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Trauma-dumping on complete strangers

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Three people talking by lake
PHOTO: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

By: Nercya Kalino

It’s good to be an open person. It’s good to share what’s on your mind. It’s good to be vulnerable. Those are part of what makes a healthy human. But what’s absolutely unacceptable is being overly vulnerable with a total stranger. Making the leap from small talk to trauma dumping — oversharing about sensitive topics — is a mortal sin, and a major conversational faux-pas. 

Listen, I get it. The thing about strangers is that, sometimes, it’s easier to be vulnerable around them. We think to ourselves, “Why should we worry about being judged if our paths will never cross again?” Surely, for that stranger, the encounter will simply be revisited as a memory or a funny story at a party. Except there’s no way to know how that stranger will interpret your sharing. Will it be a charming interaction, or will they remember it as them being bothered by some jerk on the street?

I’ve been guilty of this before to some degree. I’ve talked to people by genuinely complimenting other ladies in a club bathroom because of the adrenaline rush I get from it. But I’ve also been on the receiving end. I’ve had people corner me on transit and share intimate personal details with me. No thank you, I do not want to hear about your last procedure. No, I don’t want to hear about your kids. It’s late, and I’ve had a long day. Just let me sit in silence, rather than sit in the stew of your personal life. 

These “pleasant” interactions are atrocities when they’re not well-timed. And when you’re a stranger, there’s often no way to determine whether it’s a good moment to share a story about your personal life. There’s something unsettling about people who talk to you with the intention of using that dialogue as an outlet for finding themselves. Let’s observe boundaries, people. You don’t have to feel guilty for telling a stranger you’re not interested in their story. Likewise, if you need to talk about something deeply concerning your mental health — use the right channels and get help, whether that looks like seeking counseling or speaking with friends (and asking if they have the capacity to listen). This is a bus, sir, not a therapist’s office.

Canada’s cosmetic testing ban isn’t enough

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Baby white mouse in gloved hands
PHOTO: Pixabay / Pexels

By: Victor Tran

Content warning: mentions of animal abuse.

Did you know that animal testing is still legal in Canada? Across the country, millions of live animals — from dogs to cats to mice — are used to develop “cosmetics, household products, pesticides, drugs, and other substances.” What’s worse is that there is no limit on the testing, which can result in high levels of pain for the animals. Canada lags behind regions like the EU, which banned the practice all the way back in 2004. On January 20, 2023, however, the country took a step into modernity by announcing the development of a ban on the use of animals for cosmetic testing. It’s much too late, and nowhere near enough. 

In 2020, 5,067,778 animals were used as test subjects in Canada, according to the Canadian Council on Animal Care. The same report found that almost a million animals suffered from experiments that cause moderate to severe distress or discomfort, while nearly 100 thousand animals suffered from procedures that cause severe pain near, at, or above the pain tolerance threshold of unanesthetized, conscious animals. This is a clear violation of animals’ bodily autonomy. These animals are being tortured, and for virtually nothing. 

So in light of the terrible practice of Canadian animal testing, let’s evaluate the Canadian government’s lurch into the 21st century. According to The Globe and Mail, a new rule by the federal government is set to prevent the testing of a “range of products, including make-up, perfume, body lotion, hair-styling products, shaving foam, and nail polish” on animals. That’s a wonderful step forward, and it’ll save animals’ lives. But other forms of animal testing, including for chemical and drug toxicity, remained unbanned. The best the government can do, according to the article, is to incentivize organizations to “reduce reliance” on the practice. That’s shameful, disgusting, and born of a lie. 

Our assumptions about animal testing’s necessity is partly the result of exaggerations in published research. One study found that, among a randomly-selected group of releases “about animal or laboratory studies, most (64 of 87) explicitly claimed relevance to human health, yet 90% lacked caveats about extrapolating results to people.” In short, scientific studies overstated the findings from animal testing and their ability to repeat the results of an experience in humans. The same study found that press releases about animal studies were far more likely to contain exaggerations than studies on humans. 

