By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer
With the winter solstice fast approaching, you better bundle up, get your skookum snow shovel out, and prepare to dive into the holiday chaos that’s about to ensue.
Aries: March 21–April 19
Winter camping is your jam. By that, I mean staying inside with a warm blanket, a tasty snack, and an eau de pine. Who wants to be surrounded by the forest in frigid degrees, anyway? Forget s’mores and busting your butt chopping firewood; put on the TV fire log instead.
Taurus: April 20–May 21
Ice, ice, baby! It’s time to skate the Robson Rink in a pair of skates that are either two sizes too big or too small (there’s no in-between). No one’s more prepared for the slick, black ice-covered sidewalks than you. Show ‘em what you’ve got and slip-slide around town like the robbers from Home Alone.
Gemini: May 22–June 20
Nothing excites you more during the holiday season than a tangled rats’ nest of lights. What better way to waste your time than attempting to untangle a bundled mess of bulbs that never worked in the first place? When one bulb goes out, they all follow suit. What a way to celebrate the non-existent glistening cheer!
Cancer: June 21–July 23
You hate the cold. Actually, you despise it. The summer baby in you can handle the heat, but the frigid, cold weather is just not your cup of tea. So, make some tea to soothe your fiery soul before it turns to ice when the clock strikes midnight on winter solstice night.
Leo: July 24–August 23
You also hate the cold, but you prefer a cup of joe to warm your bones. Nothing but peppermint mochas and gingerbread lattes for you, fine coffee connoisseur! Cold winter mornings pair perfectly with caffeinated cheer alongside icicle-covered rooftops.
Virgo: August 24–September 22
It’s time to cozy up by the over-run furnace and wait out the snowstorm. The brisk winter breeze is no match for your chilly-fighting tactics. The heat machine has kicked into overdrive, and your oven is begging to be used to thaw out the last of the bitter cold.
Libra: September 23–October 23
Gingerbread spice is the next best thing to pumpkin spice (psst, it’s the same thing), and you know you’re gonna get a boatload of the spicy mix to add some pizzazz to your holiday coffees. Livin’ on nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger is the ultimate winter dream.
Scorpio: October 24–November 21
Shovelling snow is your favourite pastime. As if shivering isn’t enough of a workout, shovelling six feet of snow just to get out your front door (forget going to work) will give you all the cardio you need.
Sagittarius: November 22–December 21
You were born for this. Literally. You thrive in the cold and you’re a night owl at heart. Born around the longest night of the year, you’re best friends with the winter darkness and practically live in the snow.
Capricorn: December 22–January 20
It’s snow season, and you’re so ready for it. You’re an icicle queen. Decked out in the season’s trendiest gloves, toque, scarf, vegan puffer coat, knee-high snow boots, and double-insulated pants, you’re the picture of frigid cold fashion.
Aquarius: January 21–February 18
Love is in the air this holiday season. Do you feel it? Mistletoe is most certainly not the rage. Your true love is heated blankets, freshly baked goods, and fuzzy socks as you watch the first few snowflakes drop.
Pisces: February 19–March 20
The winter solstice signals the stressor of finalizing your spring schedule and paying your tuition fees. Let’s face it, you’d rather be partaking in some retail therapy and stocking up on the warmest jackets and toques you can find, but a girl’s gotta save up for those chilling scholarly fees.
