SPOOF: Netflix’s cancellation parties

We’ve got our own list of demands, world

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PHOTO: Al Elmes / Unsplash

By: Isabella Urbani, Sports Editor & Netflix Representative

Netflix invites its subscribers — and its subscribers only — to take part in one of our three cancellation parties. We’re collaborating with SFU, as experts in engagement,  to engage students with Netflix. These SFU-hosted events are meant to unveil the latest changes we hope to implement on our platform, after the recent success of password sharing prohibition. 

Netflix and chill 

This demonstration is more than a euphemism for intercourse! Join us in front of the SFU avocado statue on June 9 to reclaim our company’s name and dignity. Sure, we may have profited off the subversive nature of the term, and refuse to give credit to the user who first tweeted about watching Netflix and chilling in 2009, but we will be providing refreshments. This, however, is granted that you’ll sign our petition to officially change “Netflix and chill” to “Netflixing.” 

Relatable storylines

BOO! Who wants to watch shows that accurately mirror real-life struggles? Not Netflix, that’s for sure. Cancel whatever plans you had this Sunday to boycott relatable storylines by streaming every single episode of Riverdale. Spend the whole marathon crafting up your own character and share your creation on the Netflix Story AppTM, now available for $10.99 a month, to bring your dreams to life. Performing “Jailhouse Rock” with your cheerleading squad for your boyfriend in juvie is just a second away!

New advertisements 

If television shows can do it, why can’t we? Aren’t you tired of not watching the same three commercials on repeat every 10 minutes? Did 800–588–2300 mean nothing to you? Take back the joy of this excruciating experience by watching a compilation of our soon-to-be advertisements, premiering on our YouTube channel next Monday. And when you’ve had enough, pay $10.99 to never have to worry about those pesky little advertisements again. Everyone wins!

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