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Catching up on the 2024–25 Vancouver Canucks

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Two men in blue jerseys with a green stripe on the sleeve and blue helmets hug as they look to the side. Behind them are the boards and glass of a hockey rink. Cheering fans are visible through the glass.
PHOTO: Courtesy of @canucks on Instagram

By: Izzy Cheung, Sports Editor

The Vancouver Canucks stunned their fans at multiple points last season, from starting their season with an 8–1 win against a division rival in the Edmonton Oilers, to winning the Pacific Division at the end of the year. Now, with a couple of departures and a few key additions, the Canucks’ audiences have been left wondering what kind of performance they can expect from their team this year. Keep reading to see who, and what, the Canucks will bring to the ice this year. 

By the end of the 2023–24 regular season, the Canucks had a goal differential of +56, as per ESPN and NHL.com. This stat is calculated by taking a team’s goals-for count, and subtracting the amount of goals scored against them. A high goal differential typically signifies lots of goals being scored, and lots being kept out of the team’s own net. 

An issue that arose during the Canucks’ playoff run, and towards the end of their regular season, was their offence. The team scored a season-high 56 goals in November 2023, permeated by a 10–1 victory against the San Jose Sharks. However, as February, March, and April came along, their total goals-for dropped to 36, 33, and 24 respectively. Star players such as Elias Pettersson were criticized for their lack of production in the postseason. 

To remedy these offensive woes, Canucks management made four key offensive signings. They brought in former Boston Bruin Jake DeBrusk, who scored five goals in 13 playoff games this past postseason. Also arriving from Boston is BC-born Danton Heinen, a swiss-army knife who can put up 30–40 points and kill penalties. Former adversary Kiefer Sherwood has switched his colours from Nashville Predators yellow-and-white, to Canucks blue-and-green. He’s best known for his aggressive forecheck and backcheck, and his hard-hitting tenacity to separate opponents from the puck. Rounding out Vancouver’s offensive acquisitions is Daniel Sprong, a consistent 40-point, near 20-goal producer. 

Vancouver also saw some shifts in their defensive core, as fan-favourite Nikita Zadorov was picked up by the Boston Bruins in free agency. As well, the team moved on from defenceman Ian Cole, who signed a deal with Utah Hockey Club. Taking these places are another former Bruin in Derek Forbort, and ex-Oiler Vincent Desharnais. Forbort brings a heavy physical presence to Vancouver’s blueline and isn’t afraid to jostle with the opposing team, making the Canucks that much harder to play against. Desharnais brings size to the lineup with his towering 6’7 stature, as well as a right-handed shot — something that’s of utmost value in the NHL. The team also acquired Erik Brännström from the Colorado Avalanche in a trade completed on October 6. 

Currently, five of the Canucks’ top-six defencemen stand above 6 ft, with Forbort, Desharnais, Carson Soucy, and Tyler Myers measuring above 6 ft and 4 inches. From these signings, it’s clear that Vancouver sought to size-up their defensive-core. Bringing in bigger players who are more willing to throw their body around will make them tougher to play against, especially come playoff time. Being able to execute a good hit can turn the puck into the favour of the team committing the hit, resulting in an uptick in possession. It’s also important to keep hits timely, as making a hit at the wrong time can also cause turnovers, leading to goals against. 

For the most part, Vancouver fans will be seeing a lot of familiar faces returning to Rogers Arena. With their new additions, they can also expect to see more offensive firepower and even more defensive checks. 

Afrorack rocks repurposed materials

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A man tinkers with an electronic device set up with outlets. Around him are various cords, wires, batteries, and other electronic supplies.
PHOTO: Courtesy of Ben Roberts Photography

By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer

Ugandan sound artist Brian Bamanya — better known by his stage name, Afrorack — brought his modular synth performance to Vancouver New Music on September 27 and the Red Gate Arts Society on September 28 following a seminar presentation with SFU’s music and sound department on September 26. Bamanya performed in Vancouver as part of his Canadian tour, which also included stops in Montréal, Saskatoon, and Edmonton from the end of September through early October.

