HUMOUR: Planned Parenthood has funding pulled out

Photo courtesy of Ron Cogswell (Flickr)

On September 18, the American House of Representatives voted to defund Planned Parenthood for one year, in order to investigate alleged wrong-doings. For those of you unfamiliar with the organization, Planned Parenthood is one of the largest murder clinics currently operating in the States (according to several trustworthy Internet sources). They claim to be a non-profit organization that provides reproductive health, as well as maternal and child health services, but if you ask me, those are just flashy, nonsensical buzzwords.

Of course, the feminist agenda wasted no time in making a scene about this decision, but the only right choice is supporting anti-Planned Parenthood sentiment. Why, you might ask? Here are the top five most justified reasons why Planned Parenthood losing its funding is another step in making America great again.

Women now have fewer opportunities to get an abortion: Planned Parenthood is responsible for approximately 300,000 abortions per year, which, if you ask me and the big guy in the sky, is about 300,000 too many! If women don’t want to be mothers like they’re supposed to be, they shouldn’t be having premarital sex. And if you want to tell me that some women get pregnant not by their own choice, former congressman Todd Akin debunked that fairy tale several years ago with his knowledge on how the body shuts out legitimate rape. He was a white, male, US Representative, so he probably had his facts straight.

Pro-life and pro-choice are actually the same argument: There’s a large divide between the two pro- sides, and Planned Parenthood was often viewed as a pro-choice facility, but how concrete are either of these terms really? Wouldn’t you say that all pro-choicers are a bit pro-life as well? For example, if you were to hold up a pro-choicer by gunpoint and ask them if they wanted to live or die, they would undoubtedly be pro-life; who wouldn’t be pro-life if given a choice? I’m definitely 99 per cent sure this scenario could be expanded to apply to everyone else, too.

No emphasis on paternal resources: Fathers are people too. I can’t believe we’ve let an organization receive millions of dollars from hard-working Americans without helping out the men. . .  oh, Planned Parenthood actually has a lot of educational resources on men’s sexual health? Well, they are still giant execution chambers for God’s precious unborn gems and the best chances for some men to vicariously live out dreams they couldn’t live out themselves.

We’re already facing a population decline because of gay marriage: As sad as it is true, same-sex marriage became legal in the once-great country of America back on June 26. Now that we have less of a chance to make them pray away the gay, it means that even less people will be natural parents. However, this is actually a double bonus: since pure-bred straight people are the only ones having babies, the babies are guaranteed to be straight and the gays will wipe themselves out. It’s science.

You don’t need a plan to become a parent: Margaret Sanger, the first president of Planned Parenthood, figured she could make money by helping people “plan” on being parents. Fun fact: you actually don’t have to plan on becoming a parent at all. Wake up, sheeple! Several children are born every year whose parents weren’t expecting them and, regardless of how much they wanted that child and how the child’s life will be affected, they were definitely born. Thus, the whole concept of “Planned Parenthood” is contradiction and a huge scam.