Petter contemplates Zen and the meaning of life while working on his Harley Davidson.
Word on the Street: July 30th
Q:So, the Summer Olympics officially kicked off last Friday with opening ceremonies in London. Thoughts?
“You yanks must have a couple roos loose in the paddock. Else why’d you be holding the Summer Olympics in the middle of bleedin’ winter every year. Dingo, vegemite, wallaby.”
Australia
Crazy backward land
“I refuse to watch the Olympics knowing full well that by 2116, the Olympics will have evolved into the Hunger Games.”
Gregory Barnett
Man in tin foil hat
“My word, the Olympiad games still exist? Astonishing. Surely this is a sign that the Greek civilization has remained as powerful and resplendent as in my day.
Ankletos
Ancient Greek
“Kiiiiiillll…..uuusss…”
Wenlock and Mandeville
Mascot . . . things
”Oh, yeah the Olympics. I’m…totally excited for those, just packed to the brim with patriotism. Hooray sports.”
Herman Miller
Just wants to watch Seinfeld
By Gary Lim
News Beat: July 30th
SFU professor wins world record for thickest accent
In a small ceremony held in Convocation Mall last Saturday, Guinness World Record officials awarded SFU professor of computing science, Ranjeet Chupala, the distinct honour of having the world’s thickest accent.
Competing amogst several prominent anti-linguists, Ranjeet wowed the judges with his indecipherable grammar, mumbling and inconsistent volume skills. He beat out the favourite to win, Tinashe Bosede, a Zimbali calculus professor stationed at the University of Lethbridge who conversed entirely in clicks and broken English.
In a short speech after receiving the award, Chupala thanked his students, fellow faculty members and the weather-beaten National Geographics, he used to teach himself English. “I’m most thankful that the world record company’s has being chosen me, for have the award. ”
The speech then continued for another several minutes, but this reporter was unable to extract any more information from the vague utterances that came out of Chapala’s mouth.
— Gregory Gregor
Fact checkers union goes on strike
Marking the probably-not-first time that a privatized sector has taken job action, the Fact Checkers Union of Canada announced sometime last week that it would immediately end all fact checking services, effectively grinding all major Canadian news outlets to a halt.
The FCUC have been in talks with Canadian communications giants Shaw Media and Postmedia, but as of last week have still failed to negotiate the terms for their 2013 contract renewal. Or maybe extension; one of those for sure.
Lamden Calbert, professor of . . . a professor at the University of . . . a notable scholar in the field of labour negations, was quoted as saying something along the lines of this being bad. Bad for the news corporations that is, and the flow of information being a key strategic good thing, for the FCUC.
Showing solidaritty with the FCUC, the Candian Proofreader’s Commision anounced last week it would be taking similer job action, reducing their hours to 1-tenth normal dooties.
— Sally Salzberg
SFU to hold contest for location of a new campus
Last week, SFU president Andrew Petter announced the beginning of a fun new contest to decide the home of a new campus location.
With campuses already in Whalley, the downtown eastside and up a mountain, the “U-Build-It” contest offers people around the community the chance to nominate the most undesirable locations they can think of to establish a new chapter for SFU.
In his weekly address, president Petter outlines the goals of the project. “Surrey and Woodwards were steps in the right direction. We already have people willing to push back their graduation plans just to avoid taking classes there. But we need to go further, dream bigger. I envision a campus so arduous and tedious to reach, it makes people reconsider even enrolling in SFU.”
Contest frontrunners include the L.A. neighbourhood Compton, the North Korean capital Pyongyang and the backseat of a Greyhound Bus at the tail end of a cross-country vacation.
— Brad McLeod
By Gary Lim and Brad McLeod
The internet impedes our judgment
By Emily Walker
Wolfville (CUP) — Recently, I awoke to a dreamy, snow-laden landscape with thick flakes floating through the air. I lunched and strolled with a dear friend and enjoyed a cup of coffee with another. I came home, made a pot of tea and settled into a chair to read a book. These events may seem mundane, yet they afforded me a deep satisfaction. I was happy because I had been wholly immersed in the tangible, unpredictable world we live in. Somehow, I had avoided booting up my computer and zoning into the Internet.
