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Poetry in Transit launches new poems

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ILLUSTRATION: Den Kinanti / The Peak

By: Jonah Lazar, SFU Student

On September 20, poets and poetry enthusiasts gathered to celebrate this year’s selection of poems for the Poetry In Transit program as part of the conclusion of the Word Vancouver Festival, which had been running since September 14. This event took place at Robson Square, where, between a cacophony of car alarms, fire trucks, and noises of the downtown, the ten poets selected for this year’s edition read a few of their poems to a crowd of about fifty keen onlookers.  

Poetry in Transit is a program that aims to showcase local poets to Vancouver’s thousands of transit users, as well as to bring a touch of artistry to the local public transport scene by featuring a collection of poetry in the advertising spaces on SkyTrains and buses. It also aims to support small BC-based publishers by celebrating the authors with whom they work. The program, which has been up and running since 1996, is brought to life by the Association of Book Publishers of British Columbia, in partnership with TransLink and BC Transit, and has helped display hundreds of poems over its nearly three decades of activity. 

Curating this event was Vancouver’s Elee Kraljii Gardiner, a renowned poet and author of Trauma Head and Serpentine Loop, who also serves on the board that selected the poems to be featured as part of this year’s Poetry in Transit.

Also present at the event was the Poetry Bus — a bus lent to the event organizers by the City of Vancouver with all of the selected works proudly displayed along its advertising spaces. Onlookers and passersby stopped by the parked bus to get a sneak peek at the selected poems, which will soon be displayed on most of the buses in the city over the coming weeks. 

This year’s poems cover a wide variety of topics, with Vancouver-relevant themes such as the rain, rock climbing, and, of course, riding public transit. One poem I found especially moving was Susan Alexander’s book Berberitzen, which deals with themes of grief and loss of a loved one in the wake of personal tragedy. The line from one of the poems, “Our leaving out the deck furniture was optimistic / for encounters that will not come. Cushions sodden,particularly resonated with the onlookers at the event. 

For me however, the most captivating poem present in this year’s launch is a wonderfully constructed poem from the book Devotional Forensics, written by former Deer Lake Artist-in-Residence Joseph Kidney, which, through imagery of birds circling beneath seaside cliffs, asks the reader to confront their own mortality. This poem, through its uneven line structure and scattered perspective, commands the reader’s attention. 

Next time you are on the jam-packed 145 after an evening class or an empty R5 at dawn, be sure to check between the mosaics of advertisements on their ceilings for these brilliant poems. 

Celebrating Latin American heritage with Latincouver

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PHOTO: Sean P. Twomey / Pexels

By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer

In Canada, Latin American Heritage Month (LAHM) is observed throughout October. In celebration of the month, Latincouver’s programming, an organization that aims to promote “relationships and cultural exchange among Latin Americans and the Canadian mosaic,” will run from October 14 to November 12. There are events planned across three locations throughout Metro Vancouver: Granville Island, Gastown, and Burnaby’s Brentwood Mall. Led by the theme Árbol de la Vida or Tree of Life, it pays tribute to an icon emblematic of Mexico’s rich cultural, spiritual, and historic traditions. Árbol de la Vida serves as a symbol of “diversity, joy, and connection,” which aims to honour the past while simultaneously carrying hopes for a more resilient future. Here’s a sneak peek of some of these immersive events that you might want to check out!

Art Exhibition: “Ritmos del Corazón by Mauricio Silerio”

Latin Plaza Hub – Latincouver, 68 Water Street #301, Gastown, Vancouver

Runs from October 15 to 31, 11:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m.

Step into the vibrant streets of Mexico through Ritmos del Corazón (The Heart’s Rhythm), a photo exhibition curated and produced by Mexican artist Mauricio Silerio. Through vivid snapshots of celebratory occasions, Silerio highlights the cultural identity of diverse folkloric dance groups from all corners of Mexico, inviting viewers on a journey of “tradition, memory, and spirituality in Mexican culture.” At the heart of the series are portrayals of traditional dances, which “carry ancestral knowledge and serve as a bridge of communication between generations.”

Brazilian Capoeira

Latin Plaza Hub – Latincouver, 68 Water Street #301, Gastown, Vancouver

Friday, October 24, 5:00 p.m.–6:00 p.m.

