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Sedin twins conjoined

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sedin twins

Canucks hope to offset weak win record using with horrific science

By Gary Lim
Photos by Mark Burnham

VANCOUVER — The world of hockey may never be the same again after last week, during Sunday’s home game against the Dallas Stars, when Henrik and Daniel Sedin made an unannounced return after a suspicious nine-game absence.

The twins, who according to the official statement have been seeking “treatment for chronic back pain resulting from an old hockey injury,” reappeared last Sunday with a clean bill of health to the surprise of fans everywhere. Surprise that soon turned into confusion and then outright terror, as Daniel and Henrik turned out to be anything but Daniel and Henrik, now stepping out onto the ice as Danrik, the league’s first conjoined player.

Following a dominant 5–2 victory against the Stars, team owner Francesco Aquilini and Danrik spoke to the reporters that hadn’t immediately fled Roger’s arena in shrieking abject terror.

“The Canucks have always been a great team, but it’s becoming steadily apparently that greatness isn’t enough. We need to be bold. Plus the fact that it gets us an extra man on the ice without breaking any formal NHL rules doesn’t hurt either,” said Aquilini.

Indeed the 2013 rule book, though thorough enough include a subsection on positions available to a teenwolf (Centre, Right Winger), lacks any by-laws or stipulations differentiating conjoined teammates as separate players. Sources indicate that Dallas team owner Tom Gaglardi is attempting to get the win stricken under section 133.1, regarding the maximum amount of ice time givable to any “abomination, horror, or crime against God” in a regulation game.

When the floor was finally opened for questioning, Danrik’s two heads voiced his feelings on the career transition in perfect unison.
“Danrik believes this to be step forward in his career. Every year, the players get younger and younger and Danrik is just another year closer to his jersey hanging in rafters. Now Danrik has a competitive advantage, is stronger and faster than rookies. Danrik is stronger and faster than everyone. The doctors told Danrik that the involuntary self-reference in third-person should go away with time.”

The numbers don’t lie; by surgically grafting of one Sedin twin to another, The Canucks have created the league’s highest scoring current player, with 1,051 career assists and 466 career points.

Retaking the floor, Aquilini closed by saying, “This is the future of hockey. Although complications were expected, namely because Henrik is center and Daniel plays left wing, we were able to make it work, once and for all proving that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” referring to Danrik’s three assisted goals and two blocked shots on net.

As of press time, there are reports from the Atlantic Division that the New Jersey Devils’ entire defensive line, consisting of Matt Corrente, Mark Fayne, Andy Greene, Mark Harrold, Adam Larsson, Bryce Salvador, Henrik Tallinder, Anton Volchenkov and Dainius Zubrus, has been surgically fused into a large chimera creature.

Stuff we HATE

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By Gary Lim and Ljudmila Petrovic

Manitoba

Manitoba is Canada’s worst province. There I said it. If Canada was a family, Manitoba would be the brother they sent away after they found it taking apart cats behind the tool shed.

Honestly, it’s like a shittier version of Saskatchewan, without Corner Gas or wheat. I mean, Prince Edward Island barely counts as a province (you can drive across it in 42 minutes) and manages to knock the socks off of Manitoba. They don’t even speak a proper language in Quebec and they keep trying to secede every other Tuesday. Still better than Manitoba.

While other respectable provinces are exporting soft wood lumber, maple syrup or lobsters, what’s Manitoba’s chief export? Regret?

I hate you so much Manitoba.
— Gary Lim

Automatic Doors
The door comes in two modes: open and closed. So you’d think that motorizing half of it would only make it more user-friendly? Well like the Stephen Hawking that’s a big fat fucking “wrong”. They open out of nowhere and scare the shit out of you, causing you scream out in a crowded coffee shop. Okay, fine, causing me scream out.

You know when you’re in a hurry and would actually benefit from some magical approach sensing doors? That’s when the door decides to open just
slowly enough that you have to come to a stop or slam face first mosquito into-windshield style.

