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Simon Fraser grind out win against Western Oregon

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Ellen Kett, seen here in action earlier in the season, had 7 points, 8 assists, and 7 rebounds in 39 minutes.

The Clan continued their strong season by winning on Saturday in Oregon, even though it wasn’t pretty. Both teams shot below 40% from the field on the night, and both teams scored well below their season average.

While Simon Fraser only scored 12 points in the first quarter, their defense made up for it as Western Oregon failed to even get into double-digits. They were on their way to a low-scoring affair.

In the second quarter, an Elisa Homer three-pointer helped give the team a 21–12 lead early. After another three-pointer by Homer, a Shelby Snook basket put the teams at 28–20 going into the half. At this point, Homer was leading all scorers with 11 points in 17 minutes, including three three-pointers. All of these points came in an impressive second quarter.

The Clan was able to extend this lead in the third quarter, as a Rachel Fradgley basket gave them a 38–24 lead at 5:51. This lead eventually extended to as much as 17, after a Homer three-pointer made the score 46–29 at 2:40. Going into the fourth quarter, the lead was still at a comfortable 13 points: 46–33. In a game in which the basket seemed two sizes too small, Simon Fraser were confident they would maintain this edge.

The fourth quarter went in favour of the opponent, however, as the Wolves were able to cut the lead to as little as seven. The Clan responded, as a layup and a pair of free throws by Ellen Kett helped stop the run, and strong play down the stretch showed why Simon Fraser is one of the best teams in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC). They would eventually go on to win 60–49, as they were outscored 16–14 in the fourth — the only quarter they didn’t win in the game.

In a game in which both teams couldn’t buy a basket, Elisa Homer’s shooting touch stood out even more than usual. She went 5–8 from behind the arc, eventually leading all scorers with 17 points. Rachel Fradgley also played well offensively, as she had 12 points on an efficient 6–9 shooting from the field. While the 21 turnovers are worrisome, the grind-it-out effort Simon Fraser displayed more than made up for it.

With this win Simon Fraser improves to 10–2 in the GNAC and 19–3 overall.

Next Game: The Clan will look to extend their winning streak to four games as they host Northwest Nazarene University on Thursday, February 2. Northwest Nazarene are an even 6–6 in conference play, and 8–10 overall.

SFU lose to Montana State Billings 93–86

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Michael Provenzano had 23 points and 7 assists while playing the entire 40 minutes.

It was a game that could have gone either way, but ended up going to the better team. While games like these show that Simon Fraser can play with anybody, failure to execute down the stretch plagued the Clan again.

The team got off to a nice start on the road, as JJ Pankratz and Michael Provenzano helped the team gain an 8–0 lead early. In the 11th minute, however, a three-pointer by Marc Matthews and pair of free throws by Preston Beverly gave the home team a 19–17 edge. After a Provenzano layup tied the game, Matthews and Beverly helped carry the Yellowjackets during a 15–3 run. Later on, a Beverly three-pointer gave Montana State Billings a 42–33 lead heading into the half.

Provenzano played a great first half for the Clan, as he had 12 points and three assists, including two three-pointers, playing all 20 minutes. For the other side, Beverly lead all first half scorers with 21 points.

The second half didn’t begin well for Simon Fraser, as Montana State Billings extended their lead to 14 by the 12th minute. Between 8:09 and 6:30, however, the Clan went on a 9–0 run, eventually cutting the lead to three: 66–63. At this point, the game was anybody’s.

In this one, however, Simon Fraser couldn’t pull out the win, continuing their losing streak. They eventually lost 93–86, as the Clan fouled down the stretch after being down by as much as 12 in the closing minutes.

Even with the loss, there are some positives to take from the game. Michael Provenzano played a great game for the Clan, as he had 23 points and seven assists while playing all 40 minutes. Kedar Wright finished with 16 points on an efficient 6–9 from the field. Also, Simon Fraser were plus 10 in bench points and plus nine in second chance points.

These are the type of games that are reflective of Simon Fraser’s season so far. Their relative inexperience has hurt them down the stretch before, but they have the talent to compete in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference and should be better as the season continues.

