Horoscopes
Horoscopes May 6 – 12
May 6, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 Just delete all your social media. You do not have the self-control to prevent yourself from typing, “must be nice spending your parents money insert face blowing a kiss emoji here” under an aesthetic Amsterdam pic posted by a girl you haven’t talked to since 2017. Quit while you’re ahead. #SocialMediaCleanseNow Taurus April 20–May 20 You can be honest, it’s just us friends here. You’re not mad that the person who ghosted you all semester and still got the same mark as you on your group project is daily vlogging their…
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Horoscopes: March 4 – 9
March 4, 2024By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Stars Aries March 21–April 19 I think you should punch your midterm. Not in class, because that would be embarrassing. But metaphorically, you should punch it for all the stress it’s caused you. Giving the exam a…
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Horoscopes January 29 – February 2
January 30, 2024By: Cam Darting, SFU Student Aries March 21–April 19 The heavens have chosen. Aries is represented by Sikowitz. Just like the eccentric drama teacher, Arieses have no filter and are quite forgetful. This may land you in a sour situation,…
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Horoscopes January 8 – 12
January 8, 2024By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 IN: Rewatching Riverdale season 6. Do it for the superpowers. OUT: Stirring your tea with a fork (seriously, why do you do that?). Taurus April 20–May 20 IN: Covering the dead…
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Horoscopes: November 27–December 1
November 28, 2023By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer With the winter solstice fast approaching, you better bundle up, get your skookum snow shovel out, and prepare to dive into the holiday chaos that’s about to ensue. Aries: March 21–April 19 Winter camping is…
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Horoscopes October 29–November 4
November 25, 2023By: Kelly Chia, Emissary of the Stars Aries Did anyone tell you that it’s shark week? Well, not in the way you think it might be. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of seven evil sharks during your midterm week. Defeating…
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Horoscopes October 16 – 22
October 17, 2023By: May Chee, SFU Student October 31 is coming up fast, and there’s a cheap Halloween costume with your name on it. If you’ve been scavenging Pinterest for a last-minute idea, get some quick and easy inspo that’ll guarantee your…
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Horoscopes October 9 – 15
October 10, 2023By: Hana Hoffman, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 Change your phone wallpaper to something that will yell at you to do work. How about a photo of Nicki Minaj with the caption, “Barbs stay in school!” Or a picture…
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Horoscopes October 3 – 8
October 3, 2023By: Chloë Arneson, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 Alright, Aries, it’s time to get your head in the game and narrow down this roster. You’ve been scouting all summer, and it’s time to start hosting tryouts. Playoffs are just…
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Horoscopes September 18 – 24
September 19, 2023By: C Icart, Humour Editor I spent the past couple days watching Selling the OC trying to acquire wealth through osmosis. What out of context quote from the Selling universe will predict your week? Aries: “When in doubt, hide behind…
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