By: C Icart, Humour Editor
Aries
March 21–April 19
IN: Rewatching Riverdale season 6. Do it for the superpowers.
OUT: Stirring your tea with a fork (seriously, why do you do that?).
Taurus
April 20–May 20
IN: Covering the dead spider in your trash can with a tissue for some posthumous privacy.
OUT: Making in and out lists. Truly, so gauche.
Gemini
May 21–June 20
IN: Sending your coworker a funny little emoji as a private message during the Teams call neither one of y’all want to be in so you can watch their little face light up in the corner of your screen.
OUT: Saying supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in a dismissive tone when your boss asks you to do literally anything.
Cancer
June 21–July 22
IN: Last night’s dinner for breakfast.
OUT: That cold gloppy mess y’all are calling “overnight oats.”
Leo
July 23–August 22
IN: Telling people their outfit looks AI-generated and refusing to elaborate.
OUT: Those shorts you’ve been wearing to bed since middle school.
Virgo
August 23–September 22
IN: Making a parody of The Godfather called The Grandfather.
OUT: Godfathers. We only care about grandfathers in this house.
Libra
September 23–October 22
IN: Organizing a sit-in until they (the university people) bring back the fire pits.
OUT: Attending a university where you cannot have free s’mores.
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
IN: Exchanging meaningful glances with raccoons by the dining hall.
OUT: Not exchanging meaningful glances with raccoons by the dining hall.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
IN: Pretending like you’re in a James Bond movie.
OUT: Watching James Bond movies. Seriously, sooooo passé . . .
Capricorn
December 22–January 19
IN: Getting way too invested in TikTok content about the 9-month cruise.
OUT: Not knowing how to do a cartwheel. Seriously, grow up.
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
IN: Acquiring a phone book and reading it on the SkyTrain.
OUT: QR restaurant menus. Your hands yearn for the (potentially sticky) tactile experience.
Pisces
February 19–March 20
IN: Riding around Burnaby campus in those little rideshare bikes with a lovely bouquet offering people flowers.
OUT: Writing that you like long night time drives in your Hinge bio when you really mean you work for Lyft.
