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Four: Bloc Party tries their hand at rock

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A turn towards heavy guitar and vocals makes Four an anomaly

By Caitlan Mustvedt

The problem with being a great band is that you set the standard to always be great. Unfortunately for Bloc Party, their latest album Four just doesn’t quite measure up in comparison to its predecessors. Guitar heavy in a way that is oddly similar to Three Days Grace, the album is too loud and too rock for a band that made their mark with upbeat synthpop and vocals you could identify anywhere.

With reports that Four was influenced more by Radiohead than earlier records, it makes sense that its opening track “So He Begins To Lie” plays like the formula for a typical head-banger metal song; repetitive guitar chords that lead up to a harsh, booming chorus that does its best to drown out lead singer Kele Okereke’s voice. Even “Coliseum”, which begins promisingly with a beat that sounds straight out of a western film, abruptly slips back to the rock-anthem vibe with Okereke screaming most of the lyrics. These tracks might as well have been recorded by a different band entirely.

The thing about Four, though, is that what it does well, it does great. When “3×3” starts playing, with the eerie, whisper-angry tone of Okereke’s vocals haunting quality of the melody, and the way he sings “now you’re one of / you’re one of us” in a voice that screams cult and horror, there are chills. Then there’s “V.A.L.I.S.”, a track so catchy and upbeat and full of clapping that your head is bound to bop along with it. In this, there are echoes of the old Bloc Party’s “Positive Tension”: the track has a bass line to die for, a rush in the background that sounds like wind, and a chorus that focuses more on Okereke’s vocals than the instrumental. It’s in these tracks that Bloc Party manages to recapture some of their old magic and remind us all of why we got excited over Four to begin with.

If you don’t know what Bloc Party is truly capable of, Four is perfectly enjoyable. But if you’ve followed this band from the beginning, sat and praised the beauty of Silent Alarm, and wondered at the distinctiveness of Kele Okereke’s voice, Four feels more like a first album than a fourth.

Patrick Krief: putting the pieces together

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The Dears’ Patrick Krief goes solo with Hundred Thousand Pieces

By Ali Omelaniec

 

Patrick Krief is calling from Winnipeg, Canada, where he is beginning his first nationwide tour as a solo artist. There is rattling in the background as his crew unpacks their trailer, readyingthemselves for Krief’s first out-of-town concert. This tour concludes a dark time in Krief’s life that haunted him for months and completely consumed him as an artist.

In May 2010 Krief, anxiety-ridden and panicked about the loss of his youth and the struggles of achieving financial stability, wondered, “how did I get here?” The result of this dark time in his life was Hundred Thousand Pieces, an album reflective of this period of self-analysis.

Hundred Thousand Pieces has a lot to do with isolation and existential questioning. It really is about crossroads: what I am and where I was at the time,” says Krief.

“I had just turned 30 when these songs were coming together. I was living alone and struggling financially.”

When Krief came back from Mexico in 2010, having worked on a record with The Dears, he was brimming with ideas for the new album. He began to write and record in his Cote-Des-Neiges apartment in Montreal; however, he didn’t necessarily have plans to release Hundred Thousand Pieces. “The album itself wasn’t a big announcement; I was working on it without letting anybody know. At the time, I was just doing an art project,” says Krief. “There was a part of me that thought ‘maybe I’ll never release this. Maybe this one’s just for me.’ ”

Most people who do art for a living know the term “starving artist.”  Unless your music coincides with mainstream demands, musicians such as Krief can find themselves struggling to make ends meet. “Do you compromise your art and get another job? You don’t want to make those compromises. My goal has always been to minimize anything else I have to do in my life besides music,” says Krief. “I try really hard to not get affected by my environment and be true to my musical inspiration.”

Krief says the song that kick-started the album was “Lost in Japan” then he found that the other ones came easy. “That song really gave me the feeling for the album. Sometimes it just starts with one song.”