With this loss Simon Fraser loses their 16th straight game, and fall to 0–12 in conference play (2–18 overall). While this is starting to look like a season to forget, the Clan will look to improve as the season goes on.

Next Game: The Clan will travel to Alaska on Groundhog Day, and look to put the shadows of their losing streak behind them. Alaska are 4–8 in conference play this season, and 8–11 overall.

I sniffed you

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Looking for the“good boy

You were tied up outside of a Whole Foods Market wearing a red collar. You were waiting for your human, being a good boy. I was walking with my human, also being a good boy. Maybe we could be good boys together sometime?

 

When: daytime
Where:  the whole foods near that one park

 

Floppy-eared stunner

To the beautiful lab I saw walking on the seawall today, I’d like to say one thing:


BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK



When: daytime
Where:  it smells like fish there

 

Hump ‘n’ Grind

It was a bumpin’ day at the dog park. I was with my girls when I first saw you and when we sniffed each other’s buttholes, you told me that mine smelt like dead bird (what a charmer!)

We humped in the middle of the park but the bouncers pulled us apart — I think your bouncer took you home after that.  

Even though we exchanged sniffs I lost your scent! If you see this, tell me what colour my collar was.

When: daytime
Where: the most exclusive dog park in the whole city

 

Fire Hydrant Honey 

This is a total long throw but I saw you peeing on a fire hydrant the other night and I thought that your urine smelled pretty cute.

Fetch sometime?


When: nightime
Where: the fire hydrant

 

A love like this only ever comes along every 13 years. . .

I stopped in my tracks when I saw you in front of me. You were shaking off your coat in the dazzling sunshine — the intoxicating smell of mud and shit filling the air. I wagged my tail and barked at you, and you barked back. Your bark was annoying and head splitting, it swept me off my paws.  Before I could sniff your rancid beauty, I saw a squirrel and absolutely had to chase that good for nothing evil little creature why do they always torment me I’ll have him I will he’ll see and he’ll pay for what he’s done.

When I got back, you disappeared.


Let’s meet up and eat a pile of puke?

When: daytime
Where:  near the big mud puddle at my favourite park

 

 

Horoscopes for dumb shits (Jan 30th—Feb 5th)

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ARIES

This is the week to give into bad impulses, Aries. You should message your ex. You should eat all the delicious lactose-filled desserts even though you’re outrageously lactose intolerant. Violent diarrhea is a small price to pay for all the hollow joys of giving in.    

TAURUS

Sobriety has been affecting you in many positive ways recently, Taurus.  Celebrate this week with drinks.

GEMINI

This week is all about the small joys, Gemini. Spend your time committing petty theft, or speeding on the highway.

CANCER

You’ve been lonely for a while now, Cancer, and it’s not going to change this week. You should download Tinder again, and stop claiming that you were done with it. No one is done with Tinder.

LEO

Stick to your guns this week, Leo. Especially when you’re wrong; just keep being a stubborn asshole. Things will probably work out.

VIRGO

Do you remember last week when that asshole wronged you and you took the high road? You did a good job, Virgo. In fact, you did such a good job taking the high road that you’ve earned a little low road time. Devote yourself to being a complete dick this week. It’s your time to shine, Virgo.


LIBRA

Burn some bridges this week, Libra. Post some incriminating photos of yourself online while you’re at it. A good public image is for losers with jobs.

SCORPIO

Don’t worry this week, Scorpio — you’ve already fucked everything up to the max.  There’s definitely no coming back from this, so you might as well relax now.


SAGITTARIUS

With all the talk of politics this week, you may be tempted to reply to ignorant comments on Facebook — but don’t give into the urge, Sagittarius! Consider healthier alternatives like stapling your hand to your leg with a staple gun, or self-castration.

CAPRICORN

Life has been frustrating recently, but things are looking up! This week will provide the first solid shit you’ve had in ages. Fix your diet, Capricorn.


AQUARIUS

The stars smile upon you this week, Aquarius, but that’s only because they’re too far to smell you. Did a cat die inside your mouth? Spend this week cleaning yourself with industrial-strength chemicals.

