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There’s a little Jane in everyone

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Having just premiered The Interplay Project on June 7 and 8, Vanessa Goodman is also busy preparing for the premiere of We All Know Jane, a work that has her collaborating with Ziyian Kwan and Anne Cooper from June 21 to 22 at The Dance Centre.

The idea for We All Know Jane came out of Kwan’s residency at The Dance Centre. She approached Goodman and her Contingency Plan partner Jane Osborne, to ask if they’d like to be involved in the show. She also invited Anne Cooper, whom they had an existing relationship with.

The concept of the character of Jane came out of the aspect of femininity that seemed to run through all the artists’ works and the fact that the show is made up of all female choreographers and performers, explained Goodman. “It’s that aspect of femininity; not necessarily feminist, and the significance of ‘Jane.’ Everyone knows a Jane in their lives.”

Fellow Dance Centre artist-in-residence and friend Lina Fitzner was actually the one to come up with the name: “She said ‘well, we all know Jane’ one day as a joke, and it kind of stuck.” Goodman mentioned the various “Janes” that people think of: Dick and Jane, Jane Gooddall, Calamity Jane, Jane Doe, and Jane Fonda.

The concept of Jane is just a way for audiences to approach the show, and it presents a possible entry point that will be different for every individual. “It offers an opportunity to engage,” explained Goodman.

“They are three very different works,” Goodman said, describing the three sections of the show. Her own work is a collaboration with SFU grad Amelia Epp, who specialises in paper sculptures. Epp will be doing a large scale installation for Goodman’s The long indoors. “It will be a ten foot by two foot organic structure suspended in mid-air,” said Goodman, who describes her work as dealing with bodily systems, organs, and the body as a vessel for abstract storytelling. Choreographed by Goodman, Jane Osborne and Ziyian Kwan perform this work.

Kwan also performs her own choreography in The neck to fall, which is an ode to the late Amelia Itcush, who had done a lot of research with Kwan. Goodman says that this work deals with various personas and really came out of the research that Kwan and Itcush were involved in. This work has been in progress the longest, as Kwan worked on it during her residency, premiering it at Studio 303 in Montreal this past May.

“Anne’s piece is a fictitious Jane,” continued Goodman. “She does very creative, insightful work and she has a rich history in the community, so it should be great.” The character is inspired by several characters and is an amalgamation of them all, including the two main characters of the Lanford Wilson play Burn This.

The choreographic process is different for Goodman each time she approaches a new work. She explains, “this was my first time working with Ziyian, so I wanted to get to know her as an artist and an interpreter first and then let her skill set inform the process.” For the duet with Kwan and Osborne, Goodman began with a series of manipulations, which turned into movements that they abstracted to represent organic structures.

“I think it’s better to go in with a structure, a beginning and ending, and know the state or environment of the work and then let it evolve from there.” Goodman also emphasized the importance of not getting stuck on a formula and staying fluid in the creative process. In terms of where this project will lead Goodman next, she said that any work she is involved in will end up informing her next work. “There’s always residue from previous works,” she explained.

This show has given all of these women an opportunity to work together, support each other’s work, and create something unique by combining their strengths. While the show is comprised of three distinct works, the artists have come up with an overarching theme that holds everything together.

Hot and wild in the city

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WEB-Sex In The City-Rachel Braeuer

Ken and Barbie’s sexless plastic crotches serve as the welcoming banner to Sex Talk in the City, the Museum of Vancouver’s (MOV) newest exhibit. The exhibit is broken down into three areas: the classroom, the bedroom and the street, with the physical construction of each area carefully flowing into the next while creating a distinct ambience of each physical location.

Calling this an exhibit is really a misnomer; it’s more so a thoughtfully constructed installation piece that interweaves Vancouver’s sexy past with each collection of artifacts presented in a unique way.

The classroom features desks, questions asked by actual Vancouver school kids scrawled across the tops in vivid black writing, to the backdrop of old sex education videos played on a loop. Concealed behind a door is a set of anatomically correct genitals used for sex education for children with developmental disabilities, while a collection of the old sexual health educational kits used in mainstream programs is displayed behind a pane of glass.

