Home Blog Page 548

SFU partners with nonprofit to track gender representation in news story sources

0

SFU partnered with nonprofit Informed Opinions to create a Gender Gap Tracker, which tracks “the number of women and men quoted in major news platforms in Canada,” according to SFU News.

Informed Opinions was founded as a project for the national non-profit Media Action. According to their mandate, it “seeks to bridge the gender gap in Canadian public discourse by 2025.” They hope to do this by working “to ensure diverse women’s perspectives and priorities are equitably integrated into Canadian society.”

Shari Graydon, founder of Informed Opinions, explained in an email interview with The Peak that a team of computing engineers and computation linguists at SFU helped create the tracker by using existing programs to gather data from various news organizations’ websites, and then identifying the genders of people quoted in articles “using various language processing tools.”

The results show that “men’s voices outnumber women’s by a ratio of almost three to one.”

Graydon said that while part of this discrepancy is due to the fact that more men have held higher positions for longer and are therefore more well-known, “part of it is that women have absorbed social and cultural messages suggesting that their opinions are less valued than men’s.” She also noted that women are held to much higher standards than men and are more likely to be criticized or attacked.

“So they think they have to be the best, most knowledgeable person to comment. Most men don’t feel similarly encumbered,” she added.

SFU professor Maite Taboda, whose research team significantly helped in the development of the tool, said to SFU News that the Gender Gap Tracker will “provide invaluable data for any researcher interested in news media.”

Graydon said that news media is incredibly influential in the sense that “the issues they call attention to and the perspectives they amplify are more likely to set agendas,” and therefore “people whose views are chronically under-represented will exercise much less influence.”

“Journalism and equitable representation both play essential roles in democracy. Men being quoted 75% of the time is fundamentally undemocratic.”

When asked what news sources can do to decrease the gap, Graydon responded that “anecdotal evidence suggests that journalists who actively track the gender ratio of their sources do a better job of incorporating women’s perspectives.”

For the future, Graydon said that Informed Opinions “will continue to train and motivate expert women to write op-eds and say ‘yes’ to media interviews.” She also noted that they are constantly adding new women to their database of experts “to make it easier for journalists to find diverse qualified sources.”

Cringe Court: The Emo Years

0
Photo curtsey by freepik

By: Yelin Gemma Lee, Peak Associate 

Cringe Court Transcript:

Judge: Alright, now that the Jury has been sworn in, we can move on to the questions. You are being charged with illegal associations with early 2000s emo culture — how do you plead?

Me: Your honour, there has been a huge misunderstanding! My emo years are long gone–

Judge: Do you have evidence that your record-breaking streak of consecutive years of “emo life” is not an ongoing pattern, a pattern that will continue to bring shame to the proud colonial country of Canada?

Me: Yes — as you can see, I’m wearing an impressive-looking suit, I listen to top-100 music on Canadian radio, and I only read books by Margaret Atwood!

Judge: Go on…

Me: I’ve been a model citizen since the last time I was here, and my roommates can vouch that they haven’t heard anything along the lines of “Bring Me The Horizon” nor “My Chemical Romance” blasting through the house the way I used to crank them up every night!

Judge: it says here that just last week you were found “crying uncontrollably on the floor of the bathroom to ‘Welcome to the Black Parade,’ writing a letter to MCR in a black Sharpie all over your shower wall, demanding to know the real reason why they broke up.”

Me: … I didn’t know you knew that — which roommate was it? It was Nancy, wasn’t it? God, she’s such a–

Judge: *clears throat* And, there’s more. In your court mandated group therapy with “Musically Misguided,” you came in dressed suspiciously in all black with Avril Lavigne circa 2007 makeup. You made three grown men cry in the waiting room by hissing at them when they looked at you.

Me: I didn’t beat them up in the back alley this time, so isn’t that a testament of progress?

Judge: …Are you or are you not wearing a wig right now to hide your “scene hair with blue highlights” you swore in your court statements you’d cut since your first trial?