PISCES

You do you however you want this week, Pisces — there’s honestly no point in trying to improve anymore.

 

Indigenous groups concerned about LNG pipeline project

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By: Manon Busseron

The federal cabinet has approved an $11.4 billion pipeline project that would transport natural gas over 900 km from northern British Columbia to the Prince Rupert area. The Pacific Northwest LNG project is backed by the giant Malaysian company Petronas.

Environmentalists and First Nations have expressed their concern regarding the environmental damages that could be caused by the pipeline. Indeed, the Canadian Environmental Assessment Agency concluded that the project would provoke a significant increase in greenhouse gas emissions and contribute to climate change. The terminal could also threaten wildlife, especially harbour porpoises and the salmon in the Skeena river estuary.

Pacific NorthWest LNG responded that the pipeline and terminal would reduce greenhouse emissions from Asian coal-fired plants. Moreover, the project’s approval has been submitted to an array of 190 conditions meant to reduce its environmental consequences, including a cap on greenhouse gas emissions that would cut them to “4.3 millions tonnes per year, 900,000 tonnes less than what had initially been proposed by the proponent”, according to The Globe and Mail.

Environmentalists argue that despite this measure, the project is inconsistent with Canada’s climate commitments.

First Nations and experts warn that the terminal would likely harm the salmon population. Jonathan Moore, associate professor at Simon Fraser University’s School of Resource and Environmental Management and department of biological sciences, and his graduate students conducted collaborative research with First Nations’ fisheries programs.

In an email to The Peak, Moore described their findings. They found out that the area affected by the terminal “is particularly important to young salmon. [. . .] We also know from previous research that salmon populations generally have much lower survival when estuaries have more industrial development. Thus, we know that salmon are sensitive to industrial development in estuaries and we know that Pacific NorthWest LNG is proposed for a particularly risky location”.

Many aboriginal leaders have said that they were not consulted and that their concerns have been ignored by the company, although the latter said that it has consulted with five Tsimshian First Nations since 2012 regarding the project. Tensions have emerged among First Nations since some have signed agreements with the company to benefit from the pipeline, whereas others, such as the Gitanyow, are still opposed to the project, and claim that they have not been consulted by the BC government.

Other First Nations have expressed concern about the salmon population, on which they have relied “heavily for thousands of years,” stated Moore, based on previous archeological study. In addition to harming the species, First Nations claim that the project also ignores their fishing rights on their traditional lands.

Given the impasse, First Nations have launched four challenges so far before the Federal Court, accusing the government of ignoring their demands by approving the project without their agreement.

According to some aboriginal leaders, this case illustrates the damaged relations between First Nations and the Canadian government. In an article from Desmog Canada, Glen Williams, Chief and negotiator for the Gitanyow, declared that “Justin Trudeau promised a new relationship with Indigenous communities.

“Instead, he added insult to injury by ignoring us, and giving the green light to a project that will destroy our way of life.”

SFU officially becomes an engaged university

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Pop the champagne bottles and prepare for festivities! On January 1, SFU President Andrew Petter got down on one knee and asked Simon Fraser University to be joined with him in holy matrimony, forever and always. Their engagement is a testament to the transcendence of love beyond classifications of age, gender, and types of things.

The big day is scheduled for September 1, 2017, to mark their seven-year anniversary of being together. Many can attest that Petter is the one man capable of making the once wild and radical campus want to settle down.

Naysayers’ complaints regarding the impending nuptials range from “SFU is over 50 years old — isn’t it too late to get hitched?” to “Andrew Petter already has a wife!” Regardless, the bond between these two was set in stone when SFU said “Yes!” on the first day of the new year.

Frankly, the signs that this couple is meant to be are pretty evident. Just a few months ago, when Petter was naught but a gentleman caller to the non-gender binary institution, he regularly used many courting strategies to earn SFU’s favour.

His most overt approach was to coin SFU’s pithy catchphrase as “Canada’s engaged university.” Way to be subtle, casanova. He didn’t hold back during speeches or press releases either, using various conjugations of “engage” as frequently as possible, effectively employing the wink wink, nudge nudge approach in winning over his beloved.