I guess you can always take the initiative to manually open that door, but seriously? It’s an automatic door. It has one job.
— Ljudmila Petrovic

LAST WORD: Solo? Yolo!

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Why travelling on your own is great

By Amanda Mcculley
Illustrated by Eleanor Qu

“Wow, I could never do that,” the cashier at Value Village tells me as I explain that the second hand backpack was going to help me get across the country. Her incredulity reminded me of other warnings and declarations of disbelief from acquaintances.

It was like that awkward party in my hometown where a girl I had played soccer with explained that she had never been out of the province, or the time my co-worker warned me that my friend and I would be assaulted if we tried to hitchhike from Montreal to Kingston for St Patrick’s Day.

I wasn’t always the type to take off across countries by myself; when I was 18, I couldn’t even go to a concert alone. But after one too many nights home alone regretting my cowardice, and a few years of independence and experience, I’ve grown into a woman who has travelled across Canada twice, hitchhiked, and gone through the States on my own.

While my journeys earn me worried phone calls from family members and looks of disbelief from acquaintances, through happenstance I still manage to know people who have gone out of their comfort zones more than me — and have gone it alone.

Human beings are considered social creatures that see doing anything alone as scary and risky. A friend of mine from Newfoundland recently visited me during a political science conference and frankly, her experience of staying in close quarters with a gaggle of underslept, travel-weary girls seems scarier than any solo travel experience I’ve ever had.

Over the holidays, I stayed in Seattle by myself for a few days before flying back to Ontario. I was alone, yes, but I managed to befriend a very cool Aussie girl during a pub crawl — a pub crawl that wound up being just the two of us.

We ventured up to Capitol Hill, where we met a bar owner, played Connect Four at a pub, and wound up making friends with more travellers after a booze run at Target landed us back at the hostel.

I often get frustrated at my friends’ unwillingness to come travel with me, but there are tons of other people out there experiencing the exact same frustration and wanderlust.

Coordinating group travel is hard. You have to compromise, make conversation, and plan pit stops. As I get older, I’ve realized I’m not the type to be social all the time; I would rather fold laundry if my roommate’s boring friend is over, and I feel uncomfortable holding hands on first, second, and tenth dates.

My best travel experiences have happened when I’ve gone it alone; more often than not, I manage to meet other young people and we have a great time. Unlike friends from home, they don’t get upset if I want to stay in bed and nurse a hangover instead of going shopping.

Travelling alone means not worrying about splitting costs, losing track of someone, or being friendly all the time. It means exploring what you want, when you want, and not having to answer to anybody.

As for this idea that travelling alone is physically dangerous? Just don’t be an idiot.

Maybe travelling alone during blizzards or in regions of conflict is a bad idea. Things like maps, phones, and backup plans become your best friend.

Frankly, the only times I have ever actually been at risk of being assaulted in any way was amongst friends, at a bar I go to frequently right here in Vancouver. You are more likely to be assaulted by someone you know someplace that you’re familiar with than abroad.

By avoiding travel, young people (especially women) miss out on amazing experiences that are at the very least fun and at best monumental. It is a shame that individuals are scared or shamed into missing out on what they want to do when the journey can be so fulfilling.

Yes, sometimes due to logistics or personality clashes, travel happens solo. Sometimes that’s the way to go.

Win Canucks tickets from The Peak!

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Sorry, this contest is over!

Peakcast #8

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Another special edition of the Peakcast for queer awareness week. Enjoy!

Reality TV should not be a government public relations project

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Cartoon-March 25 2013-BenBuckley

State-funded border services reality show needs to go back where it came from

By Joseph Leivdal
Illustration By Ben Buckley

In a political climate where the Conservative government has implemented numerous xenophobic (often racist) immigration and refugee policies, including the mandatory detention of “suspicious” asylum seekers for up to one full year with no guarantee for refugee status, we should be highly suspicious of a government-funded reality show featuring the CBSA.

