University Briefs

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November 25, 2013

UBC student attacked in attempted robbery

An 18 year-old UBC student is recovering after a failed early morning robbery attempt that left him with several injuries.

The attempted robbery occurred just after 4:00 a.m. on Nov. 19. The student was returning to his residence building when he was suddenly confronted from behind by an unknown male brandishing a small knife. As the student attempted to run away, he was slashed in the back by the attacker. Injuries sustained included several superficial cuts to the student’s back and shoulders.

The attacker has been described as around 40 years of age, of average build, and having a grey beard. The attack does not seem to be connected to the recent sexual assaults at UBC.

With files from The Ubyssey

Concordia opens new Sexual Assault Resource Centre

Concordia now has a permanent location dedicated to providing a safe space and support for survivors of sexual assault.

Last week, the Sexual Assault Resource Centre opened after two years and a petition signed by over a thousand students. The centre will also focus on assault prevention, though as a campus organization, it sets itself apart from other sexual assault resources in Montreal by “offer[ing] immediate support, immediate crisis intervention, and immediate information,” according to Jennifer Drummond, the centre’s coordinator.

The university has committed only one year to the project as of yet.

With files from The Link

Movember funds men’s mental health studies

Five studies by Canadian universities will take home a significant part of the $12 million funding that the Movember Foundation has set aside for projects that target men’s mental health. Selected universities include Queen’s, UBC, Ryerson, Western, and McGill University, all of which are furthering a wide range of men’s mental health initiatives.

Queen’s University, for example, will be researching binge-drinking among first-year male university students. McGill will use the funds to develop HealthyDads.ca, a site for expectant first-time fathers who are at risk of developing mental health problems.

With files from University Affairs

Don’t look at me

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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The library has a problem, at least that is what Adam Van der Zwan tells us in his article “We need to be watched.” A very grave and serious problem — so serious, in fact, that it’s worthy of trotting out the sort of “we must act now” rhetoric you expect to hear from a politician.

Twenty thefts a week are reported at the Bennett library, yet there’s apparently only one surveillance camera. SFU has to simply kick in all the extra money it has lying around to up the surveillance. After all, video surveillance would instantaneously and overnight reduce the number of thefts to justify the cost of implementation.

What Adam misses is that SFU is providing a remarkable service by declining to direct its ‘unlimited’ budget to subsidize personal carelessness and irresponsibility. It is thereby making students develop the very valuable and marketable skill of actually giving a shit about their belongings.

Does that seem awfully paternalistic? Is being constantly surveyed by the depths of a blinking camera any less so? I mean, really, who ought to care more about your own personal possessions than yourself? Certainly the cameras won’t. Twenty thefts a week, that’s a fraction of the student population begging to externalize the costs of their irresponsibility onto the rest. “Save me from myself,” they seem to cry.

The naïve are slapped on the wrist by being stolen from. Although it’s morally wrong for a thieves to steal students’ iPads, it’s morally better than the costs of their own naïvety becoming externalized to general society. The responsibility they learn from having valuables stolen is becoming of post-secondary graduates.

Is this the same wrongful victim shaming that you (no doubt) read on Salon.com? Perhaps. The difference here is that I’m blaming the criminal, too.

It’s best expressed in the counterfactual: had you been a more astute and careful steward of your resources, you would not have suffered a loss. You violate a sense of moral responsibility by not watching your valuables, so it is good that you directly experience the consequences of such behavior.

Had you been a more careful steward of your resources, you would not have suffered a loss.

The rate of thefts will likely generally stay constant, not because the same folks are being robbed again and again, but because there’s always a new batch of young ‘un’s who cannot take the slightest care of their own possessions, yet fancy themselves the solver of all the world’s problems. Absent-mindedness is often seen as a trait accompanying geniuses; perhaps these kids see this correlation, that allows them to blame their problems on everyone but themselves. Is this the logical result of a degree? Do we become too smart to be responsilbe for our own possessions?

