By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Hiring Agent

Bozo & Bubbles Law Group

We are hiring — Professional lawyer clown 

Our client, Elon Musk, is engaged in a dynamic lawsuit with former business partner and current OpenAI CEO Sam Altman over the development of OpenAI. Our client claims that this anti-Musk establishment is becoming a for-profit monopoly — the exact opposite of the moral claims OpenAI was built on. We are seeking a top-notch Litigation Associate, specifically with a specialty in the art of clownery, to join our fast-paced dynamite team, who work tirelessly to maintain this very bold lawsuit. The role involves working closely with Musk in preparing the offence against Altman. The claim is that Altman is creating a monopoly over the AI industry — using the company that Musk wanted a monopoly over — so the claim must be airtight, as it opens Musk up to extreme ridicule. We require a clown professional to play into this ridiculous and blatant hypocrisy and, as they say, roll with the punches. 

Position: Litigation and Clowning Associate

Areas of practice: General civil litigation, ridicule, public humiliation, hypocrisy

What you will do:

• Amuse and bamboozle both the plaintiff and defendant during lawsuit proceedings;
• Babysit Mr. Musk during all public appearances. It is important that he is kept entertained in court — we don’t want another tantrum on our hands;
• Draft pleadings to minimize public humiliation, while artfully knowing when to succumb to the intense shame that plagues us all who are involved in this ridiculous lawsuit;
• Support trial preparation and be the lead member in all trial appearances in full clown attire;
• Work directly with our client to find the best way to air out the other party’s dirty laundry in a way that does not come back to hit our client in the face (like a failed SpaceX launch).

For this advanced position, we require the candidate to have the following qualifications:

• Juris Doctor (JD) from an American Bar Association accredited law school;
• A track record in the courtroom of clever interpretations of the law, as well as playfulness and bamboozlement when trapped in a corner;
• Lack of self-awareness, displayed through a successful previous destruction of public image through repeated errors and shameful public appearances;
• Proven ability to make a strong impression on judge, jury, and law officials through intricate clown makeup and performance based in semi-truthful interpretations of past events;
• Outstanding interpersonal skills and excellent ability to improvise.

Compensation

We offer an unmatched, incredible, spectacularly competitive salary and benefits, as well as genuinely out-of-this-world bonuses rewarded every half quarter. The annual salary range for candidates is anticipated to be between $15,000,000 and $18,000,000. Successful candidates are required to take a semi-quarterly bonus of $300,000 (or a replacement clown nose) as a payment for their soul.

Our benefits package includes a lifetime supply of clown makeup, basic health insurance, and a complementary note of apology + flowers  sent out to all family members whenever you appear on TV. Dental not included. 

How to apply

Please submit your application to our Hiring Manager, Noeka Nimmervoll, at [email protected]. The application should include a cover letter, a CV, and a short five-minute audition with full character, costume, and clown makeup. Although we are moderately grateful for all the clowns who apply, only those who really tickle our funny bone will move forward in our highly selective audition process will be contacted.