Me: Of course not! That was a wig — and I was going to a Halloween costume party! If that’s a crime, then why are the white frat boys not getting punished as severely as me for dressing up in other cultures and races?

Judge: Because they’re white men, and they have bright futures ahead of them.

Judge: and what do you do now in place of your emo tendencies?

Me: I read a lot of books about the American Dream by white men instead of poetry books about depression, and I never even look into Hot Topic when I go in the mall. I burned all the black clothes and studded accessories I own and took down all my selfies of me holding up pieces of paper with ‘Panic! At the Disco’ lyrics on them.

Judge: Hmm . . . I do have witness documents supporting your progress in the rehabilitation program. I’m going to recommend to let you off on one more warning and 100 hours of community service with Musically Misguided where you will help them cut up emo CDs–

Me: 100 hours! That’s ridicul–

Judge: *impatient* BUT ONE MORE WRONG TURN, and I assure you ma’am, the jury will not be so lenient with your punishment for REPEATED criminal offense. That will be all. Court adjourned.

SFU women’s basketball win both games on road trip against Concordia and Western Oregon

0
The Clan played strong defence in both games. (Photo courtesy of SFU Athletics)

On Thursday, February 7 and Saturday, February 9, the SFU women’s basketball team continued their excellent play after travelling down to Oregon for a two-game road trip. They won both games by slim margins, coming up with clutch plays down the stretch in back-to-back contests.

Game 1:

First up, the Clan played Concordia University on Thursday night.

After a tough first half that saw SFU go down 37–31 heading into the break, Jessica Jones got her team back into the game in the second half. She scored 15 of her 20 points in the second half, including 5–8 shooting from the field and three three-pointers.

In the fourth quarter, things got exciting, as the teams were tied three times in the frame. In the final minutes of the game, however, the Clan were able to get some clutch buckets to pull ahead. An and-one by Ozioma Nwabuko followed by a Tayler Drynan three gave SFU a six-point lead, and clutch free throws from Kendall Sands helped seal the win late.

When the final horn went, the visiting team won by a score of 66–63.

Game 2:

The Clan took this momentum into the next game, again pulling off a tight win, this time against Western Oregon University.

Things didn’t start off too great, though. SFU only managed to score five points in the first quarter, going over eight minutes without a field goal at one point. They picked up their scoring in the second quarter, however, but were still down 26–23 at the half.

A strong third quarter got the team back up ahead, as they outscored the Wolves 16–8 in the frame. The Clan managed to hold the lead down the stretch, with Sands again scoring clutch free throws late.

Despite a tough shooting night, where SFU went 20–65 (30.8%) from the field, they still survived. To highlight the offensive struggles, Samantha Beauchamp led all Clan starters with a 33% field goal percentage in the game, scoring her only basket within the first minute of the game and finishing the game 1–3 from the field.

Over the course of a season, tough shooting nights are bound to happen. The important thing is that SFU managed to pull off the win.

The Clan are now 10–4 in GNAC play this season, and winners of eight of their last nine. They sit at third in the GNAC, behind Northwest Nazarene and Alaska Anchorage, who both are 13–1 this season.

What’s next:

SFU will play its next two games at home, the first coming on Valentine’s Day when they host Seattle Pacific University. The Falcons are 6–8 in the GNAC so far this campaign. Tipoff is at 7 p.m.  

SFU men’s basketball wins third straight game, playing their best basketball of the season

0
Jasdeep Singh led the Clan with 25 points. (Photo courtesy of SFU Athletics)

On Saturday, February 9, the SFU men’s basketball team won their third straight game after beating the Central Washington University Wildcats on home court. A dominant first half was all the Clan would need, as they took a 17-point halftime lead and cruised to a 82–66 win.

After a disappointing start to their GNAC season, the Clan appear to have turned things around. Always seeing themselves as a team that can compete for a playoff spot, the team is now finally playing like it. Their blowout win on Saturday came after upset victories over Saint Martin’s and Northwest Nazarene.