A part of the exhibit is devoted to censorship: peepholes against the backdrop of a wall-length image of the “Restricted” black panther provide the viewer with video clips ranging from censored moments in history to “good dyke porn.”

Walking into the bedroom section of the exhibit, viewers are greeted by a hanging burlesque outfit complete with an ornate feathered headdress. The canary yellow spectre hangs from wires attached to the ceiling, but holds its shape despite being empty — a visual reminder of the way our culture reshapes bodies to fit ideals rather than the other way around.

WEB-Sex In The City 1-Rachel Braeuer

Behind this is a bed with a projected video of Vancouverites talking about what pleasure means to them. To the side, a comprehensive collection of vibrators, from 1890 to today, all on display.

A chest of interactive drawers spans the entire back wall of the room, containing artifacts representing various facets of Vancouver’s sexual history. The advisory committee wanted to mimic the act of “people get[ting] to know sexuality by opening the drawers in their parents bedroom,” explained the exhibit’s curator, Viviane Gosselin.

Acting as a transitional space between bedroom and street is a collection of images from Pride Parades past, a fitting manifestation of the personal and sexual becoming political. A series of these images is set on the wall, back-light glowing through English Bay’s blue skies. Staring at the faces of our city’s queer rights fight serves as a reminder of Vancouver’s often forgotten history.

Next is a wall of old mugshots: individuals found guilty of prostitution, owning or operating a bawdy house, or pimping. The shots are carefully framed and look like family portraits hung on vintage wallpaper, but upon closer inspection take on a fancified Georgia Straight back page ads spread.

We are presented with just how much has changed with 1960s and 70s clippings from The Ubyssey — UBC’s student newspaper — talking about the experiences of a single woman trying to get birth control; yet some debates, like that of abortion, can to this day be found in the opinions section, though to a lesser degree. Next to it is a collection of prophylactics through the ages, looking more like small torture devices.

The exhibit ends with a wall of Post-it notes from exhibit goers: posed with questions such as, “Who is your ideal lover?” we are invited to bare all and in turn see others’ naked desires. The range of responses represented the diversity of approaches we take to sex itself: from humorous and fun like “the pizza man,” to intimate and loving such as “my wife” and “standing next to me.”

The night we attended included a “libido liberation” party, including Coral Short’s performance art piece, “The Insiders.” It consisted of two groups of people in various states of undress moving together in a fabric sphere.

It is meant to represent “intimacy, community, trust and genderless beauty through ever morphing giant shapes that move beyond the human form.” It looked more like a visceral mass dancing its way around the room. While an apt representation of the fluidity of sexuality and desire, it seemed obtuse compared to the subtle and thoughtfully planned exhibit.

The rest of the entertainment was the closest thing to a vaudeville show one could hope to see in this day and age: talents ranged from a dirty haiku competition, Burlesque performances, and the musical stylings of The Wet Spots.

Sex Talk addresses sexuality through our collective unconscious as Vancouverites: much as an individual changes, explores, and evolves sexually, so too did our city.

Peak Week June 17 – 22

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Eats

Looking for Tiki to happiness? Or just an escape from bad puns? Check out The Shameful Tiki Room on Main Street. The joint is dedicated to creating an authentic Tiki experience, with its adherence to dark interiors, and music that doesn’t overpower conversations. The decor has been imported from all over the world, with Tapas cloth coming from Fiji and Tonga, Tiki carvings, puffer fish lamps, and even a piece of artwork from the Waldorf Hotel. Expect share plates and many vintage crafted cocktails, including the Zombie, the Jet Pilot, and of course, the Mai Tai.

Beats

The Vancouver International Jazz Festival begins June 21 and runs until July 1. The festival takes place at several different venues across the city and features many musicians taking part, including the Dylan Cramer Trio, Sounds of Youth, and Wake Owl. One performance that should not be missed is on June 27, an evening of David Murray Infinity Quartet featuring Macy Gray. Check the full schedule at coastaljazz.ca.