In Hundred Thousand Pieces, Krief works to conceal the guitar sounds that usually define him, synthesizing sounds and using the instrument in unconventional ways, which showcases his other musical abilities. His vocal talent is also evident, producing raw, moody choruses such as in “Simple Lives.” The album is filled with orchestrations, strings, and choral singers that Krief says are “meant to sound really creepy.”

Krief admits that friends like Roberto Piccioni, fellow band member of Black Diamond Bay, have been there for him through the hardest of times. “Roberto has always been a part of what I’ve been doing and was there when the whole process started,” says Krief.

He lets out a small, muffled laugh while talking about his biggest challenge on this album: the drum recordings that were done in one day in studio, which caused him physical wounds. “It was my biggest challenge, physically speaking. I was racking my knuckles and bleeding [by the end].”

Hundred Thousand Pieces is definitely more expansive than my past albums,” says Krief.  “I feel like this album is more cohesive and stronger than my other works. It’s another step for me as an artist. Whether people like the album is all subjective.”

Throwback Review: Great reggae versions: a lovingly specific appreciation

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Reggae covers add zest to American and British pop songs.

By Geoffrey Morrison

 

The period from the early 60s to the early 70s has always been my favorite in Jamaican popular music. It has something to do with the hesitant inception of new forms, tenuous, breakable rules, experimentation, vitality, and mess. Ah, the holy, incorruptible mess: once the production values get really good around 1971  my interest sort of wanes. Not only did Jamaica come into its own as a nation in this decade (gaining independence in 1962), but so did the incendiary three-stage radio rocket that is ska, rocksteady and reggae, a musical missile delivering a delectable sonic payload. Of course, this was a remarkable period, not only for Jamaican music, but also for the popular music of the world at large — more remarkable still, is that for just about any great American or British pop hit of the 60s, there is probably a reggae version of it. And it is probably amazing.

Take, for instance, Harry and Radcliffe’s cover of Sam Cooke’s “Wonderful World” (aka “History”): as with just about every solid reggae cover, the version adds ample bass and a sweet, danceable bounce to an already catchy melody. Here, though, the snappiness of the reggae makes the playfulness in Cooke’s lyrics of high school romance more explicit. I am also very fond of the Gaylettes’ cover of “Son of a Preacher Man.” This is still reggae, but with a massive, dramatic horn section, girl-group-style backing vocals, and a frantic pace that nearly overtakes lead singer Judy Mowatt. Toots and the Maytals take on John Denver’s dippy “Take Me Home, Country Roads” and never falter for a moment.

The great reggae cover is also carnivalesque. The original, Tommy James and the Shondells version of “Crimson and Clover” liquefied my 13-year-old soul, making me feel like I was in love without even knowing with whom. When The Uniques get their hands on it, the opening thumps of the bassline rekindle that sense of nascent romance. This is no straightforward imitation, though — in lieu of the studio effects of the Shondells version, The Uniques improvise their own, pretty much on the fly. The ballad gets a sense of humor, but maybe this is love as it ought to be.

Translink service changes

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By Alison Roach

This semester, Translink finally heard our desperate pleas, and has rolled out a few changes to provide better service up and down Burnaby Mountain. In addition to the regular higher seasonal service levels that have been reinstated for the fall semester, here are the permanent changes meant to improve your commute.

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The scenic tour of Hastings Street is now available every 15 minutes on Saturday between 9pm and 11pm, making your trip home from the bar a little less crowded. This change is in effect in both directions.

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The always-crowded ride from SFU down to Production Way Station is now running every 12 minutes from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m., Monday to Friday.

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Service from SFU to Coquitlam Station is running more frequently from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. from Monday to Friday, running every 12 minutes instead of every 15.

Word of warning

About the changes, Translink said, “These service improvements have been made possible by redirecting service hours to where they are needed most. This means that certain routes will run less frequently at certain times of the day or night. The change may be barely noticeable — a nine-minute gap instead of seven — or it may be significant, like moving from half-hour service to 60-minute service.” So if you’re travelling during non-peak hours, make sure you check the bus schedule before heading out to wait at the stop in the rain; you could be there a bit longer than expected.

