Horoscopes
Horoscopes September 5–11
September 8, 2022By: Max Lorette, puts the “ho” in horoscopes Aries: Have you remembered to pack an umbrella in your backpack yet, Aries? Don’t forget you live in a temperate rainforest; the weather can change with a drop of a hat. Plus, we all know that you forgot to check the forecast before leaving the house today. Taurus: The Stars are warning you to stay clear of the top floor of the Bennett library this semester. There is a monster that lurks deep in the reference section that preys on naïve Tauruses much like yourself. Don’t say I didn’t caution you! Gemini: Stuff…
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Horoscopes August 8–14
August 8, 2022By: Isabella Urbani, Mediator for the Stars Aries — Mar 21–Apr 19 Guess who’s becoming YouTube’s latest food vlogger? Who else is going to tell the people whether or not McDonald’s newest summer drink is good? Let’s get one thing…
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Horoscopes: July 25–31
July 28, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate Aries You go to enroll and all of your courses are full except for one, so you choose three alternate courses that are not at all anything that you’re interested in. You suffer all semester,…
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Horoscopes: June 27–July 3
June 27, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate and Local Mystic Aries: Has the stress of exams got you down, Aries? Do you feel stuck and exhausted? The stars have told me that you are overdue for a natural shower in the rain. Like…
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Horoscopes: June 20–26
June 19, 2022By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor and Perpetual Elf Ranger Aries: When I rolled a die for the kind of week you were going to have (an EXTREMELY reliable predictor for astrology), you got a 10/12! In this arbitrary universe and our…
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Horoscopes: June 6–12
June 6, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate Aries: The stars have informed me that it is a good idea for you to stay inside as much as possible this week. The cosmic forecast is calling for a killer sunburn on your horizon, and…
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Horoscopes: May 30–June 5
May 30, 2022By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor, Supposed Seer Aries: Hey Aries, I have a secret for you. Mercury? They’re coming out of retrograde this week, and it turns out it’s all because of you! I even heard whispers from the stars…
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Horoscopes: May 16-May 22
May 26, 2022By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer and PhD in predicting your entire life Aries Sweet Aries, you’re toootally not a summer semester person. I know you want to get a move on your degree and more importantly, stop yourself from streaming…
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Horoscopes: May 22–29
May 22, 2022By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer Aries Sweet Aries, you’re toootally not a summer semester person. I know you want to get a move on your degree and more importantly, stop yourself from streaming every Netflix movie possible, but it isn’t…
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Horoscopes: May 16–21
May 17, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate, Girlie In Training Aries Throw it back to 2012 and go to the super hidden and impossible to find Pink Alley. Take pics with the girlies, then go get bubble tea to reward your efforts. Taking…
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