Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor
Dear Peakie,
I keep trying to stop eating out, but Dining Hall food is SO GOOD and I’m not on the meal plan. How do I stop spending all this money?
From, Make It Buffet’n
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Dear Make It Buffet’n,
Keep going, because this is a problem that solves itself. After enough all-you-can-eat seshes, you’ll be out of money to spend! Plus, this will probably force you to drop out of SFU, so you won’t be able to hit up Dining Hall anymore.
(Well, technically you could, but realistically you’re not going to climb the mountain just for that. I mean, didn’t you know? Without the gondola, every second of transiting to SFU is actually just suffering and trudging through several feet of snow. Yes, of course that happens year-round.)
Love, Peakie
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Dear Peakie,
Why is my prof’s marking scheme so harsh? I just want someone to be nice to me.
From, Tender Bibliography
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Dear Tender Bibliography,
Be nice to yourself! You can’t expect love from others when you’re not giving it to yourself. For example, put your full effort into your assignment for once, instead of blithely drooling your emotions all over a .doc file. I think your professor’s sensitive soul will awaken the second they lay eyes on an essay that doesn’t read like a rejected Teletubbies script. We all love to see a self-educating king!
Love, Peakie
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Dear Peakie,
Who hurt you?
From, Peakie
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Dear Peakie,
The Alberta Court of Appeal when it determined the federal carbon tax to be “unconstitutional,” and the Alberta government for once again making the global climate crisis all about them.
Love, Peakie
