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Hansel and Gretel is a grimm slog

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hansel

By Will Ross

Photos by David Yanchick

If your film takes place in a medieval fantasy world and features shotguns, record players, and defibrillators, don’t expect your audience to take it seriously, and for heaven’s sakes, don’t take it seriously yourself. Wanting it both ways leaves you with neither, and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is guilty of this and many other halfway starts and stops in opposing directions.

The famed fairy tale siblings, after their story of orphaning, kidnapping, and candy-witch killing plays out in the prologue, dedicate their lives to killing witches. Fifteen years later, the now-esteemed witch hunters come upon a town that has suffered 11 child abductions, where the sheriff (Peter Stormare) accuses a woman of witchcraft.

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) rush to the woman’s defense, point out that witches always show rot on their face and in their teeth, and with the mayor’s aid, they free the innocent woman and cow the incompetent sheriff.

Except that later it turns out there is a kind of witch that can disguise her face, and the hunters already knew that, so why would they let this one go? The subplot of the sheriff, a half-assed villain jockeying for control of the town, is inexplicably dropped halfway through. The children likewise seem unimportant.

There is almost no perceptible motivation or desires for any of the characters, nor dramatic justification for conceits like Hansel’s candy-caused diabetes; the film just lurches from one shapeless witch fight to the next.

It’s all so goddamn stupid, and that’s a shame for some of the more-than-able crew: the production design somehow manages to create lived-in sets and props that do not visually clash with the modern technology as much as they could (although no one could convincingly shoehorn in the gattling gun that shows up at the 11th hour). Effects-wise, a minor troll character is an animatronic marvel; even with his limited range of facial expressions, he’s far more convincing than the vast majority of CGI characters in recent years. Otherwise, it’s all incongruous misfires.

The film doesn’t even know what to do with its gore and violence, so gleefully played up in marketing. In one scene, a character is showered with the blood and gory chunks of an innocent man who combusts all over him, and reacts with boyish wonder. Later, he witnesses a decapitation and almost throws up. The bloodletting is altogether inconsistent: restraint and abandon alternate meaninglessly.

And still, all of these half-baked characters and anachronisms
could have been fun, if the film wasn’t so insistently joyless. To work, a schlockfest needs to be just that: an embracing and gleeful celebration of schlock. Instead, Hansel and Gretel is an empty and confusing experience.

Going up and growing up

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WEB-climbing2-Mark Burnham

Sometimes you just need some perspective in life – 600 feet of perspective

By Mark Burnham
Photos by Mark Burnham

I started climbing back in high school, essentially growing up at the local gym. The local community taught me to climb indoors, and eventually outdoors on real rock. But it wasn’t until my first big wall climb that I really fell in love with the sport. Many people don’t understand what we do; one of the most frequent questions I get is “why do you climb?” To answer that you’ll need to know some climbing basics.

To begin, there are three main types of rock climbing. Bouldering involves climbing small- to medium-sized boulders, with foam mats used in place of ropes. Sport climbing involves climbing up cliff faces that have been bolted. This means that all along the climb, metal fasteners have been predrilled into the rock. Climbers attach the rope to these bolts as they reach them. If the climber falls, they’ll fall to the last bolt with the rope being held by your climbing partner.

Traditional climbing also involves climbing up a cliff face, but instead of using bolts for protection, the climber places gear into small cracks. When weight is placed on the gear, it expands and secures in the crack. The climber then clips the rope into this gear. Thus, if the climber falls, they will drop until the rope tautens and the gear catches them. The climber will place gear as they climb so as to never fall too far. This third type of climbing is by far my favourite.

If bouldering is all about strength and movement, sport climbing is about endurance and technique, while traditional climbing is about pure adventure. Not being limited to the height of a boulder or by a path of pre-placed bolts, means that the climber can go anywhere as long as they can find holds and gear placements. The adventure comes from the unknown and the freedom to explore the wall, and definitely the possibility of getting lost on a climb. Furthermore, the climber has to be aware of not only where to place hands and feet, but where to place gear, when to place it, and when to save it for later sections. Running out of gear means long gaps in protection.