And it’s not like we don’t have effective alternatives to animal testing. Among other methods, Organs-on-chips mimics the structure and function of human organs and cells. This method has been adopted by the FDA in the US to develop vaccines for COVID-19. There’s also the Epiderm Tissue Model — a 3-D, human-cell-derived model that provides superior indicators of how drugs react with human skin. The model can reliably replace testing on rabbits, which could save tens of thousands of rabbits each year.

Despite the availability of cutting-edge, effective means of displacing animal testing, experimenters continue to torture countless animals. The Canadian government needs to realize that animal testing is unnecessary and unethical by universally banning the practice. 

No more tiptoeing around the issue. Canada needs to take a world-leading stance in favor of animals’ rights.

Need to Know, Need to Go: SOCA’s Black History Month events

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Illustration of a blue calendar, with "Need to Know, Need to Go" written on top
Arts & Culture events to catch around the city. Image courtesy of Brianna Quan

By: Vee Babbar & Petra Chase

Students of Caribbean and African Ancestry (SOCA), a student-run group representing SFU’s Black community, has packed the month with events for Black History Month. The Peak interviewed events coordinator Mugasha Rutega to get an inside scoop about what’s in store. 

Rutega said Black History Month is “a celebration of Black culture” and “it’s a time for Black people to express their culture and educate people on their culture.” Rutega stressed the importance of listening and trying to learn. 

Here’s SOCA’s itinerary, all taking place in the Student Union Building on Burnaby campus. While the events are geared towards SOCA community members, all students and faculty are welcome to participate.

Black History Month Opening Ceremony
When: February 1, 3:00 p.m.–5:00 p.m.
Where: Student Union Building, 3rd floor, Social Stage
To kick off the month, this event features a presentation from SOCA’s president and vice- president about the history of SOCA followed by speeches from special guests, including SFU faculty and a representative from the Somali Student Association. “We wanted to put it at the ballroom so that people can be aware and see that Black History Month has started: we are here,” said Rutega. He stressed the importance of recognizing the diversity within the Black community rather than “a single story about Black people.

Games & Movie Night
When: February 10, 6:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m.
Where: Student Union Building, Room 14310 (Floor 1)
SOCA members have voted to screen Judas and the Black Messiah. Set in the 1960’s, this is a “biographical crime drama film” about Fred Hampton, deputy chairman of the Black Panther Party, and the betrayal by an FBI informant. Follow their Instagram for more details and ticket information to be announced.

Afrodance workshop
When: February 14, 5:00 p.m.–6:30 p.m.
Where: Student Union Building, Dance room (Floor 2)
Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced dancer, this group workshop is open to all skill levels. With the expert guidance of Izo Dreamchaser, a dance instructor at Afrobeats Van, learn new moves, and groove to catchy melodies and energetic rhythms. Spots are limited so please ensure you can attend if you register. Register here.

Black art: A Mode of Expression Disrupting Systemic Structures (Panel Discussion) 
When: February 15, 3:00 p.m.–5:00 p.m.
Where: SFU Multipurpose Room East Towers Building
This discussion on Black art history is moderated by Tiara Cash, a PhD psychology student at SFU. Joining the discussion are artists from a range of artistic disciplines, including SFU students and faculty: David Chariandy, Nya Lewis Williams, Palesa Koitsioe, Fegor Obuwoma, and Edward Sembatya. The event will conclude with a reception with light food and refreshments.

Cultural Night
When: February 24, 5:00 p.m.–9:30 p.m.
Where: Student Union Building, 5th floor, Ballroom
This red-carpet event features a DJ set, a 360 photo booth, dances, and musical performances. There will also be a “buffet of unique and delicious West, East African, and Caribbean cuisines.”

 “I’m personally excited for Cultural Night,” said Rutega. “It’s going to be our biggest event.” Tickets are $12 and can be purchased via Eventbrite.