Theats

Wednesday, June 19, the Rio Theatre will be hosting an Improv Against Humanity show by The Fictionals Comedy Co. Officially endorsed by the game Cards Against Humanity, this improv show will bring to life some of the most absurd comedic moments on stage. Nothing will be off limits, and you can expect such topics as “Harry Potter Erotica” and “A Windmill Full of Corpses.” If you’re looking for a good mid-week laugh, tickets are $6 in advance or $9 at the door.

Elites

The Powell Street Festival presents The Orientique on June 22. Taking place at the Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden, fashion meets art in an evening of performance, introducing the mixing of fashion design and wearable art. The evening will feature designs by Yasuhiro Tomita of Rukus, Terry Sasaki, and Akihiko Izukura. DJ LKS will provide the music, and there will be dance performances by Ralph Escamillan and Katerina Leppard, fusing together Western and Eastern influences and old and new Japan. Tickets are $15 in advance or $20 at the door.

Treats

I don’t care where you get it from, but if you need to get your hands on some Earnest Ice Cream, ASAP. If you’re anything like me, you crave ice cream at least once (or three times) a week, and not just anything is going to cut it. This is where Earnest Ice Cream comes in and saves your life. Ben and Erica, the two geniuses behind the locally made treat, realized that they were passionate about making good food — specifically, ice cream — and I’m glad they did. You can find jars of the stuff all around the city, including Dirty Apron, Le Marche St. George, and various Farmers Markets around the city. Flavours range from Whiskey Hazelnut to Blue Cheese and Fig to Mulled Pear. Grab a pint and hit up the beach.

The Fore-Playlist: 10 songs to get you in the mood

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The mix-tape: it’s been the choice aphrodisiac of disc jockeys, record store snobs and your parents since the 70s. There’s something about a handpicked selection of soulful singles that still has the power to get your figurative and literal juices flowing. For your listening pleasure, The Peak has assembled 10 of the sexiest songs we know — from soul music to shoegaze — into a mix-tape for only the most sensual of occasions. Just press play.

 

1. “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye

It’s become the punchline of many sex jokes over the years, but this smouldering single still has the power to turn heads and accelerate heartbeats. Gaye’s soulful croon and magnetic performance make “Let’s Get It On” one of the sexiest songs in soul music history, and the perfect way to kick off an after dinner make-out session.

2. “Work It” by Missy Elliott

Missy Elliott’s appeal ranges from dive bar dance contests to Master’s Degree theses. This song is a great example of her inimitable blend of smart and sexy. Her take-charge attitude and rapid-fire flow, cement her as the intellectual’s sex symbol of choice, and the song’s bodacious backbeat is sure to loosen inhibitions . . . and belts.

3. “Ego Free Sex Free” by Autre Ne Veut

Part Beyonce and part Bowie, Arthur Ashin’s steamy R&B stylings are more than the sum of his influences. From its pulse-pounding verses to its momentous chorus, “Ego Free Sex Free” might be the hottest single released this year. Eat your heart out, Justin Timberlake.

4. “To Here Knows When” by My Bloody Valentine

Any song on My Bloody Valentine’s seminal shoegaze classic Loveless would be at home on this mix, but Bilinda Butcher’s seductive vocals and Shields’ liquified aural landscapes on this mid-album standout put it a cut above the rest. Who knew Ireland could be so sexy?

5. “Electric Feel” by MGMT

Psychedelic poster-boys MGMT may have exhausted their 15 minutes of fame, but the sexy acid-trip of “Electric Feel” still sounds as fresh as the day it was released. The neon-glare libido of that bass line is still the sexiest hipsters get without having to trade in their PBR for sparkling wine.

6. “Thinkin Bout You” by Frank Ocean

Frank Ocean got a lot of attention last year for his coming out story, but what so many of those tabloid headlines failed to highlight was just how good his music is. However you self-identify, Ocean’s airy vocal and passionate lyrics prove that sexy and sentimental aren’t mutually exclusive.