Keep in mind that when a climber’s last gear placement is only five feet below them, they not only fall the five feet to that placement, but the five feet below the gear placement as well. Add on the stretch of the rope and small runouts quickly become big falls.

So with all the dangers involved, why do I climb? I could go on and on about the outdoor experience, the friendships with climbing partners, the simple pleasure of climbing, the early mornings with epic views, and the late nights with new stories. But one of the biggest reasons I climb is because I love getting scared. Balancing that very tangible fear of falling with the focus needed to overcome it and complete the climb is an interesting thing. There is a consistent tension when you’re climbing up high, and it doesn’t end until you’ve finished.

It’s not the act of falling or of getting scared I like. I loathe that part. It’s the part after the climb, usually on the descent and the drive home that I love. Life is a fragile thing, and getting scared reminds me of that simple fact. It reminds me to forget about the noise in our society and to focus on those everyday things that are so easy to take for granted.

I’m not trying to convince everyone to start climbing (though you should definitely try it). I love to climb and many people won’t. I’m trying to convince you to get yourself scared — or at the very least, to get outside of your comfort zone — once a day. Force yourself to chat with someone in class you don’t know, join a club you know nothing about, or even just stay up on campus after class for a pint. It probably won’t reaffirm the fragility of life, but you might have a little fun in the process.

Bad faith bargaining

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Claims decision is “seriously flawed”

By Alison Roach

SFU administration has announced last week in a letter to CUPE 3338 that the university intends to apply for reconsideration of the BC Labour Relations Board (LRB) bad faith bargaining decision.

The previous Monday, Jan. 23, the LRB announced that they had found SFU guilty of bargaining in bad faith in their collective agreement talks with CUPE 3338, citing the university’s attempts to keep the employee Pension Plan on the table as a breach of the LRB Code. CUPE has stated that they are willing to discuss changes to the pension plan — which is current $64.5 million in debt — but only once they have come to their own collective agreement.

The Pension Plan affects all SFU Employee Groups: CUPE 3338, Poly Party, APSA and Excluded Staff. The plan is widely acknowledged to not be sustainable in its current form. Following the LRB decision, CUPE officials received a written response from Dario Nonis, SFU’s executive director of human resources. “You should be aware that the University has received a legal opinion that the [Labour Relations] Board decision is seriously flawed on both procedural and substantive grounds and therefore wrongly decided. As a result, the University is proceeding with an application for reconsideration of this matter,” wrote Nonis.

Nonis went on to state that SFU plans to file the application this week, and will contact CUPE’s council in regards to next steps. SFU has 15 days from the date of the original decision to file the application for reconsideration. The LRB will then ask for submissions from each party to be put together in two weeks. Upon receiving the submissions they will make their decision to either uphold the original ruling or to reconsider.

CUPE 3338 business agent John Bannister said he hopes the LRB will come resolve the issue by mid-February. Of SFU’s decision to apply for reconsideration he stated, “We’re disappointed . . . We think this is delaying the whole process to nobody’s benefit.” Banner continued, “We’re confident that the decision will be upheld.”

Keeping the silence they have maintained throughout the bargaining process, officials for the university declined to comment on the situation.

SFU Authors for social change

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By Monica Miller

Stephen Collis
Stephen Collis teaches contemporary North American poetry at SFU, with a focus on how literature intersects with movements for social change and justice. Author of five books of poetry and recipient of the Dorothy Livesay Poetry Prize in 2011, Collis also writes social criticism. Last fall, he was a Shadbolt Fellow at SFU, allowing him one year off to write based on a proposal for a book-length philosophical essay on change.

“Virtually every discipline — whether in the humanities, physics, biology, you name it — has an explanation of change (how things change, why things change) at its core,” Collis explains. “I was interested in the relationship between art and social change — the idea of the avant-garde, of art that is oriented towards social change.”

In the midst of this, the Occupy movement occurred. Collis believed in the cause and volunteered to write for and about the movement; the essays he wrote were published online and later became part of his latest book, Dispatches from the Occupation.

The rest of the book was created from his original proposal, exploring the concept of change broadly during the current global economic and political crisis. Stephen cites the Arab Spring, Indignados, Occupy, Quebec students, and Idle No More as just a few examples.