Top 5 places to eat under $5

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By Adam Dewji

Photo by Mark Burnham

Let’s face it: most places on campus are terribly expensive, and a tasty, satisfying  meal costs at least $10. In light of this, I took it upon myself to find the options that a lot of people don’t realize are available. I walked around campus with my hefty $5 bill and 12 per cent HST in change on hand.  What did I find? There are at least five places on campus where I can grab a satisfying amount of food. And believe me, these are tasty food choices.

 

5. Renaissance “Muffin and Coffee” Price: $2.99 (including tax)

A muffin can certainly be filling; we’ve all seen that episode of Seinfeld, right?  Nonetheless, these muffins are HUGE. They are fat-guy-on-the-bus-that-takes-up-three-seats huge.  And the best part: it’s almost all muffin-top. Delicious! Renaissance has the tastiest chocolate chip muffin I’ve ever had.  Combine that with a plethora of coffee choices — everything from irish cream to hazelnut to “Rocket Fuel” dark — and you’ve got the perfect place if you’re craving caffeine and a muffin.  It’s also a great place to take someone for coffee if you’re feeling nervous; just nibble on your muffin instead of twitching or talking about how it rains in Vancouver a lot.

 

4. Pizza Point “2 Slices + Pop” Price: $4.25

If you feel like going for pizza, but are skeptical, I’m telling you: this place has improved over the last couple of years. The pop that comes out of the fountain isn’t as watered-down as it is at most places, and their pizza is quite good for the price. I usually find myself ordering the BBQ chicken pizza slice, or one of their other meaty selections. They have other stuff too, like fries and chicken strips. If you haven’t, try this place out. It’s $5 that will fill you up and won’t taste like butt, so long as you like pizza.

 

3. Plum Garden Noodle House “Fried Noodle Special” Price: $3.99

I was a little sketched out when I saw this place too, but I decided I felt like eating noodles — we all get that craving once in a while, right?  Take your stereotypical “Chinese-take-out” fried noodles, and throw in some fried chicken (or at least what I think is chicken).  It’s a solid amount of food, tastes good, and doesn’t break the bank!

2. The Ladle “Soup” Price: $3.35 (small, 12oz); $4.55(large, 16oz)

You might be thinking: “Soup? Fuck that, soup is for wussies,” but not this soup!  Trust me; I’ve had my fair share of soups, and this place kicks ass!  The Ladle is run by the SFSS, and they have everything from the curry-based mulligatawny to broccoli to minestrone; no soup is ever skimped on the taste!  It took me a while to try it, because everything they serve is vegan/vegetarian, and I never thought anything without meat would have any taste, or could ever be filling. Holy crap, was I ever wrong.  They have other things too: home-style macaroni and cheese for less than five bucks, grilled cheese sandwiches that they make in front of you, and other things I haven’t tried yet because their soup kicks so much ass. They’re located in the MBC, downstairs from the registrar’s office. Give it a try!

1. Club Ilia “Small Pasta w/ sauce; 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Lunch” Price: $4.50

The hidden gem on campus for lunch? Club Ilia’s walk-in “get your food and get out” lunch from 11 a.m. to 3pm. The pasta is so incredible that it blows my mind how no one ever thinks of going here!  You choose what kind of pasta and sauce you want, and get a generous portion of your choice. I got a large my first time (priced at $6.50) and I couldn’t finish it, so opt for the small for $4.50. It’s the same quality as their sit-in pasta, and chances are, you don’t have time to sit down in the restaurant anyways if you’re grabbing lunch between classes.  Either way, this rocks the socks off of any other place you’ll come across with food under $5.

