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Progressive grade-schooler announces fair trade offerings for Fruit Roll-Up

Humour
EIC
EIC
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The fair trade movement has spread across Suncrest Elementary, paving the way for more ethical Dunk-a-roo consumption.

In a historic decision that has been generating buzz all around the playground, second-grade student Billy Stanford has made a pledge to honour only 100 per cent fair trade offers for his strawberry Fruit Roll-up.

Although in the past Stanford has been known, around Suncrest Elementary, to partake in far-from-equal exchanges for the snacks his mother packs him, it’s reported that’s all behind him as of this recess.

“I’ve done a lot of growing up and realized it’s just not right to take advantage of those less fortunate than me,” Stanford told The Peak. “I’m consistently getting some of the best lunches of all my friends. I’m talking Pop-tarts, Fruit Gushers, sometimes I even get an entire honest to god chocolate bar [. . .] making fair trades is just the ethical thing to do.”

According to friends of Stanford, he’s not gouging them at all for the Fruit Roll-up. Even though it’s his favourite flavour, he’s reportedly willing to part with it for a reasonable amount of Goldfish crackers, something they say is commendable.

“It’s really amazing for somebody in his position to have a fair trade policy,” explained Dougie Jones, the classmate who got the Fruit Roll-up for only a third of his crackers. “You wouldn’t expect someone who gets McDonald’s brought in monthly to be that generous with his lunches.”

While Jones’ positive feelings about the selfless nature of Stanford’s lunch exchanges have been echoed by a number of his colleagues, others have reacted more cynically. 

“Sure, he says it’s a fair trade, but according to who? Donny and Kevin?” questioned Bryan Sanders, another classmate. “Dougie might think he’s getting a good deal, but that’s still too many Goldfish [. . .] it’s just not sustainable for him long-term.”

While the term ‘fair trade’ may be a contentious issue on the playground, the children have reportedly found some common ground when it comes to what snacks they enjoy trading the most: cheap junk food created and packaged by exploited workers in the Third World.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society