Written by: Hannah Davis
Little do we know now, but in ten years, a new fashion icon will emerge and dominate the fashion world, Orange. With humble beginnings as a tech company, Orange will switch from making phones and computers, to making clothing. Get ready for Orange’s brand new line of clothing, with myPants, myBra, myHoodie, myHat, and everything in between filling up clothing outlets across the country.
Orange will first catch the world’s eye with their dazzling launch of myClothes. This fashion line will promise sleek, innovative and user-friendly garments for anyone. The commercials will show people laughing and looking unrealistically happy as they walk down the street. You will think, “that person is just wearing some normal white clothes.” But then you’ll see the notorious Orange logo on the back of every single garment they wear, and think to yourself, “I must have that wardrobe.”
Although the clothes will look great, they will also require updates every two months. If not updated in time, they will physically start to slow you down. You really do not know how Orange does it, but they have seamlessly designed the ways in which the clothes will slow down your every movement if you do not download — sorry, purchase — their newest, sexiest wardrobe updates.
Keeping in tune with the products Orange released as a tech company, these garments will catch fire when you pair them with non-myClothes products. If they don’t completely catch fire, they will spark violently until you remove the intruding article. Your great-grandmother’s necklace from 1901? Sorry honey, your myScarf will burst into flames when it comes into contact with that old accessory! Your mother’s wedding dress? You won’t be able wear that to your wedding without suddenly becoming smoking hot (in a bad way)! Your boring old clothes from before won’t even be able to be stored next to your fancy myClothes because your whole closet will be reduced to some dusty ashes.
The fires aside, sometimes myClothes will just become really hot for no discernible reason. When they overheat, all you will have to do is take them off and put them back on again after you let them cool down on their own — regardless of whether you are in the middle of doing something important.
Also, every time you put your wallet in your myPants pocket, your pants will literally eat all your money. Sure, you have no money now, but at least you have all the newest versions of all your clothes.