Discover the Afro-Brazilian art form of capoeira, which “blends martial arts, dance, acrobatics, and music,” in a fast-paced and hands-on beginner’s class. Participants will be exposed to a variety of introductory “movements, rhythms, and songs,” while also learning more about the origins and significance of this unique cultural gem, which is part martial arts, part dance, and part game.

Ceviches and Causas Festival

Soundhouse Studios, 33 West 8th Avenue, Vancouver

Saturday, October 25, 11:00 a.m.

Brought to you by the Latincouver Cultural and Business Society, this event showcases “an authentic taste of Peru brought to life by some of the city’s most talented Peruvian chefs.” The menu will feature a variety of tasty treats, including “freshly prepared ceviches, traditional causas, and mouthwatering Peruvian desserts.” For all you foodies out there, don’t miss this chance to savour some of Peru’s most famous dishes!

Day of the Dead Market

1500 Old Bridge St., Granville Island, Vancouver

Saturday to Sunday, November 1–2, 11:00–8:00 p.m.

Día de los Muertos is a day of remembrance — a Mexican holiday recognized by UNESCO as a cultural treasure. It celebrates both life and death, reuniting the living with their departed loved ones. On this day, Granville Island will be transformed by “colourful altars, the fragrance of marigolds, and rich storytelling,” weaving together a vibrant tapestry of remembrance and community. Expect to be met with artisans showcasing handmade art and crafts, vendors offering authentic Mexican flavours, and a lively atmosphere filled with music and cultural performances.

The Sacred Art of Corn Reading: Discovering Ancestral Varieties

Ocean Artworks Pavilion, 1531 Johnston St., Granville Island, Vancouver

Sunday, November 2, 4:00 p.m.

This family-friendly workshop highlights and celebrates the “ancestral knowledge and spiritual significance of corn,” in the traditions and ways of life of Latin American Indigenous Peoples. Participants will explore the integral role corn (also known as maize) plays in Latin American communities, discover how to identify ancestral and heirloom varieties, and gain an introduction to the art of corn reading (such as distinguishing kernel types, colours, and form), all while being immersed in the “traditional stories and teachings related to maize.”

 

CCMS’ film club builds third spaces through cinema

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PHOTO: Courtesy of Atmo, Memento, and Bufo

By: Ashima Shukla, Staff Writer 

SFU’s Centre for Comparative Muslim Studies (CCMS) film club was created by Parsa Alirezaei, a research assistant (RA) at the centre, along with Joseph Methuselah, a fellow RA and filmmaker, and coordinator, Kylie Broderick. Its purpose is to use cinema for fostering dialogue around Muslim societies, cultures, and diasporas, while also building third spaces that bridge the gap between academia and community. 

For Alirezaei, the inspiration goes back to his time with the Iranian Students Club at SFU, where Friday film nights drew people together. “People start to engage with a lot of social questions, cultural questions. There would be discussions before and after the film. A lot of friendships were made, which was a really sweet part about it,” he recalls. So, when he met Methuselah at the CCMS, Alirezaei took this opportunity to carry the model forward. 

Alirezaei doesn’t see the film club as an academic undertaking. Smiling, he clarified, “We really wanted to have something that was more intimate, right? The experience of going out and watching the film, not only for its artistic craftsmanship but also its subject matter. You know, you can hate the film too. We’re experiencing this together.” 

The fall lineup also reflects this spirit of togetherness, showcasing stories across time and space. Cairo Conspiracy was screened on September 23, while The Message is expected to be screened on October 28, in time for Canadian Islamic History Month, and Something Like a War is scheduled for November 25. Each film opens a different window: politics and religion in Egypt, an origin story meaningful to many Muslims, the struggles of marginalized women in India facing state violence. In doing so, they carry forward CCMS’s mandate of shifting “the analysis from the notion of a single religious landscape defined by the religion of Islam to that of Muslims of different experiences and interpretations as agents in the construction of their societies and cultures.” 

As Alirezaei explains, “We want to cover the geographic and sociological complexity of the communities that are within our mandate, and the communities that interact with them too.” True to this vision, the club is open to everyone, not just students or staff.

 “We just want to create a community of people who want to learn about the world of the Middle East, of South Asia, Southeast Asia, and the diaspora.” – Parsa Alirezaei, research assistant at CCMS

Film screenings are often followed by discussions shaped by the audience, from PowerPoint slides to guest lectures to spontaneous conversations. All you need to bring is your curiosity, and you’ll find yourself engaging in conversations grounded in situated knowledge, from members who bring lived experiences into the room. 