Additionally, he’s regularly spoiled SFU with lavish gifts, like a Frank Lloyd Wright fountain finished just in time for the university’s most recent birthday. One of his grandest gestures of affection was selling his soul to Goldcorp to support SFU’s artistic dreams — that act of selfless sacrifice of moral value for his true love is what makes this pair everyone’s OTP.

Now, you may be wondering about the giant kilt-laden dog in the room — that is, Andrew Petter’s wife, Maureen Maloney. He could use a little less-een, if you ask me. It’s time he was unshackled from that ol’ ball and chain.

Between providing a more-than-steady income, limitless resource facilities, and three beautifully furnished locations, SFU is a tough love rival to beat. At this point, with the Petter/Fraser union now written in the stars, Maloney will have to cut her losses and let her husband pursue his true soulmate.

SFU admins are now on the hunt for the finest interior designers to ready the blushing educational institution for the day of matrimony. The school will be decked out in virginal white to represent its purity — though we all probably know about that wanton trist SFU had with Gordon Shrum back in its youth. Additionally, a constellation made especially for the couple will be added to the Trottier Observatory display.

So expect an invitation soon, SFU community. September 1 is sure to be a day of celebration with students, faculty, and alumni watching as man and tertiary academic establishment tie the knot.

 

McDonald’s lovin’ nuts is a big mistake

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When I was four years old, I bit into half of a cashew and had to be immediately rushed to the hospital. For those like me with anaphylactic allergies, coming into contact with an allergen is a serious matter. In about 20 minutes, I can go into complete cardiac arrest without proper help.

McDonald’s is one of those places that I’ve always gone to because it’s there, it’s easy, and it’s safe. The fact that I, among millions of others, now literally risk my life by eating there is quite a turn off.

McDonald’s has gone nuts. By that, I mean they’ve gone the way that so many restaurants have, by becoming an area contaminated by allergens. Because of new items that require them to stock non-packaged nuts namely, the almonds for the Skor McFlurry the rest of the menu is now under a warning for potential cross-contamination with allergens.

McDonald’s Canada’s decision to bring unsealed nuts into a once-safe environment will affect millions of people negatively, including myself. In an increasingly accepting society, this policy seems to be moving backward, closing off an entire demographic from the consumer base. Anyone who knows a person with severe allergies, they will understand that this is a big deal for those who have to constantly monitor their food.

For those who may not be able to understand the seriousness of the situation, picture this: you go on a road trip with some friends, and as you are nearing exhaustion you decide to get food. McDonald’s is, of course, the easy option which litters every city.  You go in and order a Big Mac and some fries and sit down to eat your glorious meal.

After taking only one bite, you start to feel as if something is stuck in your throat and when you take a drink or cough, it doesn’t stop. Kids from the PlayPlace are screaming, and that’s when you notice it: there are little pieces of Skor bar accidentally in your burger. Mayhem ensues.

This may seem like a far-fetched, dramatic example, but for those who have allergies, it can be a very real nightmare. McDonald’s used to be a safe haven of a fast-food restaurant. Shoving the allergy community out the doors so a few people can enjoy a Skor McFlurry and feel a little more fancy is a poor decision from a business perspective.

Millions of people in North America alone have a nut allergy; the Skor McFlurry is just one item out of of many, and one that is not likely to bring in a comparable number of new customers on its own. In other words, the number of people McDonald’s attracts with this is far less than the number they’re pushing away.

McDonald’s has placed a sign in their stores that clearly outlines the risk of nut contact to their customers. To those with severe allergies like myself, this kind of sign is a frequently-seen ‘NOT WANTED’ sign pointed directly at me. Perhaps that’s the idea – of course I’m glad to have the warning rather than the onset of allergy symptoms – but all the same, it feels awful to be essentially banished from somewhere which for so long has been one of few safe places.

This new policy is disappointing and frustrating. My immune system fights against nuts, and McDonald’s new, “inclusive” policy means I’ll have to stand at odds with the corporation too, as will all of the people who’ve now been excluded.