“I’m convinced we are living through one of the great transitions in world history, and we all have to play whatever role we can in this,” states Collis on his writings for social change. “I have a small platform as a writer, and thus a responsibility to speak to the crisis we face. But I’m also another body in the street, and I realize it’s my responsibility to be there too.” In May 2013, Collis’ first novel, The Red Album, will be published with BookThug.

Matt Hern
Matt Hern is a sessional faculty member in the Urban Studies department at SFU, as well as a writer, organizer, and activist. He has founded a number of community projects including Car Free Vancouver Day, which started as a block party on Commercial Drive and has since spread to four major neighbourhoods around the city. Hern’s motivation is simple: he is interested in working in his community and with his neighbours on pressing social problems.

This sentiment is echoed in his book Common Ground in a Liquid City. “The core argument is that an ecological future has to be an urban future, but we can remake our cities as something other than crass investment mechanisms populated by greed and shoppers. We can reimagine cities as something better: compact, funky, self-generating places full of community, common places, and vibrancy.” Hern’s other projects are youthbased: Purple Thistle Centre and the newly launched Groundswell, just to name a couple.

The Purple Thistle is a youth-run community centre for arts and activism. Founded in 2001 as an answer to an alternative-to-school community institution for youth, it has since grown to a 2,500 square-foot resource centre run by youth, for youth, and completely free. Stay Solid!: A Radical Handbook for Youth will be published on Feb. 28. It was edited by Hern and written as a “scrapbook-style collection of ideas and stories, information, advice, and encouragement to stay solid and build a good life in a crazy world” by a collective of people from Purple Thistle.

Groundswell is Hern’s latest endeavour. Launching soon, Groundswell is a training institute designed to help young people under 35 start their own cooperatives, collectives, and social enterprises and other grassroots economic alternatives.

A night in a Toronto student sex party

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WEB-SEX party-Mark Burnham

Sex clubs are far less underground than you may think

By Kristine Wilson
Photos by Mark Burnham

TORONTO (CUP) — Everyone is naked. As the DJ spins music on the first floor of Oasis Aqua Lounge in downtown Toronto, a few men in their 20s sprint from the pool to the hot tub without bathing suits. One
floor above them, two women — also naked — are perched on a sex swing. Across from them, a man — again, naked — is tethered to the wall in chains and leather binds.

These were just a few scenes from Jan. 21’s “epic student sex adventure,” an event organized by the University of Toronto Sexual Education Center (SEC). The party invited university students from across the Greater Toronto Area to visit Oasis, a water-themed sex club a few steps north of Ryerson’s campus. The sex party was one of the first of its kind at a Canadian university. Rather than talk about sex, the event encouraged students to push personal boundaries and explore their sexuality in a safe environment.

That step — from theory to practice — sparked a media firestorm. The story drew hundreds of comments on the Toronto Star’s website and was shared more than 21,000 times on Facebook — making it the fifth most viewed story in the website’s history.

But would anyone show up to the sex party, or was the hype all talk? I went to find out. On Monday night, a sea of about 200 students formed a line outside Oasis. Protesters walked up and down the line, yelling things like “God loves you!” They were Christian protesters from York University’s United Through Worship student group.

“I think it says something about where our society is going morally,” said Natalie Smith, a member of the group. “This is encouraging them to devalue themselves, whether it’s STDs or unwanted pregnancy.” But SEC said they made sure to keep the event as safe and sex-positive as possible; condoms and packets of lube were piled in bowls across the club. The event had a laid-back vibe; students could grab a drink at one of the many wellstocked bars, and a DJ in the corner blasted beats from a turntable. On the third floor of the club, Ryerson student Kay Poli lounges as couples have sex around him. Pornography is playing on TVs on the walls. For him, the event is nothing new. “I’ve been here before,” Poli said. “What I like about this sex club is that it’s open to all genders, all orientations.” Poli is one member of a new generation of students who frequent Toronto sex clubs. In fact, Oasis has hosted dozens of student friendly events before.