In the act of gathering around these films, cinema becomes more than entertainment. It becomes a bridge, a mirror, a provocation, a disagreement, a collective reimagining. And the medium of film, Alirezaei believes, is uniquely positioned to carry this weight. “I think what film does well is . . . to humanize an experience. There’s something about watching a human go through the emotions of being human in a context. This is why art can have a particularly big impact.” In the process of deconstructing these films, we come to understand how cultural production shapes our imagination — as portals into distant worlds, into lives as they are lived. It is one way we come to wrestle with power. 

To take a seat in the circle, email CCMS at [email protected], and stay tuned for more screening announcements on their website.

Sound check: A look into SFU’s upcoming musicians

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ILLUSTRATION: Stella Laurino / The Peak

By: Francesca Bonifacio, SFU Student

SFU’s music scene is far from dead, and incredible bands from classmates continue to proliferate.

Whether you’re walking through the concrete AQ, taking the long R5 to downtown campus, or strolling through the Surrey Central mall, these bands can guide you through your day.

Their live shows are exhilarating to watch and make for an excellent night out, especially when a break from studying is much needed! Keep an eye out for these bands for some post-midterm stress relief, or to support the musical ventures of your fellow students!

Autonomous Apes

Tied together with a soul-binding contract to lead singer Egor Kopshar, Autonomous Apes mixes grunge alternative rock with post hardcore undertones. On top of two established albums, Blame me and Heavy Balloon, their latest release, Your own people, spins an electric tune about hypocrisy and individuality that will leave you screaming the lyrics alongside. You can find their music on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, and Instagram @autonomous_apes!

The four members are inspired by Russian indie/punk rock, J-rock, and early 2000s alternative rock. Kopshar, the frontman, is an arts, performance, and cinema studies major. Erin Docherty, the drummer, is a third-year film student. Marissa Chan is on bass, studied visual arts, and is the group’s resident baker. Misha Bezruchko, an environmental science student, and his moustache are on guitar.

Their next show is in Calgary, but we can join them on October 23 at SFU SCA students’ favourite local music and art space, RedGate. Stay tuned for their piece, “Bumper Cars, coming out in November, followed by two new singles releasing soon! 

Mortel

Translated as “deadly” from French, Mortel’s killer sounds are memorable and thrilling. They explore metal and are heavily influenced by Metallica, Black Sabbath, Pantera, and more thrash metal bands from the ‘80s. 

Originating from three childhood friends, Mortel has come a long way from the playground to creating an exciting band history, including performing at The Roxy and, more recently, recording in the studio. Their members consist of Mikayla Brown on vocals and songwriting, Cedric Thiessen on lead guitar, Harrison LaChappelle on rhythm guitar, Liam Flanagan on bass and SFU’s very own psychology major, Oliver Whalley on drums. Their friendship truly shines through in their performances, making them captivating to watch and listen to.

You can find them performing at The Roxy and also see their demos on YouTube. Their upcoming single, “Reckless” is a definite crowd pleaser that melds powerful vocals and complex instrumentation. Make sure to check out their Instagram @mortel_0fficial!

Glisk

Inspired by My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, Astrobrite, Whirr, and Full Body 2, Glisk’s music fits into the genre of shoegaze and noise rock, but they prefer to create their sound without restraint and defy notions of genre. 

The four-member crew consists of: Justin Wu on vocals and guitar, Adriel Sanvicente on guitar, Emilio Rogazy on bass, and Erin Docherty (yes, the Erin Docherty from Autonomous Apes) on drums. Docherty, Sanvicente, and Wu all go to SFU SCA’s downtown campus together, with Wu and Sanvicente studying in the music and sound program. Rogazy is a friend of Sanvicente’s who also plays in another band with him called La Haine

They will be performing on October 12 and October 26 at Take Your Time Back and then on November 30 at Green Auto. They are also working on an album, so keep your ears open! See the band’s Instagram, @glisk.band, to keep up to date with them.

Asbestos speak out against heartless renoviction from the library

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Cartoon asbestos particles (little brown specks with googly eyes) walking away from the SFU library building with a bindle upon their shoulders. They have a look of desperation upon their faces.
ILLUSTRATION: Olivia Blackmore / The Peak

By: Heidi Kwok, asbestos tenant advocate

Over the summer, SFU’s asbestos community was served a notice to vacate the fifth floor of the W.A.C. Bennett Library on the Burnaby campus. This eviction coincides with the reopening of the floor on August 25, following a nearly three-year renovation project. Henry J. Asbestos Junior, the primary tenant, and his extended family of over nine and a half million particles (and counting!) have been locked in a bitter eviction battle with the library since November 2022. They allege to have been victims of a targeted renoviction campaign and are demanding justice.