Afrorack’s résumé includes inventing Africa’s first homemade modular synth, creating electro instruments such as a velocity-sensitive electronic drum kit, and showcasing his expertise in electro-mechanical music. Each of his instruments are made from a variety of recycled materials including old wires, metal, pipes, and wood. The modular synth is a massive DIY synthesizer made from a collection of metal knobs, copper wires, switches, and effect pedals. Effect pedals are electronic pedals that are connected to a pedal board and used by musicians to create different sounds, change frequencies, and add dynamics to a song or performance.

As an interdisciplinary artist with a background in sound art and electronic music, Afrorack has vast experience in building electrical circuits, rigging handmade electronic instruments, and keeping sustainability and renewable energy in mind. Bamanya is a master of his craft in music creation and instrument making, and in his performances, passion flows through his veins.

During the seminar with the SFU music department, Bamanya presented a demonstration of his work with his modular synth. As music and sound majors, we analyzed his work and watched an in-depth performance of DIY sounds and effects. Having taken place in the main music room at Goldcorp Centre for the Arts, Bamanya’s lively presentation was followed by a Q&A session as music majors listened in awe of his creations.

Plugging in to the outlets and revving up his synth rig, Bamanya took us through a full two hours of sound art and music making. With stuttering resonances, intentional feedback, and effects typically only made by a wah-wah pedal — Bamanya curated these sounds via pedals and wires inside of a rubber storage container — the performance was packed with electro and experimental sound. 

Bamanya’s velocity-sensitive electronic drum kit also came about from recycled and reused materials, formulating an instrument that functions off of high velocity pedal inputs as the name states. Although we didn’t get to see his performance with the kit, prior to the seminar, SFU music majors got a taste of his work via compositions and videos of the creative process. 

Afrorack rocked the roof off the music room as the walls vibrated with electronic frequencies and experimental effects. His performance was a combination of rehearsed and improvised as he curated various elements in the spotlight of the Thursday morning seminar. From sounds sweet like flowing waterfalls, to the screech of squeaky wires rigged through pedals working in harmony to enhance the effects, and the rhythms of what could only be the backbeat of a night at the club, Afrorack showed us that making any sound is possible from any ordinary object. As we were left in awe by the sounds modulated from the amplifiers and through our ear canals, it was clear that Afrorack is here to put the rock in electronic roll as the soundwaves pump life back into repurposed materials.

Follow Bamanya @afrorck on Instagram to keep up with his creations.

SFU student updates: Happy birthday!

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Graphic that reads “Student updates.”
ILLUSTRATION: Courtesy of The Peak

By: Sarah Sorochuk, SFU Student

You’ve spoken, and we’ve listened!

Problematic professors?
Well, we have a solution! Put them on trial! Legal studies are always looking for a case study. So, it’s the best of both worlds: help yourself and others. You get to argue with a professor without consequences, and legal studies students get to participate in a mock trial. Abolishing group projects is a potential topic. Talking to people on a normal day can be hard, but talking and working with people when forced together is the absolute worst. 

Campus seems too dark and gloomy all the time?
Just because we specialize in Haunted Health Sciences, Spooky Statistics, and Creepy Criminology doesn’t mean there isn’t any room for brightness! Add some colour to the Burnaby campus; it could use a glow-up. Too much gray, very monotone. The autumn season is supposed to be filled with vibrant oranges, reds, and yellows. Yet our school looks like a grumpy house on Halloween with no colour, no lights, no nothing. It’s giving seasonal depression. Let’s add some spark! Some pizazz! Graffiti is a bad idea, but flyers could work. Add life to campus by covering the walls with posters! Motivational posters, funny posters, or even nonsense! Make it fun! Maybe even play some tunes around convocation mall or mezzanine. As the ghosts, ghouls, and spirits begin to roam, lighten up campus with some seasonal cheer by playing “Monster Mash.”

Announcements:

Happy belated birthday to all of our September babies!
Did no one remember your birthday? Or did you have to post a birthday story on Instagram to get people to message you? To all of you, with and without people to wish you well on your special day, I wish you a happy birthday! You are sadly closer to the end. I relate to that as a person — sorry institution — who also just aged. And to those who haven’t had a birthday recently . . . Nothing for you!

