Are you a forward-thinking SFU student ready to bring change and sustainability to your university? Or are you a fast-talking scam artist looking to take advantage of the unsuspecting? Find out by answer yes or no to each of the statements below that apply to you and comparing to the answer key at the end.
1. You’re always making promises that are either too good to be true or that you have no real control over.
2. Your posters are plastered across every available surface on campus.
3. Vulnerable and easily influenced young people are your primary demographic.
4. Charisma and likeability go a long way for you.
5. You’ll say anything to get five minutes of a person’s time.
6. You make yourself suspiciously available to anyone who might want to reach out and contact you.
7. Half of your job is approaching total strangers passing by — no matter how much they avoid making eye contact.
8. After you’ve gotten what you want out of a stranger, chances are you’ll never see, think about, or talk to that person again.
9. It helps to have a great-sounding name.
10. You’re not interested in getting people to like you; they just have to believe in you.
11. You might be working alone or you might have a whole group of people working on your operation.
12. You’ve shaken more hands than is hygienically sound.
13. You’re probably wearing a costume or dressed too nicely, considering what you’re doing.
14. You claim to have a person’s best interests in mind, despite not really knowing a thing about them.
15. You’re hoping to get several hundreds of dollars out of me.
If you answered “Yes” to most of 1, 2, 4, 7, 8, 9, 12, and 15, then you’re probably a candidate in the SFSS election. If you answered “Yes” to most of 3, 5, 6, 10, 11, 13, or 14, then you’re probably hustling people. If you answered “Yes” to an equal number of both, then you’re running the biggest long con of all: pretending student politics matter.