On March 13, dozens of Canadian Border Services Agency officers, accompanied by cameras from Vancouver’s Force Four Entertainment, raided a Vancouver construction site, arresting dozens of migrant workers despite the stated intention of the CBSA to detain one particular man with a lengthy criminal record. Eight remain in custody and are facing hearings and deportation.

The cameras were collecting footage for the television show Border Security: Canada’s Front Line, a production of Force Four Entertainment and National Geographic, and recorded the arrests. More disturbing is the complicity and aid of the government in the show’s production.

A document signed by public safety minister Vic Toews back in May of 2011 recommends that Toews supports filming a pilot and teaming up with Force Four. The line stating how much government funding the show received is, unsurprisingly, whited out.

Furthermore, The Globe and Mail stated that the show “received funding through the Canadian film or video production tax credit, a federal program run through Canadian Heritage, and the BC production services tax credit.”

Given the forces behind the development of this show, it is worth considering the effects it will have on the public’s recognition of the harsh realities faced by migrant workers and refugees. The show consists of the portrayal of CBSA officers on the job, often accompanied by fast-paced music and quick cuts, implying a sense of urgency.

By focusing on the actions of the CBSA, the audience is encouraged to identify with the CBSA agents, who are given air time to justify themselves with embarrassing mistakes edited out. Thus, the show positions itself on the side of an authority that is exercised in highly controversial ways, removing the original context of the controversy.

Furthermore, by following the typical framework of conflict leading to a resolution, the show establishes a narrative framework of protagonist (CBSA agent) versus antagonist (the person of suspicion), who raises a conflict that must be resolved with the use of the law, portrayed as justice. This creates a binary that misrepresents both parties.

In fact, it perpetuates xenophobic tendencies and racism by obscuring the social, political, and economic realities of the people portrayed on the show. It values entertainment over human dignity, and promotes government policies, doing the government’s dirty work for it.

In defence, Toews stated, “It is important to remember that illegal immigrants cost lawabiding Canadian taxpayerstens of millions of dollars per year, and it costs our constituents thousands of jobs”.

Far from costing taxpayers millions of dollars, migrant workers (legal and otherwise) are doing jobs that no one else wants to do, are consistently paid less, and are subjected to abusive employers and a nearly impossible visa application process.

Renata Kobek, an immigration consultant and representative of one of the workers, stated “As a matter of fact, there are Filipino nurses working as food vendors, East Indian engineers driving taxis, and doctors working as janitors.”

The activist group No One is Illegal held an emergency rally shortly after the raids, protesting this gross violation of rights and privacy. A petition has also been circulation through social media channels from the “Change” organization, calling for a cancellation of the show, and for the CBSA to cease their involvement and to end violent deportations. The petition has gathered nearly 20,000 signatures at the time of writing.

Stephen Collis, professor of english at SFU, sums it up well: “It’s hard to see this as anything other than ideology. This show presumes guilt, demonizes immigrants, and encourages xenophobia and racism. I hope all Canadians can see through this, and condemn the Conservatives actions here.” So do I.

G.I. Joes and oh hell nos

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By Gloria Mellesmoen

KBG sorority’s latest event smacks of the sexism they purport to oppose

They say all publicity is good publicity, but I have to question what the women in charge of SFU’s sorority Kappa Beta Gamma were thinking when they decided to throw an event called G.I. Joes and Army Hoes. The pub night definitely has a memorable name, but it seems like they sacrificed their dignity for a theme with a simple rhyme scheme.
First and foremost, I take issue with the choice to call women “hoes.” I do not care if rhyming is cute, applying a degrading colloquial term to women is problematic. Kappa Beta Gamma’s mission statement includes that they “are an organization dedicated to improving its members morally, socially, and intellectually.” An event with a misogynistic title is a rank failure to “improve” a female-exclusive membership.

If the women of Kappa Beta Gamma do not take themselves seriously, why should anyone else? I can say with the utmost confidence that I will never join a group that would call its membership and supporters “hoes.” A sorority should not be sanctioning the use of a word that demeans women, much less posting it about campus and associating it with SFU.
Moving beyond the poorly chosen title, the theme is also fraught with indiscretion. Their mission statement also expresses that they are “committed to bettering not only themselves but also their community,” but I cannot fathom how an event advocating drinking and an army theme does anything beside promote ignorance.