Pumpkin spice latte season is here
#PSL here and #PSL there: does no one around have any creativity? Pumpkin and fall flavours are good and all, but come up with a better Insta caption already! #PSL was so 2014. Honestly, pumpkin spice lattes are so overkill. Those who like them are basically screaming, “Oh my gourd, I love fall!” We get it, you like cinnamon and pumpkin, but the flavours added to coffee just feels out of place. Don’t get me wrong, fall flavours are great! Just not for coffee. Now! What did the pumpkin say after a cozy fall dinner? Answer at the bottom.

November U-Pass time is now closed
It’s mid-October, and with that you might still need to request your November U-Pass. But bad news friends, you have missed the window. In case you missed the email, U-Pass has changed its policies! As of October 1, you must request them all at once for the next year at an undisclosed date. The expectation is that you keep refreshing the website until you get lucky. So, no November U-Pass for all you email ignorers. You snooze, you lose, and we keep your money.
Oh you made it to the end! Congrats! I’m proud of you! Answer: “Good-pie!”

Don’t play with Peakie

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Mountains covered in fog.
PHOTO: Inggrid Koe / Unsplash

By: Cam Darting, Peak Associate and C Icart, Humour Editor

Dear Peakie, 

We have officially begun the season where SFU Burnaby gets permanently enveloped in a deep fog. I’ve been told this is just the clouds, but are you sure it’s not SFU spending all our tuition money on hidden fog machines? 

Sincerely, 
Is it a conspiracy if it’s true?

Dear Is it a conspiracy if it’s true?,

That is an amazing question, one I cannot answer. I am bound by the laws of the SFU Coven to refrain from providing any information regarding this conspiracy. I fear for my safety, and my cat, Tuna, is at stake now that I’ve written back to you. However, dear writer, I shall not leave you without thought. Have you ever thought about why SFU is built upon a mountain? Why is it all grey and made from concrete? Why or how there is a body of water in the middle of the AQ? As you ponder, please “Listen” to what I am saying. Our lives may have a “Countdown.”

End of Time,”

Peakie

Dear Peakie, 

Misinformation is rampant on my campus! The same tricks I used to use to get my parents to sign permission slips are now being used on me to sign shady petitions. People are approaching me while I’m distracted, putting a pen in my hand and moving my hand for me. When I tried to call them out, they promised me free trips. How do I fight back against these villains? 

Best, 
Certified “meddling kid” 

Dear Certified “meddling kid,”

The leaves change colour, and people watch flicks. It’s now October, why don’t you have tricks? Ghost and witches have a mission, as do the people with their petitions. It’s spooky season, use that to your advantage! Host a seance, use a Ouija board, I don’t care! But the possibilities are endless. Whatever you do, don’t feel bad. You think they feel bad when they’re making you sign a petition, and next thing you know, you’re on the news because your name is affiliated with a group that’s trying to eat Moo Deng?!?! HELL NAH! JUSTICE FOR MY GIRL!! Anyways, yeah that’s my suggestion; use paranormal activities to smoke their asses!

Make sure you pray after, 

Peakie

Dear Peakie, 

I’m currently sitting in a public space trying to do some school work. HOWEVER, everyone around me won’t stop talking! Don’t they see my laptop? My headphones? My studious face? I’ve tried giving them my most vigorous librarian shhhhhhhh, but everyone just stared back at me and then kept having their little conversations. Please help me. 

Academically, 
Centre of the universe 

Dear Centre of the universe,

The people around you probably don’t know they’re being loud. As you sush them they’re prob like “What’d I do?” This is a tricky case because people don’t know the presence that they’re in. I say, tell them who’s boss. Channel your inner Trina Vega, and let everyone know who they’re messing with. Get up on that table and yell; let them know who’s in charge. Sing, dance, heck maybe even start throwing stuff. You just need to assert your dominance. Once you do that, it’s game over baby. Say goodbye to the talking, and hello to the — hear that? Exactly. Silence.

Ur welcome,

Peakie

Hostility towards immigrants won’t solve the housing crisis

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A healthcare worker pushing a cart in a hospital
PHOTO: Hush Naidoo Jade Photography / Unsplash

By: Yildiz Subuk, Staff Writer

Content warning: non-graphic mentions of hate crimes against racialized communities.