SOCA x TUNJI Comedy Night
When: February 25, 7:00p.m.8:30p.m.
Where: SFU Burnaby (location not yet confirmed)
Cap off the month by laughing your heart out at SOCA’s stand-up comedy show. The special guest is Tunji, a Vancouver comedian who has garnered over 170,000 followers on TikTok with his hilarious commentary. The event will showcase SFU’s African, Caribbean, and Black comedians, as well as poets and singers. If you would like to participate, they are accepting applications until February 5 at 11:59 p.m. As a performer, you will get seven minutes on stage, free snacks, a free ticket to the show, and $50 compensation. Sign up via the Google form in their Instagram bio.

 Follow SOCA on Instagram, at @sfusoca, for event registration links and updates.

 View the full list of SOCA’s Black History Month events at thepeak.ca

Video essayists that will broaden your perspective about media and culture

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PHOTO: Sara Kurfeß / Unsplash

By: Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

As a communication major, I listen to a lot of video essays about media and culture in my free time. As the channel Shanspeare points out in a video essay, it’s currently “The Era of The Critic.” YouTubers making well-researched and thoughtful commentary on contemporary issues are reaching large audiences. Video essays are a great way to learn and broaden your perspective and critical thinking while also being entertained. Here are some of my favourite creators.

Khadija Mbowe

Mbowe brands themself as a “cool, fun, Millennial aunty” and “non-binary hippie with a bougie palette.” If that tells you anything about Mbowe, it’s that they’re entertaining as much as they are informative. Their sarcasm can be so satisfying sometimes (See “Men… in pearls… groundbreaking”) and their dry wit always keeps my attention. Their video essays focus on media, gender, and race through a sociology and media studies lens. Diving deep into power structures, their dialogue relates work by historical feminists like bell hooks and Audre Lorde to present-day phenomena, like digital blackface and algorithm skin tone bias. One of the main reasons I watch some reality shows is to watch Mbowe’s analysis afterwards, because they always manage to turn them into compelling theories in a fun way. You can also check out their self-titled podcast on Spotify.

Tee Noir

Tee Noir’s social commentary videos cover media, gender, and race, with a focus on Black womanhood. She isn’t afraid to approach a topic she isn’t sure about, exploring the different perspectives and angles before reaching a nuanced conclusion. Part of what makes Noir’s analysis so compelling is that she shares her personal experiences in dialogue with other video essayists and scholarly thinkers. She told Buzzfeed, “Most of the time, my topics start with a feeling that I have and in the process of explaining that feeling to myself, I find myself forming a web of questions like, ‘How does this affect me or others? How can I challenge this?’” Her channel is rich with interesting content, such as “‘The Black Girl Fetish’: Let’s Talk.,” “Surviving ‘Alpha Male’ Mentality,” and “When the Black Gaze Expires” (a two-part “Kardashian commentary”).

Shanspeare

Not to be confused with the English playwright (although they’re “just as dramatic”), Shanspeare tends to talk about social media trends and phenomena. They are “all about navigating pop culture, diversifying academia, and making learning fun(ny).” They always have flamboyant, unexpected intros. They tend to dress up and act as different characters, like as a conservative news anchor in “Dissecting the War on Woke” and as Sigmund Freud in “Mommy Issues and the Great Gender Expectation.” But behind their theatrical delivery is always a thought-provoking analysis. For instance, “12 going on 21: The End of the Tween Era” attempts to understand how social media has put pressure on kids to grow up quickly, and points out how while shows like “Euphoria” have played a part in this, it stems from larger cultural issues. Sign up for Shanspeare’s newsletter, Tragedy of Errors, where viewers can participate by sharing their experiences to be included in their upcoming videos.

“Homelands: Exile and Return” with Kamal Al-Solaylee and Amyn Sajoo

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This is a photo of Kamal Al-Solaylee’s memoir. The cover is light blue and has the title written on it.
PHOTO: Natalie Cooke / The Peak

By: Natalie Cooke, News Writer

Kamal Al-Solaylee shared his story, knowledge, and writing at the Homelands: Exile and Return event. Al-Solaylee is a director and professor in the School of Journalism, Writing, and Media at UBC. The event was led as a Q&A, moderated by SFU international studies lecturer Amyn Sajoo. Al-Solaylee shared with Sajoo what finding his “home” meant after he chose to leave his “homelands.” 