The internet is a curious thing: it gives us any information we want in mere seconds, and yet unfailingly leaves us feeling unfulfilled. Certainly, it pervades most interactions of our generation, yet few things are as alluring as the chance to slip free of the constricting mantle of the World Wide Web. Perhaps it is the lack of quality stimulation, for our senses are minimally occupied. Pictures are low-res and an unnatural colour, and the very act of staring at the glowing screen strains our eyes. Sounds are muffled and distorted. We press on tiny squares to input our thoughts. Scents relate only to the environment in which we compute, independent of the backlit universe with which our minds are so forcefully absorbed. We are mentally engaged (sometimes), but for the most part, physically disengaged. Furthermore, there is no synchrony to our stimulation.
I am not against the Internet — it dwarfs the impact of the printing press in both its astounding volume and accessibility of information. However, we have forgotten that online reading is not the only vehicle for education. So many profound, personal revelations can be distilled from the soft settling of snow on a winter night or the vastness of a mountaintop panorama. Likewise, a rousing discussion with a friend can awaken even the most stubborn to how poorly substantiated their biases may be. When we explore the pillars of our personal ideologies through conversations with other human beings, we can be shaken by the fragility of our convictions. In doing so, we move closer to understanding our inner voice.
To have an inner voice is to have an opinion. We are losing our opinions. The Internet appears to be awash in opinions of all sorts — in articles, in comments, on blogs. But how many are substantiated? How many are borrowed? With this access to information, we also gain access to predetermined opinions. It’s tempting to adopt rather than create. Why?
Well, in order to glean truth from a data set, a debate or even an offhand comment, you need to reflect. Unfortunately, the internet is not conducive to reflection. Our minds are constantly bombarded with information and therefore cannot process it in a meaningful way. We must unplug in order to mull over what we have absorbed. In doing so, we find ourselves; we motivate the “I” and “me” and “my.”
There is an alternative explanation. Maybe we do have opinions, but are afraid to publicize them for fear of how others will attack us. Anonymous posts and user names cleave the link between comment and commentator; consequently, responsibility for the opinion is never assigned. In this way, the online arena devolves into a circus, both cruel and naive.
We are one of the only species that can predict, recall and reflect on what we observe. Observe your surroundings and reflect on what you see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Maintain your skepticism. Above all, indulge in time away from your computer. The reward may surprise you.
Ignored by public for years, stranded man is finally rescued from busy street median
By Brad McLeod
SURREY — Late last night, a rescue helicopter airlifted a young man to safety from a street median near the intersection of Nordel and Scott Road. According to Search and Rescue, the missing man had been stuck on the highway divider for over five years.
Despite looking dishevelled, with a long beard and tattered clothing, Aaron Reinhart, a castaway for more than half a decade, was nothing but smiles when speaking to the media this morning, only hours after being reunited with his family.
Reinhart described the events that led to his disappearance as the result of “a foolish mistake” and considers himself lucky to be alive.
“It started like any other day, I was sitting at a bench waiting for the bus to go to work” explained Reinhart, who was at the time a successful accountant, “it was running a little late, so I decided to quickly go pick up some cigarettes at the gas station across the street. I don’t know why but I didn’t want to walk all the way to the crosswalk so I put all my better judgement and morals aside and jaywalked.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking, risking my life just to save a couple of minutes. Next thing I know, cars started coming in from every direction (two) and I’m running for my life.” Reinhart continued, holding back tears. “Luckily, the median was there, otherwise I’d probably be dead.”
When traffic didn’t die down, Reinhart weighed his options, and instead of risking his life trying to find his own way back to civilization, he decided to stay marooned on the median and wait for rescue.
“Weeks went by and no one seemed to notice me,” Reinhart lamented. “I even managed to make a sign explaining my situation and how I needed money to pay for cell phone credits so I could be rescued, but no one ever seemed to see me, they always just rolled up their windows and pretended to tune their radios like I was invisible or something.”
Unable to shave and surviving off discarded McDonalds meals, Reinhart grew increasingly ratty looking as he slowly gave up hope of ever seeing his family or walking on a sidewalk ever again.
“It was hell,” he explained. “Every day just looking out at a world that was nothing but Mazda Miata after Mazda Miata, I almost went insane.”
Reinhart went on to describe the dark realities of life on the median, “I thought of killing myself more than once; just throwing myself into the oncoming traffic lane and ending it like so many of the squirrels I’d eaten. But K.L. kept me from the edge, he always looked out for me.”
K.L. is the name Reinhart gave to the face crudely scrawled on the Keep Left sign also on the median, his only friend for five years.
Reinhart says the 1,826 days he spent on the median were the loneliest of his life, that he owes his survival to the men and women who rescued him, and that he has vowed to never go on another dangerous jaywalking mission.