“We are beyond outraged,” said Henry J. Asbestos Junior, a concerned father of 485 asbestoslings. “For six decades, we’ve been model tenants — quiet, respectful, and generous. With open arms and open lungs, we have proudly offered refuge to countless panic-stricken undergrads since our humble floorboard beginnings. Although admittedly, not everyone appreciated our hospitality or our complimentary parting gift basket. It included goodies like chronic chest pain, wheezing, and mesothelioma.” 

The tenants claimed to have entered into a perpetual fixed-term lease contract with the library since 1965. However, Gohar Ashoughian, SFU’s University Librarian and Dean of Libraries, told The Peak otherwise. “The asbestos community has continuously failed to pay rent and strata fees, failed to contribute meaningfully at bi-weekly floor occupant association meetings, and has been unapologetically freeloading off of student health plans. We had to put our foot down on the floorboards.” 

Asbestos Junior showed The Peak what remained of his former home — now a grey, soulless, refurbished office space for the health sciences’ library liaison. “They have ruined everything,” he tearfully said. “Our former home had a certain je ne sais quoi — a distinct charm and character.” Upon walking up to the newly constructed private study room 5063, Asbestos Junior was practically bawling. “This used to be where our community centre was built. We held picnics, book club meetings, Friday night bingos, and barbecues during the summer here. Sometimes, we’d even use the nearby books the librarians so helpfully supplied as kindling.”

The Fifth Floor Fibrous Coalition, a grassroots movement fighting for asbestos justice, has filed a complaint with the BC Residential Tenancy Board and vows to take the library to arbitration. “This is our home. Where else are we supposed to go — the campus dorms? They’re already occupied by a thriving single-family neighbourhood of Moulds. Virtually every corner of campus has been called dibs by other more hostile communities like the Dust Mites Mafia, the Mildew Missionary, and the Raccoon Society,” said a spokesperson from the coalition. “We are living in the worst crisis of gentrification in SFU’s 60-year asbestos history.”

Gossip Peakie: The fall you turned ugly

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ILLUSTRATION: Yan Ting Leung / The Peak

By: Gossip Peakie 

Hey, Burnaby Mountain dwellers. At this point, you should know who I am (even you first-years). If you don’t, you have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. Gossip Peakie here — your number one source for all the hot goss on campus. 

Welcome back to another year at SFU, or should I say to another category on my blog page. The title? The Fall You Turned Ugly (who did you get fashion advice from? Your girl Noeka? Barf). How was my summer, you ask? Wouldn’t you love to know. I took a little posting break for an August vacation to Turks and Caicos on my sugar daddy’s dime — because mental health matters. After doing the Gwyneth Paltrow “eat nothing but corn starch and get a beach bod” cleanse, I’m starving for some hot gossip. Watch your backs. 


Spotted: Little Ms. Aritzia Warehouse Sale walking around campus in an Aritzia Super Puff. Girl . . . be so for real for a second. We’re not even in November, and you’re ready for December? All the while, she was wearing shorts. What an . . . interesting outfit choice.

Trust me, peakies. She was sweating to the max. Earth’s in her global warming era — expect 20-degree weather until November. 


Spotted: Lonely Boy takes a day trip to Bellingham just for a Trader Joe’s tote bag. Why? To secure a girlfriend by the end of the calendar year. Apparently, he figured investing $5 was better than spending the same amount every day on matcha to look approachable. 

Sorry, Lonely Boy. Looks like you didn’t study the concept of the performative woman. When he settled into his lecture hall seat, he was immediately met by a group of girls who held up hastily-scribed protest signs. “HEY, HEY, HO, HO! IF YOU SHOP AT TRADER JOE’S YOU’RE A CAPITALIST, BRO!” they screamed. 

The irony? Half of them had a $15 oat whatchamacallit from Starbucks in their hand. I guess a Starbucks gift card is really a “get out of practicing what you preach” card. 


Spotted: An attention-craving couple cosplaying Gilmore Girls in the library. 

