By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and Official Song Reviewer
“Stop playing with ’em, Riot” are the last words that moviegoers hear before being blessed with the lyrical mastery of American rapper Ice Spice in the latest SpongeBob movie, “The SpongeBob Movie: The Search for SpongeBob.” It is with great admiration that The Peak writes to the Oscars with the simple request that the song “Big Guy” gets the recognition it deserves via the Academy Award for best original song.
Big guy, big guy, big, big guy, big guy
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Grrah)
In the first two lines of the song, Spice juxtaposes the big concepts of “big guy” and “big guy pants.” In a bold rejection of narrative excess, Spice tells us that Mr. SquarePants wears “big pants” and is indeed a “big guy.” These concepts are raw, unexplored, and big. For example, why does a big guy need to wear big pants? Is he conforming to societal expectations of tall people? What if he wants to wear small pants? Mr. SquarePants is divided between his external self, a sponge perforated unhealthily, and his internal self, the “riot” that Ice Spice eloquently raps about.
Spice’s line “stop playing with ’em, Riot” is a reminder to Mr. SquarePants that his true self cannot escape his internal bounds. He must remain a “big guy” to preserve the SquarePants’ legacy in Bikini Bottom — one of utter foolishness and gallavantism. Mr. SquarePants’ experience is not exclusive to anthropomorphic sea sponges; it can be felt within each person who wants to defy societal expectations by skinny–dipping in SFU’s non-existent pool.
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Grrah)
Big guy, big guy, big, big guy, big guy, grrah
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Grrah)
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK
In the next part of the opening lines, Spice once again remains steadfast to her central thesis — that our inner souls are sacrificed at the expense of external appearances. This time, her interjects “grrah’s” are the sound of Mr. SquarePants’ soul cracking under tightly-fitted khaki pants. They serve as society’s way of keeping Riot, his alter-ego, from having a literal riot.
At the end of the song, the previous groundbreaking and philosophical pattern is followed . . . except for a major exception:
Big guy, big guy, big-big guy, big guy
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Grrah)
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Grrah)
Big guy, big guy, big-big guy, big guy
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK (Like)
SpongeBob, big guy pants, OK
Spice uses the word “like” after “OK” in the second to last line of the song. This disrupts the very common flow that listeners come to know throughout the song, as if SpongeBob’s alter-ego (Riot) is finally breaking through his shell and being exposed to the world. Forget “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, or “Unstoppable” by Sia,” Ice Spice has successfully created the self-loving anthem of 2026. She wants us all to know that we don’t have to be big guys. We can all embrace our inner “Riot.”
It’s time for the Oscars to recognize the true artistic beauty that is “Big Guy.” If it doesn’t win, we will expose Mr. SquarePants’ alter-ego ourselves and RIOT!!!!! God bless Ice Spice for this absolute masterpiece.
The Peak rates this masterpiece 500/10 raccoons.
