By: Alex Bloom, Gabrielle McLaren, Courtney Miller, Natasha Tar
“Moon River” – Frank Ocean
Courtney Miller: First, why would anyone ever try to redo “Moon River.” Second, this is so so so extra with the layered vocals and the overproduction
Gabrielle McLaren: There’s a lot going on here . . . Maybe use it for a montage of someone running through the woods and then standing on a bridge while nostalgically looking at the lights of the city while contemplating their core issues?
Natasha Tar: Hot trash.
Alex Bloom: I love Frank Ocean, but I’m not feeling this one.
“Vincent” – Ellie Goulding
CM: I hear Ellie Goulding is a bit of a trash human being, but this isn’t awful — just done before by better people.
GM: I mean I’m not mad? I’m not impressed?
NT: Her voice is nice, meh lyrics though.
AB: Usually not my kind of thing, but I won’t skip it.
“Bottom of You” – Beatchild, the Slakadeliqs
CM: I know my general thing is to tastefully dislike 99% of these playlists, but I actually kind of, maybe, like this? I dunno. Cue the existential crisis. It is a bit repetitive though.
GM: Every time I start getting into it, the beat and mood changes and I get confused.
NT: I thought this was going to be rap! What’s going on??
AB: This song isn’t exactly sure what it wants to be, but maybe that’s the point? I’m not complaining, though.
“Hammer” – Bisa Kdei
CM: I don’t dislike it, would not seek it out, would not change the dial. Do people still say “change the dial”? Is that still a thing? Is it a different generation?
GM: Cool story, grandpa. On the song: OK, now we’re talking.
NT: I really like this actually.
AB: Smooth vocals and production. I’m definitely downloading this one.
“Sister” – Tracey Thorn, Corinne Bailey Rae
CM: I like the percussion and sometimes the melody, but otherwise it’s unimpressive.
GM: I don’t understand the BLOOooooOOoh sound that came on, but I’m actually into these vocals.
NT: For new music, this sounds like it’s from another generation.
AB: For me this song almost works . . . almost.
“Cutting Ties” – 6LACK
CM: How about, no. Monotonous and blasé.
GM: *long sigh* I feel like I’ve heard this before. And I didn’t like it then either.
NT: Ditto. All rap sounds basically the same to me.
AB: I’m gonna be that guy, but all rap doesn’t sound the same, a lot of rap these days does suck though.
“Thought Contagion” – Muse
CM: Lololol, Muse still exists? This intro sounds familiar. If you like Muse, then knock your socks off.
GM: When they invent time travel, I’m going to bring this song on a USB stick to 12-year-old me, slip it in the mail slot, and she’s going to have the best week of her life.
NT: This song should definitely be on a Scooby Doo movie soundtrack.
AB: I support the soundtrack idea, but I wouldn’t listen to this in any other context.
“Le fils à papa (remix)” – Vianney
CM: I like it. The remix isn’t as atrocious as I feared.
GM: So they made some choices as far as sound goes, but I’m down for these lyrics and fascinated by the occasional Shakira-trilling to his voice?
NT: Most of it is good, but honestly the weird yells in the chorus part kinda scare me.
AB: The vocals remind a little bit of Stromae, and although listening to this reminds me that my French isn’t as good as it used to be, I like it a lot.
“Sauce It Up” – Lil Uzi Vert
CM: Could this intro be any more unexciting. Save three minutes and 27 seconds of your life and skip it like I will now.
GM: The song peaks before it even begins when you read the title.
NT: Best part: the title. Worst part: the song.
AB: I’ll be honest, I just put this song on the playlist because the title made me laugh.
“Cocky” – A$AP Rocky, Gucci Mane, 21 Savage, London On Da Track
CM: Yeah, too fucking cocky without anything to back it up, get off my Spotify. Why do people give you money, they should be taking money from you to stop this trash.
NT: I heard the words “candy mountain” and “layer cake” so is this song about . . . Candyland??
AB: I recognize A$AP Rocky is talented in his delivery, but his lyrics almost always make me cringe.
“Run For Your Life” – K.Flay
CM: I’m 95% sure I’ve heard this on a Charmed soundtrack somewhere, like when Phoebe *spoiler alert* goes dark for a spell.
GM: In what context do you listen to this other than ‘it’s part of the soundtrack of the movie I’m currently watching’?
AB: I’m running.
“Wait by the River” – Lord Huron
CM: Does this guy do water songs because he’s named after a lake (fun fact: the lake is named after the Indigenous nation, so name-ception)? Without the creepy top layer of effects, it’s not half-bad. A little oldies-esque.
GM: I’m onboard. I can’t explain why, but I am.
NT: I remember he did most of the music for A Walk in Woods, so that was cool. This has a bit of a slow-dance vibe that’s different from that soundtrack, though.
AB: Why don’t we meet at a coffee shop by the river instead? It’s cold outside.