Close competitors that didn’t make the list:

The Highland Pub “Poutine,” “Toonie Tuesday,” ”Wings Night” –Price: $7, $2, 25-cents wings

Your friendly campus pub is a great place to go for a bite!  Not to mention a drink, or two, or more.  Their poutine is a delicious choice for $7, but because it’s over the $5 limit, it gets a “runner up” prize.  The poutine is quite good for pub food; it’s no Montreal poutine, but it’s worth the plunge.  Also, on Tuesdays they have a number items for $2, including burgers, hot dogs, edamame, and others. On Wednesdays, they have 25-cent wings, so don’t throw them out of the competition. Highland Lager goes for $11.25, so it’s a great place to go with friends, because beer is awesome.

The Himalayan Peak “Lunch Buffet”, “Naan-wich”, “Chicken-stuffed naan” Price: $12, $7, $4.25

Do you like naan?  Delicious Indian-style flatbread? How could you not? Now just imagine chicken or meat with Indian spices, and throw it between some Naan for a sandwich, and you’ve got the “Naan-wich”! It tastes better than it looks (and it looks delicious), and at $7 it’s both tasty and filling. The Himalayan Peak also has a lunch buffet for $12, which kicks the crap out (no pun intended) of most Indian food restaurants in Burnaby, never mind on campus.The taste of the chicken-stuffed naan appetizer is like an orgasm for my taste buds, and I don’t normally like Indian food. It’s probably my favourite thing on the menu. Unfortunately, it fails to rank because it’s too small to be considered a meal.

Surviving your first year

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Photo by Mark Burnham

By Pearl Tanna
“Expect the worst and hope for the best” — this is my mantra regarding school. In my first year, however, I was out to make a new name for myself and prove that I could make it. I quickly learned that this is easier said than done. I didn’t really have anyone around that could help me wrap my mind around the immense changes of leaving high school and entering university. The only advice that I got was from a perky PhD student who told me that I needed to take five classes each semester in order to graduate on time (this is by far the worst thing to do in your very first year of university).

Follow this advice and you’ll breeze through your first year. Remember, learning from your own mistakes makes you smart, but learning from other people’s mistakes makes you brilliant!

Academic Advice

University courses are vastly different from high school subjects. First of all, you get to pick your courses and professors. This is both a blessing and a curse. In their first year, students often take either a schedule full of hard courses, or they sign up for all the slack courses, and neither one will really help you that much. You need to find a happy medium. Don’t expect to take all the first- year sciences and get away with the A+ that you’re used to. First year is designed to weed out all of the students who cannot deal with the stress, so relax.

It’s good to take classes outside your intended major; after all, this is the time to explore your interests. However, taking classes solely because you’ve heard they’re easy is just a waste of time and money. Do not take five courses if you can’t handle the workload. It’s fine to withdraw from courses if you do it by the deadline. Dropping out is nothing to be embarrassed about, especially if you’ve got a part-time job and other responsibilities. Instead, take a maximum of four courses for the first semester. Know your limit, and don’t try and push yourself past it. It will only cause you stress and will actually be counter-productive to your GPA.

Picking teachers randomly can also be risky. Use student sites, such as Rate My Professor, to find the teacher that best suits your learning style. That said, ratings aren’t the be-all, end-all. Use them as a guide, so that at least you know what you’re in for. I didn’t find out about this website until my third year, and it would have saved me from some seriously monotonic lectures that did nothing for my mind except put it to sleep.

If you thrive on competition, join a study group. This way, you make friends, you stay on top of your studying, and you have a safety net of people who will help you with the stuff you don’t get.

To save some cash, buy used textbooks. You can find these online (Craigslist, Facebook, Books2go, or Amazon), ads posted around the school, and in your school library. Use the bookstore as a last resort. School fees will keep on piling, so this is an easy way to save some money.