Jasdeep Singh had arguably his best game of the season, finishing with 25 points on 11–16 shooting from the field. Between him, Othniel Spence (15 points), Jordan Muir-Keung (12 points) and Wilfried Balata (10 points), the Clan have multiple scoring options from the perimeter.

On the inside, Julian Roche has had a spectacular season in his first year with SFU. The big man had another double-double on Saturday night, finishing with 15 points and 11 rebounds. Games like this are becoming the norm for him, as he has consistently played at a high level as of late.

Meshing all the pieces together is point guard Michael Provenzano, who is first the GNAC with 4.8 assists per game. Saturday was no different, as he had a game-high eight assists in the contest.

Saturday showed that the Clan have all the pieces needed to be a playoff team. Beating two top teams in a row and then handling a lesser opponent comfortably is the best three-game stretch of the season for SFU.

They are now 6–8 in the GNAC, meaning that half of their wins have come over this stretch. The win streak moves them up to sixth place in the conference, one game back of Alaska Anchorage, who have a 7–7 record. Finishing in the top four will be a difficult task, however, as Saint Martin’s (12–2), Northwest Nazarene (11–3), Western Oregon (10–4) and Seattle Pacific (10–4), have a pretty firm hold on the top spots.

What’s next:

Catch the Clan as they go for their fourth straight win on Tuesday, February 12 against Western Washington University. The Vikings have an identical 6–8 record as the Clan, and are led by Trevor Jasinsky, who is second in the GNAC in scoring, averaging 20 points per game.

This has all the makings to be a good one. Tip off is at 7 p.m.

High School Teachers vs College Professors

0
Image courtesy of ValoreBooks Blog

By: Sakina Nazarali, Peak Associate 

We all have had high-school teachers who scared the bejeezus out of us when they described professors at university. Dive into this piece to compare those myths your high school professors used to tell you about university with what it’s really like.

 

High-school teachers: “You can’t know anything about my life.”

College professors: “By the way, I have a drinking problem. Also, I adopted a raccoon last month without my wife’s permission, so she and I are getting divorced next month.”

 

High-school teachers: “You are going to need to work really hard at university.”

College professors: “Just to clarify, this Thursday, the midterm will consist of chapters one through five. In the meantime, do you want to listen to rap music or watch Frozen for this class?”

 

High-school teachers: “Well, really, I cannot share my political opinions with you.”

College professors: “Well, the orange-headed president in our neighbouring country needs to get impeached immediately. I will raise your letter grade if someone could end this presidency for their final project.”

 

High-school teachers: “You are not permitted to EAT or DRINK in my classroom!”

College professors: *devours a pack of crisps and sips a can of Red Bull as they lecture*

 

High-school teachers:  “You won’t have another chance to retake the midterms.”

College professors: “Honestly, if you can’t make it, just let me know. You can come during my office hours, or even come home with me next Wednesday. My wife will understand. Really, just keep me in the loop.”

 

High-school teachers:  “Write a 4000-word essay about glaucoma and cataracts in LEDCs vs MEDCs.”

College professors: “Man oh man, if you exceed 1000 words, you will be expelled on sight.”

 

High-school teachers: “I will be absent next week, but you will be having a substitute teacher.”

College professors: “My dog gave birth, class is cancelled.” *picture of puppies attached at the end of email*

 

High-school teachers: “Please only contact me through email or in person”

College professors: *on the first day* “This is my phone number. Feel free to call me at any time — just not at 3 a.m. or on a Friday night, ‘cause I promise you, I WILL give you the death stare during the next lecture if you interrupt my sleep.”

Senate Report

0
(Photo from Peak archives)

Senate discusses how bursaries should be distributed for international undergraduate students

At the senate meeting on February 4, Simon Fraser University senators reviewed their annual report on scholarships, awards, and bursaries for the 2017–18 fiscal year.

According to the 2017–18 financial report, the university has disbursed approximately $2.38 million and $2.23 million in bursaries for international undergraduate students and domestic undergraduate students, respectively.