My impression was that sororities focused on philanthropy, not making a party out of serious global issues. The fact that many countries around the world are in turmoil is not something to drink to. War should not be glorified or sexualized. I highly doubt anyone who has had to fight for their country would appreciate their work being represented as a sexy costume by a bunch of drunk university students.

I have to wonder if the women of Kappa Beta Gamma were the type to skip the annual mandatory Remembrance Day assemblies in their K–12 years.

With its title in mind, Kappa Beta Gamma’s event has offensive implications for women in the military. The army has historically been seen as a place where women do not belong, so those who pursue a career in it have a hard time earning the respect they deserve.

CNN posted an article about sexual assault in the military the day before the G.I. Joes and Army Hoes event that included ex-soldier BriGette McCoy’s testimonial of how she was raped twice in one year of service. BriGette McCoy is not a hoe.

This derogatory term is often used with connotations of promiscuity which are often linked to fallacious judgments involving “asking for it” when it comes to sexual assault. Though I am sure Kappa Beta Gamma’s event organizers meant well, it is wrong to insinuate that any woman, particularly one in a profession where rape is prevalent, is a “hoe.”

The link between beer and civilization

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WEB-beer-Mark Burnham

A new study out of SFU argues that beer was key to building society

By Alison Roach
Photos by Mark Burnham

The weekend before last, The New York Times ran an article entitled “How Beer Gave Us Civilization”, accompanied by a Far Side-esque cartoon of primitive humans having a kegger. Writing about the possible “social lubrication” effects of beer in ancient societies, the article cites work done by Dr. Brian Hayden, a recently retired SFU professor of archaeology. It was the most emailed piece on The New York Times website the weekend it ran.

In a recent interview with The Peak on the recent spotlight on his work, Hayden said with a laugh, “I was a little surprised, because it seemed like it was sort of a passing mention of some of our research and it sort of went off in a little bit of a different tangent than we were proposing. “It’s their take on things, so it’s fine.”

Hayden’s research was published in the Journal of Archeological Method and Theory this month, under the title “What was brewing in the Natufian? An Archeological Assessment of Brewing Technology in the Epipaleolithic”.

The paper builds upon Hayden’s 25-year interest in the importance of feasting in traditional societies, working up to the idea that these peoples first domesticated plants and animals to facilitate feasting. Specifically, it claims that people domesticated grains so they could have beer at these parties.

“That triumvirate is basically meat, starches, and beer or alcohol of some sort. Typically beer though,” explained Hayden. “The feasts in those societies have to have those three things, or people don’t come.”
The idea is that these feasts helped build up political societies by creating a forum for people to “wheel and deal,” as it were. In the archeological record, signs of feasting start popping up about 12,000 years ago in the near east, as well as signs of political centralization and hierarchy. That’s where beer came in.

“It attracts people, but it also makes them more open to suggestion, to enter into relationships, to create binding contracts for future commitments and things of that nature,” said Hayden.

“The argument is that people started domesticating grains in order to hold more feasts — to create more beer.” According to Hayden, the domestication for feasting theory is a controversial one, and has only been around for the last 10 to 15 years. The idea that grains might have been domesticated in the near east in order to produce beer, on the other hand, has been around since the 1950s. “It’s been in kind of speculative limbo all this time,” Hayden said.

Hayden worked with then SFU undergraduate students Neil Canuel and Jennifer Shanse, to try and give this theory some flesh. Though Hayden had been turning over the idea in his mind for the past 25 years or so, it really only got off the ground when Canuel expressed an interest in the topic.

The team pulled together a pre-existing understanding of the practical difficulties of cultivating grains, some experimental work on the production of beer from these wild grains, and the evidence for feasting in order to make this connection between beer and feasting that has not been made before.