This year, the Canadian government announced its first-ever limit for temporary residents, which includes temporary foreign workers, international students, and asylum claimants. Amid this decision, immigrants are being increasingly scapegoated as the cause of the housing crisis in Canada, with people suggesting they’re driving up housing prices. And while not all immigrants are people of colour, the disdain that is present around immigration tends to be directed toward people of colour. Canada’s lack of public housing, poor regulatory policies around rent, and housing market privatization are the real culprits. 

The far right, which is known to blame immigration for housing insecurity, are a root cause of the growing anti-immigrant sentiment in Canada. The far right does not consist of one singular ideology, but is a culmination of different beliefs that often push forward extremist white supremacist ideas. The platforming of far-right groups in Canada has allowed a lot of misinformation to thrive, even among those who may not exactly consider themselves extremists. Misguided beliefs regarding immigration have allowed many bigoted individuals to come out and speak freely about their disdain towards immigrants of colour in particular. Harmful misinformation has bled into mainstream discourse. Some examples of dangerous far-right groups include Atalante and Diagolon. But far right talking points aren’t isolated to extremist groups; many Canadian publications like CBC have been parroting anti-immigrant talking points as well.

According to a report by the Canadian Race Relation Foundation, Canadians that are people of colour are three times more likely to be victims of online hate crimes. A report by Statistics Canada shows that 82% of online hate crimes have violent connotations, the most common forms being “uttering threats,” harassment, and “incitement of hatred.” A Statistics Canada report shows that there has been an over 140% increase in hate crimes that target South Asian communities. Many South Asian immigrants have spoken about the online hate they experience.

Contrary to what some may believe, Canada’s housing crisis can be largely linked to the financialization of housing. This is when housing is viewed by private corporations as an investment asset instead of a basic need. It’s led to large corporations owning up to 30% of rental units. Private corporations do not care about affordable housing, as they tend to benefit from rent gouging — a practice where landlords set the rent at an unreasonably high rate. Laws that protect tenants from high rents used to be regulated during the ‘70s, but became less of a priority in the ‘90s. The lack of regulation on private investors has caused a shortage of affordable housing, as many buy properties, renovate, and charge rent that does not align with the incomes of people looking for affordable housing. 

Immigrants should not be subjected to blame for an issue caused by poor public policies and unregulated capitalist practices. It also doesn’t help that Canada’s Liberal and Conservative parties have begun to validate anti-immigrant scapegoating. Migrants coming into Canada to work are often victims of unaffordable housing rather than contributors. They end up living in “overcrowded” or “unsafe” locations, and face many human rights violations, including low wages, long work hours, and physical abuse. They also work in essential sectors like healthcare, construction, and transportation. These are industries facing shortages — industries that benefit greatly from temporary foreign workers. Immigrants benefit Canada’s economy. They help grow the labour force, contribute to social services through their taxes, and boost the country’s public education institutions.

Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government, which was responsible for increasing immigration, has now begun announcing decisions that limit immigration. Recently, they announced the country will be cutting down temporary foreign workers and making more upcoming changes to immigration policy. The government also plans to make visa requirements mandatory for Mexican asylum seekers, a decision which will “affect roughly 40% of all Mexican travellers to Canada.” This announcement feels like a response to the anti-immigration sentiment that has spread across Canada — one that affirms it. These decisions reinforce falsehoods about immigration being “out of control,” as Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre has claimed

Both parties have not addressed how the financialization of housing has contributed to housing insecurity, but have instead reinforced beliefs that immigration may have something to do with it. Hostility towards immigration is regressive. There needs to be accountability placed on large corporations that buy up the housing sector, then charge high rent, as well as the government that fails to adequately tackle this issue.

What Grinds Our Gears: Rainy bus rides

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A TransLink bus driving down Vancouver’s Granville strip in the rain
PHOTO: Matt Hanns Schroeter / Unsplash

By: Sarah Sorochuk, SFU Student

With fall comes the rain, and for transit users that is the worst. And it means one thing: wet bus chairs. They feel so gross, and it’s enough to ruin anyone’s day. 

Imagine this: you’re standing at the bus loop, in Burnaby, Surrey or Vancouver, and all the spots under the cover are packed. So you stand in the rain, getting soaked from head to toe. Now you see the bus — the beautiful accordion bus, which means you will probably get a seat. But, oh no, you notice a puddle where the bus will pull up. Do you choose to sacrifice the spot in line, or do you stay there and get splashed with the gross groundwater?