Senator Daniel Leznoff commented that currently, there is a policy at SFU where approximately 25% of international students’ tuition fees go back to the university’s bursaries program for international students. Leznoff then asked: “Is there any consideration in the committee or elsewhere in the administration to reconsider this policy?”

Stephen Spector, acting chair for senate policy committee on scholarships, awards and bursaries responded: “The simple answer at this point is no. However, it is something that can be brought forward for consideration.”

In a follow-up interview with The Peak, Wade Parkhouse, vice-provost and associate vice-president academic, commented that the 25% redistribution of international tuition fees is not really a policy, but more so “a practice/commitment which the administration has made the last number of years and next year in terms of tuition [sic].”

“SFU continues to commit that 25% of the international undergraduate tuition revenue beyond the general fee increase of 2%, will be designated toward international student support and services,” said Parkhouse in the email interview.

Parkhouse further commented that as international tuition has increased at SFU, the intention of providing bursaries is to help international students, especially those who come from poorer parts of the world where paying tuition in Canadian dollars can be an obstacle for them.

Leznoff then suggested that it would be worthwhile to compile a list of where these bursary recipients are originally from.

“The international student body is not as diverse internationally as we would like it to be if the majority of the bursaries are going to the majority of the students from certain countries. That is not achieving that goal and the money could be used by, for example, domestic students,“ said Leznoff. “It’s unclear to me that the bursaries are attracting the best and the brightest.”

Senator Pablo Nepomnaschy also agreed with Leznoff that the university should give a breakdown of where these bursaries are going to, specifically, the recipients’ ethnicity.

Manoj Bhakthan, SFU director of financial aid and awards, however, noted that bursaries are provided to students on a needs-based and they’re not meant to identify students based on their academics or community service involvements. He also shared that bursaries are typically disbursed at the middle of the term just to help the students finish off their semester, and it’s typically “never enough to cover all of their expenses and needs.”

“Ideally, the impact of the bursaries is to help any students, international or domestic to be able to fund their education or at least provide a little bit of funding to support them. It’s not meant to support any other additional tuition fees,” said Bhakthan.  

Spector also agreed with Bhakthan that bursaries should be provided on a needs-based basis. “Bursaries [are] not for attracting the best and the brightest. It’s often the case [for] students who are in less desirable financial straits that we enable them to stay at the university.”

“Masculinity means nothing to me” and other life mantras with Chris Fleming

0
Image courtesy of Alexandra Genova, provided by Shark Party Media via theknow.denverpost.com

By: Winona Young, Arts Editor

 

He’s the meme man of our dreams, the maniacal mother in “Company is Coming,” and is afraid to talk to men — he’s Chris Fleming.

This week,  The Peak interviewed the comedian to talk about his upcoming show in Vancouver, his viral videos, and of course, GAYLE.

LIFE AS A CHRIS AND AS A COMEDIAN

After successfully graduating college (“Aw man, graduating theatre school is bleak”), Chris Fleming got signed by an LA agent, moved out to California, and then had his agent leave him to become a chef.

“And so there was in LA, basically representation-less,” he said. It was that poor turn of luck that led Fleming to begin creating GAYLE, his hit web-series on Youtube.

Image courtesy of eventsfy.com

It was through times like that and his time performing at a Chicago comedy club that helped Fleming begin developing his style of humour, which some may call bizarre. Fleming can certainly paint a picture with words when describing things in his comedy, employing metaphors like “Looking like an owl prostitute,” “Ichabod Crane child,” and “Ursula passing a kidney stone.”

But Fleming doesn’t think his comedy was too strange. “I used to think my stuff was Rob Thomas from Matchbox Twenty type. I didn’t think it was that strange. ”

Looking through Fleming’s videos, he’s clearly not afraid to go off on any particular rant or mock, even when the butt of the joke is himself.