According to Jana Matthews, the club’s co-owner, university students are a regular presence at Oasis. “We did the same event with [SEC] last year and . . . everyone that was here loved it,” Matthews said as she puffed ultra-thin cigarettes in her office.

“It was them that convinced us to have a student night. So many people were interested we started to do it every Monday, and we have for the past eight months.” At Steamworks, a gay bath house on Church Street near Wellesley Avenue, students are invited to realize their sexual desires.

“You can’t go in there, it’s men only!” shouted an onlooker as I tried to enter the bathhouse. I decided not to listen and pushed through the door. “You’re going to see a lot of things you don’t want to see!” he yelled after me.

I entered a dark corridor lit only by yellow lights. A heavy-set man with a large beard passed by me. “You know this is a male-only spa right? You can’t be in here.” I smiled and kept walking towards the front desk, where a well-kept man stood behind a glass-enclosed desk. The receptionist, Teymour Nadjafi, explained that students often visit Steamworks. “About one in five of our clientele is a student; they are in here almost every day,” he
explained. “I think students would still come even if we didn’t offer any student discounts. I think they find it good for self-discovery.” Despite the media hype, it’s clear sex clubs and bathhouses are nothing new to university students. Toronto’s sex club scene isn’t huge, but it’s far less underground than one might imagine.

Crofts leads Clan in Washington

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SFU does well on the track, can improve in the field

By Bryan Scott

Both Simon Fraser University track teams were in action last week at the University of Washington Huskies Invitational in Seattle, Washington. Senior runner Helen Crofts once again led the way for the Clan, improving on her already impressive 800-metre time, and helping the medley relay team to their NCAA division II leading performance.

Crofts was amazing in the 800-metre, beating her own time by two seconds, and achieved an automatic qualification in Nationals with a time of 2:08.52. The 800 was a good race for the Clan women as four other members gaining provisional qualifications for the Great Northwest Athletic Conference.

In the medley relay race, which is different than a regular relay race in that all the members run different distances for a total of 4,000 metres, the women’s team dominated. The team consisted of Crofts, Michaela Kane, Lindsey Butterworth, and Chantal Desch. They finished in sixth behind
a few NCAA Division I powerhouses like Oregon, Brigham Young, and Washington but are the best in Division II with a time of 11:41.78.

Desch also competed in the 400-metre, proving herself with a provisional National qualification and topping the GNAC standings in a time of 57.56. Andrea Abrams earned a GNAC standard in hurdles. In the field, three women earned provisional GNAC standard scores. Mercedes Rhodes and Charlotte Crombeen finished 23rd and 24th in long jump with lengths of 5.13 and 5.10-metres respectively.

Finally, Jade Richardson finished 23rd in shot put. The men were less successful, but still had a good showing. Cam Proceviat gained a GNAC automatic standard in the 800-metre, in a time of 1:56.02. Adam Reid and James Young did the same in the mile race. The men’s medley team consisting of Keir Forster, Stuart Ellenwood, Reid and Young, finished in a time of 10:10.43. They came eighth in the mixed field of NCAA divisions.

Their time is second in the GNAC behind Alaska Anchorage. Luca Moliner finished 17th in the weight throw, and was the only man in the afield for SFU to get a GNAC standard score. On the lighter side, SFU’s coach Tom Dickson finished first in the mixed 60-metre dash with a time 7.66 seconds.

SFU Holds on for win

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WEB-mens hockey-Vaikunthe Banerjee

SFU starts three game road trip with win over Trinity Western University

By Andrew Jow
Photos by Vaikunthe Banerjee

With January coming to a close, the Simon Fraser University hockey team (12–3–0) took on the Trinity Western University Spartans (3–12–0) on Saturday night. With their next three games coming on the road, it was important for SFU to put forth a good effort and start the road swing off strong.

