By Gary Lim
SFU establishes new Faculty of Bears
By Gary Lim
Citing interest from the increasing bear population at SFU, the board of directors in association with the president’s office has decided to create the new Faculty of Bears.
“It’s a no brainer really, as of 2012 members of the family Urisidae will comprise four per cent of the student population on the mountain,” noted Shelly Thurman, newly instated dean of the fledgling faculty. “It’s an absolute shame that these majestic creatures have yet to be recognized for their ingenuity and intelligence. For far too long whenever a lone black bear wandered onto campus—likely in search of higher education—it was destroyed and mixed into the Chartwells’ meat supply, but no more.
Administrative analysts such as Stephen Calhoun say that the influx of new ursine students is just what SFU needs to facilitate future growth. “For a long time now international students have been the fiscal cornerstone of SFU, but we need to see a shift if this institution is to survive. We need to be bold, and tap into the virtually untouched non-human markets. Who knows how much vital revenue, in broken-off chunks of honey comb and half-eaten deer carcasses, will be pumped into school because of it?”
The programs offered by the faculty will range of a diverse number of topics from first-year foraging techniques, to seminars on how to properly defend your thesis and cubs. The classes will predominantly be held in Blusson Hall, now renamed Bearson Hall. Any human student caught inside Bearson Hall limits will no longer be covered under their SFU Health Plan.
In anticipation of the inception of the new department, existing faculties will begin offering bear-related courses in hopes of enticing the new students, as well as the leaving of open garbage receptacles outside lecture halls. Among the new courses offered are ECON331: Trends of a Bear Market, ENGL103: Bears of Canadian Literature and SA400: Bears in society: The ageing gay gentleman.
Overall student approval of the project remains high with only several vocal students decrying the logistics of the faculty. Freshman Andre Nicoletti remarked, “Am I the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea? I mean they’re bears, they’re forest animals, creatures that could rip us into lunch-sized pieces no problem. But for some reason now we want to put them in the middle of a densely populated, loud, and stressful environment? Who comes up with this shit?
I’ve tried speaking to other students and professors too about this but they just ignore me; no, they literally act as if I no longer exist. We’ll be talking about classes or tutorials and everything will be fine. But if I so much as mention the word ‘bear’, their faces go blank and their eyes drift off like something’s disconnected in their brain and then they’ll start smiling, a horrible rictus grin, and then they’ll just walk away. What the hell is going on here?”
Review: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
By Larissa Albuquerque
Photo by Les Erkine
Perhaps Shakespeare can help you form a truce with iambic pentameter with its postmodern spin on Renaissance-era theatre
Whether you dozed through Shakespeare in your high school English classes, or you’re a fan of the famed playwright, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare is a sight to see. Three talented men suit up in colorful tights as they set you on a comical and theatrical journey through all of Shakespeare’s tragedies, comedies, and histories. “Is it even feasible to perform 37 plays in 97 minutes with only three actors?” a skeptic might ask.
While this eccentric, fast-paced performance not only proves this to be possible, it will leave you more knowledgeable on what Shakespeare is all about and breathless with laughter. With so many plays and so little time, it is to be expected that corners get cut and creativity employed.
As a result, the audience is presented with clever shortcuts such as 16 comedies in a mere 60 seconds, 14 histories played out like the Superbowl playoffs, Othello summarized into a rap by a white boy, Macbeth with three butchered Scottish accents, and Hamlet both sped up and rewound.
The smaller size of the Metro Theatre and its low production value adds to this intimate performance, where audience members feel as if the actors on stage were their close friends performing on their living room floor because of their close proximity and interaction.
The general population of the audience consisted of lovely seniors who were all excited and ready for a night out on the town, along with mothers and fathers with their children hoping for a night that would cater to everyone’s likings. The addition of a more youthful turn out full of energy might have nicely added to the highly vivacious performance, and this would almost certainly occur if this play were to reprise at, say, the WISE Hall.
This aside, Braedon Cox, Robert Sterling, and Adrien Gendron give a brilliant performance through the amount of chemistry they have on stage. Their interactions with the audience and abrupt references to today’s pop culture make this play extremely comical and highly accessible, even if the only Romeo and Juliet you know involves Leonardo Dicaprio.
The Ruffled Feathers are poised for flight
By Eamonn Singleton
Photo courtesy of the Ruffled Feathers
With talent, creativity, and a new album on their side, all that’s left is a pinch of luck for the Ruffled Feathers to be propelled into success
Gina Loes, frontwoman of self-described chamberpop band the Ruffled Feathers, has her fair share of responsibility in developing the band’s unique game plan in distributing their upcoming album, Oracles. “If I ever went back to school, it’d probably be to study business,” she laughed.
Songs from the album are to be released in pairs every two weeks, easing the audience into piecemeal. Each release will also be accompanied by creative projects, such as artwork, short stories, or videos tailored to the songs. “For each song, we’re going to tell you what the song is about, how it makes us feel, and what the influences were. It also allows us to show a different form of art,” Loes explained.
The first release included “Canals of Suzhou” and “All My Cities”. The former is illustrated with a photo essay by Charley Wu, who plays a wide array of instruments, from the guitar to mandolin. “All My Cities” is accompanied by a family recipe for bread, from Gina’s mother, as well as a special T-shirt that was designed with the song in mind.