Now! Say you choose to move; you are in the back of the line, and get no seat. You are drenched, with cold toes, shivering, while sliding on the slippery floors in the crowded bus. What fun . . . ! Next, the cold weather and people’s breathing fog up the windows, making it far too hot on the bus. Do you keep or remove your coat? Let’s leave it on — and now you are sweating. Gross. Eventually someone leaves, and you sit down. But the seat? Wet, sticky and disgusting. 

Opposition to SOGI 123 isn’t just offensive, it’s based in lies

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A group of masked protesters marching down a road. They are holding up a sign with a rainbow that says equality without exemptions.
PHOTO: Nikolas Gannon / Unsplash

By: Tam Nguyen, staff writer

There has been a growing number of protests against SOGI 123 (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity) over the past few years. More recently, BC Conservative politician John Rustad promised to end the program, naming it “a failure” and “a distraction.” This opposition brings to light just how deep-rooted queerphobia is in our society, as well as how misinformed people are about the program. 

SOGI 123 is a resource that helps schools and teachers address the topics of sexuality and gender identity respectfully and inclusively. It is neither a stand-alone curriculum nor a subject like math or English, but a supplemental tool for students to learn about inclusivity. SOGI 123 is “at the discretion of individual school districts,” and all 60 school districts in BC have incorporated it into their curriculum. 

One popular argument is that SOGI 123 promotes pornography and sexual content to students. This is an outright lie. The program teaches students to create an inclusive environment for everyone. This can be as simple as talking about heteronormativity — the assumption that everyone is heterosexual — and discussing how some people use the word partner instead of gender-specific terms like boyfriend or girlfriend. Sex education and reproduction is a separate curriculum and is not part of SOGI 123, despite what critics may want you to think.

No proof has been found that suggests SOGI 123 “teaches kids to be queer” or to have gender-affirming surgeries, as people have claimed. The main principles of the program are anti-bullying and awareness — essentially just acknowledging that queer people exist. Avoiding discussions about gender and sexuality will not make us disappear. I grew up watching a bunch of cis, straight people kissing in movies and real life, and I still turned out to be a raging dyke. People are who they are.

SOGI 123 gives the students the language and a safe environment to discuss and explore themselves. When I first realized I liked girls, I didn’t even have the words to describe it. I pushed it to the back of my mind and didn’t think about it. It happened again with my gender identity, as I couldn’t put it into words the way I didn’t relate to a binary gender. The opposition of SOGI 123, from not just individuals but also the BC Conservatives, stems from queerphobia and political division. It’s 2024 — we as a society need to develop more understanding and critical thinking. Queer and gender-diverse people have always existed, and not talking about us won’t make us go away. 

Burnaby Task Force to address unhoused population

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This is a photo of many trees and buildings in the distance in Burnaby.
PHOTO: Jeff Kingma / Unsplash

By: Yasmin Hassan, Staff Writer

In June 2023, the City of Burnaby launched the Mayor’s Task Force on Unsheltered Community Members. The team aims to respond to the unhoused population in Burnaby by taking an interdisciplinary approach to increasing shelter capacity and accessibility. The task force is made up of government representatives, non-profit organizations, healthcare professionals, and individuals from housing and public safety sectors. 

Several collective meetings were held from June 2023 to April 2024, with the task force submitting a final report on June 24. The report addresses the lived experience of unsheltered individuals by covering topics such as landlord discrimination, and a lack of affordable housing, community support, and safety in most shelters. The team’s targeted start date is set to be no later than October 31. 

Recommendations from the task force are split into four focus areas in their final report: creating additional shelter spaces, developing a range of housing types to meet a variety of needs, coordinating an interagency response to outreach, and providing support services to unsheltered community members. 

The BC Housing website for shelters in Burnaby shows that the only shelter in Burnaby is the Douglas Road location. However, with the closure of the Buller Avenue shelter and the expected closure of the Douglas Road shelter in 2025, the task force’s top priority is increasing overall shelter capacity and accessibility for “a mix of populations, including seniors, women, 2SLGBTQIA+, and families.”

According to the Point-in-Time Homeless Count in Metro Vancouver report, cited in the task force’s report, 209 people in Burnaby were unhoused in 2023 — a 69% increase from 2020. These two reports cited various factors to explain the rise in people without housing, such as having low income, a rise in housing prices, substance use disorders, and intimate partner violence.

