HUMOUR
Four things that would’ve protected the Capitol better than their security
February 2, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer Okay, so, the whole Capitol coup happened, right? And the officers supposedly protecting the place kind of . . . didn’t. They did take some selfies with the largely unmasked hoarde and let the place get destroyed with little action, though. I feel safer already! With that terror residing in the back of your mind, here are five alternatives that most certainly would have done a better job defending this governmental building. The Chihuahua Next Door My neighbours have a chihuahua and it means business. How do I know this? Well, I hear it every…
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SFU-inspired cocktails to drown your university-related sorrows
February 1, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer CW: Mentions of blood, mental health The Midterm Season An iced-coffee inspired cocktail that is basically a $9 Starbucks drink with pizazz AKA an illegal amount of caffeine Ingredients: A handful of caffeine pills, crushed…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: February 1–7
February 1, 2021By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor ARIES: BARK! BARK! BARK! WOOF WOOF! BARK! TAURUS: Try split-dyeing your hair, Taurus. All the cool kids are doing it. You’ve never been one to start trends, just snatch them away from every fire sign…
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Top Ten reasons I’ve been unable to catch some shuteye
January 31, 2021By: Clarence Ndabahwerize, SFU Student The collapse of liberal western democracy Imagine waking up to find the Scottish unicorn on your passport in your room helping itself to your SFU acceptance letter. You know, that same one you left in…
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How quarantine has completely destroyed my socialization skills
January 25, 2021By: Madeleine Chan, Kyla Dowling, and Nathan Tok I can’t leave people on read IRL? (Madeleine) I think I realized that human interaction isn’t for me anymore when I said “LOL” out loud, forgetting that, no, I’m not reacting to…
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Pets unionize, annoyed with owners using them as compensation for a lack of online personality
January 24, 2021By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Vancouver, BC — Following an influx of complaints from household pets regarding inaccurate quoting for captions on Instagram, zero compensation for modelling, and providing non-consensual emotional support, these animals are biting back against their owners…
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SFU economics alumnus solves Canadian global debt crisis by suggesting we “print more money”
January 24, 2021By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor VANCOUVER, BC — A recent graduate from the SFU department of economics, Matthew Lashuk, has gone where no other economist with a basic understanding of the capitalist proceedings of the world has ever gone before.…
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The haunting of all the books I have bought but never read: a memoir
January 23, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer I can feel them watching me. The clown on the cover of It by Stephen King, the main character of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina . . . Their eyes follow me as I enter my…
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Top Ten reasons 2021 will be better
January 16, 2021By: Emma Jean, Staff Writer We have collectively learned the value of comfortable clothes The importance of having comfy clothes can’t be overstated. Without crowded buses or stiff lecture hall seats to keep distracted from the potentially permanent jean imprints…
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A diary of what I did during winter break
January 11, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Peak Associate Day One (December 17) Dear Diary, Today I did the laundry that’s been piling on my chair for the last two weeks while pretending I haven’t been wearing the same sweatpants with a questionable stain…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]