Survival guide: post-holiday edition

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva After the holidays, everything sucks. I love the part of winter when all I do is stuff my face with...

Hallmark presents: Love on the Mountaintop

By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and an executive producer with Hallmark  MAGGIE BENSTON CENTRE - REGISTRAR SERVICES DESK  SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY  HOLLY is conversing with REGISTRAR OFFICE...

The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas

By: Zainab Salam, Reporter in Hiding  By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had...

I give a guy a chance . . . and look what happened

By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in...

How long will Carney’s government last? We asked a tea leaf reader

By: Ashi, Multiverse 538.10.1.4’s top-grossing divinator  How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital...

Reimagining Shakespeare: The campus is but a stage

By: Zainab Salam, Opinions Editor Jess: a fourth-year student, burdened by ambition and Wi-Fi issues. Advisor: a keeper of bureaucratic riddles, and a destroyer of hopes...

Men’s washroom etiquette 101

By: Akashdeep Dhaliwal, SFU Student So here’s when it all started. In September of my first year, I walked into an SFU men’s washroom for...

SCARY STORIES: Vampire spotted at the Bennett Library

By: Gurnoor Jhajj, SFU Student and Mason Mattu, Humour Editor It all went down before a history midterm, on the sixth floor of the library....

I HATE YOU. UNSINCERLY, YOUR LAPTOP’S KEYBOARD

By: Veronica Richards, SFU Student Every day, I curse that I was born as a plebeian laptop keyboard! If only I could’ve been a bougie...

The Convocation Games

By: Tribute from District Academia  The day the reaping email arrived, the clouds over Burnaby brooded deeper than usual.  A message was broadcast to every...