Art Exhibit Reviews Of This Random Person’s Line-Up of Half-Emptied Water Bottles

“The plasticality of the piece perfectly portrays the kenodoxy of the Anthropocene”

By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

“The diversity in water level between each clear, carefully crinkled bottle reflects the exposure of hidden privilege, the invisible becoming visible through shared, systemically inflicted pain. Like these bottles, the modern individual is filled, packaged en masse, circulated, and sucked dry once more by the hungering consumer. Power in society as a shaper of economics and the human experience transubstantiates through this display.”

 – Malissa Jocey, The Abstraconomist

“This exhibit iconicizes the transition of the site of art from the constructed material to the body. The subject exists in a daily power struggle with the melted microplastics that any parent would warn their sons and daughters about. God bless Medicare and the invention of the MRI.”

 – Brock Bernard, Some Paper Or Another

“Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy this exhibit as much as I did! Bring a friend — you’ll definitely enjoy snorting together.”

 – Selena Spalk, Seems To Have Wandered Into The Washroom And Accidentally Reviewed The Wrong “Line” 

“The plasticality of the piece perfectly portrays the kenodoxy of the Anthropocene, the HuMan so obsessed with his Image that he Wastes bottle after bottle until he Becomes the Bottle HimSelf. Unfeeling, but pliant, disappearing into the long procession of good men lost to A Pretentious Patriarchy that I totally Am Not A Part Of Because I Love Art And Wear Denim And Jeans With Earth-Toned Blazers.”

 – Ben Curnem, G24/7

“Exceeds expectations; hard-working, insightful, and socially responsible. A pleasure to have in class.”

 – Roger Heidi, Your Grade 8 Report Card