With roots in Yemen, and later migrating to Egypt, Al-Solaylee found his sexual orientation was unwelcomed. During the event, Al-Solaylee explained his decision to leave Egypt. “It was a choice to alienate myself from that culture.” An important part of this decision for Al-Solaylee was being able to “live in dignity.” His alternative of “going back to Yemen, would have literally been a death sentence.” 

The LGBTQIA2S+ community faces great challenges in Yemen due to the laws that are currently in place. Homosexuality is prohibited under the Penal Code 1994, and the maximum penalty is death by stoning. Discrimination and violence against the LGBTQIA2S+ community remains prevalent.  

Al-Solaylee explained that while some people in Egypt were accepting of his sexuality, it was a systemic issue. “The messages you get from books, movies, TV shows [ . . . ] all of that are still as negative today as they were 50 years ago.” 

A 2013 report from the Pew Research Center showed that 95% of Egyptians feel that homosexuality should not be accepted and welcomed by society. However, as Al-Solaylee emphasized, some citizens have certain beliefs based on how their cultural practices such as media, religion, and education systems reflect homosexuality. 

Al-Solaylee noted Western culture offered him much more freedom in life: “I was so drawn to Western culture. To me, it meant liberation.” 

Al-Solaylee has written multiple books about his experiences moving away from home, but also finding new homes and adopting new ways of life. His first book, Intolerable: A Memoir of Extremes, won the 2013 Toronto Book Award. Al-Solaylee read excerpts of his novel which showcased his journey from “homeland” to “home.”

Event moderator Amyn Sajoo noted “homeland” is in reference to the territorial or ancestral lands one comes from. Whereas Al-Solaylee said “home” is where you find comfort. 

“Where am I safe? Where am I welcomed? Where am I whole?” Al-Solaylee said, “I felt more complete and whole in a Western context.” 

He was drawn to English and American literature, music, television, and film. He said, “It was an intellectual homeland — a homeland of ideas — as opposed to an ancestral homeland of the land, the space, the family ties, the blood ties.” 

Al-Solaylee describes his journey in greater detail in his three books, which can be found on Harper Collins’ website.   

What’s missing from the new Canadian health guidance on alcohol

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Drinking glass with splashing alcohol
PHOTO: Vinicius "amnx" Amano, Unsplash

By: C Icart, Staff Writer

Content warning: mentions of alcohol and sexual violence.

The new alcohol guidance is in, and what many Canadians were previously told was moderate drinking is now revealed to be linked to a “number of serious health risks, including cancer, heart disease, and stroke.” But telling Canadians that their consumption habits are unhealthy isn’t the solution to (apparently) excessive consumption. Instead, we need to address the underlying factors that lead citizens to increase their alcohol consumption. 

The 2023 Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) report reveals that Canadian health officials no longer consider any amount of alcohol as “safe.” Instead, the guidelines are presented as a continuum from low health risk to high risk. Low risk is up to two standard drinks per week, and high risk consists of over six standard drinks per week. According to CTV, “A standard drink is considered one of the following: 12 oz. of beer with 5% alcohol, five oz. of wine with 12% alcohol, or 1.5 oz. of hard liquor with 40% alcohol.” Any way you slice it, this is a significant reduction in what was considered safe by the 2011 CCSA guidelines, which labeled 15 standard drinks a week for men and 10 for women as low-risk. 

Since its publication, the CCSA’s report has generated heated debate over whether the new guidelines were fear-mongering about the risks associated with alcohol, or whether they were sound health advice that targeted a negative behavior. 

There’s truth to both points. Canada is on a spectrum of alcohol guidelines that vary wildly by country. France and Australia’s safe alcohol levels are higher than Canada’s, but also trend higher on a 2023 review of healthiest countries, complicating the assumption that lower alcohol consumption is critical to better health outcomes. On the flip side, alcohol is a Group 1 carcinogen associated with at least seven types of cancer. It is also “frequently associated with violent and aggressive behaviour, including intimate partner violence, male-to-female sexual violence, and aggression and violence between adults.” 