By the time you’ve finished at SFU — with one less laptop — you’ll be that much more able to combine your newly minted critical thinking skills with a modicum of personal responsibility, and an ability to engage in the most menial cost/benefit analyses.

It’s for your own good that the library isn’t stocked full of God-tech. Think of it as SFU’s gift to you.

Anchorman 2: That escalated quickly

By

Peak Web

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November 25, 2013

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The highly anticipated Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is scheduled for release later this year. In a conference call with The Peak and several schools across North America, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd were pretty tight-lipped about the details.

“There aren’t any specifics that I want to get into,” Carell said, concerning scenes in the movie. “Trying to explain something always is a little difficult.” Explaining funny takes to his wife, he says, “definitely loses something in the translation.”

They’re apparently trying to increase anticipation, not that they have to. The original movie became immensely popular immediately following its release, and retained a strong following long after. Its irreverent lines and silly humour made it a household name, and helped launch both Rudd and Carell’s mainstream comedy careers in 2004; Rudd has since starred in I Love You, Man, Carell in The Office, and both in The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, among other hits.

Unsurprisingly, the line recited to Carell most, he says, still comes from his Anchorman character Brick Tamland: “I love lamp.”

On whether Sex Panther, Rudd’s character’s infamously terrible cologne, would return in the new movie, Rudd only offered, “I can’t really give it away.” He wants people to be curious to the point of frustration going into the movie, a feeling reminiscent of 2003’s Lost In Translation: “Remember when Scarlett Johansson whispered into his ear and no one knows what she said? . . . I want that level of frustration.”

The premise is so admittedly silly that the second movie was originally pitched as a broadway musical.

Part of the draw of the first Anchorman, according to Rudd, was how “it felt like an indie movie. It just felt like a very small, kind of quirky comedy . . . that did not seem particularly commercial.” And the indie spirit “still [exists] this time around,” he says.

This is reflected in the extreme irreverency in the first movie; the premise is, after all, 1970s newsmen competing for the number-one spot on network television, dim-wittedly drinking, assaulting, and sexually discriminating in the process.

I don’t think I need to exhaust its slew of ridiculous lines to prove this point. Just look at Brick’s explanation of killing a man in a comically violent brawl between the rivaling anchormen: “There were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.” Or Ron, threatened by Veronica’s determination, suggesting that she go “back to her home on whore island.”

In both movies, many lines were improvised. Carell said the new release didn’t necessarily call for improvisation, but the actors couldn’t resist. “On any given day,” Carell said, “we or Adam [McKay, director] or Will [Farrell] would come up with . . . as much material as was on the page. I mean, there were scenes that were supposed to be about a minute and a half that ended up being 10 minute scenes.”

“Everything that [Adam McKay] says,” he added, “is kind of golden . . . There were just so many fertile lines working, we ended up with way more material than we needed.”

The premise is so admittedly silly that the second movie was originally pitched as a broadway musical, according to the actors. Rudd said that he “liked the idea that . . . at that point in time, enough people had been clamoring for an Anchorman sequel and the idea of doing it as a musical on Broadway . . . was funny and annoyed people.” The two comedians both laughed in agreement.

Rudd and Carell agreed that the fun they had doing the first movie was reason enough to make another. Rudd said, “Mainly it was like working with these guys again, who I love;” the fun of the first one made him “jump at the chance to come back and beat a dead horse.”Carell added, “Even if there was no film in any camera, we would have come back and done it.”

Home is where the wins are

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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It’s early yet, but so far in 2013, West Gym has proven to be home sweet home for the SFU men’s basketball team.

After hitting the road for two exhibition games against elite NCAA Div. I squads, the Clan traveled to California for the first two games of their own NCAA season, winning one and dropping the other. But since returning home for their first game on the hill this season on Nov. 12, SFU has caught fire, winning three straight at West Gym.

The most recent victory came against the Douglas College Royals, a dominant 104–76 win.

Senior guard Elijah Matthews led the Clan’s scoring efforts with 21 points in just 19 minutes of play — including hitting on all five of his three-point attempts — but five SFU players all hit double-digit point totals.