Album Reviews

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Lemon Memory – Menace Beach

From the opening track, it instantly becomes clear where Menace Beach is from — confirmed by a quick Google search — they’re UK-based. Leeds, if we really want to get picky. Even though this is their second full length album, it sounds more like a debut album assembled from demos that were recorded on the cheapest cassettes possible.

I’ve been told numerous times to never describe a sound as “crunchy,” but I’ve also been told that rules are meant to be broken for the right reasons. So I’m going to come out and say it: this album is crunchy. Not in a satisfying fresh potato chip way, it’s more the crunch of a potato chip that has been left out for just a little too long. A stale crunch, if you will.

And stale is the perfect way to describe this album. It sounds like it came from the mid-00s British Invasion, but not in a good way. I was hoping for the album to get better, but it never did. Instead, as I was listening to it I felt the lead in some angsty indie film that only speaks to 16 year-olds.

Low Colour – The April Fools Childrenhood

Normally I don’t get stumped with what to say in an album review. Usually there are multiple things I can say about an album — good or bad. But with Low Colour I have just one: YES.

Yes, there are strong vocals. Yes, the lyrics actually make sense. Yes, there is a progression of tracks. Yes, I did get goosebumps.

I will take a moment to realize that while the sad indie boy vibe might not work for everyone, it works for me. David Cowling — the heart soul, and lone member of The April Fools Childrenhood — pairs his strong vocal abilities with sparse backing tracks, making for an album that is at times reminiscent of a stripped down Andy Shauf.

This might only be a four-song EP with an intro, but these four songs have been the highlight of my week. I just wish there were more, because I’m hooked.

Mr. Optimist Blues Jonathan Roy

This album is poppy as hell, but in the best possible way. It’s not electronic pop and, bless him, Jonathan Roy’s vocals actually carry the whole thing. He also draws from the more successful aspects of recent pop music, only sparingly, as a way to highlight the feeling of a song.

It’s more optimistic than blues, but with a title like Mr. Optimist Blues I wasn’t expecting there to be much of a bluesy sound. Although, if he wanted to go bluesy it’s well within his vocal range to do so. It’s also probably hard to be blue when your dad is legendary goalie Patrick Roy.

This album is closest in sound and style to Coleman Hell, and that’s not a bad thing. The album as a whole gives a glimpse as to where pop could have gone (with a stand out cover of “New Shoes”) and where it should go. It also doesn’t hurt that his biggest musical mentor is none other than “Sunglasses at Night” singer Corey Hart.

I also listened to the whole album, which is a pretty big deal.

The flaws in the sexual misconduct draft policy

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I don’t think anyone can argue that SFU forming a Sexual Violence and Misconduct Prevention, Education, and Support Policy is a bad thing. However, the draft that recently went public undoubtedly needs work. While the town hall consultations have raised a lot more questions than answers, the solutions are a lot simpler than you might think (or at least some of them are).

Below are a list of complaints raised by myself or others, and ideas of how to remedy them.

A lack of specific language:

As was brought up multiple times during the town hall, the policy lacks some specific language. Some found problems with the fact that the policy doesn’t outright say any and all sexual misconduct is wrong, and that it doesn’t completely list out what constitutes banned behaviour.

The problem with vague language in policy is that it leaves a lot of wiggle room. While that freedom of interpretation may seem like a good thing, it’s quite the opposite when a survivor comes forward and the committee tells them that what they experienced was not sexual misconduct. The final draft would be much better with firmer definitions.

“Mandates education but does not make education mandatory”:

A town hall attendee tweeted this quote from Dr. Jon Driver, vice-president (VP) academic and member of the policy working group. How can a policy preach education on sexual misconduct without teaching students (who, for one reason or another, don’t always know what consent is) what that means?

The draft policy says there will be “education for members of the University Community.” But with this training not appearing to be at all compulsory, the people that actually need it probably won’t go. Just how does SFU plan on making sure students learn?

Make education mandatory, and not just in residence. We teach every student what plagiarism is; we should probably teach them what crimes are, too.