However, both sides of the argument are missing the point. The report isn’t a policy change. Those who are up in arms about the report are looking for outrage, while those who celebrate it are too easily placated. People need access to information about substance consumption to make informed decisions — but that’s not enough. These new guidelines ignore how and why people consume substances. 

For instance, according to Statistics Canada, a quarter of Canadians who consumed alcohol before the pandemic increased their consumption during the pandemic citing reasons like boredom, stress, and loneliness. Studies have also found significant links between social influences and drinking, including friends’ alcohol consumption as a common factor.  It’s the last one that we need to tackle. Telling Canadians to drink less without addressing social pressures that lead to excessive consumption is not the most effective strategy. 

The pandemic is not over, the cost of living is skyrocketing across the country, and climate anxiety is rising. Canadians will likely continue to use alcohol or other drugs to self-medicate and cope. Medical research consistently finds that alcoholism and mental health crises go hand-in-hand. Mental illnesses and stress lead to drinking, which in turn exacerbates the mental health crisis. But out of the Canadians who would like to get help for their mental health, 30% cite lack of affordability as a barrier. Better funding for Canadian mental health resources that lowers the price of admission to the most vulnerable Canadians is a much more effective way to address citizens’ cries for help. 

Regarding alcohol or other substances, our public health strategy cannot be confined to telling Canadians to consume less. It generates the entirely wrong response. We need policies and programs that get to the root of Canadians’ problems — namely, better mental health funding for those who need it. 

What’s next after the gondola? Walkways along Gaglardi and the Parkway

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Bike and pedestrian lanes
PHOTO: Robert Ruggiero / Unsplash

By: Vee Babbar, SFU Student

Content warning: mentions of car accidents and assault.

After a decade of lobbying by students, the BC TransLink Board announced plans to construct a gondola system to provide easier access to the SFU Burnaby campus when the city council voted in favour. This gondola will connect the main campus to the Production Way-University SkyTrain station, and is expected to be completed within five years.

That’s all amazing, but now’s not the time to let up. With the gondola, Burnaby Mountain is one step closer to year-round reliable commuting. The next step is to enhance the safety of Burnaby Mountain walkers, runners, and cyclists by adding lit walkways up the sides of Gaglardi road and the Burnaby Mountain Parkway. 

These walkways would be safer and more direct than the current trails, providing security for cyclists and runners who already use the roads as their primary means of transportation. In 2019, 53-year-old Charles Masala was struck by a car while commuting by bicycle on Burnaby Mountain. His death shook the mountain’s many cyclists. In the wake of the accident, a petition called for a separated bike lane on Gaglardi Way. 

Dr. Amarpreet Rattan, an SFU math professor, finds the mountain uniquely dangerous. In response to Masala’s death, he previously told The Peak, “The place where I feel least safe is actually on [Burnaby Mountain]. There’s a few spots when you’re going up the hill, where traffic comes quite close to you.” But nothing’s changed. No bike lane for SFU’s commuters.

Traffic isn’t the only worry for Burnaby Mountain’s commuters. Burnaby Mountain, boasting a massive network of walking, running, and biking trails, is an oasis for active Lower Mainlanders. But those trails aren’t always the safest option for commuters. The mountain’s conservation zone is home to sometimes unfriendly animals, from bears to, well, bears. Over the last decade, serious assaults have taken place on the forest’s trails, too. A well-lit, protected bike lane and walking path up the side of Gaglardi and the Parkway would offer commuters a safer alternative by bringing them out of the forest and towards a populated area that’s less attractive to wildlife. 

It’s been done before. After Masala’s death in 2019, walkways were added to a particularly treacherous stretch of the Parkway. That’s great. But we need more. 