“Matthews played through some of our goofiness to lead the team,” said head coach James Blake after the game. “Other guys then jumped on that and earned the win.”

As a team, the Clan hit on 58 per cent of their field goals, and hit threes early and often, shooting an incredible 52 per cent from beyond the arc.

Fittingly, it was Matthews who opened the scoring with a three-pointer, but SFU couldn’t hang on to the lead early. The Royals, aided by an 8–0 run midway through the first half, climbed ahead and took a 22–15 lead early. But shortly after, the Clan went on an 8–0 run of their own, to pull ahead 28–23, a lead they would not relinquish.

SFU led by 10 at the half, 49–39, but pulled away in the second, stifling the Royals attack while having their way offensively. Forward Keegan Dunlop put the Clan above the century mark with almost four minutes left to play.

“Everyone gets to play a lot and we mould as a team in these types of games,” said senior guard Taylor Dunn, who lead the team with seven rebounds and chipped in with 16 points of his own. “We have a lot of new guys so its good for us to just get out on the court, that’s the best way for the team to get comfortable together.

“The teams we’re playing are very competitive, so it’s good for us to come up against that,” he added.

There’s an old saying in sports, that you can only beat the team put in front of you. Even if the competition the Clan have faced hasn’t been of the highest caliber, they’re still winning the games they’re supposed to, and the win over Douglas improves SFU’s record to 4–1 on the year.

“We need to get up for everybody, whether it’s conference winners or a community college. I like to evolve and learn from these games,” said Blake.

With two more games against non-conference opponents, and five more at home before hitting the road, Blake’s squad will have plenty of learning opportunities, and are in good shape to keep up this early season success.

Lucky SFU student approved by BMO for credit card

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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BURNABY — An extremely fortunate first-year student, who is sure to quickly become the envy of all his classmates, reportedly was hand-picked by the illustrious Bank of Montreal to receive his very own credit card.

According to his story, Jason Seidelman, an 18 year-old SFU student was selected to receive a free credit card from BMO, an honour he is sure is extremely rare.

“I was just walking through the Blusson Hall on my way to a biology lecture when out of nowhere they approached me,” Seidelman explained while proudly showing off his new “gold” credit card. “They said that I was eligible for a special student credit card . . . I don’t know how they knew I was eligible, but I figured that they must’ve been on their radar for quite some time now.”

Seidelman told The Peak that he believed it was his strong work ethic and diligence that had attracted BMO to offer him this amazing opportunity and although he wasn’t sure, he said he wouldn’t be surprised if they had heard about his impressive “A-” grade on his latest Chemistry lab report.

“Anyway the woman from BMO took me to their secret booth and asked me if I’d be interested in getting their card,” Seidelman said bulging his eyes, “Of course I said yes, who would turn down an opportunity like that?”

Although statistics reveal that about 99 per cent of students offered BMO credit cards actually do turn the offer down while pretending they really have to get to their class, Seidelman’s feeling of uniqueness has not been diminished.

At press time however, Seidelman did experience a minor dip in his positive feelings when it came to his attention that his idiot friend Craig had also been head-hunted by BMO an hour after him in the same location.

Point/Counterpoint

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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SFU students respond to whether educated North Americans should be able to suggest change in third world countries. This comes into light after SFU professor Morten Jerven’s book on research in African statistics, Poor Numbers, caused him to be blacklisted from two international conferences, and accused of being a “hired gun” of the West with a hidden agenda to discredit African officials.

Lauren Kyle, SFU student

Jerven’s main argument is that African economic statistics are not reliable, and can misinform the delegation of funding for countries in need. In his quest to re-examine the methods used in statistics, he suggests more universal data collection techniques. He has opened up a new conversation across multiple disciplines in academia: do we have the right to stick our noses into other countries and claim their practices to be insufficient? I don’t think we do.

As a high school student, I participated in many activist endeavours and even a major protest in downtown Vancouver collecting petitions to stop the practice of FGM (female genital mutilation) in third world countries. At the time, it seemed a heroic, thrilling, and controversial topic. Now, as a social science student, I cringe at the attitude and approach behind that rally. Do I have the right as a naive student to label as immoral a cultural practice that has been continuing for years?