The Search and Rescue crew from last night, on the other hand, say that they’re no heroes, and that Reinhart really owes his life to the group of six teenagers who died in an avalanche while they were busy “rescuing” him.
The Prayers: The appeal of the spirit and why it’s made
I was raised in a household that practiced Serbian Orthodox Christianity. I learned the Lord’s Prayer in the language, went to church for Easter and Christmas, and celebrated our patron saint day. Despite not considering myself a religious person, I still go to church for those occasions, and I still consider my religion to be Serbian Orthodox. Yet there is one thing that I can never bring myself to do: pray. Perhaps it’s because I don’t believe in a god or gods, or perhaps it’s my personality. To me, prayer has always had implications of giving up control, admitting powerlessness, and asking a higher power for help. As someone who strongly holds to the principle “if you want something done right, do it yourself,” and who can’t stand group projects, I find that kind of trust in a higher power disconcerting. Prayer seems like a last resort: when things are completely and unquestionably out of an individual’s control, they pray as a final attempt at fixing whatever dire situation they happen to be in. Yet there are many who believe in daily prayer, or at least in prayer in the absence of extremities. In fact, prayer in whatever form is a staple for most, if not all, major religions — including my own. I set out to understand what it is about prayer that is so empowering and calming to people across cultures, races, and generations.
For whatever reason, I always associated prayer as being under the blanket of religion. However, unlike my view of prayer — one of seeking out a higher power — some people use prayer to seek out and understand themselves, regardless of religion. Tony takes a spiritual approach to prayer, seeing it as a very personal process “Prayer establishes a connection to the deepest part of ourselves,” he explains. To others, it is not so much a process of self-discovery as it is simply about being calm, or wellness. Nik* was raised Muslim, but later began to identify as an atheist. He believes that people pray because it makes them feel good. “I used to pray and it gave me peace, but I can’t pray anymore in a traditional sense,” he says. “I believe the only secular form of ‘prayer’ possible is meditation,” These are all very personal reasons for prayer, completely unassociated with any external power. It needn’t have ties to an organized religion, or address anybody or anything — just as long as the individual gains some kind of emotion or feeling from it.
For some, there is no particular personal or religious reward from prayer; rather, it is as much of a habit as attending church on Christmas is for me. In many cases, prayer is associated with a religion, but it is more about family and cultural context than about the religion itself. Amrit was raised Sikh, and finds that she prays regularly, because her religious upbringing taught her to. “Because from a very young age my parents instilled praying into me, I do it instantaneously when I pass by a [Sikh] temple,” she explains. “Does it mean I’m religious? No, it’s just habit.” What struck me about this statement is how much family beliefs play into one’s habits, whether the personal beliefs — such as a belief in God — are present or not. For as far back as I can remember, my family practiced the traditions of Serbian Orthodoxy, but it occurred to me that it had never been discussed, nor did I know exactly how my parents felt about religion: did we say the Lord’s Prayer on Christmas because we truly believed in it, or simply because it was an action dictated by generations of habit? There is no better way to find the answer than to go straight to the source of my upbringing: my mother.
It turns out that, just as the habit of praying is internalized through upbringing, so too are personal views—even if they are unspoken. My mother’s view of prayer was identical to my own. She believes in problem-solving, not praying, and sees prayer as a passive approach for every-day problems. She explains that she was raised in a Communist household, where prayer and religion were non-existent – not naturally, but because that was the nature of the system at the time. It wasn’t until her adolescence that she began attending church, as a form of teenage rebellion against her parents’ communist values — something that sounds strange to me, but that managed to aggravate her family and bring her closer to religion. “I believe that the ritual of prayer is important because it brings back something spiritual,” she tells me. “But I don’t personally believe in it. The few times in my life that I’ve believed in prayer have been times of extreme misery, when I have no control over the situation — such as during the [Bosnian] war, when we were waiting to find out whether your father would be mobilized to fight.”