A lot of first years tend to pull all-nighters, cramming as much knowledge into brains as is humanly possible, and surviving on greasy foods. Big mistake. At the time, it doesn’t seem that bad to stay up all night, but it’s really a bad pattern to fall into. A few years down the road, it’s going to be hell, because you never learned to successfully manage your time, and staying up all night is no longer an option. I am completely guilty of all-nighters, but they left me feeling physically sick and mentally drained. It is the worst condition to be in when writing an exam. I ended up drinking and eating as much coffee and sugary foods as I could just before the exam to stay awake. Trust me, your grades will be higher if you manage your time well. A habit that many university students fall into is drinking excessive and unhealthy amounts of coffee at all hours. Consider subbing in tea, (a good choice is Yerba Mate, known for its lack of caffeine and abundance of matteine) for a healthier choice.

When it comes to studying, time is of the essence. Don’t try to read through all the content the night before an exam. You won’t get anything out of it and will waste what could have been valuable study time.

The SFU campus has a great fitness center, which is included in your student fees, so make good use of it. Exercise has shown to lead to higher grades by reducing stress, not to mention that you’ll feel more energized and confident. Know yourself: if you know you have really bad concentration at 8:30 a.m., either don’t schedule morning classes, or sit in the front, where you won’t be able to doze off. If you’re a completely forgetful person, like myself, pack your bag the night before so you have everything you need for the next day.

Carrying heavy textbooks and binders around all day is just asking for back pains. Leave your binders at home and carry around notebooks instead. You can also check out the campus library to see if you can borrow the course textbook from there while you’re at school, so that you can leave your copy at home.

University Life

After a hard day of studying, by all means, reward yourself with a beer or two. Be warned, though: it’s not called the “freshman fifteen” for nothing, and alcohol is an easy way to pack on pounds without noticing. Another way to control this is by packing your own lunch and snacks that you will need for the day. Not only are you less likely to eat fast, greasy food, you also save money.

If you don’t live on campus, save money by taking public transit instead of driving: not only is getting a parking space nearly impossible at SFU, sometimes you can meet interesting people on the bus. Keep in mind that busses have a tendency to fill up pretty quickly, so plan for the bus schedule and get there early.

Always ask questions. If your professors intimidate you, go to your T.A.s for help. They are paid to answer your questions. Think of them as tutors that you share with 200 other students.

One common regret is not joining clubs in first year. This is a great way to stay in touch with campus life if you live at home and to make friends doing something that you enjoy. University is a much bigger environment than high school, so if you want to make friends, you have to break out of your shell and talk to people around you.

Living on campus is an experience that is recommended to students at some point in their university career. I’ve heard mixed things: some say that it reduces stress and boosts grades, while others say that it’s not a great experience. Well, if you can afford it, try it. What’s the worst that could happen? If you don’t like it, at least you know.

Safety is another thing to keep in mind. If you leave the school late at night, call campus security, and they will walk you to the bus stop or your car. I’ve had incidences where I’ve left the school at 10 p.m. to take the bus, and didn’t get home until midnight. Make sure you carry a cell phone with you, and let people know where you are at all times.

You now have enough information to make your first year a little easier. If there is one piece of advice to take with you, it’s that stress will do you more harm than good. The life of a university student can be tough, but it’s definitely worth it. Some say that the high school days are the best of your life, but they don’t compare to this.