“Certain populations such as Indigenous peoples, seniors, and people with a history of interactions with the child welfare system are overrepresented,” states the task force’s report. 

“Addressing these challenges in a meaningful way will require political will and response from all three levels of government,” said Maita Santiago, chair of the task force. Burnaby mayor and vice chair of the task force Mike Hurley added, “It is imperative that we move quickly to implement the short-term recommendations included in the report and work together as a community to support a long-term framework for addressing homelessness in Burnaby.” 

The task force’s report also includes a list of recommended practices including the Housing First approach, tiny homes, and coordinated response teams like the Homeless Encampment Action Response Team. The Housing First approach prioritizes “permanent, affordable housing as the first step in transitioning someone out of homelessness.” Another recommended practice mentioned is a By-Name-List, which is a record of those known to be unhoused, displaying vital demographic information.

The report also mentions an “over-reliance on enforcement,” like RCMP and bylaw/park officers, in approaching unhoused populations. This coincides with the sentiment of the advocate group StopTheSweeps, who state street sweeps are harmful to the unsheltered community as they can face “harassment, intimidation, and the theft of their property” from authority figures. The task force held consultation sessions with front-line staff working in local agencies. One of the comments in the report states, “this puts bylaw officers, park officers, and police officers in a bad position because they want to help the person but are pressured by other community members to ‘make it go away.’” 

For more information on the task force, refer to the final report from the city. 

Conservatives consider adding Indigenous rights to top 50 list of priorities within the next 60 years

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Picture of John Rustad from when he was Minister of Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation in 2014.
PHOTO: BC Government

By:  Jordan PEEterson, Alt-Right Political Personality (swears he’s not racist)

The BC Conservatives are considering adding Indigenous rights to their list of priorities sometime within the next 60 years if it is profitable in some way. Of course, reconciliation and ensuring human rights are upheld isn’t as important as ensuring the rich get more land. In my humbly centrist and rational opinion, we shouldn’t be giving people handouts. Yes, my ancestors may have contributed to violent imperial pursuits that have long-lasting impacts, but is that really my fault? I have recently been feeling like my white privilege is under attack these days, and too much communist progressiveness may put a halt to benefiting our country’s wonderful elite. After interviewing BC Conservative party leader John Rustad, I see a new hope in the form of a beautiful white smurf.

Rustad, or as I call him “Papa John” because as the kids these days say, he is so “daddycore” started the interview by saying, “Look, I care about Indigenous people. I even wear the moose hide. But I am conservative; I believe in tradition. Conserving culture and ensuring things remain like they were in the sweet old days is important. We have been violating Indigenous rights for years; why should we now change our beloved Canadian tradition? Plus, is it really that big of an issue? I thought we solved racism back in 1988.”

While many are shocked by this statement, he does have a point. Women can vote, gay people can get married, what more do you want?

John’s Conservative Party wants to repeal laws regarding Indigenous land ownership. The Narwhal criticizes Rustad’s approach as he should be focused on “halting and reversing biodiversity loss by 2030 and to put nature on a path to recovery by 2050.” Rustad replies to this claim — “It’s not that deep. I myself am an environment expert, even though I got removed from the liberal party for my supposedly misinformed views on the matter (they are just haters). I saw a couple episodes of the Joe Rogan Podcast, and I can assure everyone the environment is fine. I went out the other day, and the grass was there, so I don’t know why we are so worried.”

Rustad also complains about how Indigenous rights and land rights are related. “Everyone can buy property; why should we prevent others from purchasing land, and just give it to the Indigenous communities? Sure we did technically steal the land a couple hundred years ago, but we kind of said sorry (not really). I even continued to wear my moose hide, even after an Indigenous leader said mean things about me like how I’m “a threat to Indigenous rights and a threat to reconciliation.” 

Rustad expresses deep sorrow as he just wants to make sure people get more opportunities to buy land (if their mommy and daddy are rich of course — it’s just how it is, I don’t make the rules). Even though the prices of housing have skyrocketed to the point where buying a house is fantasy for most Canadians, it is important to not actually lower the prices for land but just take other people’s land and allow them the opportunity to buy it (even if they can’t). 