Although it is important to stand up for human rights and to keep an open dialogue about what should be considered universal standards of living and freedoms, it is equally important to realize that our education is Eurocentric in its curriculum and purpose, and when looking through this magnifying glass at other cultures, we do not have the lived experiences of other peoples, nor the ultimate superior lifestyle of the world. Even with seemingly superior statistics or health practices, we will never be able to replace the voices of those who live in the cultures.

Leah Bjornson, Associate News Editor

Many voices critique the “whiteness” of academia — and rightly so. There is an overwhelming number of male, caucasian scholars who write the histories of and prescribe policies for less-developed countries. The repercussions of western academics taking up the “white man’s burden” to educate people in African nations — and in doing so, treating them as children — can include ignorant policies that do not acknowledge the complications and realities on the ground.

However, by viewing this complicated relationship as a fight between ‘the West and the rest,’ we are potentially solidifying a way of thinking that created this problem in the first place. This dialogue of ‘us’ and ‘them’ might result in closing off channels of information that could be potentially beneficial. For example, if Jerven is correct in his observations that certain policies pursued by governments like Malawi are less than effective, this has vital consequences for those governments. If we discriminate and reject his thesis on the basis of his “whiteness,” then the danger is that alternative and helpful initiatives may never be implemented.

What this opening of dialogue requires is easier said than done. Western policymakers have for a long time imposed their policies in Africa, many of which have been ineffective or even harmful. It follows that African officials may distrust an academic like Jerven, whose critiques could have major implications for the amount of foreign direct investment flowing into the continent.

Nevertheless, it does not make sense to disallow talented scholars from investigating a particular issue on account of their race. In doing so, we only serve to reinforce this dialogue of “us” and “them” — which was the root of the problem.

HMV CEO “not quite sure” how the company is still in business

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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LONDON — HMV CEO Trevor Moore told the media yesterday that he was “just floored” at how his company that sells exclusively products that are available for free online somehow had revenue of $1,486.44 million dollars last year.

While the company managed to do alright in the last quarter without making any adjustments to their out of date business model, Moore isn’t too optimistic about the future.

“I mean, it kinda sucks for everyone working here, but realistically, can this go anywhere but down?”

Moore explained that he was really “just trying to figure out in his head how much time the company had left” as he attempted to tell the media that the physical CD’s and DVD’s HMV sold were all at once infinitely more compact, durable, and transportable.

At one point Moore even admitted that he himself didn’t own many, if any items sold at his stores. “I don’t even own DVDs” Moore said, “I mean realistically I travel a lot, so I’m not going to carry around 50 to 60 DVD discs with me, that’d be insane!”

Moore also complained that the government needed to stop the piracy of the music business. He argued that if it wasn’t music piracy, customers would still be buying the cumbersome and archaic discs.

“I mean what do you expect us to do? Sell our stuff on the internet now that the market has changed? No way, these people are breaking the law.”

In closing Moore stated that though the online market seemed to be far from perfect, it was not HMV’s responsibility to develop or buyout a digital service like Netflix.

“If we sell stuff online, less people will want to buy CDs—we’d be cutting into our own market share!” Moore said before leaving to contemplate how someone with his business sense even became a CEO.

Research Roundup

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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Grizzly findings

A new study, co-authored by biologists from SFU, the Raincoast Conservation Foundation and the University of Victoria, questions the sustainability of BC’s grizzly bear population management over the last ten years.

Using information requested by the science-based advocacy group Raincoast, the authors aimed to determine whether BC’s alleged “sound” scientific management of wildlife actually preserved the grizzly bear population.

The study, published on Nov. 6, found that the total number of kills exceeded the limits set by BC government’s biologists. Also, as the study stresses, the actual number of overkills could be even higher given the amount of uncertainty in the bear population count.