SFU Olympic Results

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By Bryan Scott

SFU had five Olympians, two bronze medals in London

SFU had five athletes compete in the 2012 Summer Olympics held in London, England. They are Arjan Bhullar (Wresting, men’s freestyle 120 kg), Carol Hunynh (Wrestling, women’s 48kg), Jessica Smith (800 m), Jasmin Glaesser (Pursuit Cycling) and Teresa Gabriele (Women’s Basketball). All of these individuals competed hard and represented Canada proudly.
Carol Hunynh, from Hazelton, B.C., lost her chance to add another gold medal (coming off a gold in the 2008 Beijing games) by falling to Hitomi Obara of Japan in the semi-finals of the women’s 48kg division. Hunynh still left London a medalist after capturing the bronze by defeating Senegal’s Isabelle Sambou.
Jasmin Glaesser won the bronze medal in the team pursuit with her teammates, Tara Whitten and Gillian Carleton. They rode to a fourth place finish on the first day, but they qualified for the bronze medal race versus Australia. They rode hard to beat the Australians and take home the bronze medal.
Arjan Bhullar, from Richmond, finished 13th after a hard fought battle with Komeil Ghasemi from Iran; it was his first time at the Olympics.
Jessica Smith, from North Vancouver, finished her 800m heat with a time of 2:07.75 to qualify for the semi-finals. Even after running a roadrunner-like 2:01.90 in her semi-finals heat she finished seventh in the heat, failing to qualify for the finals.
The Canadian Women’s Basketball team and its SFU athlete Teresa Gabriele, from Mission, finished 2–3 in round robin play to finish fourth in Group B. Unfortunately, that meant meeting the powerhouse United States in the Quarter Finals after the crossover with Group A. As predicted, the Canadians fought hard, but lost 91–48, and bowed out of the tournament still happy with their performance.
Overall, it was an average Olympics for Canada. We had one gold medal, five silver medals, and twelve bronze. CTV estimated 6.4 million viewers tuned in the 2012 London Summer Olympic Games opening ceremony. Viewership stayed high, as evidenced by the social media explosion over the Women’s Soccer semi-final.
Rio 2016 is only four years away, and it is apparent that we have a lot to look forward to from Simon Fraser’s Athletes and Team Canada in the future.

Lions on top at halfway point

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By Bryan Scott

Lions (6–2) look to continue their success as second half of the season rolls

The BC Lions look like a team that knows what they’re doing as they sit on top of the Western Conference and the entire Canadian Football League with a 6–2 record, other than two early losses to Edmonton (27–14) and Saskatchewan (23–20), the Lions have looked calm and ready, but able to pounce at the right time to grind out some important wins.
They look better than they did at last year’s midseason, when they were just climbing out of the basement of the league. This could be an indication the Lions are ready and eager to repeat as the CFL champs. Despite being the best team in the league, they do not dominate individual stats by any means. Keron Williams is the only one to lead a stats category with seven sacks in eight games.

They have relied on their special teams and the patience of Travis Lulay to pull out some late game heroics. Last week’s win over Winnipeg was no exception when Paul McCallum hit a 41-yard field goal with no time left to seal the deal 23–20. As the second half of the season comes around the rest of the team will need to pull together in order to secure top spot.

The Lions travel to meet the Montreal Alouettes (5–3, 1st in the Eastern Conference) to begin a home and home series, which will continue September 8th at BC Place. These teams do not like each other so it will be an exciting two weeks of football.

Where them jobs at?

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By Paul Hurst

The insurance industry is a great place for recent graduates to look for a job

Many moons ago (264 to be exact), I popped out of the protective bubble of SFU and crashed headlong into the brutal reality of the work world. Within seven months of graduating with a psychology degree, I was an ICBC claims adjuster.  It was very much a sink or swim situation, as there was no training, and I was thrown into combat immediately. Nineteen years later I resigned to seek out a new career, as burnout had set in.

I’m very happy to be back in the protective womb of post-secondary education, but the insurance industry in Canada is desperately crying for skilled workers to fill positions like the one I left. Besides working for large corporations such as ICBC, there are many smaller organizations that are now, or will shortly be, looking for staff at all levels.

Insurance sales can be very lucrative. For a short time I worked as a marketer, supporting a sales producer. Adjusters often work for small firms. With some experience under your belt working for an adjusting firm, you can go independent. Being self-employed has some real perks: you get big tax writeoffs, and being your own boss means you can tell yourself to go fuck yourself and you likely won’t fire yourself. Underwriting involves actuarial skills, so if you are good at math, or have a business or accounting degree, I’d strongly suggest talking to firms that handle this.

As more people retire, the opportunities for advancement will increase. The largest shortfall is apparently going to be in the managerial ranks, but obviously other ranks will need staff too.

