What Grinds Our Gears: Stepping on leaves that don’t crunch

Soggy leaves disappoint me more than diluted bubble tea

Autumn leaves on the ground
PHOTO: Jonadan Cheun / The Peak

By: Sam Wong, SFU Student

It’s fall: the season of dying leaves and see-saw temperatures. I’m already running late to my class before I see a leaf, brown and all curled up. The perfect leaf. I expect it to be crispy, to crumble like fresh toast. But no. It just flattens under my foot without a single sound. Not even a small crinkle. My day is ruined.

First of all, I’m already freezing my ass off out here in this six-degree weather for this. My lips are chapped. My fingers are numb. Yet, I go out of my way and risk getting hypothermia to experience a satisfying leaf crunch. But instead of leaving with a sense of satisfaction, I leave with the sense that I’ve wasted my precious time on nothing. Now I’m cold, disappointed, and still late for class.

Second of all, I’m upset that I’ve been deceived by the leaf’s appearance. It’s decaying, rolled up, and has cracks in it. It looks like it’s been roasted in an oven. You’d be pissed off too if you took a bite of golden-brown fries that turned out to be soggy. If it looks crunchy, it should sound crunchy. It should even taste crunchy (but I wouldn’t try that with sidewalk leaves).

Point is, I’m tired of soggy leaves. How hard is it to just get a simple, satisfying crackle from stepping on a leaf? I don’t care if it’s dry or wet outside. I just want it to crunch.