HUMOUR
Not a message from the president: Everything I missed in the 2023–24 community report
July 16, 2024By: Kaja Antic, Staff Writer As we come to the end of this mundane, troublesome, and cost-ineffective academic year, it’s time to jog down memory lane and remember everything that happened this year. And yes, I mean everything. You have heard a lot from our administration this year as we steadfastly fought against paying our staff fair wages and tirelessly drew programs from a hat to see what to cut next. Lots of work was done for the betterment of our salaries! We remain committed to our core values in the creatively named “What’s Next: The SFU Strategy.” We may…
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Saturday Fight Night: The vengeful Ah Choo vs. the undefeated Seasonal Allergies
July 16, 2024By: Izzy Cheung, Arts & Culture Editor Snee: Welcome back to another installment of Saturday Fight Night! My name is Snee, and tonight, I’ll be one of your co-hosts for this magnificent mid-summer matchup. Zee: And I’m Zee, the other…
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Landlord looking for tenant who swears to never enter the unit under any circumstances
July 10, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor After years of relying on their tenants to pay their mortgage, local landlord Gil T. Leech has finally reached a point where the money they get from renting out their mouldy basement is pure profit. …
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Horoscopes July 8–14
July 8, 2024By: Sonya Janeshewski, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 If you’re an Aries man, yikes. You’re already prone to Chronic Mansplaining, which can be reputation-threatening if not caught early. To avoid a cosmic pummeling, be humbled publicly this week. If…
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Cryptics of coffee shop Wi-Fi
July 3, 2024By: Yasmin Hassan, Staff Writer After a long day of classes, I roam downtown, looking for a place to sit and do some work. I’m walking with my AirPods in, canvas bag at my side, hurriedly searching for a welcoming…
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Sitting in the dark because these motion sensor lights are pissing me off
July 2, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor This year marks the fourth time SFU ranks number one in so-called Canada for innovation, and if this is what innovation looks like, I don’t want it. God invented light switches for a reason. That…
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Horoscopes July 1–7
July 2, 2024By: Michelle Young, Copy Editor Aries March 21–April 19 Isekai this, isekai that. Everything you own is isekai because you deeply relate to boring protagonists with no personality, and use manga for wish fulfilment. I promise if you were thrown…
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Wannabe influencer goes to the retirement home to tell her grandparents she’s replacing them with Marcus Pork and Grandma Droniak
June 27, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor It’s a sunny Thursday afternoon, and Stacy is heading to the retirement home to visit her grandparents. She originally planned on going on Tuesday, but it was raining on Tuesday and filming a vlog in…
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Minimum wage worker doing the job of three people is excited for 65 cent wage increase
June 26, 2024By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer and C Icart, Humour Editor News anchor: Alexa, play “7 rings” because the minimum wage is increasing to a whopping $17.40 in BC. I sat down to interview an excited Minimum Wage Worker (MWW) about…
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Remembering the 2023-24 Vancouver Canucks
June 24, 2024By: Kaja Antic, Staff Writer and C Icart, Humour Editor We are gathered here today in memory of the 2023–24 Vancouver Canucks. What a season it was, starting with an 8–1 victorious roar over the Edmonton Oilers and ending with…
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