Kyle Artelle, an SFU doctoral student, Raincoast biologist, and lead author of the study, expressed concerns in a press release. “These overkills are a serious concern because the biology of grizzly bears makes them highly vulnerable to excessive mortality,” he said. “They have great difficulty recovering from population declines.”

The study reveals that grizzly bears, indeed, have biological characteristics that can hinder population growth, such as a long lifespan and delayed reproductive maturity. Sows “have small litters [that they] keep for up to two years, after which they will often go one or two years without having any cubs at all,” Artelle told The Peak in a phone interview.

This is the first independent study on the BC Ministry of Environment’s policies of wildlife management, and it was made possible after a Freedom of Information (FOI) request that went to the Supreme Court of BC.

Although the findings of the study may look grim, Artelle talked of a “hopeful” side to the study, supported by data: “even considering all other sources of kill, such as road and rail accidents, and self-defence kills, if [the government] had eliminated or reduced hunting in the study period, they could have prevented most of the overkills we detected. So the government does have a tool to prevent this from happening.”

These findings come in a time of rising mobilisation against trophy hunting in BC among the Coastal First Nations communities. A public opinion poll conducted for the Coastal First Nations in September found that four out of five British Columbians support a ban on trophy hunting grizzly bears.

Fecal matters: innovation could save lives

Ash Parameswaran of SFU school of engineering and three of his graduate students have created an inexpensive lifesaving invention, which is on track to save the lives of millions of infants. The lab-on-a-chip (LOC) is an inexpensive microfluidic device that can quickly do bacterial tests for infantile diarrhea and determine the appropriate antibiotic for treatment.

Parameswaran’s was one of the 102 research projects to receive a $100,000 grant from the federal government’s Stars in Global Health Program. With international HealthCare practitioners clamoring to lay their hands on the LOC, the grant money will be used by Parameswaran and his team to develop the USB-sized mechanism, which will cost around five dollars and plug into a cell phone.

The inspiration for this design comes from the high infantile death rates in association with diarrhea, especially in developing countries. In these countries, it may take as long as 10 days to reach a doctor and begin the necessary treatment — in most cases, this is too late.

There are 10 different antibiotics available; the problem is the ability to instruct on their use and diagnose the specific vein of bacteria. Parameswaran’s design would enable mothers to test the fecal matter themselves and administer treatment with over-the-phone aid from a licensed practitioner.

Parameswaran is supervising a team of highly qualified personnel. His graduate students hold high standing academic and industrial appointments today both nationally and internationally. Parameswaran has also establishing a microfabrication and micromachining laboratory to fabricate micromechanical devices and systems here at SFU.

These resources will help Parameswaran and his team to incorporate the LOC’s biology and electronics into a desk-sized prototype for investors, followed by the final USB-sized product, assuming further funding, which in the future could be used anywhere with access to a cell phone.

Trenchcoat makers baffled by decline in popularity of trenchcoats

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

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VANCOUVER — A continuing decline in the sale of trenchcoats has left industry insiders befuddled. Though once popular among private detectives and all around cool people, now trenchcoat sales have reached an all-time low.

“Trenchcoats have just not been selling,” stated Fred Sandersgaard, CEO of Trenchcoats and Cigarettes R Us, “I quite regret opening a store that sells only trenchcoats and cigarettes. There just does not seem to be a market for chain-smoking private-eyes these days.”

Although its usage for looking cool while smoking was once a necessity for being hired by any detective agency, they were perhaps most known for their versatility.

“They look so cool and are so multi-purposed,” said Turner Trenchcoat, a once successful trenchcoat salesman and a man so convinced of their greatness that he changed his last name to Trenchcoat, “whether you’re solving cases, going to a porno, or just going for a good flash, you can’t leave your house without one!”

Trenchcoats did suffer a decline for a brief period in the 60s, after chain-smoking no longer seemed as cool. But out with the cigarettes, came two new growing trends, public masturbation and flashing.

But now, trenchcoat use is down amongst masturbators and flashers. In a National Perverts Society survey, only 40 per cent of flashers use a trenchcoat while a mere 10 per cent of masturbators continue to use them.

