By: Nercya Kalino
It’s good to be an open person. It’s good to share what’s on your mind. It’s good to be vulnerable. Those are part of what makes a healthy human. But what’s absolutely unacceptable is being overly vulnerable with a total stranger. Making the leap from small talk to trauma dumping — oversharing about sensitive topics — is a mortal sin, and a major conversational faux-pas.
Listen, I get it. The thing about strangers is that, sometimes, it’s easier to be vulnerable around them. We think to ourselves, “Why should we worry about being judged if our paths will never cross again?” Surely, for that stranger, the encounter will simply be revisited as a memory or a funny story at a party. Except there’s no way to know how that stranger will interpret your sharing. Will it be a charming interaction, or will they remember it as them being bothered by some jerk on the street?
I’ve been guilty of this before to some degree. I’ve talked to people by genuinely complimenting other ladies in a club bathroom because of the adrenaline rush I get from it. But I’ve also been on the receiving end. I’ve had people corner me on transit and share intimate personal details with me. No thank you, I do not want to hear about your last procedure. No, I don’t want to hear about your kids. It’s late, and I’ve had a long day. Just let me sit in silence, rather than sit in the stew of your personal life.
These “pleasant” interactions are atrocities when they’re not well-timed. And when you’re a stranger, there’s often no way to determine whether it’s a good moment to share a story about your personal life. There’s something unsettling about people who talk to you with the intention of using that dialogue as an outlet for finding themselves. Let’s observe boundaries, people. You don’t have to feel guilty for telling a stranger you’re not interested in their story. Likewise, if you need to talk about something deeply concerning your mental health — use the right channels and get help, whether that looks like seeking counseling or speaking with friends (and asking if they have the capacity to listen). This is a bus, sir, not a therapist’s office.