7. “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” by D’Angelo

It’s D’Angelo. Need I say more? This seasoned neo soul superstar can rock a falsetto like no other, and the Prince-inspired “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” might be his sexiest single. Unless your lover is made of stone, they’re unlikely to be immune to D’Angelo’s charms — and neither are you.

8. “Je T’aime . . . Moi Non Plus” by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin

Given that half of the vocals on this controversial single are made up of drawn-out moans and suggestive sighs, this mix would be incomplete without this famous duet between French singer Serge Gainsbourg and his British beau. Factor in that the song’s lyrics include lines like “I go and I come / Between your loins,” and you’ll wonder how it was even recorded at all.

9. “Kiss” by Prince

Prince’s androgynous sex appeal has become the stuff of legends, and although any of his many songs could be included on this mix, the stripped-down minimalism of 1986’s “Kiss” makes the single’s erotic invitation a hard one to resist. The song’s message of unconditional love just make it all the more appealing.

10. “Glory Box” by Portishead

Though this Bristol group’s gloomy trip-hop stylings might seem an unconventional choice for a romp between the sheets, lead singer Beth Gibbons’ playfully confident vocal and the song’s Isaac Hayes sampled instrumental are equal parts enigmatic and mystifying. For those who like a little mystery in their love lives, “Glory Box” makes fitting background music.

 

Legalizing prostitution is a moral and logical action

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WEB-Prostitute-Vaikunthe Banerjee

 

By Sajid Akhtar

Photos by Vaikunthe Banerjee

Prostitution is a subjective moral debate, with no clear consensus whether or not it should be legal. As the world’s oldest profession, legal prohibition of it has failed to eradicate the business, and proves that its legal status should be an obvious affirmative.

While sex at its best is about love and a true connection between two individuals, people do engage in casual sex for the sheer physical pleasure. Moreover, such trysts can be influenced by drugs or alcohol, or be brought about by lying and manipulation, which would seem far less moral than a sober woman making a rational decision about her body. So when we do not always condemn men and women who choose to be promiscuous, why would we condemn prostitution?

Sex in its inherent nature is not illegal, and neither are free markets. I fail to understand the logic behind combining the two and making the result illegal. Many women working as prostitutes freely choose their profession. Should they really be deprived of this choice?

While it is true some women are coerced into prostitution, that does not negate the fact that many women do freely choose it. The coercion itself should be illegal, but we should not take away the choice from those who would like to make it. By legalizing prostitution, a government can help bring these labourers under labour protections that are offered to other workers.

Some claim that prostitution is an inherently unsafe venture, and so it should not be sanctioned by labour laws. However, many other industries are unsafe — such as the mining industry — and this was precisely the reason why government labor laws and unions were created to help protect them. Skills Development Canada states that one in every 68 workers were injured on the job in 2010, with the construction industry being the highest risk industry at 24.5 cases per every 1000 employers.

When an industry is criminalized and the demand for it persists, black markets will emerge. This means no government regulation exists, making the likelihood of abuse, violence, and rape all the more real. By condemning prostitution, we are closing our eyes to the problems that prevail with this profession at its status quo.

People who condemn prostitution often base their opinion on the risk of STDs associated with the profession. There are, however, many dangers related to all kinds of legal professions. A person working in a factory risks dismemberment, chemical burns, and in some cases, even death. In 2008 alone, 24 out of 1000 employees of the manufacturing industry were injured while at work.

A consumer of any product similarly risks injury due to defective parts or shoddy construction. In everything we do, we are choosing a level of risk that we deem acceptable. In the case of prostitution, the risk of a client catching an STD is known, and the client is willing to take that risk. To use that as a basis for victimization would be silly considering you could catch E-coli from a bag of spinach.

Moreover, legalizing prostitution and issuing state-approved health cards to prostitutes could help eradicate this problem altogether, and provide sex workers with freedoms enjoyed by all other workers in Canada.

We need to eliminate the shame attached to HPV

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By Natasha Wahid

I love sex. I think it’s totally awesome and empowering for consenting, of-age guys and gals to do it as often as they like, with whomever they like as long as they’re being safe.

