“I can’t wait for this year to end!” says student who thinks the pandemic will randomly stop because of an arbitrary date

By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate In a few brief weeks, it will be 2021, and we all know what that means. The minute the clock...

Holiday season jeopardized by the dreaded Disney Adults buying all the Disney merchandise

By: Alex Masse, Peak Associate The toy stores open during this pandemic — endangering workers just so some kid can play with Lego for five...

How is this Animal Crossing island coping after its mayor got over the game months ago?

By: Kelly Chia, Peak Associate Fog sets in on anotha night. Da animals are running amok since da boss dipped. I look around, dart in...

This is just The Sims 5: The Simon Fraser University Expansion Pack

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you? The only explanation for this absolutely horrible,...

SFU gets rid of professors to save president’s salary

By: Madeleine Chan, Opinions Editor BURNABY, BC — SFU plans to cut its spending budget drastically by firing all teaching staff for the upcoming Spring...

Dear Peakie

By: Kyla Dowling, Peak Associate Dear Peakie,  I’m graduating in Spring 2021 and I don’t know how to start looking for a career!  Sincerely, Your Next LinkedIn...

Student upset that his performative moustache for Movember won’t be seen under his mask

By: Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer It’s that time of the year again. Fellas of all shapes and sizes, of all hair colours and textures, of...

Top Ten ways to help lockdown go by quicker

By: Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Hit up your ex Since dating your ex ended up being a waste of time despite your initial thoughts, inserting...

Plot-heavy porn soars in popularity as the pandemic leaves population lonely

By: Sarah Russo, SFU Student VANCOUVER, BC — A wholly baseless study done by two horny dudes on Reddit revealed that their equally horny online...

Student swears by swimming in dense scholarly articles for quarantine workout

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor When this pandemic started, I really didn’t go out and move around as much as I used to. With half...