Horoscopes
Horoscopes February 20–27
February 21, 2023By: Michelle (Megistus) Young, Editor-in-Chief Aries: Hu Tao. Maybe your friends worry that you are burning both ends of the candle, but you always make it through (looking a little haunted) in the end! She is the perfect, fiery, high-energy date for you — even though you are a meta-slave who shit-talked Kokomi before her release, and now you refuse to acknowledge your struggle with corrosion. Taurus: Itto, duh. His elemental skill is literally a bull and he is a grown-up version of Naruto — nurture your childhood anime crush. You find his bullishness . . . rather charming! Catching…
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Horoscopes February 13–19
February 14, 2023By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor Aries You’re known for firin’ things up, my dear Aries. I know, therefore, your adolescent heart could only belong to the equally fiery Koga from InuYasha. You’re loyal, like the Wolf-Demon warrior, and rooted for…
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Horoscopes January 30 – February 5
January 30, 2023By: Hana Hoffman, Peak Associate Aries In this mysterious world full of unexpected coincidences, you are someday destined to end up in the same tutorial class as Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Aww, Aries and Ariel are going to be…
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Horoscopes January 23–29
January 23, 2023By: Isabella Urbani, scathing Sagittarius hater and proud Leo Aries According to the ethereal Star girlbosses, we are supposed to be soulmates. In that case, you’re gonna Have to change the spelling of your sign name. Why do we call…
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Horoscopes: January 9–13
January 19, 2023By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer, extremely judgemental Aries This is your year to be AGGRESSIVE, Aries. Start using periods in those texts and assert your opinions without cushioning it with uncomfortable laughter because you are unsure. You are always right!…
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Horoscopes November 28th – December 3rd
November 28, 2022By: Hana Hoffman, SFU Student Aries Look into the sky tonight when the whole town has their lights off and the ambience is cold, silent, and peaceful. Count how many stars you see with your vision, then make a wish…
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Horoscopes Oct 10th–Oct 16th
October 10, 2022By: Kelly Chia, reader of the Stars and fanfiction Aries: Take literary inspiration and dress up as a scarlet “A” this year, as in Scarlet Letter. Not only will you show your teachers initiative by dressing as an A, you…
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Horoscopes Sept 26th–Oct 2nd
September 28, 2022By: Max Lorette and Kelly Chia, Partners in Star Crimes Aries Don’t look now, Aries, but the junk folder in your email is beginning to grow sentient. Before long, it will be strong enough. The Stars haven’t told me exactly…
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Horoscopes: September 19–24
September 19, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer Aries Go for a mocha this fall, Aries. It’s the perfect blend of sweetness and deep richness which energizes you just enough to make it through a productive day of studying and writing lecture notes.…
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Horoscopes Sept 12–20
September 12, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate and the vessel of an unknowable entity Aries: This week, I think you should branch out a little. Go for a walk in nature, collect some sticks off the ground, and join your brethren amongst…
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