an animal that thrives in an urban world,” Clark rationalized, attempting to get quoted in this article.
“I believe that not only as students, but as members of our community that we could glean a great deal from their example and I fully support the growing movement to adopt the raccoons as our new school mascot. . . feel free to steal that for your press release SFU.”
Finally, Clark offered up the most important component of any modern social movement with his “#RadRaccoons” hashtag idea which is already much more popular than SFU’s original hashtag idea “#LetsMakeACoonOurMascot.”