Most people — including myself — would at least consider praying if somebody they loved was gravely ill or in some sort of danger, and there was nothing they could do to help. It seems that, regardless of personal approaches and beliefs about prayer, extreme situations are often the ones where prayer comes in as a resort. This phenomenon has been the subject of growing research since the mid-1960s, when the first medical study of intercessory prayer was published. The first mention of efficacy of prayer was by Charles Darwin’s cousin, Sir Francis Galton, who wrote in 1872 that a controlled study should compare the recovery of injured patients based on whether they received prayer or not. To date, there have been mixed results as to whether prayer really improves the condition of critically ill patients. In 1999, an extensive Kansas City study found that prayer might have actually made a difference. Cardiac patients were divided into two groups, and volunteers from a local church prayed for one group, while the other group did not receive prayer within the parameters of the study. The former group, though they were not told that they were being prayed for, seemed to improve. However, a more recent study found that recovery from heart surgery was unaffected by the prayers of strangers; in fact, those that were told that they were receiving prayers appeared to have higher rates of complications after their surgery, such as heart palpitations. Researchers hypothesized that this was due to the stress from the expectations caused by prayers. Similar studies have been done with terminally ill patients, suffering from diseases such as cancer or HIV/AIDS. Some have shown that patients who practice prayer show improvements, though intercessory prayer still remains debated. No matter what the reason is behind the improvements of prayer — whether the will of a higher power, or a placebo effect — in situations like this, a ritual like prayer may be the only thing that brings hope. Other studies have found that prayer and meditation in a variety of religions — including meditation through yoga — have similar results on recovery, suggesting that it may be more an effect of the cleansing, calming process than the prayer itself. There are also studies that have shown that those with a long-term commitment to their faith and their prayer tend to live longer, and be healthier than those that never pray or attend a religious institution. There are many ways to interpret this information, but we have yet to find one all-encompassing explanation. Is it the power of prayer, or is it some other factor?
People pray for a variety of reasons, in a variety of ways, and to a variety of idols. Some do so out of habit, as part of a cultural context, or because they believe in a religion that dictates this as an admirable behavior. Others do so to get in touch with themselves, to reach a calm place, more as a secular meditation than a traditional prayer to a god. Our society is an individualistic one that places a huge emphasis on getting things done, and getting them done right, so prayer doesn’t always seem to fit into the everyday demands many of us experience. The fact remains, however, that we are sometimes placed in dire situations: illness, war, loss, and pain. It is in the face of these things that we may feel helpless, and it is then that even the most secular, self-sufficient individual is willing to turn to a ritual such as prayer.
*Some names have been changed
In vitro meat isn’t much of a stretch
By Sasha Moedt
Abbotsford (CUP) — A “Frankenburger” may soon replace the Whoppers and Happy Meals we’ve grown accustomed to. Earlier this year, an attempt to create an in vitro burger in a scientific lab was unveiled. Mark Post of Maastricht University in the Netherlands made his test-tube patty out of cattle stem cells. He has announced that the world’s first test-tube burger will be served up this October.
Some consumers express disgust when they hear how the meat was made: strips of beef muscle tissue were flexed and relaxed by electrical stimulus until they grew into a meat strip big enough to eat.
Something pulsating in a lab? It’s like The Matrix for hamburgers.
But I, for one, liked The Matrix. Who cares if you’re in a tub of goo and wires and not actually living? It worked fine. And the same goes with test-tube burgers. I don’t have too much of an issue with eating them.
There is so much preservative and funny stuff added to an animal’s diet before slaughter, and then again to the meat after slaughter. I don’t see how test-tube meat is much different. Both types of meat are modified (genetically or otherwise) to taste like genuine meat. Let’s not kid ourselves: fast-food meat isn’t any safer to eat than these test-tube burgers coming from the Netherlands.
In 2008, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) launched an initiative for scientists to make in vitro meat and bring it to market. Mark Post has a burger worth nearly $350,000, but according to The Telegraph, it’s unlikely that his burger will qualify for PETA’s million-dollar prize. For one thing, PETA specified that it was looking for chicken grown in a lab, not beef. The advocacy group also set June 30, 2012, as a deadline, and stated that by that time the meat must be sold to the public at a competitive price in no less than 10 states.
Even though he’s unlikely to win the prize, Post has still gained major props from PETA for his Frankenburger. And it’s no wonder — in vitro meat eliminates so many reasons to feel guilty about this “addiction” (which is a perfect term for it). There will be no more cruelty; yes, the stem cells will be harvested from live animals, but no animals will be slaughtered and far smaller herds will be needed, eliminating cramped feed-lots. The damages to the environment inflicted by us, the forests clear-cut to make space for cattle grazing, and the resources wasted will also be eliminated.
I eat meat. I don’t know how the chicken, cow, or pig was raised or what it was fed or how it was killed. What difference does it make if it’s grown like bacteria in a lab? It really is like The Matrix, except in this analogy, we’re the robots and the animals are the humans. We all know we can’t continue to live in the carnivorous way we’ve grown accustomed to. We have to make some adjustments.