“What we’ve done basically is drawn together a lot of different lines of evidence, including the genetic evidence of yeast, the technical requirement, evidence for social complexity and feasting, and pulled it all together and tried to make a better argument rather than just a speculative idea,” Hayden explained.

All the research done for the paper worked off recorded finds and previous archaeological theory. Hayden would like to study the physical objects behind the assertions at some point, although most of those are in the near east, and are part of closely guarded collections.

On the impact of the paper, Hayden said: “I think it really puts another strong support post in that whole argument and the whole approach, which is very controversial. A lot of people don’t agree with it — that feasting is the reason that animals and plants were domesticated. But I think we’re developing more and more strong arguments for supporting that case, and this is just one of the main pillars of support.”

Hayden hopes to keep working on the theory, and is currently corresponding with a colleague in Israel who is working on ground stone stools like the ones that would be used in brewing beer, but has no concrete plans now that he’s retired.

At the very end of our interview, I realised that I had actually taken an introductory archeology class with Hayden during his last semester of teaching, the highlight of which was when Hayden took a spear he’d brought to the class to examine, and threw into the wall of our AQ lecture room.

“That is fun,” Hayden chuckled when I mentioned this, “Always one of the high points.” When I asked whether putting holes in the school ever landed him in any hot water, he laughed it off. “No, no. It’s fine.”

Sensible BC calling for cannabis decriminalization

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the peak sensible bc

A panel was held at SFU to discuss goals and issues with legalizing the drug

By Sarah Campbell
Photos by April Alayon

Marijuana legalization has been a headlining issue this past year, with Colorado and Washington being the first North American regions to legalize the drug. On Mar. 14, Sensible BC held a panel at SFU Burnaby to discuss legislative goals to decriminalize and possibly legalize marijuana in BC.

The event was hosted by Dana Larsen, a Canadian author, politician, and cannabis decriminalization activist.

Panel members included Burnaby mayor Derek Corrigan, former federal prosecutor and member of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (LEAP) Randie Long, a University of Victoria professor, and drug researcher Susan Boyd, a former city councilor Joy Davies, and a leading member of the Safer

Alternative For Enjoyable Recreation (SAFER, an initiative which helped lead the legalize marijuana movement in Colorado), Mason Tvert.
Each panelist came forward to give their support for the Sensible BC initiative with personal stories to share about the criminalization of marijuana smokers and growers they’d seen or experienced themselves.

Mayor Corrigan promised to work with Larsen and Sensible BC to put an end to a “outdated and outmoded” view. Corrigan explained his difficulty with finding “kids” in jail during his time as a prison guard, asserting that people put away for possession were simply not the same as the hardened criminals he had experienced in the prisons.
These people required extra effort in their protection on the inside, and risked becoming seriously injured by the real criminals and gang members around them. “[The law is] criminalizing an issue which has a minimal impact on everyone else. It is a victimless crime, with no logical reason to be illegal.” “Prohibition leads to corruption,” argued Long. He condemned prohibition as a needless drug war with hundreds of thousands of casualties, and wondered who this law benefits other than drug lords who sell it illegally, and corrupt officials. Long explained why he believes marijuana decriminalization and regulation can only be a good thing: “If profit can be made, its already being done.”

When asked about gangs redirecting their revenue streams, Long replied, “the drug war won’t end until prohibition does.” According to Susan Boyd, a scholar who has dedicated her time for years into understanding the origins of the drug prohibition said
that marijuana has been around for over 5,000 years. Used as a patented medicine dating back to the 1800s, Marijuana became illegal in 1923 without public debate.

It is a law she claimed “emerged out of race, class, and gender fears; not actual evidence.” Additionally she stated that “plant based drugs and users” were demonized through media campaigns and biased films of the time.

“They are taking away our dignity,” urged Davies, a medical marijuana user. She spoke of the negative effects (including death) of pharmaceutical drug use. Davies fights for the right to herbal medicines and calls them “harmless,” stating that it “has not killed a soul.”
“Conversation and discussion is what’s important,” entreated Tvert. “We need to talk about how society treats alcohol versus marijuana . . . [because] alcohol kills, not weed.”