The most recent Canada census results show that about 23 per cent of all Canadians have a university degree. Unfortunately, a B.A. is a bit like the new high school diploma. It’s a minimum requirement for quite a few jobs, and obviously it makes it more competitive for everyone. So be glad you have one, regardless of your major or your GPA. Most employers, as far as I’m aware, don’t look at these.  I worked with adjusters who had marine biology and math degrees.

Once you get a job with a company in the insurance industry, generally speaking, they will (or should) pay for further specialized education. School never stops. The primary qualification in Canada is called the CIP, or Certified Insurance Professional. You need to complete 10 courses in the three main streams: Adjusting, Underwriting, and Broker. Normally you focus on one of these three. You can also take classes at BCIT, which offers a similar qualification. Having your CIP is pretty much mandatory if you plan to have a long career in insurance. If you are struggling to find work, and think you might want to go into insurance, then consider paying for at least one CIP class to show potential employers you have initiative.

Developing several long-term plans (Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and my primary plan: Plan 9 From Outer Space) is very important. If you don’t have a rough idea of where you might want to go, you ain’t gonna git there, nohow.

When tutoring turns into plagiarism

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By Susan Currie

One student’s story of academic integrity in the face of the almighty dollar

I’ve done a lot to sustain my addiction to higher education: I’ve been a student caller, a maid, a cat sitter, a waitress, and a security person in a big yellow coat. Hell, I’ve had someone offer me one hundred dollars to publically kiss my feet and take me out for sushi, which I accepted (who wouldn’t?). I’ve done tawdry things to get myself through my post secondary education — those yellow security jackets still haunt my dreams.
Yes, when it comes to tuition payments my morals drop, but as I scrolled through the “Part Time” section of Craigslist and decided to try my hand at Tutoring, I didn’t think I’d be risking all that much. Not like I did when I replied to those “Sexy foot photos, no nudity, HONEST” ads.

The ad was for a part-time tutoring service, so I put in my resume and had a reply within days. I sat down in the illustrious Bread Garden where the interviews were being held and was asked the standard questions. When I got to the end of the interview I figured “Here’s another for the mediocre jobs list,” with no idea that the real interview was just beginning.

“You said you were able to tutor up to second-year university?”

“Absolutely.”

“That’s great.” My interviewer looked around and then back at me, “Sometimes our students, they’re really busy and they don’t always have time to do their homework — they don’t always prioritize English classes, and well sometimes they might ask if you’d be willing to. . . .”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry, I’ve had friends who are TAs and I’m more than aware of how easy it is to catch someone who’s cheating. I’d inform the student of the risks, and tell them that those are not the services I offer.” I beamed, knowing I’d said the right thing.

Apparently not though. My interviewer’s eyes got wide and she looked side-to-side and then down, her mouth became smaller and thinner. “Well. . . .” she said.

“Oh…” I said, getting it, “Oh. . . . well . . . I’d still tell them how easy it is to get caught, but . . . if you wanted me to do that you’d have to pay me a lot more.” She smiled happily.

The moment I said it I felt dirty.

“We tell them it’s a reference, that they’re only to use it to reference off of.”
“Of course. So when I write their papers for them I’m not really writing them to be handed in.” She didn’t like that I said it out loud.

I negotiated the cost of pimping my brains. I left the interview with a contract.
What was I getting myself into? As I watched candidate after candidate file in I realized that almost every one of these individuals was going to have the same request made of them. The implications were tremendous. I’d be out of school soon and not working in the education system, so what would be the actual harm to me?

I realized that this isn’t an obese man struggling in the streets to kiss my pedicured toes — this is plagiarism. And unlike toe guy, it wouldn’t be a one-off deal.
When you get that dirty feeling outside of the bedroom you know what to do. Yes, it’s costing me potential dollars, but let’s just say: I’ll do a lot for cash, but I won’t do that. In my opinion, it’s just not worth it.