“Ugh, you’re being such a Dean, Dean! I can’t believe you don’t get me! I am so studious, I go to Yale!” she screamed, flipping her scarf in a scripted manner and looking around the room to see if anyone was recording this for TikTok. This is SFU, not Yale — sorry to burst your bubble. “Oh, right. I totallyyyy forgot about Yale. Are you making fun of me for being a bag boy? Your nose is alwayssss in a fricking book — it’s not like you’ll get a job in this economy anyway!” The only person to notice this little breakdown was a librarian who shushed them with much enthusiasm. 

That’s all for now, besties. 

You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Peakie. 

When university completely changes that person you avoided in high school

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A man facing the camera, with a clone of his body facing away from the camera. It appears to be a clone of himself. Both are wearing business casual clothing.
PHOTO: Jack Thompson / Flickr

By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate

Some people never change. Some people make it seem like they’ve changed, but it’s actually a disguise that they horrifyingly switch out of when they think they’re alone. 

The other day, I met the latter. It was not pretty.

He was an old acquaintance from my high school. Back when we first knew each other, my favourite conversations were the ones where we never spoke a word. Avoiding conversations in the first place always made my day extra special. He was one of those crypto bros who tried to sell me Pierre Poilievre’s NFT every time we met. I expected our relationship to continue with our anti-social ways after we graduated, but when I saw him at SFU, his usual RBF had been replaced by a smile so jolly that I almost didn’t recognize him. I tried to run — but he caught me first. 

We actually had the most uplifting conversation about how he’s enjoying school and having fun with friends. I was really impressed. How refreshing to see someone who went through an emotional maturation — to see the transformation of someone who used to say phrases like “what’s good my broski,” and now says, “Can’t we just talk about the political and economic state of the world?” 

After catching up, and talking about the importance of a feminist reading of Ibsen’s A Doll’s House, then about how much we hate Poilievre (shocker! He’s changed!), we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. We even made plans for karaoke Friday night. As I gave him an endearing wave, he hopped into the front seat of his car, letting out a sigh. While I walked away, I heard an unusual screeching sound. 

I turned around and saw a transformation that made a lot more sense than whatever emotional transformation he would have had to make to have gotten so cheerful and intellectual since high school. I thought he must have just read a self-help book or something, but the reality was much worse. Eat, Pray, Love was more like Starve, Curse, Hate for this guy.

In the privacy of his car, he screamed and held onto his head in pain. He peeled a suddenly-apparent mask (wtf?) off of his face, and his joyous grin morphed back into a scowl that I knew all too well. He punched the steering wheel so hard that it shook the car and a printed selfie of him with Elon Musk flew out of his sun visor. I hid behind a car so I could see what the hell was happening. He gazed upon the photo and it seemed to help ease the discomfort that escaping from his disguise must have caused him.

“GOD, MOM — what am I going to wear tomorrow now that all of my band shirts are dirty?? How about my The Clash shirt . . .  NO MOM. I need real music, like Radiohead or Death Grips . . . You know what? Just forget it. You suck, Barbara!” he screamed into the phone, his voice shaking the ground beneath me. 

I watched, disappointedly, with the realization that our short time getting along was all a façade. Maybe he adopted this persona to hit on the radical left baddies here (spoiler alert: he found one), or perhaps he’s just having a pre-quarter-life identity crisis? I guess I’ll be singing “Reunited” all by myself for karaoke this Friday. Or who knows, maybe he’ll change back? 

 

The Peak investigates: The SFU Pisser

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The AQ pond at night, a shadowy figure walking away from the viewer. An observer is holding a cellphone, filming them.
ILLUSTRATION: Olivia Blackmore / The Peak

By: The Humour Investigator

As I sat at my cubicle in The Peak office, all I could think about was what I used to be. When I was a News Writer, I investigated crime on campus . . . and now I sit in the dark, writing subpar humour that no one actually reads. 

What gives me hope is finding my arch nemesis — the SFU Pisser. I was once a real investigator, not a phony-ass detective wannabe who set up a sketchy Instagram page. If I were to return to my former days of glory, then perhaps it was crucial — no, super-duper crucial — to find out the identity of the pisser. We must stop them before copycats pop up. There are already fan accounts . . . 

Fellow students, I present to you 75 hours’ worth of investigative work. I present to you my shortlist for the identity of the SFU Pisser. 

POSSIBILITY ONE: The Port Moody Pisser 

My doomscrolling tendencies have led me to who I believe is the OG pisser in the Tri-Cities-Plus-Burnaby region. I present to you suspect #1: The Port Moody Pisser, located at Port Moody Secondary School. 

