By: Carter Hemion, Staff Writer
Welcoming services at all campuses
In order to properly address our concerns about institutional issues at SFU, students will now be welcomed to each campus at every entrance. No more will students worry about systemic oppression, inaccessibility in academia, or this institution discriminating against them! Students must now feel welcome at SFU — no really, you are obligated to, it’s in our paperwork now — and this will be financed by the next tuition increase to ensure optimal happiness on campus.
All washrooms closed for equity
Due to the pandemic, the SFU Burnaby campus closed accessible washroom stalls and single stall washrooms for social distancing. In order to serve all diverse student needs equitably, all campus washrooms will be closed. We recommend students make their own arrangements to not use washrooms during course hours. We have ensured that closures will not cause undue harm to the quality of education. This change will ensure cooperation with equity, diversity, and inclusion policies for student satisfaction and better address student needs.
New writer-in-residence announced
Starting in Fall 2021, Geoffrey Kempe will be joining SFU Library as a writer-in-residence. He is a contemporary poet with a specialty in Medieval literature. When asked for an introductory statement, he said, “I gyue thankes to SFU librarie. Ful egre I was to accepte the duetee with honour. Whan I first bigynne, I woulde love the oportunyte to hyryth the voys of euery studiaunt.” Share your modern translation for a chance to win a $2 Amazon gift card!
New phone hold music added
In order to better serve our community, new additions have been made to SFU’s catalogue of hold music. We understand that hold waits may be longer than usual as we serve our students during this challenging time. New additions include “unravel” by TK from Ling tosite sigure, “Come Get Her” by Rae Sremmurd, and “Shark Dance Party” by Pinkfong.
What’s new and coming soon
Wildlife Yoga series
SFU Health & Counselling Services (HCS) is running Wildlife Yoga on the second and fourth Tuesdays of July and August from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m. This will be a pilot program for reintroducing in-person health services. In the sessions, held outdoors on the Burnaby campus, students will do yoga with local animals like raccoons, deer, coyotes, and more. Decompress with some furry friends, reconnect with other students, and try to get through it with all limbs intact! SFU doctors will not be available to assess potential injuries. Waiver of liability will be required before participation.
Employment and volunteer opportunities
Due to unforeseen circumstances, SFU Burnaby is hiring a new animal wrangler. Duties include catching and monitoring animals on campus, including raccoons, deer, coyotes, bears, and cougars. (No, not those kinds of cougars. I know. I was disappointed too.) No prior training necessary. Must be able to lift up to 60 kg and run 80 km/h if necessary. Rock climbing experience is an asset. Contact HCS for details.
All campuses are hiring welcomers. This is a non-union, contract position with an undisclosed weekly stipend. Welcomers will not receive benefits, but will receive an SFU-branded mask. Get ready to show your campus spirit by welcoming all guests to campus this fall. Think you have the positive energy to ignore all injustices with a smile? Send your cover letter, resume, and soul to email@example.com.
Connecting with student services
New service hours
In order to best serve students and faculty, new adjustments to service hours will go into place on July 12. All faculty will be unavailable for lunch from 12:28 p.m. to 1:34 p.m. Monday through Friday. Times are subject to change. See times below for reference:
|Monday||9:32 a.m.–3:58 p.m.|
|Tuesday||9:26 a.m.–4:02 p.m.|
|Wednesday||10:02 a.m.–4:27 p.m.|
|Thursday||12:27 p.m.–1:35 p.m.|
|Friday||11:14 a.m.–3:24 p.m.|