There are many different factors that cause bad sex. But apart from the lack of consent, there is no one particular element that makes sex bad all the time. This is why I completely disagree with Margaret Wente’s recent criticism of casual sex in The Globe and Mail. The idea that sexual desire or satisfaction corresponds strictly with commitment, when it comes to women, is simply false. Any attempt to control sexuality, much like the misguided attempts to control sexual orientation, is a losing battle.
People are as diverse as they are unpredictable. I do not claim greater understanding over why sexual relationships are good or bad. That should be the point. Instead of forcing everybody to be the same and act in the same way, people should be encouraged to make sexual decisions based on what is best for their mental, physical, and emotional well-being. This does not necessarily mean having casual sex, nor does it mean pursuing a committed relationship.
Communication is very important as it involves conveying consent. In terms of having good sex, being able to communicate effectively to your partner allows you to confidently state what you like or don’t like. Associating guilt with sex is what makes communication difficult, as young women often have trouble asking for what they want. This is why feminism in the modern era is important.
The casual approach some young women have towards sex allows them to explore what works best for them and how to effectively communicate that.
People should make sexual decisions to uphold their mental, physical, and emotional well being.
‘Young feminists being clueless about sex’ could be a result of being young, rather than being feminist. It could be that young women have not yet discovered what circumstances work best for them in sexual situations. In the process of finding who they are sexually, there will be bad sexual experiences.
I oppose the idea in Wente’s article that women having good sex and women being casual about sex are mutually exclusive. There are many women in relationships that are dissatisfied with their sex lives. There are also many women that enjoy one night stands. There are many types of women with many different personalities.
Human beings are complicated creatures with complex layers. What works for one woman may not work for another, and this is why all experiences should be embraced. It should also be stated that bad sex in not necessarily a bad thing, but a way for us to learn about ourselves and our sexual partners. It is possible that a lack of emotional connection is why young women have bad sex; inadequate sexual chemistry with a partner or limited sexual experience are also potential reasons young women have bad sex.
Sex is something to be enjoyed by both genders, and associating bad sex and feminism is simply misguided. I would instead argue that in embracing casual intercourse, feminists encourage young women to embrace their own different sexual preferences. Women, men, and all those in between benefit from this, because all parties involved are given the freedom and space to have good sex.