SFU had their best chance early when Ben La Vare broke in alone on TWU goaltender Tim Zwiers, but was turned away. Following a solid penalty kill of a four-minute TWU power play, SFU got on the board as defenseman Taylor Swaffield crept in from the left point and buried a fantastic La Vare crossice pass. Nick Sandor added another SFU tally with 1:18 left in the period when he tapped in a slick Christopher Hoe pass at the TWU goalmouth. SFU started the game strong, using their speed and strength to take a 2–0 advantage after one. The first half of the second period was all about Clan net-minder Andrew Parent. He made an incredible glove save off of TWU’s Matthew Chaput early in the period. Parent wasn’t done there though. Less than a minute later he made a cross-crease save to thwart a TWU two-on-one. Kale Wild rewarded his goalie’s efforts by scoring a short-handed goal with 8:03 to go in the second. To top his strong period off, Parent turned away a late breakaway chance by Mattias Schmitt.

The third period started off great for SFU, with number nine Joey Pavone capitalizing on a fantastic stretch pass by Swaffield. After this early marker, it was all TWU. The Spartans applied immense pressure for most of the period, which resulted in two quick goals by Tyler Miller and Matt Ius. But with 6:10 to go and the score 4–2, TWU’s Josh Stephenson committed a hooking penalty. SFU were given a perfect opportunity to ice the game, and the Clan did just that. Despite being 0-for-4 on the power play, SFU’s Jono Ceci netted the game clincher. The power play goal was the most important of the night.

Although TWU gave a good effort in the third period, SFU was able to hang on and convert at the key juncture in the game. With this win, SFU stays within three points of first place Selkirk College. The Clan plays Eastern Washington and Selkirk next week as part of this three game road trip.

Campus Update – February 4, 2013

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By Gary Lim

SFU Health Plan drops coverage for radon exposure/strong>

SFU administration announced last Thursday a change to
the health care plan currently offered to all SFU students.
The one and only change: the policy would no longer be
covering any injuries or illness relating to exposure to the
radioactive materials.

To discuss why the change was so sudden and unexpected,
The Peak sat down with vice dean Charles Tweed. The
reason the policy was changed was that “the medical service
provider told us to trim down the plan, and this was the most
economically feasible change.”

“Besides, it’s not like the radiation sickness is something the
typical SFU student needs coverage for,” added the vice-dean
from inside a bright orange haz-mat suit.

In completely unrelated news until further notice, all
lectures, labs and tutorials will be held outside until further
notice, as the AQ, Shrum Science Centre, Blusson Hall, West
Mall, Maggie Benston Centre, Library and all Residence
building are off-limits, as they are “being sprayed for termites.”

W.A.C. Bennett Library to begin phasing out books

Interesting news coming out of W.A.C. Library early this
week indicating that the library will be the first among the
three SFU campuses to undergo a new program, slowly
phasing out the storage and borrowing of books.

Head Librarian, Candice Wu, spoke to The Peak about
the new program. “Yes, we’re getting rid of the books. People
just weren’t using them. There were just so many better uses
for all that room and after we’re done, it should clear out a
signifi can’t amount of fl oor space.”

When asked what would be replacing the periodicals
with, Wu replied, “Well, we polled the students, and the
most the popular idea seemed to be Kindle recharging
stations. So we’re thinking just row after row of outlets. But
that’s not all. The rare books collection will become a room
fi lled with staplers and hole punchers.”

“As for the books, there’s no room in storage, so we’re
probably just going to burn them.”

The debate consolidate

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hotly debated

By Ljudmila Petrovic
Photos by Mark Burnham

David Suzuki did it. So did Michael Ignatieff, not to mention a number of prime ministers, lawyers, politicians, and diplomats. All were once members of a debate club.

SFU’s Debate Club meets for three hours twice a week, and their sessions consist of training seminars and rounds of practice debates. The seminars are divided into stylistic — which cover styles of debate — and content seminars, which focus on an academic topic. They often have third or fourth year students, sometimes grad students, to come in and hold workshops on certain topics, such as the situation in Syria or the Greek financial crisis. The other side of their meetings is an improvised debate on a certain topic, usually a current event. “The best way to get better at debating is by debating,” says Gordon Welsch, the club’s recruiting director. “It’s a skill like anything else.”

The members are quick to note that there are many transferable skills that students can acquire from the Debate Club, including public speaking and analytical skills. Club president Umer Altaf regularly holds workshops on introductory logic and philosophy to help with these skills. These skills not only help with debating and oration, but also with writing papers. “It’s a lot easier to structure an argument when you have that analytical framework,” explains Chardaye Bueckert, VP of finance. “It becomes easy to come up with things off the top of your head.”