I’m a pretty traditional broad when it comes to sex, though: I’m 24, and have only slept with two guys, both of whom I was seeing exclusively. I blame my religious upbringing for my slightly prudish ways, and to this day, I am still pretty picky about who I let down there, but I have good reason for doing so.

Guy number two on my list of sexual conquests happened to have human papillomavirus. For those of you who don’t know, human papillomavirus (HPV), according to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). There are more than 40 types of HPV that can infect the genitals, mouths, and throats of both males and females.

The CDC says that nearly all sexually active men and women will get HPV at some point in their lives, even if they’ve only had sex with one person. If you’re anything like me, your reaction to this is something along the lines of “holy shit.”

It’s shocking to me that an STI as pervasive as this one still seems to be flying under the radar. I’m not saying people haven’t heard of HPV or don’t know what it is, in a vague sense, but people don’t talk about it. At all.

HPV, like most other big, bad, scary STIs, comes with its share of physical consequences. But — perhaps even more damaging — it comes with a hell of a lot of stigma.

I got lucky with my HPV encounter, as the guy in question turned out to be a pretty decent human who saw fit to alert me of his status before we slept together. However, we’d been fooling around for six months and I could’ve easily been exposed to the virus. I took the proper steps and got tested and was fortunately all right.

But the whole thing got me thinking about how fucked up the lines of communication are in a situation involving something like HPV. The guy wanted to tell me sooner but didn’t want to be presumptuous or scare me off, and the more I thought about his “excuse,” the more it made sense. It’s a tough, awkward, shitty thing to tell a prospective sexual partner that you have HPV – kind of kills the seductive vibe, you know?

The fact is that HPV is a transmissible virus, but transmission rates, infection rates, and the ability of an immune system to fight off the virus vary from person to person. So, my guy might have told himself that because we weren’t engaging in especially high-risk behaviours, I didn’t need to know. It’s really a question of timing. But, at the end of the day, it’s my body, my cervix, my cancer risk, and I had the right to know before the relationship ever got physical.

The terrible thing here is the fear, so here’s what I really think: let’s all just say “no” to the fear. Statistically, almost every sexually active adult has encountered HPV, so we should be adopting a“we’re-all-in-this-together” mentality.

Let’s just say “fuck you” to the self-imposed shame, and be honest with our sex partners. And if someone you want to get jiggy with is good enough to inform you of their STI status, reward their bravery and honesty with some protected sex or at the very least, a whole lot of respect. Knowledge is power, people.

Cherry-picking does not equal confirmation

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By Ben-Buckley

If you want to know the truth about something, you should look at the raw facts and figures with as little bias as possible, and allow your conclusion to emerge naturally from the data. This may seem obvious, but it’s easier said than done; there are many ways in which our culture encourages us to form an opinion first, and then justify it later.

For example, many of us were taught in high school to write essays by first choosing a thesis statement, then researching the topic for facts to defend that thesis, and finally putting it all together in a final draft. This always bothered me as a student. After all, what if, upon researching the topic, you find your initial conceptions were completely wrong? This method of essay writing teaches students to decide what their opinion is, and then cherry-pick the literature for data that supports their thesis.

Computer programmer and essayist Paul Graham writes about the origin of this method of teaching in his article “The Age of the Essay.” Modern English composition classes have their roots in medieval universities, where lawyers were trained in the methods of defending a predefined position. To quote Graham, “defending a position may be a necessary evil in a legal dispute, but it’s not the best way to get at the truth, as I think lawyers would be the first to admit.”

The “thesis first, facts later” approach to essays appeals to what psychologists call the “confirmation bias.” Once a person has decided what they believe, they will tend to notice evidence that supports their position and ignore evidence that contradicts it. As Neil Gaiman explains it, “decide the universe is, say, run by secret enormous teddy bears, and I can guarantee you’ll immediately start running across evidence that this is true.”