Sensible BC has two main goals. Their first goal is to amend the BC Police Act, to direct police and judicial efforts away from
marijuana possession, which Sensible BC identifies as “wasted police resources which could be better spent dealing with real crime.” This would not affect the current trafficking, possession for trafficking, or cultivation laws.

Their second goal is to work towards the legalizing marijuana, removing cannabis from the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act. If this cannot be achieved nationwide, then Sensible BC proposes a Section 56 exemption for BC, allowing the province to hold a provincial referendum to form their own specific rules and regulations on this regard.

Legalization talk has been a long disputed issue in BC. In Nov. when two US states legalized marijuana, Prime Minister Steven Harper said, “I won’t speculate about what it means south of the border, but the government of Canada has no intention of opening the issue here.” Premier Christy Clark has also stated that she does not support legalization and believes it to be a federal matter.

Balding for Dollars at SFU

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web-Balding for dollars-Mark Burnham

Over 50 students donated their locks to BC Children’s Hospital

By Amara Janssens
Photos by Mark Burnham

On Mar. 20, SFU student group Club for the Cure hosted their seventh annual Balding for Dollars event in support of BC Children’s Hospital (BCCH). From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., dozens of volunteers braved the cold weather to coordinate the event that took place in Convocation Mall. The event attracted an estimated two thousand students, who listened to the live performances, ate the generous amount of food, and of course observed as fellow students donated their hair.

Club for the Cure was started nearly 10 years ago, and currently has 30 general executives and around 600 members. The Peak spoke to two of the club’s general executives, Ruphen Shaw and Vuitton Chan. Shaw joined the club three years ago because she wanted “to get involved.” Chan similarly joined because she wanted to join “a club that would give back.” The two say that Balding for Dollars is the largest event the club puts on, and that over the last three years over $50,000 has been raised for BCCH.

This year, the club’s goal was to raise $17,000 for the oncology department at BCCH. As of Thursday afternoon, the club said they had already surpassed their goal, with the figure at $22,000.
“Everything that we make today goes to BC Children’s,” Shaw told The Peak. “The club doesn’t keep anything for itself.” All food, prizes, and entertainment were donated for the event.

In total, 54 SFU students decided to register as “shavees” for Balding for Dollars. Each shavee was required to donate at least eight inches of hair to turn into a wig. According to Club for the Cure, it takes three “harvests” of hair to make one wig.

Sharra Farivar is a fourthyear biology major and raised $1,700. Farivar said she was overwhelmed by the amount of support she received from her friends and family. She decided to participate in Balding for Dollars for a number of reasons. “It’s been at the back of my mind for a while,” having lost her mom to cancer when she was 10.
However, she said the main reason she participated in the event was to just get rid of her hair. “My hair was annoying me,” she admitted. In all, Farivar donated 23 inches of hair.

At the time of print, Club for the Cure could not confirm who the top fundraiser was. According to the BC Children’s Hospital Foundation’s donation page, Clair Lam is the top fundraiser, having raised $2,045. The top fundraiser will receive a Canucks jersey signed by the Sedin twins, as well as two tickets to a Canucks game.

According to BCCH, “20 per cent of funds raised go to patient and family support.” This support includes providing medicine, feeding supplies and medical equipment that is not covered by health care plans. Another 15 per cent of the funds go to support the Survivor Bursary Program, “where adolescent cancer survivors that would like to attend university or college can apply for the bursary for up to
$1,000.”

Twenty per cent of donations goes towards research at the Child & Family Research Institute. “The research is critical for the improved survival rate of children today and in the future,” said Suzanne Dunbar, Balding for Dollars administrator assistant and coordinator of events. The remaining 45 per cent of donations goes to support the Teen Adventure Program, contingency funds, and miscellaneous requests, while 20 per cent goes to administrative, promotions and fundraising costs.

According to Dunbar, approximately 150 children are newly diagnosed with cancer each year. “One in Five kids don’t survive,” Dunbar stated. “Though quality of life is being improved, more must be done to change this stat.”