Furthermore, there is a social aspect to the club: you get to meet people that share similar interests who you probably wouldn’t meet otherwise. According to Altaf, a lot of their members want to work in the foreign service, so many in the club have historically been students of IS, economics, or political science. This year, because of an increase in recruitment, there has also been an upsurge in science students as well.

The club competes in both formal and informal debates. “We consistently do well in all of them,” says Umer. Conferences happen on state and provincial level, as well as a national level. Certain larger schools like UBC, SFU, and UVIC also have invitational conferences. Last semester, SFU had a team in the semi-finals of the British Parliamentary Nationals. They also had a speaker beat out a student from Yale to place third at the Northwest Tournament, not to mention a tournament in Seattle where SFU accumulated more trophies than any other school, including Seattle and Yale.

More informally, the International Relations Student Association (IRSA) at UBC challenges SFU to a debate every year. “They did it again,” said Alraf, “we won again.” The judges of the debate are not students, but rather respected community members, including lawyers and diplomats.

The club’s membership depends on the semester, but the active group (the one that regularly competes) tends to fall between 15 and 30. The email list, however, is much larger, with a lot of debaters taking advantage of some of the club’s skill-building services. The club used to operate on a much smaller model, training only six to eight people. “We’re trying to change that, make it work as a larger model,” explains Alraf. “So we’re actually trying to recruit students from all sorts of departments.”

The Debate Club offers many opportunities for personal and professional growth. “It’s really powerful to be confident and articulate when you speak,” concludes Welsch. If you’re interested in getting involved, the debate club meets on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 5:30 in AQ5008.

Peak Week – February 4, 2013

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Eats
So, this exists: the smoked saltdusted maple bacon chocolate
caramel with roasted almond and nougat bar. Made by BETA5 for Meat and Bread, this beauty is chewy and layered with complex flavours, and may just be the best chocolate bar ever. If you’ve never had anything made by BETA5 before, you’re missing out. Their location at 413 Industrial Ave. pumps out an array of sweet treats, including the Green Flash Brewing Co.’s Double Stout ganache filled chocolate, Salted Butter caramels, and layered Citrus Pannacotta in a jar.

Beats
The Peak and CJSF are holding a Student Media Night! Come to the Highland Pub on Thursday, Feb. 7 for beers and wings, as well as performances by The Oh Wells, MANCATO!, and Dead Soft. There will be drink specials, as well as giveaways, which may or may not include president Petter t-shirts and Canucks Tickets.

Theats
This coming Friday night is the weekly Midnight Cult Classics night at the Rio Theatre. These films include pre-show entertainment, and if you dress up in costume you get $1 off the $8 entry fee. This week The Rio Theatre and Black Dog Video present what they call “the best worst movie ever masterpiece” The Room. The film is synonymous with audiences rolling around in laughter, even though the inexperienced filmmaker/ actor Tommy Wiseau intended it to be serious. And if you need something to wash out that sour taste in your mouth afterwards, hang around for a showing of Moulin Rouge after.

Elites
The Audain Gallery is currently hosting About Academia: Muntadas, an investigation of the structures and functions of the university. Antoni Muntadas is our current Visual Artist in Residence, and his work with SFU will consist of engaging with students in the School for Contemporary Arts as well as developing a publication with the Audain gallery. The exhibition is comprised of three projections, the video installation being juxtaposed against scrolling textual components. Because the exhibit takes place in a gallery downtown in a university, it encourages viewers to analyze the context within which it is placed.

Treats
The Board of Trade has recently opened a second location in the heart of Gastown, at 206 Carrall St. The new location features an expanded inventory, with men’s and women’s apparel, as well as accessories and homewares. Handcrafted and painted ceramic bowls and spoons adorn the shelves, and canvas tote bags line the brick interior. When it comes to women’s clothing, expect drapey blouses in tie-dye and tribal-inspired prints. As for men’s, you’ll find t-shirts boasting “Dance Away” as well as button up denim shirts.