By: Tamanna T., Staff Writer
The fall 2021 semester coming to an end makes me wonder what I actually learned this year at SFU (it certainly wasn’t anything academic). As someone who has experienced many, many bizarre things on campus I’d rather not reveal, here are some things and places I came across that might help you get through next year.
Best and worst place to cry on campus
Best spot: Beedie Field next to SFU Residence buildings. It is isolated enough you can call your mom and go into lengthy detail about what happened, and no one will judge you. There are players on the field sometimes, but that’s just an added bonus because there’s a possibility of meeting a potential soulmate in that case. If you’re tired of Tinder, you can find your potential boo here too — you never know!
Worst spot: This stems from a personal experience, but crying near the AQ pond is the worst thing you can do. There are so many distractions, you can’t sit and ponder where your life went wrong in peace. Dogs will come say hi to you, you’ll see a classmate, or a bird will try to peck you instead of finding a fish to dig into — the interruptions are endless.
Best and worst things to say in an email to your professor
Best thing to say: Projecting your sad feelings onto others is never a good thing, unless you’re doing it for some flexibility and sympathy. Tell your professor what a semester it’s been, you miss your dog back home that you haven’t seen for months, or you spilled your favourite peppermint mocha on yourself right before class, leading you to fail the quiz. Oversharing is only awkward in social interactions. This is your grades we’re talking about: time to pull out the big guns and vomit your compressed feelings to your professors!
Worst thing to say: Don’t say anything positive about the class! Professors hate when you love their course. They could get the idea that your obsession with the course is you trying to steal their job, and they’ll definitely make sure you flunk it. Make sure you let the professor know how much you truly despise studying for the course, and they will ensure an A for you, because who doesn’t love some honesty? Throw in a couple of “I wish I never enrolled in this course” and “this has been the worst semester of my life” and you’ll be in their good books after that!
Best and worst place to forget your charger
Best place: Worried about losing your charger and not getting it back? Always make sure to forget it somewhere in Cornerstone. There aren’t many outlets around the place, but you can always knock on someone’s door or ask a Tim Hortons employee to charge your laptop for you. You can rest easy knowing that someone’s dog will find it and sniff it back to you! Easy. Nothing makes it fun like losing your charger in different places and making a game of hide-n-seek with unknown dogs of the UniverCity.
Worst place: Forgetting your brand new laptop’s charger somewhere is sad enough, but having it in the hands of your class nemesis is even worse. Never leave your charger in your class, because if that annoying classmate who always has their hand up even when there isn’t a question being asked takes it, you know you’ll never see it again.
Best/Worst save from an awkward encounter
Best: Did you just run into your ex walking with their new partner? Awkward! You shouldn’t, in any case, be the bigger person and say hi. Absolutely not. Pretend you got a call from an agent, saying that you got a part in your ex-partner’s favourite movie franchise, and walk away. They will be left confused and jealous, which is all you can ask for.
Worst: The worst thing to do in an awkward encounter with someone you dislike is to acknowledge their existence and talk to them calmly. They will most likely talk civilly with you, and that can be truly upsetting! Why would you want to talk to them instead of running in the opposite direction, looking for a spot to hide?