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NASTIEST baby raccoon names of the season!

Humour

SFU’s most reputable raccoon-mommy blog

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Illustration by Cora Fu

Written by: Jennifer Low
Illustrated by: Cora Fu

Spring is finally here and we all know what that means. SFU will soon be overrun with adorable baby raccoons. I know that picking a baby name for your tiny bundle of joy is as stressful as it is fun and exciting. So to help all those mommy raccoons out there, I’ve compiled the greatest list of funky, stylish, classy, hipster baby names that will be all the rage this season. Somewhere in this list I guarantee you will find the perfect unique name for your child! Happy scavenging!

Dhumpstyr:

A fantastic unisex alternative to the classic name, Dumpster. This name also serves as a nod to where they were conceived. One raccoon mommy shares: “Our son, Dhumpstyr Lidd, ended up being conceived in a dumpster just outside of West Mall! Maybe we’ll wait a few years before we tell him.”

Nastie

This fun twist on the popular girl’s name, Nasty, is sure to turn heads and attract compliments everywhere your little raccoon goes. Meaning “highly unpleasant,” “physically nauseating,” and “annoying,” your child will have a lot to live up to.

Baighnditt

A lovely variation of Bandit, Baighnditt connotes thieving, robbing, and stealing. This strong unisex name represents the noble skills of your child’s ancestors and recognizes their characteristic black “mask” that distinguishes them from possums and other riff-raff.

Trash Panda

This name skyrocketed to popularity with the movie Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, whose protagonist saved the galaxy despite his proximity to humans. While not a traditional raccoon name, many raccoon parents have been nicknamed this by university students and love the idea of giving their children a topically hip name.

Gharbageé

Meaning unwanted or unusable waste materials, this moniker is a variation of the name Garbage and can be shortened to Garby, Garb, or Bage. This name is typically used for boys and is a very popular middle name.

Chompyson

This name means the son of Chompy, but it’s perfectly fitting if your kid is a little on the aggressive side with a habit of biting people’s fingers. This name will help your little raccoon really stand out in the world of garbage-foraging, while always reminding them of their roots.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024