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Beedie student bails on Valentine’s Day date to check stocks

Humour

Check out a hot girl? Nah, dude. I’ll be over here checking out Dogecoin

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Humour
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PHOTO: Gilly / Unsplash

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor

February 14, 11:32 a.m.

Baby Girl💦 — heyyy baby, happy valentines day! <3 hope your morning is going well and can’t wait to see you tonight. i’m gonna look so good for you mwah mwah I’ll order Anton’s to the house around 6:00 don’t be laaaate

February 14, 11:41 a.m.

Boo Thang❤️ — gm i can’t wait to see you in that new dress you’ve been talkin bout mmm yo can u send a pic for me rq

Boo Thang❤️ — plz?

Boo Thang❤️ — please baby? for me?

February 14, 3:23 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — I was running errands i’m so soo sorry bb I promise I’ll make up for it tonight 😉 😉 we can cuddle and watch a movie awww

February 14, 4:11 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — Are you excited? I just started getting ready, I’m so excited to see you I miss you soOoo bad

February 14, 5:14 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — Why aren’t u responding on v-day?? I did my hair in curls like you like 🙂

February 14, 5:24 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — HELLOOOO? Jake??

February 14, 5:30 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — Where the fuck are you? This is so shitty of you.

February 14, 5:49 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — The food is almost here, I got your favourite, plain spaghetti so u can put ketchup on it 🙂 pls let me know when you’re almost hereeeee

February 14, 5:57 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — Wow. This is worse than when you didn’t wear your suit to my sister’s Quinceañera bc your only one was dirty from your photos from that stupid fucking Beedie conference!!!!!! PICK UP YOUR PHONE.

February 14, 6:10 p.m.

(8 missed calls) from: Baby Girl💦

February 14, 6:12 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — don’t even bother calling me. fuck you.

February 14, 8:29 p.m.

Boo Thang❤️ — damn b sry i was so into these Dogecoin stats it’s off the charts like u wouldnt believe, it’s so complex but so sick like you wouldn’t get it but like whatever trust me these stock trends rly inspire me as an entrepreneur fr fr

February 14, 8:42 p.m.

Boo Thang❤️ — ya ok i can try telling u about them but not sure u would get it

February 14, 8:43 p.m.

Boo Thang❤️ — YO in that minute it went up by a tenth of a cent b thats pog ya anyways so basically the stock market is like a fishtank. big fish against bigger fish. gotta keep on that grind u know like i’m always on my game it’s so tough but someone gotta do it

February 14, 9:22 p.m.

Baby Girl💦 — … 

February 14, 9:23 p.m.

Baby Girl💦  changed contact from Boo Thang❤️  to Capitalist Pig🐷

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society