What is interesting about the Port Moody Pisser is that, what I believe to be their most recent pissing post, a video of their yellow urine painting the walls and toilet seat of a high school bathroom, was taken on March 10. The account recently posted another video from the same toilet . . . looks like someone pre-recorded videos and is now releasing them. 

The Port Moody Pisser is a very viable option to be the SFU Pisser. Perhaps the Port Moody Pisser graduated and is now maintaining both accounts? But what would explain the pisser’s shift in pee colour from dark yellow in Port Moody to clear white at SFU? Perhaps they did some TLC and stayed hydrated over the summer. In a statement to The Peak, the Port Moody RCMP also thought that the Port Moody Pisser had crossed the city line, and asked all SFU students who spot yellow pee on a toilet seat to call Crime Stoppers immediately. 

POSSIBILITY TWO: The SFU Investigator 

This would also make sense. Imagine this — you’re an evil comp sci student with nothing better to do than to make up fake characters in an SFU multiverse. The SFU Investigator seriously can’t be this bad at investigating crime on campus. Where are the stakeouts? Where’s the attempt to get CCTV footage? 

It is clear that the SFU Investigator, a no-good Instagram wannabe investigative journalist, is the equivalent of putting a child in Inspector Gadget’s robe. If he is this bad at investigating, then there’s a real possibility that he’s making all this shit up. 

POSSIBILITY THREE: Ex-UBC president Santa Ono wants attention

Santa Ono, the former president of UBC, was once loved by all students. After a tumultuous job search in the States that ended in him rejecting the diversity, equity, and inclusion policies that he once embraced (to kiss the ass of Republicans), he became unemployed. 

Think about it. Santa’s the perfect man for the job: he wants to see higher education suffer for kicking him out of the club, he’s got a desperate need for clout, and had years’ worth of access to campus bathrooms. It is also scientifically proven that after eating like a lavish university executive for two years, your piss will turn clear. Ah-HA Santa Ono! We’ve got you good. 

His motive? Relevance. Maybe we should remove him from our list — 

POSSIBILITY FOUR: The Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS

The SFSS is officially irrelevant. According to a survey by The Peak, when asked who the SFSS president was, 99% of students answered Joy Johnson. Perhaps the SFSS decided that it was time to become relevant again. Instead of politely taking SFU’s shitty (no pun intended) treatment of students, maybe the group decided to stage a public demonstration. 

Want to raise tuition? Want to ban paper towels? Fine. The SFSS will just piss on the floor. After posting the piss on Instagram, we suspect that he cleans it up. They don’t want to be too disruptive — they’re the SFSS after all. Except, they forgot to attach their name to the piss . . . looks like they need to hire a better PR firm. 

POSSIBILITY FIVE: No one 

Perhaps the pisser is just a figment of our imaginations. Perhaps there are better things to worry about in life than their identity. Nonetheless, I will continue to obsess over this. 

If the SFU Pisser wants a prime-time interview with The Peak — I’m here. I’m waiting. 

Inmate blames prison time on éclair shortage

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A woman holding a coffee cup and an éclair in her hands, enjoying her bites.
PHOTO: Pvproductions / Freepik

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Writer

My university life was garbage. Except for that time of the day when I’d find myself in front of my favourite place, Café Pour Moi  — where heaven meets my mouth, where I’d get my little treat of choice, an éclair. That cream that oozed out as soon as you took a bite, the chocolate that crunched just enough, the treat that was carried by the most perfect vessel of pastry encasing a velvety soft egg custard. My éclair was the one perfect thing in my life. 

So, one day, after a morning of boring classes filled to the brim with boring people, I made my way over to the bakery, as usual. I was thinking about it all day. It was the only thing that kept me going. When I got there, there was a sign on the door. 

HEALTH CODE VIOLATION: PERMANENTLY CLOSED. 

Oh no. NO, no, no. This couldn’t be true. Not now. I felt faint. I heard a scream, and then — darkness. I came to, about two hours later, in the driving seat of a car I didn’t recognize. But I knew what I had done. I had stolen a car. Damnit. Don’t ask me how I know. I was a woman depraved. I was capable of many evils.

I thought to drive home in this car, but I realized too soon that there was no way I was going to get away with my crime. I parked the car on the side of the road and pushed it into a nearby ravine. I know — I’m super strong and a crook. What can I say? Without my one dependable, I was running on pure anger. 

