“God is all you need,” professor tells class after refusing to hold office hours

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — An English professor at SFU has opted out of his office hours, telling students that the...

Wobbly step to lower bus loop victimizes 12 first years and counting

Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate Yet another student is in critical condition after trying to take the stairs to the lower bus loop at...

QUIZ: SFU, are you in love with the gondola? Or is he just really, REALLY tall?

Written by Carter Hemion, Staff Writer It’s the question on all of our minds here at SFU: Are you in love with that tall, tall,...

Seven things SFU was WRONG to welcome back to campus

Written by Marco Ovies, Staff Writer That guy who types too loudly in lecture His typing is obnoxiously loud. But he’s not actually typing...

Man celebrated as an ally for saying gay guys can blow during beer pong, too

Written by Dominic Wildebee VANCOUVER, B.C. — Last Thursday evening, a local straight man intervened in a beer pong dispute, telling all four participants that...

First-years deprived of icebreakers after climate change melts all remaining ice

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor This Tuesday, countless TAs discovered to their horror that it might not be possible to hold icebreaker activities for...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 2–8

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week you’ll be tested emotionally. You’ll meet your professors and know instantly that they...

CONFESSIONALS: All along, I was the closeted capitalist

Hey, SFU. I’m going to start by saying that this is really hard for me to talk about. It’s something I’ve struggled with my...

Fourth-year students try to sacrifice first-year student to the enrolment gods

Written by: Gabrielle McLaren Photo by: Chris Ho On the evening of July 16, SFU Security heroically saved a first-year student from a group of fourth-year...