“Things just go out of style . . . it’s like once everyone wore suit and ties, and now everyone wears hoodies and stuff, no more fancy stuff, those pervs are just the same” said Scott Stewartson, an SFU student who was quick to point out that he is “totally not a perv” and became defensive upon questions of his plans for his night.

A flasher who wanted to remain anonymous but were just going to go ahead and tell you, it’s respected member of the community, John Fredrick, stated, “It’s hard to get anything done wearing a trenchcoat. I mean if I wear a trenchcoat it sends a signal that I’m a creep, never mind the fact that it’s late at night and easy to fright anyways. You know, I got to be more subtle.”

Despite giving a reason to the decline in trenchcoats, he refused to elaborate on how “he went about business” as he claimed that he would be giving away “trade secrets.”

Perhaps, that is the problem, the target audience is too much of a secretive bunch. Though some are opposed to change, such as Mr. Trenchcoat, others are more receptive to the possibility of change. A sales rep for Cheap Thrills Inc. was quoted as saying, “If we knew what they want, we’d give it to them . . . Those perverts are just too hard to market for.”

Unfortunately, some are ultimately doomed to failure.

“I haven’t had a sale in months,” Sandersgaard added, “Soon, I’ll have no choice but to fold up shop. Maybe after this is done I’ll go back to selling top hats and monocles, now that’s where the money is.”

Sexual assault with cereal

By

EIC

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November 25, 2013

27

Are you having rape for breakfast? The recent string of sexual assaults at the University of British Columbia may be shocking, however these assaults occur in addition to incalculable rapes and assaults happening around the world each day. In areas ranging from developing nations to Metro Vancouver, sexual assault happens at the breakfast table. Canadians are surrounded by subversive sexual assault in their bowls of cereal and their cups of coffee, because milk is a product of rape.

Many people are not aware of the unavoidable connection between dairy milk and sexual assault. Just like human mothers produce milk after they become pregnant and give birth, cows also are impregnated in order for them to produce milk. The industry often uses a device nicknamed the “rape rack” to artificially inseminate female cows. Farms may opt to shove a 12 inch long “insemination rod” into their cow’s vagina, which often necessitates guiding it with their arm in the cow’s anus. When the mother cow gives birth her baby is taken away from her so that humans can drink the milk instead.

Don’t believe it? Even the industry lobby-sponsored website reveals that dairy farms have a separate calf barn where the baby cows are taken after they are born, away from their mothers. Where do these cows go?

Sometimes veal calves (male babies) are purchased directly from dairy farmer seven to 10 days after they are born (and, of course, are then killed before they reach adulthood). Female babies are raised until they are old enough to be artificially inseminated, and then the vicious cycle repeats. The dairy cows themselves, when their production declines, are sent to slaughter.

Non-human animals, just like us, do not want to give their bodies and their lives for the pleasure of a few.

As children, most Canadians are told that cows “give” milk, but this explanation is misinformed. Just as women do not “give” their consent by walking alone at night to be assaulted, cows do not “give” their milk, people take it from them.

Local farmer’s will try to say that their cows are happy and treated nicely, however the murder and rape of these animals is an unavoidable part of this profit based system. Organic and free range labels still have the same assaults connected with their products, not to mention the incalculable uninvited gropings and unwanted touches that happen during the actual milking process.

If we really want to be a society that says “no” to sexual violence, then we have to look at our own choices and stop supporting sexual assault, directly and indirectly.

What about the nutritional benefits of milk? We can get enough calcium from spinach, broccoli, kale and other leafy greens, as well as fortified non-dairy milks, like those made from soy, rice, almond, coconut, hemp, cashew, hazelnut and flax.

Next time you go grocery shopping, choose one of these alternatives. Choose not to support rape and sexual assault. Choose a vegan milk and join the movement to stop systematic rape and sexual assault. It doesn’t take much to make compassionate food choices, and it astronomically reduces the suffering of non-human animals, who just like us, do not want to give their bodies and their lives for the pleasure of a few.

Got milk? Not me. And I am not asking for it.