Fortunately, SFU’s gondola success story provides students with a potential path forward. It starts with students getting SFU on board. It was the SFU Community Trust that initiated the gondola project back in 2009. Since then, a combination of student pressure and school lobbying has gotten the project off the ground. If students are interested in securing cyclists’ and walkers’ safety on Burnaby Mountain, it starts with petitions, emails, and letters to the school. 

The gondola is a good step forward for SFU, but it’s not the only solution to students’ transportation woes. By investing in a separated, illuminated walkway along the side of Gaglardi and Burnaby Mountain Parkway, SFU can provide a safer and more direct route for commuters. 

Need to Know, Need to Go: Black History Month in Vancouver

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Illustration of a blue calendar, with "Need to Know, Need to Go" written on top
Arts & Culture events to catch around the city. Image courtesy of Brianna Quan

By: Vee Babbar, SFU Student and Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

Issamba Showcase: A Journey through the depths of African-rooted rhythms
When: February 19, 7:30 p.m.–10:30 p.m.
Where: 1882 Adanac Street, Vancouver 
Get transfixed by world-famous Malian artist, Mamadou Diabate, and their formation of African instrumentation: Percussion Mania. Percussion Mania is Diabate’s ensemble led by balafons, and other invigorating instruments. The concert also features Naxx Bitota, an artist with classical music and traditional Congolese influences, including Congolese rumba. This is the perfect event to experience a range of African genres, melodies, and instrumentations. Tickets range from $25–$40 per person and can be purchased on the event page.

The Black Business Association of BC’s “Meet the Vendor”
When: All month long (check out the link for each event’s timing)
Where: 1666 Johnston St. / U.E.L Store, Granville Island
Unity. Excellence. Legacy. (U.E.L.) is BC non-profit Black Business Association of BC’s Granville Island storefront, displaying a range of Black businesses’ products. Their “Meet the Vendor” networking event takes place throughout the month. Stop by anytime to discover and support local Black businesses and network with entrepreneurs.

The BHM Film Festival at the VIFF Centre
Various times and locations throughout the month. Find more information on the “What’s On” page on their website.
According to Vancouver International Film Festival (VIFF), just like any other month, February is a time to support “Black film artists, Black thinkers and activists, and to highlight the legacy of slavery, white supremacy, colonization, and capitalism that underpins our unjust society.” Their catalogue includes two themes: Icons and Dispatches. The former “spotlights the accomplishments of American movie stars like Denzel Washington [and] Viola Davis.” The latter focuses on documentaries and social justice work. Learn about important figures in Black history while also discovering award-winning cinema. Buy tickets on their website, including student prices, group rates, or ticket packages starting at $10.

Memoirs of a person who thinks we should know less about each other

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A photo of a woman looking shocked at her phone
PHOTO: Pixahive

By: C Icart, Staff Writer

Excerpt from my long awaited memoir, Queen of Christmas.

I still remember my first day on the job as a [redacted]. What? My job is none of your business! It was a warm day, the weather was between 20 and 30 degrees. No, I can’t be more precise, or you might look it up. I was so excited to show everyone what I could do. Now, you, reader, will be a lamb and stop being nosy about what I could do. I walked right into that room, in that workplace, and I did that job. I was so proud of myself. Every single one of the unspecified number of people present were blown away. I knew from that day that everyone would know my name. Well, except everyone reading this. Last man on the earth, and they still couldn’t get this information.

My [redacted] approached me afterwards and told me [redacted]. And honestly, they were so right. We went to lunch together to keep discussing and we ate delicious [redacted] What? You want to know what I eat? What’s next? My blood type? My credit card information?

Years later, I still have the [redacted] I wore that day. I keep it in my [redacted] with my [redacted] as a reminder of [redacted]. I know it’s confusing, yo, you’re confused. But I’m confused about why you’re all up in my George Foreman grill. This is a new type of autobiography! Everyday as a part of my morning routine I try it on and show it to [redacted]. Why are you wasting your time on the details? I know how to keep my private life private.

This is truly a story I thought I would never tell. But this far into my career, I want to let up and coming [redacted] know what my experience was like. Everyone thinks they know me but they don’t. In fact, I see you using this memoir to learn more about me! In fact, I’m seeing right through you like you’re bathing in Windex.