A timeline for the central resource office would be nice:

I love the idea of a central resource office, but I’d also love some idea of when the office will be up and running, how it will be funded, etc. The students of Sexual Violence Prevention and Support Centre (SVPSC), who’ve worked on a similar project for the past year and a half, seem more than willing to help. Yet the tone of tweets from figures like Dr. Tim Rahilly (VP of students), saying that there have been “limited meetings” about who will spearhead creating the resource office, suggest that SFU administration still isn’t sure what to do.

Announcing this project before putting a plan in place is unacceptable. SFU needs a better idea of how the central resource office will be run before it starts worrying about a better name.

How will the school respond?

The sexual violence policy was written specifically for SFU, so why have both the policy and the people presenting it been so vague about what role the university will play when misconduct occurs? What is the university’s stance when their students commit sexual misconduct off-campus? How effective is this policy really going to be?

Honestly, these questions are a bit sticky. Not because they’re hard to answer (be more specific, hold the university accountable, etc.). It’s more because the university keeps covering up assaults, allegedly going as far as to ask the families of survivors to “keep quiet.

 

Of course, the policy should include more detail on how administration will respond in the future. And If SFU starts working towards ending rape culture — with education, hint hint — they won’t have to worry so much about how incidents will affect their public relations. The policy needs to tell us, in more certain and complete terms, about the measures SFU will be obligated to take in countering sexual violence; otherwise, there’s just too much room for things to go wrong.

Taxis need to stop suing and stop sucking

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If there’s one big threat to a status quo, it’s the rise of competition that you can’t just sweep under the rug. When people see the holes in the way things are being run, it’s pretty much a given that somebody’s going to come out of the woodwork to try and take you down. Prime example: the mediocrity of taxicabs, targeted by the ascension of ride-sharing companies like Uber and Lyft.

This, understandably, is a threatening concept. When Uber started muscling in on taxicab territory, it was just a matter of time before the legal actions started going off.

A few months ago, the taxicab industry launched a $215 million lawsuit against Ottawa for allegedly not doing enough to defend their livelihoods. Similar cases have been cropping up across North America for the past couple of years in places like New York. Uber themselves faced upwards of 50 lawsuits in 2015 alone.

Don’t get me wrong; in a lot of respects, the way Uber does things is just a little bit shady. For instance, the whole dispute over just what Uber drivers are considered to be (Employees? Independent contractors? Random citizens linked up to give each other rides by a social media app?) has raised questions about how things like tax laws and labour laws should be applied to them and their company.

But the ethics behind how Uber runs their operation are a separate conversation. The problem I have is this: competitors are cropping up, and rather than this being an impetus for the taxicab industry to improve, it’s been a source of three-way conflict eating up time and money better spent elsewhere.

Taxis aren’t in danger because of Uber. They’re in danger because they’re stuck in a rut of conducting themselves the same way as they always have, partially through their own lack of change and partially because their municipal governments aren’t giving them the freedom to compete properly.

People like Uber for a lot of reasons: it’s cheaper, it tracks the car called to you, it’s often perceived to be faster, etc. If cities that enforce base charges upon taxis gave more freedom for the companies to decide their own rates and make other changes to compete with Uber drivers, we’d have a healthier system of different drivers competing and forcing each other to become better.

At the same time, there are plenty of simple ways for taxis to stay ahead of Uber that aren’t generally restricted by city laws — for instance, investigating the claims that Uber provides quicker pickup times and faster transport, establishing better communication between drivers and those getting picked up, and developing a stronger online presence.

I understand the frustrations faced by taxis right now, but firing off lawsuits like this isn’t the best. Not only does the deluge of legal actions make it harder and harder to take any one issue with Uber seriously, but it comes before any real concentrated efforts to improve. Beyond all that, people just aren’t likely to sympathize with taxis when they’re flat-out happier with Uber.

It doesn’t matter how many times taxis win their suits. Until they do their jobs better, they’ll always be fighting uphill battles. Both city governments and taxi companies need to take companies like Uber and Lyft as incentives to work together and be better.