“I know some talented musicians who are playing, performing, and writing really good stuff,” Loes explained of the rationale behind the band’s strategy. “But with the structure of the music scene, you have to do something to stand out, to be unique. It’s really easy to record an album. Anybody can do it now and upload it to iTunes. But what are you going to do differently?”
Part of the band’s focused direction is a result of their previous struggles. After things things didn’t take off like they imagined after they released their Lost Cities EP in late 2010, the band took a break. But after six months of hiatus, Loes grew anxious to play again. At a time where she could have called it quits, she instead made the decision to give the band another go, forgoing other work opportunities in New York to do so. “I’d rather play music,” she stated confidently.
After a few changes in the line-up, and with a more thought out strategy, the Ruffled Feathers gave it a second try. By then, the momentum had been building, and the band found themselves on the airwaves of CBC Radio 3, and performing at larger venues like the Biltmore.
The band’s philosophy on remaining unique also extends to their style of music as well. “There’s a lot of classical piano, heavy horns, and male–female harmonies all overtop of a rock band,” said Loes. Oracles is a particularly eclectic compilation; she described some songs as having a Western theme, others sounding more traditionally Chinese, along with a few in the style of ‘50s doo-wop.
The Ruffled Feathers are hoping to embark on their first tour some time after their CD release show in April.
“The Vancouver music community is small enough that it’s accessible,” Loes said. “There are tons of great musicians, and it’s easy enough to make connections and for everyone to know each other.”
“However,” she continued, “once you’ve been around long enough, you run out of new places to play which means we’re at the point where we need to start traveling, but that’s a whole other barrier on its own.”
The Ruffled Feathers perform live at The Cellar on February 24.
Running wild
At this point, you’d have to be trying to ignore the SFU track and field team to be unaware of how well they’re performing this season.
The Clan were in Seattle last weekend competing in the University of Washington Invitational Indoor Invitational, and performed admirably — though so much is almost to be expected at this point. However, the competition in this event was much stiffer than much of what the Clan have faced this season, as many NCAA Division I schools were competing as well.
On the first day of competition, both the men’s and women’s distance medley relay teams finished well enough to earn a berth in the GNAC championships later this month.
On the men’s side, the combination of Adam Reid, Stuart Ellenwood, Ryan Brockerville, and Keir Forster ran their way into second place in the event. The women’s team of Michaela Kane, Sarah Sawatzky, Lindsey Butterworth, and Abbey Vogt finished sixth on their side of the event. Many of these runners had already earned spots in the championship in different events, but the two sides solidified SFU’s already notable presence in the presence.
Butterworth, Sawatzky, Kane, Forster, Brockerville, and Reid were also among the eight Clan runners to perform well enough on the events’ second day to earn one more race in the championships. Yubai Liu and Anton Hemeniuk will join those six as their performances in the 800-metre and 3000-metre events, respectively, were good enough to qualify as well.
Needless to say, the Clan will have their presence felt when the championships eventually roll around, and if you’re not paying attention yet, it’s about time you were.
Horizon bright for men’s basketball
It hasn’t been an easy season for the SFU men’s basketball team, and that’s putting it lightly.
The season was almost derailed before it even got going — the number of freakish injuries suffered by key players was, well, freakish. From cysts on the brain to torn knees, the Clan were behind the eightball from the get-go.
Despite all the pre-season adversity, the Clan opened the season strong, winning four of their first six games. That total alone actually surpassed their record from their inaugural GNAC season. Newcomers Javari Williams and Matt Ravio were quickly winning over the hearts of the fans with their chemistry and flash (particularly in the case of Williams), but that’s about when the good times stopped rolling.
Even more injuries befell upon the Clan — most recently a significant knee injury to forward Ibrahim Appiah, one of the team’s top rebounders — and the Clan have since gone 3–12 since November, with only two of those wins coming against GNAC opponents. The proverbial dagger to the heart has not been injuries, however. A number of Clan athletes — only a small handful, but still more than one would ever hope — have been forced to watch from the sidelines as a result of poor academic performance. The academic ineligibles, out for the remainder of the season, left their team with only eight players to start the new year — but that was before Appiah went down with his own injury.
With only seven available players at the moment, the team is having a tough time refraining from losing their breath, let alone games.
That’s not to say that the team hasn’t been competitive, however. The team has lost more than a fair share of blowout losses, but there have been a few defeats that sting more than most. In mid-December, when the team was mostly intact, the Clan lost a heartbreaker to the Academy of Art Universtiy, 84–83. And when the New Year rolled around, the Clan lost another one-point game, 74–73, when a last-second three-point attempt didn’t go against Western Oregon. A win on that January 5 game would’ve meant more than just a notch in the W column, as a win against the then-top-ranked team in the GNAC would’ve been a huge emotional boost.
News out of the men’s team could be more positive in the coming days, however. The Clan did defeat St. Martin’s University on Thursday. On a night where their female counterparts nearly doubled up on the Saints, the men’s side played, and won,
an incredibly close game against SMU. The Clan lead by just one at half time, and parlayed that into a 88–85 victory for only their second GNAC win of the year. Moreover, the Clan face the University of Alaska Fairbanks on Thursday. The Nanooks are the only other in-conference team the Clan have beat; they won that game on the road, but the rematch is in the cozy confines of SFU’s West Gym.
No matter how few players they dress, the Clan refuse to make excuses, and hopefully that mentality has started to turn the season back in the right direction.
