By: Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate
1. “Do you think it’ll bite me if I pet it?”
Going to school on a mountain means there’s a lot of wildlife around, and perhaps the most iconic animal that roams the halls of SFU Burnaby is the majestic raccoon. Don’t get too close though — they may look like they want a hug, but try to pet one and your right hand will no longer exist as part of your body.
2. “I think you’re missing the point.”
This phrase is most used with a slowly concerned hand raise in response to that guy in your poli-sci class volunteering to “play devil’s advocate.” The devil doesn’t need an advocate, Nathan. Leave it alone.
3. “I’m never going to financially recover from this.”
Is this a Joe Exotic meme or an actual concern most of us have had? The answer: both. You went to BierCraft with your friends to celebrate #midtermszn being over but you forgot something important: your wallet. Or rather, you forgot that your wallet is empty and that the balance of your chequing account is struggling to catch up to the 13 venti Starbucks coffees you bought last week to keep yourself alive during #midtermszn.
4. “Are classes cancelled today?”
Classes are never cancelled today. But that doesn’t seem to stop everyone and their mother from hopping on a Facebook group and asking this question after it snows. Throw on your Super Puff, put on your Blundstones, and get your ass to class. The mountain is calling.
5. “It’s just a false alarm.”
I was sitting in the AQ the first time I heard a fire alarm go off at SFU and the only thing running through my mind was, “Shouldn’t we evacuate?” No one around me seemed phased. I wasn’t even sure that anyone else had heard the alarm. So I stayed there, confused and slightly concerned. I soon came to realize that I, too, would become so desensitized to the ear-piercing sound of the fire alarm blaring that I don’t even blink when it happens anymore.
6. “Does this schedule look manageable?”
No.
7. “Fuck, I’m out of shape.”
Walking up the Saywell Hall stairs and having to hide the fact that you’re so painfully out of breath should be an Olympic sport on its own. Even worse? Having to walk from WMC to Saywell in the 10 minutes between your classes. As you reach the top, you’re breathing so heavily it sounds like you just inhaled three milkshakes, a pack of cigarettes, and ran a casual 50k.
8. “I should have gone to UBC.”
Be honest — you’ve definitely said this before. Or at the very least, the thought has slipped into your consciousness while you were standing squished on the 145 rattling up the mountain on the coldest, rainiest Thursday morning in November there ever was to exist. I didn’t even apply to UBC and the thought still crosses my mind.
9. “You know the avocado? Yeah, I heard people have sex there.”
This is a phrase that every single SFU student has said (or heard) at least once. And to be honest, we’re starting to sound like a real avocado sex cult to new students. It would be hilarious if it’s true, but I just can’t seem to figure out how it’s logistically possible. Most people aren’t that flexible. The math just isn’t mathing. Besides, I know there are better places to fuck at SFU than the inside of a concrete avocado.
10. “No thoughts head empty”
You text this to your group chat after you stayed up until 3:00 a.m. studying for an 8:30 a.m. midterm and nothing feels real anymore. Coffee no longer has an effect and you can’t remember the last time you showered. This thought also applies when you’re cold-called in the middle of tutorial and you have to quickly pretend that you were paying enough attention to know what the question was — not checking Kanye’s Instagram to see what he’s done this time.