Image courtesy of Chris Fleming via YouTube

When I ask Fleming at the start of the interview for his pronouns, he replies, “Anything works for me.” Frequent commenters have asked Fleming about his gender, to which he replies in his stand-up set available on YouTube, “Dad, I’m not a man, I’m not a woman, I’m a showpig.”

I ask Fleming, who’s released videos unabashedly stating’s he’s afraid to talk to men, how he can be so secure with his masculinity. After I ask that, he laughs over the phone, and tells me it’s actually quite the opposite. “Oh, I’m not secure with my masculinity, I just don’t have any masculinity.”

He continues, “There’s just such a lack of it, I have no respect for it. I have zero respect for masculinity so it makes it easier to talk about.”

BEHIND THE SCENES ON GAYLE AND COMPANY IS COMING

Image courtesy of Chris Fleming via Youtube

For the most part, his old Massachusetts neighbourhood was, and remains, very supportive of his series, GAYLE, but one neighbour in particular wasn’t.

There’s one woman, who a lot of [GAYLE] was inspired by, who is NOT happy about it, at all,” he said.

Which means, yes, there is a real-life Gayle deep in the suburbs of Massachusetts. While Fleming hasn’t seen her in the past few years, Fleming has received word from many sources that she’s “absolutely pissed.” Which may be warranted given that he accidentally slipped in her actual name into one of the series’ background characters. We’d say oops, but apparently this is a habit of Fleming’s.

“I forget to change people’s names sometimes, so a lot of my life has been trying to explain to people’s faces that something that is very obviously about them is not about them. . . I will tell you [her real name],” he said. Promptly followed by, “Wait no, I’m not gonna (laughs).” I asked him later if I may know the name of the real Gayle after the interview, and he told me he would. Score.

As for other parts of Fleming’s career, this interview would be incomplete without mentioning the video that has sorority girls from the South liking him for all the wrong reasons, “Company is Coming.”

Image courtesy of Chris Fleming via Youtube

He coughs before answering me (“I’m sorry, I’m absolutely bubonic over here”) “I’m still very grateful Company is Coming got the attention that it did, it’s funny when people think that’s the extent of the character,” Fleming began.

Fleming remarked about how often people thought of Gayle simply as “the crazy mom character,” so much so that he feels almost the need to defend her being “disrespected” like this.

“I’ve played that character for so long I have such love for her, you know, and there’s so many different facets to her,” he said.  “That’s just one part of her being, I hate that that’s what people think of her in general. There’s so many other beautiful (laughs) shades to her psyche.”

TOURING HIS COMEDY

When asked what Vancouver audiences can expect for his show, he replied that it would be a dynamic night.

“It’s a funny thing of mix of monologues, mix of song and dance, little multimedia thrown in there, little bit of drama, it’s got it all,” he said.

With the success of his Internet videos and comedy, Fleming has toured through America and even London. But one fan encounter in Portland after a show especially struck a chord with Fleming, so much so that it was the inspiration for his video, “Meet and Greets.”

Image courtesy of JFL Northwest Festival

I asked him what happened that night that was weirder than his video. “Well, maybe not weirder,” he amended, “but to me, it was more bone-chilling.”

“This woman was in an all-fleece one-piece, and she waited around, and she wasn’t even necessarily in the line, and she was leaning up against the wall, and I had to approach her,” he said, simultaneously laughing and in horror.  “And she was muttering, and I couldn’t understand what she was saying, and she wanted to show me something, and then she just ran off into the rain afterwards,” he concluded.

Image courtesy of Chris Fleming via Youtube

It was such a bizarre encounter that Fleming made a video to try to convey what he felt during that odd meeting — which, overall,  is what he was tries to do in all his videos: convey feeling.

By the time the interview wound down, I asked Fleming to summarize how he felt about his comedy in one word. He paused. “Loose,” he said.

“Can you elaborate?” I asked.

“Oh, I didn’t know I’d have to explain,” he said, and laughed. “I can’t,” he said. “I like to keep it loose.”