Being open is so freeing. No more secrets! I want people to know everything, except it’s a little silly that you would want to right? Anyways, that’s the story about how I [redacted] with [redacted] despite [redacted]. Don’t judge me! I’m not trying to commit a memoir faux pas. We should all know less about each other . . . right?

Dear Peakie

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A photo of someone looking prim in an office chair with a thick book in their hands.
PHOTO: Pexels

By: Nercya Kalino, Staff Writer

Dear Peakie,

This question has drawn curtains upon my complexion, colouring my world a bland shade of . . . Blah. I rely on you to tell me the answer, and to free me at last from my haunting, yet, beautiful prison. Yes, I need you to tell me what kind of sharpener you use for #3 pencils!!

Sincerely,

Drawing Blanks

Dear Drawing Blanks, 

Thank you for reaching out to me about the bittersweet feeling of your complexion, blah. I simply do not agree that this is your complexion, I think you are more blue than blah. What you are feeling is the constant grey skies of Vancouver and the lack of sunny days. You are wanting to be free from the chill and loneliness. I suggest you go for a walk and read a book — free your mind. 

Now, on the topic of the sharpeners, I must confess I know nothing about this. Back in the day, we had the manual ones with the handle that would rotate to sharpen your pencil. As for #3 pencils, you might want to go to Staples and ask them.

But of course, I simply do not require a pencil in this day and age. I have since abandoned the necessity of a pencil. I see no use in erasing my mistakes. I recently adopted the habit of writing these letters with a Tibaldi N60 Fountain pen. That my friend is a taste for the few. So no, I would simply not have an idea as to what sharpener you need for your #3 pencils.

  1. I use the classic HB2 if I absolutely must. Not that it matters, but now you know.

Sincerely, 

Peakie

Dear Peakie,

Why can’t we have nap time in classes again? I am very sleepy. I am sleepy all the time. I think it is so mean that in this perilous winter, I have to get out of my cozy little bed, out of my cozy little pyjamas, and into “school clothes.” It’s nonsense. I should be able to sleep anywhere, anytime! What do you think? Is there a solution for a person like me?

Sincerely,

Sleepless in SFU

Dear Sleepless in SFU, 

I hear you but your problem is that you are justifying how you need to sleep more than you already are. Come summer, will you complain about how there is no cold air to sleep through? Maybe it’s time to WAKE UP.

You have to ask yourself, has there ever been a time for an SFU student to sleep deeply and comfortably without the constant anxiety of assignments and transit hours to get to campus? If you sleep all the time, anywhere, then you might as well be a zombie. Look at you, dragging yourself through the AQ looking for your classroom because you would rather be asleep than look alive! I suggest you take naps in between classes. Do not forget to set an alarm.

P.S. I know all the good spots for a quick nap. 

Sincerely, 

Peakie

Dear Peakie (if that’s who you really are) . . .

I know your type. You take in the questions that we submit here as a way to survey SFU student life! Yeah, that’s right. This isn’t some innocent advice column existing in the Humour section, it is state surveillance at its most obvious. Tell me I’m wrong! I bet your real name isn’t even Peakie.

Sincerely,

Suspicious Student

Dear Suspicious Student, 

Do you not have anything better to do? I mean, the audacity to question my identity and good intentions. If you will excuse me whilst I make my case on this matter. First of all, you did not even use your own real name, Suspicious, yet you have the unmitigated gall to call me out! Ha! 

You really think I have all the time in the world to survey SFU students? If we are being real, you lot are not that interesting, you know. Maybe your little club days and events get you all riled up with a sense of importance, but I just don’t see it. 

I do this out of the kindness of my heart, because that is the type of person I am. Surveillance? Do you even know what that word means? You probably go about your day using Tik Tok and Instagram, the most surveillanced apps on your phone. 

Look, if I wanted to monitor and collect information, writing letters during my lunch breaks would not be the way to do it.  

Peakie is the name!

Yours truly, 

Peakie