This is an ongoing issue that The Rarely Wire will rarely cover. 

Horoscopes October 14 – 20

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An illustration of a girl, stars and astrological signs strewn in her hair.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: Amrit Kamaal, Peak Associate

Aries
March 21–April 19
The second the clock strikes 12 on September 1, you never miss a beat to run to your local coffee shop for a pumpkin spice latte. Maybe it’s an obsession, but who cares? The stars can tell that even if your wallet disagrees, you’ve found your motivation to wake up, go to school, work, anything. But tone it down a bit; trying to find a temporary “rebound” winter flavour will be hard with your overpowering infatuation. 

Taurus
April 20–May 20
Your fall photoshoots are cute; they’re just missing the “it” factor. Try switching it up once in a while, maybe climb a tree or do some no-handed cartwheels. The stars predict you’ll be contacted by a modelling agency in no time. 

Gemini
May 21–June 20
You live and breathe Halloween, so you’re in prep mode for spooky season. After breaking the bank at the Spirit Halloween outside of Surrey Campus, you’ll spend autumn experimenting with multiple DIY costumes. Honestly, the stars give you their tens; just maybe hold off the skeleton makeup during 8:00 a.m. exams. Sleep-deprived students won’t react well to the cosplay of their sleep paralysis demon. 

Cancer
June 21–July 22
Since Instagram came about in 2010, your account has gone through all the aesthetic phases. Christian Girl Autumn is no exception. Your feed consists of daily pictures of pumpkins, lattes, and anything else that gives off autumn vibes. The stars urge you to look up from admiring your profile once in a while, especially when you’re driving. At least the orange “road closed ahead” sign matches your feed. 

Leo
July 23–August 22
The mention of anything fall-related around you is dangerous. You’re really into seasonal DIY in a Disney Adult way. Here are some future tips from the stars: not everything needs to taste like pumpkin, so throw those pumpkin spice sausages away. 

Virgo
August 23–September 22
Your nail game was always on fleek, coordinated to seasons or events, but lately, your sets have been getting too unoriginal for your liking. Try showing your devotion to Christian Girl Autumn by using real leaves and drops of chai cold foam under your clear acrylics. Sure, it may cause a lot of irritation, but the stars predict your head will be back in the game.  

Libra
September 23–October 22
You need to learn some patience, October only just started and you’re already reposting about how there’s only 80 days until Christmas. Your clock is three months in advance, seeing as you ordered mini pumpkins and spider webs in July. The stars recommend using this method for your lectures as well, you’d be on the President’s Honour Roll at this rate. 

Scorpio
October 23–November 21
Not everyone falls in love in October, so maybe it’s time to focus on those grades instead. It’s been three years of you reposting “October will be my month” to the point where the stars might personally find you someone. It’s written that your November might actually be your month, not sure if it’s 2024 though. 

Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
This is it, your time to be different from all the others. You act like Señorita Awesome, finding some way to complain about simple joys like pumpkin patches and fall photoshoots. The stars are straight up telling you to get your act together before Halloween because you’re no fun!!

Capricorn
December 22–January 19
Your favourite part of this season is throwing on pyjamas to school and calling it a fit, maybe even bringing along a plushy and blanket because why not. Coincidentally you might also have a bad sleep schedule, but at least you’re a coffee addict! Otherwise, the stars don’t clearly read you staying awake very long during midterms. 

Aquarius
January 20–February 18
You either need to stop giving Tinder dudes a chance or find a new spot, because the pumpkin patch is officially run through. Every year, you put in all the effort for a cute date at a pumpkin patch with matching outfits and a petting zoo, and the energy is almost never reciprocated. The stars predict a reaction by taking your next date to Fright Nights, it’s way more engaging when you’re screaming in terror — even if you’re screaming at the length of those neverending lineups!

Pisces
February 19–March 20
Hello Kitty girlies who are excited for the autumn vibes, a Winners would hate to see you coming. In your mind, all you can think of are the amount of people you can trample for some limited edition Hello Kitty blanket. Using your woollen scarf to slingshot to the back of the store to check every crack, crevice, and “coming back for it later” stash for any merch you can get your hands on. As long as you’re not a Depop reseller, your stash’s safety from the TikTok Sanrio girlies is guaranteed for this season.