It’s little wonder, then, that many people think of debates as battles in which the primary purpose is to win against your opponent. Facts and arguments are nothing but useful artillery, and differing positions are just sides in a fight.

This is how debates are often presented in TV and radio talk shows. Everyone picks a position the same way in which they’d pick a sports team, and then grasps at whatever arguments they can to support their side. But reality is not made up of teams, and the act of developing arguments in favour of a position does nothing to make that position true.

How do we fight the confirmation bias? One idea is to take a clue from how scientists test a hypothesis by experimentation. A well designed experiment is setup to try to disprove the hypothesis. That way, if the experiment confirms the hypothesis, it’s unlikely to have happened by accident.

So, if you want to have a more accurate view of the world, you should recognize when you believe something that might cause you to be biased, and instead of trying to prove yourself right, test your beliefs by looking for ways you can be proven wrong

Open relationships get a bad rap

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By Gloria Mellesmoen

Relationships, in any construct, are social contracts with certain terms and conditions implied in their creation. The traditional “monogamous”relationship has been one that has persisted throughout the ages with certain adaptations to reflect the times.

Though pre-marital couples may not officially sign a contract, there is an implicit understanding that surrounds their existence. I like to think of this kind of relationship as adopting a template that has proven to work, for the most part, in the past.

Those who enter open relationships have examined this template and want to modify the terms and conditions to reflect what they want in a partnership. They have sat down at a bargaining table and negotiated on what their ideal relationship looks like, and determine together how each individual can best benefit from an agreement to date.

In this light, it seems strange that one would condemn the idea of an open relationship as less committed without any notion of what the involved parties have agreed to. Each couple has their own structure and accompanying guidelines that they maintain throughout the course of the relationship.

Though the contract might not reflect the societal norm, it does not mean there will be more leniency or less punishment for not complying with the terms of agreement.

Open relationships often get a negative reputation for being purely about sex, but I wholeheartedly disagree. While most couples of this nature are, to varying degrees, accepting of sexual interaction outside of the pairing, it is not the crux of their existence or the thing that breaks them. Monogamous relationships tend to put their focus on their physical aspects.

Cheating can be a concern for anyone, but those in monogamous relationships are the ones who tend to rank sleeping with another person to be the worst offense. In contrast, open relationships are often structured around the idea that emotional attachment is more important than the physical.

The priority in an open relationship is not about managing what your partner does, or does not do with their body. The traditional relationship used to assume male dominance and implied ownership over a woman, which is something our Western culture has shunned.

I think open relationships are a novel way of reflecting on the progression society has made by encouraging dialogue between individuals before entering a relationship that maximizes mutual gain.

Open relationships, just like monogamous relationships, are as unique as the people in them. Some couples prefer disclosure about sexual acts before or after, while others do not. There may be restrictions on who gets labeled as fair game; these can include or exclude mutual acquaintances. Cheating may be defined in a variety of ways. While there are many variations, there are several common elements that often accompany this breed of relationship.

An open relationship is a symbiotic one which thrives on the happiness and safety, both emotional and physical, of the parties involved. Though you may have the freedom to act on primal urges, it is done with consideration of your partner and therefore, makes sexual safety a necessity. When it comes down to it, your partner comes first. The relationship ends when you no longer give them priority.

Open relationships are just as serious as traditional ones. The terms and conditions may vary, but they are still part of a social contract. Whether one values sexual or emotional exclusivity, every relationship is a committed one.

Safe sex isn’t always an accessible option

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WEB-Stealing Condoms-Vaikunthe Banerjee

By Tara Nykyforiak
Photos by Vaikunthe Banerjee

The most primal and pleasure-fueled of all human acts can also be a financial burden for those involved. It’s great that so many young people today are taking proper measures to practice safe sex, so it’s unfortunate and illogical that condoms are priced the way they are. You may never have given it much thought, but the high cost of condoms does have a real impact on drug stores and the choices that couples make.