The next day, I walked to class despite all the voices in my head telling me to give up. There were flyers pasted everywhere on campus. “HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAR?” they read. God, get a life. Some of us have real problems. 

I finished my morning classes and took one step towards the bakery — and stopped. My heart crumbled as I remembered my bitter reality. I fell apart like a day-old éclair tossed around in my backpack. But there are no more éclairs. No joy. Nothing good anymore. 

I started trying to think of things that could bring me back to life. Something that could provide me with even a fraction of the joy that my dear éclair would give me. I remembered I had a real fondness for a cat I had met once. It lived on the outskirts of Richmond, near the airport. I remembered something from a YouTube video I had seen. Lasers attract cats. I would drive over and find that cat if it was the last thing I did. 

So I drove over to Richmond, laser in hand. It was dark when I got there, and I didn’t really remember where I had met this cat. I wandered around with the laser, shining it here and there. I heard the loud whoosh of a plane taking off from the runway. I startled up and followed my laser on it. The plane lights flooded my vision and I felt faint. I heard a clamor of screams from above. My éclair was the last thing on my mind before I passed out.

I woke up in a jail cell, that’s how this story ends. Apparently, it’s a federal crime to shine lasers at pilots. The judge sentenced me to three years in prison. And prison? It’s shit. Turns out there’s no fucking éclairs in here either. How am I supposed to survive three years in this place? Life’s a tragedy.

SFYou: Steven C. Gull

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A seagull sitting in front of the koi pond. He’s holding a director’s clapper.
ILLUSTRATION: Angela Shen / The Peak

By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik

If you’ve taken some time to explore around SFU, you’ve likely stumbled upon the reflecting pond. This aquatic tapestry is home to many creatures, including koi fish, herons, and even the occasional automobile. The Peak sat down with Steven C. Gull, a local resident, to get the scoop on what life at the pond is truly like.

Please note that this interview has been edited for concision and abundance of squawking. 

Can you start by introducing yourself? Who are you, and how long have you lived at the pond?

“You can call me Steve. I’ve been around for about five years now, but I just officially moved into the pond full-time. I recently wrapped up my English degree here at SFU. I’m a big fan of the classics, you know — FrankenseagullA Christmas CarGull, A Tale of Two Seagulls, those kinds of things.”

 

What brought you to SFU?

“I grew up about two hours from here as the gull flies. When it came time for university, I wanted to leave the nest and see the world — plus I heard that SFU had a great selection of stray french fries and various bugs. Since graduating, my parents have kind of just been bankrolling me while I try to get my new original screenplay picked up. Listen, it’s not easy being a creative. That’s actually part of the reason I moved down here to the pond from the roof of the library. I needed to get away from all those comforts and really reconnect with nature. My story is about a young crow who falls in love with a robin, but their families have this whole feud thing going on and yada yada . . . I won’t spoil the ending for you. It’s an original plot, one of a kind.

“I thought about migrating down to LA, because my buddy Jonathan Livingston has some connections around there, and he said he could hook me up. But I just couldn’t leave the pond like that. I mean, what can I say? It’s home.”

 

And you’ve lived here for how long?

“Well, technically, it’s been only two days. I would’ve gone earlier, but I needed the movers to bring in my portable sauna and my cruelty-free, ethically sourced latte espresso machine. Because I’m chill like that. Just the essentials, you know?”

 

So, how are you liking the pond so far?

“It’s good man, no complaints. Well, maybe just one little thing. I like to get up early and take a dip to start my mornings. It’s supposed to be good for the brain and body, gets the juices flowing. So, the other day, I had my earbuds in and was listening to NPR’s Wait Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me! You know, I love Peter Seagull. Great host. Anyways, I get in for a quick plunge and all of a sudden I bump into this koi fish out of nowhere. Totally messes with my vibe. So I tell him like, ‘C’mon dude, I’m clearly doing something important here.’ 

“Next thing I know he’s got this whole, ‘Hey buddy, I’ve been doing the same commute for 20 years, just trying to get to work and keep my kids fed’ shtick. It’s like, some people really just don’t care about their community at all, you know? Anyways, I’m hoping they could maybe tear down some of these older spots around the pond and bring in something like a Whole Foods or a hot yoga studio. That would really fix things up.”

 

Thanks for taking the time to talk with us, Steve. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

“Yeah, just keep an eye out for when my new work, Romeo and Gulliet, drops. It’s going to be a real tearjerker.”