Horoscopes January 8 – 12

Everyone is doing in and outs and I don’t want to be left out

An illustration of a girl, stars and astrological signs strewn in her hair.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: C Icart, Humour Editor

March 21–April 19 

IN: Rewatching Riverdale season 6. Do it for the superpowers. 
OUT: Stirring your tea with a fork (seriously, why do you do that?).

April 20–May 20

IN: Covering the dead spider in your trash can with a tissue for some posthumous privacy.
OUT: Making in and out lists. Truly, so gauche. 

May 21–June 20

IN: Sending your coworker a funny little emoji as a private message during the Teams call neither one of y’all want to be in so you can watch their little face light up in the corner of your screen. 
OUT: Saying supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in a dismissive tone when your boss asks you to do literally anything.

June 21–July 22

IN: Last night’s dinner for breakfast. 
OUT: That cold gloppy mess y’all are calling “overnight oats.”

July 23–August 22

IN: Telling people their outfit looks AI-generated and refusing to elaborate.
OUT: Those shorts you’ve been wearing to bed since middle school.  

August 23–September 22

IN: Making a parody of The Godfather called The Grandfather. 
OUT: Godfathers. We only care about grandfathers in this house.

September 23–October 22

IN: Organizing a sit-in until they (the university people) bring back the fire pits.
OUT: Attending a university where you cannot have free s’mores. 

October 23–November 21

IN: Exchanging meaningful glances with raccoons by the dining hall.
OUT: Not exchanging meaningful glances with raccoons by the dining hall. 

November 22–December 21

IN: Pretending like you’re in a James Bond movie.
OUT: Watching James Bond movies. Seriously, sooooo passé . . .

December 22–January 19

IN: Getting way too invested in TikTok content about the 9-month cruise.
OUT: Not knowing how to do a cartwheel. Seriously, grow up. 

January 20–February 18 

IN: Acquiring a phone book and reading it on the SkyTrain. 
OUT: QR restaurant menus. Your hands yearn for the (potentially sticky) tactile experience. 

February 19–March 20

IN: Riding around Burnaby campus in those little rideshare bikes with a lovely bouquet  offering people flowers. 
OUT: Writing that you like long night time drives in your Hinge bio when you really mean you work for Lyft

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