Horoscopes
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 7–October 13
October 7, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 The consequences of all your weird behaviour and cryptic glares these past weeks are finally closing in on you. Don’t you dare accept this. You’ve done no wrongs. Your moronic, uppity friends just can’t face facts and thank you for the well-deserved misfortunes you prayed would fall upon them and teach them humility. Taurus — April 20–May 20 Stand your ground on dinner plans for this week. Whether they like it or not, your friends are all coming over, and they are all bringing affection and Avalon chocolate milk.…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 23–29
September 23, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your superiority complex is in full blossom. And you need to manifest it. Irritate your sketchiest, most unstable friend until they lop off your head and impale it on…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 16 – 22
September 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your reputation of blood, guts, and rage follows you everywhere. What you need this week is a publicity stunt to change your image. Head off to the fire pits in…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 9–15
September 9, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries Falling asleep on Burnaby Mountain is risky this week. You might find yourself sleepwalking across campus while dreaming of Build SFU manager Clark von Taine. Right when he faux-affably giggles at your incredulity…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 2–8
September 3, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week you’ll be tested emotionally. You’ll meet your professors and know instantly that they all bluffed their way through grad school. Trust your gut instincts. Just set fire…
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SFU Horoscopes
November 18, 2018Written by: Winona Young and Aaron Richardson Terry Fox’s Sweet Sweet ‘do | January 10 - February 8 A real hero | Goes the extra mile | Everyone’s favourite, You’re the one who everyone can’t help but love. You’ve had your…
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HUMOUR: Horoscopes: November 9–15
November 9, 2015Aries (March 21 to April 19): You’ve been working hard all week, so take some time to chillax. Do something fun, preferably leisureful — and no, studying to get ahead in your course reading isn’t considered “fun” by normal people.…
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Horoscope it out!
April 11, 2013Aries (March 21 – April 20) Yep, this is where your astrological fortune would be, if Aries didn’t see you eyeing those slutty tarot cards last week. You know they’ve told practically everyone’s fortune, right? Taurus (April 21 – May…
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Horoscopes
November 5, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) Avoid looking a gift horse in the mouth this week, as horses’ mouths are pretty gross. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Look, it’s not Taurus’s fault that buying those lottery tickets didn’t pan…
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Horoscopes: October 1, 2012
October 1, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) This week will go to show that you can’t keep running from your problems forever; instead try driving at high speeds around corners. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Good news! This week you’ll…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]