Tickets for Chris Fleming’s Vancouver show are available for the JFL Northwest at eventbrite.ca

Political Corner: The recent peace talks between the U.S. and Taliban could be putting Afghanistan at serious risk

0
Photo by Parwiz Parwiz/Reuters

Written by: Kelly Grounds, Peak Associate

The war in Afghanistan began on October 7, 2001, codenamed Operation Enduring Freedom. Ironically, the operation did not bring freedom, but instead endured for 17 years. But there’s potentially an end in sight as the first week of peace talks have ended between the United States and the Taliban.

America’s essentially been working to pull out of Afghanistan since the Obama administration, which endured two failed peace talks in 2013 and 2015. This only heightened this desire and now it appears that the war in Afghanistan is closer than ever to being done.

While discussions are extremely private at the moment, there appears to be two goals. First, the U.S. wants the Taliban not to allow another international terrorist group to establish its headquarters in Afghanistan, as they did with al-Qaeda in the early 2000s. The Taliban, meanwhile, are demanding a timeline for the removal of U.S. troops, as well as the establishment of an Islamic government.

Yet the Afghan government is afraid that these peace talks and the inevitable removal of U.S. troops will only worsen the entire situation in Afghanistan, as there will be significantly fewer forces in place to oppose insurgence groups and hold them back from gaining greater power.

A key worry to be had with these talks is that these were between the U.S. and the Taliban, rather than the Afghan government. With this choice, the U.S. showed that they see the Taliban as holding all of the power. Even if this was unintentional, it still risks sending conflicting messages to Afghanistan about who they trust and wish to work with.

Furthermore, the Taliban are still an illegal group and have carried out devastating attacks on different government facilities in recent months. The U.S. presence is one of the only stabilizing factors in the country at the moment. If they leave now, there is a chance that the Taliban could return to their full power and destroy all of the progress that Afghanistan has made.

The peace talks have only just started, but given this shaky ground, there’s a high chance this peace talk will fall out like the previous two. Whether they succeed or fail, it is likely that the U.S. is going to leave this time, and their exit would have a direct effect on the future of Afghanistan.

Opinions of the Hour

0

Written by: Winona Young, Arts Editor

“What White, Western Audiences Don’t Understand About Marie Kondo’s ‘Tidying Up’”Margaret Dilloway, Huffington Post

Dilloway’s article is a searing call-out to the backlash against the titular host of Netflix’s Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.

First, Dilloway recounts her Japanese upbringing and the reverence for Shinto gods. Dilloway affirms that Kondo’s KonMari method is rooted in the basic respect Japanese Shintoism holds for inanimate objects.

Dilloway does not hold back — she fiercely defends Kondo against the backlash she’s received for her methods. She asserts that no, Washington Post critic Ron Charles, Kondo is not a book-hating monster who believes people should have 30 books. And no, BuzzFeed writer Anne Helen Petersen, Kondo’s insistence on decluttering is not just for the sake of a minimalist aesthetic and doesn’t contribute to Millennial burnout.

Dilloway affirms the KonMari method is meant to re-evaluate one’s belongings, not to haphazardly cast them aside if they don’t impulsively “spark joy.” She elaborates on how many of Kondo’s critics paint her as a judgmental, pushy, trash-hating maniac, when in reality, Kondo is non-threatening, gentle, and even encouraging when clients choose to keep belongings instead of throwing them away.

More importantly, Dilloway calls out the underlying racism thrown at Kondo. Dilloway asserts that white, Western audiences are criticizing Kondo harshly because she is an accomplished woman of colour telling them to re-evaluate their choices. Audiences seem to think this off as too aggressive for a woman of colour, and in turn, they completely delegitimize her work and methods. I personally applaud Dilloway standing in solidarity with Kondo, and her article proves the necessity of writers of colour.

The quality of this article is only superseded by an exemplary Points in Case humour article by Felipe Torres Medina, titled “I’m Marie Fucking Kondo and You Can Keep All Your Fucking Books, You Ingrates.”