A box of my favourite condoms will run me and my partner $16.99 plus tax. This is exponentially cheaper than the cost of raising a child, but works out to be the better part of a dollar per bedroom session nonetheless. When compared to the BC minimum wage — $10.25 an hour — a box of condoms seems like a lot, because a person has to work one and half hours just to make enough to afford to have this safe sex option.

Now, it is easy as a student to get condoms for free through the health centre, but this isn’t always practical. Students such as myself in long-term relationships are in need of more than a couple condoms here and there, so this option is only realistic for those partaking in casual hookups.

Of course, there are other options. Birth control pills can be cheaper, because many Canadian university student health plans offer them at reduced costs. However, the pill is hormone based, so when a woman uses birth control pills, her natural hormone cycles are altered.

Moreover, the pill does not protect against STIs, and there is a long list of potential side effects. Yaz (a specific brand of the pill) was determined in 2011 by the Food and Drug Administration to cause a 75 percent increase risk for blood clotting. More recently, it was linked to the death of 23 Canadian women, so it’s easy to understand why birth control pills are a contraceptive measure not all women need or desire.

One can also suggest various other methods of birth control, such as a copper intrauterine device (IUD). It is good for five years, is non-hormonal, and costs between $90 to $160. This amounts to significant savings long-term; however, it does not protect against STIs, and not all women feel comfortable with having foreign objects implanted in their bodies.

So, if alternative forms of birth control are not what a woman needs or is comfortable with, the only means left for her to practice safe sex — in this case using condoms — will cost upwards of $228 a year, if her and her partner go through a box of Trojans or Durex every month. At this price, sometimes I feel like I’m being punished for being a student in a committed relationship who practices safe sex.

A study conducted by Pharmacy Practice revealed the consequences of having a high price on condoms. Of the drug stores featured in the study, up to 11.74 per cent of condoms were stolen in a given month, with the store experiencing the highest theft rates located in a university town. That’s a lot of inventory being stolen, but more importantly, is the message being conveyed: condoms are not priced as an affordable option for safe sex, especially for those in lower income brackets.

At the end of the day, the most natural, non-invasive, and most effective means of practicing safe sex are condoms, so it’s a real shame they aren’t more accessible.

Cats will forever fuck up your game

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By Will Ross

Cats are probably the worst thing that can happen to your sex life. When you first step into a strange apartment on your second, third, or eighth date, these little tyrants are often all that stands between you and a sleepless, sweaty night.

Sure, claiming to love them seems like an easy way “in,” but you’re only fooling your date, and before you know it your eyes lock with the cat. You, terrified of this threat to your self-esteem’s last hope of redemption; the cat, terrified that it will not be able to get exclusive snuggles at its whim.

You sit on the couch. You find a movie that neither of you would really mind bailing out on. You’ve slowly worked your staccato body shakes into tremors, and you’re just starting to wrap your arm around your companion when, all of a sudden, the cat jumps up and spins around and shoves its face into everything, a full-on panic mode that works every time.

A vision may then appear in your head: the cat, gracefully spinning through the air in slow motion, before bursting through a pane of glass and falling to its death. Take my advice, do it — throw it out the window. This is not in the humour section; I am telling you to kill that cat. It’s now or never!

Well, I guess tossing it off the couch works too. Hey, it looks like someone appreciates assertiveness, because here comes Hot Lips! At this point, make a mental note to watch more John Wayne movies. You stand up with her, and start walking her to her bedroom. Oops, that’s the bathroom. You let her lead this time.

Soon enough, you’re taking off each other’s clothes. You’re not even sure whose hands are doing what; if one of you disappeared, it would look like the other was playing charades. Then something furry slips against your legs. Oh no. No, no.

It turns out the patio door was open, and that fucker just decided to hop on through. Before you can say “inside cat” your quarry is knocking on the doors of neighbours in adjacent apartments while you sit in the living room to see if your nemesis comes back.

And then, it does. The cat is right there at the window, staring at you. As you look into each other’s eyes, you see something you recognize — an insatiable need for affirmation, to be affirmed, always. The both of you are clingers, manipulators, forever begging for love.

I should have John Wayned the little bastard through that window back when I had the chance.