Live Coverage of the Lecture-Hall Dash

0
Illustration by Alice Zhang

By: Jennifer Low, Peak Associate 

Transcript of the Live Coverage from the Peak’s Sports Correspondent Chad Terbocks and Lecture-Hall Expert Ken I. Havanap.

Chad: Well hello there folks, for those of you just tuning in, I’m Chad Terbocks

Ken: and I’m Ken I. Havanap

Chad: We’re coming to you live from the SFU Burnaby Campus; Images Theatre.  If you’re still with us . . .

Ken: and haven’t fallen asleep . . .

Chad: We’re just coming into the second quarter of this ridiculously long lecture.  

Ken: The lecture seats are full and the silence is intimidating as ever. With only the slight sound of fingers on keyboards and the droning voice of the prof, it’s going to be quite the show.

Chad: That’s right, Ken . . . Our student has just reached the door now. After that bathroom break, you can tell they’re nervous about getting back into the lecture hall.

Ken: Oh, you bet! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone attempt to open a door that quietly. Look at that strategy! Watch as they open the door with one pull, one beautiful fluid motion.

Chad: No kidding, do you see that concentration, folks? They’re really regretting having that second cup of coffee, should’ve gone to the washroom before class.

Chad: Aaaaand they’re off! Making their way down the stairs, slowly but steadily.

Ken: A great start, but there are still a lot of obstacles before they reach their seat there. Middle of the hall, seat 15 — oof! What a challenge.

Chad: The “mid-lecture hall seat” really wasn’t a good choice today.

Ken: Alright, this student is attempting an extremely risky move, are you seeing this Chad? 

Chad: Dear God, look at that, they’ve chosen to step OVER the water bottle AND a backpack on the floor there — this could be fatal!

Ken: An overextension of the leg would definitely cause tripping and even worse, get the attention of the prof.

Chad: There they go. Uh-oh! We’ve got a situation!

Ken: It appears our student has a backpack strap wrapped around their ankle.

Chad: I can’t believe what I’m watching! This is it, it’s over! What are they doing? Leaning forward like that over the lower seats . . . they’re going to fall! If they’re going to make it through this they’re going to need an assist from that coffee cup girl, otherwise I swear she’ll be squished!

Ken: I don’t think so, Chad! Look at that expert leg manoeuver! Let me tell you, it takes a lot of skill to accomplish that . . . Years of training and skill; everything has gone into preparing for this moment.

Chad: You said it! Check out that footwork; weaving between those desks with the grace of a sprightly young gazelle . . . I’m pretty sure coffee cup girl’s noticed too.  An impressive recovery!

Ken: It’s been a rough semester so far, this might just be the comeback our student needs. Especially after the water bottle catastrophe of Fall 2018 . . .

Chad: No no no no. Those new AQ lecture halls are built slanted! I say that it was the tilt of the stage that caused it.

Ken: Nevertheless kicking that waterbottle all the way to the prof’s feet caused the biggest disruption of the season.

Chad: It takes a lot to come back from that kind of soul-crushing humiliation . . .

Ken:  Here’s another tricky spot. Seriously, who hangs their jacket on the back of their seat in a lecture hall? That’s just inconsiderate!

Ken: You can just feel the tension in this room. A few students have cringed. What a scathing look from inconsiderate jacket guy . . . that’s going to haunt me.

Chad: Coming up on the home stretch now!

Ken: They picked a really squeaky seat this semester.

Chad: A really poor choice like that at the beginning of this season is serious bad luck for rest of the semester.

Ken: That might not be our student’s biggest problem . . . Think about what must be going through their head right now!

Chad: I’m thinking serious regret that they left all their stuff on the desktop . . . it’s going to be too heavy to lift . . . they’re going to have to attempt the famous shimmy between desk and chair.

Ken: Here we go . . . Nice and easy . . . oh God . . .

Chad: OH YES THEY STICK THE LANDING!

Ken: Whew! What a feat! I’m still sweating!

Chad: You said it Ken. That’s all for now folks . . . or at least until next lecture.